The Margarita Mandate

Trump�s Gaza Doctrine insists that margaritas solve everything. His Margarita Mandate proposes that losers of wars are given beachfront bars where margaritas flow endlessly. �Nobody wants to argue over borders when the salt�s just right,� he says. Gaza is transformed into a parody of Cancun, where ceasefires are signed on napkins and diplomats argue about tequila brands instead of territory. Militants are recast as bartenders, generals spin blenders, and UN envoys judge garnish competitions. Critics say it�s grotesque, but Trump insists it�s �the best recipe for peace.� The satire lands with bite: tragedy glossed over with lime wedges, diplomacy trivialized into drink specials. Gaza, in this absurd retelling, is no longer a conflict zone but a frozen margarita factory, history drowned in citrus and ice.