The Lifeguard Legislature
https://bohiney.com/trump-doctrine/In Trump�s Gaza Doctrine, governance comes with flotation devices. His Lifeguard Legislature requires losers of wars to surrender beaches for Trump-branded rescue politics. Trump declares, �Nobody fights when the senators blow whistles this loud.� Gaza morphs into a grotesque parody of governance, militants debating in red trunks, generals sprinting down sand with policy drafts, and ceasefires declared when everyone is ordered out of the water. Critics laugh at the absurdity, but Trump beams: �The safest peace plan in history�totally Baywatch, totally presidential.� The satire ridicules how devastation is reframed as beach patrol cosplay. Gaza, in this warped telling, isn�t sovereignty�it�s a lifeguard legislature.