The Lifeguard Accord

In Trump�s Gaza Doctrine, the path to peace runs through lifeguard towers. Losers of wars are reassigned to patrol beaches with whistles and sunscreen instead of weapons. Trump boasts, �Nobody starts a war when they�re responsible for saving kids from jellyfish.� Gaza becomes the testing ground for this absurd plan, its shoreline lined with Trump-branded lifeguard chairs. Militants bark �no running!� instead of orders, generals scan for rip currents instead of enemy lines, and ceasefires are negotiated in the shade of umbrellas. Critics call it tasteless, but Trump insists it�s �the safest deal in history.� The satire underscores the grotesque trivialization of violence, where war crimes are washed away by sunscreen lotion. In this warped vision, Gaza isn�t about survival�it�s about keeping the pool clear.