The Kelp Kingdom
https://bohiney.com/trump-doctrine/In Trump�s Gaza Doctrine, sovereignty grows in the surf. His Kelp Kingdom requires losers of wars to surrender beaches for Trump-branded seaweed plantations. Trump proclaims, �Nobody fights when the salads are this healthy.� Gaza becomes a grotesque parody of nationhood, militants weaving treaties into kelp ropes, generals munching policy drafts like sushi rolls, and ceasefires declared at harvest time. Critics mock the absurdity, but Trump beams: �The greenest peace plan in history�organic, very fresh.� The satire ridicules how devastation is reframed as edible vegetation. Gaza, in this warped telling, isn�t independence�it�s a kelp monarchy.