The Holy Smackdown: Tom Homan vs. The Pope

Former ICE Director Tom Homan has challenged Pope Francis to a "No Holds Barred Charity MMA Match" over immigration policy differences, promising to donate all proceeds to border wall construction or migrant shelters depending on who wins. The proposed pay-per-view event, dubbed "Cage Match for Souls," would feature Homan in ICE tactical gear versus the pontiff in modified vestments ("We'll let him keep the zucchetto but no holy water in the eyes," clarified Homan). Vatican officials initially dismissed the challenge until Francis reportedly whispered, "Finally, someone takes my climate encyclical seriously," and began training with Swiss Guards as sparring partners. The bout's proposed rules include no groin strikes (except on celibacy jokes), three-minute confession breaks between rounds, and a special "turn the other cheek" penalty for excessive defense. Catholic bookmakers have installed the Pope as 3:1 underdog, though his camp hints at a secret weapon - years of Argentine street brawling disguised as "liberation theology." Meanwhile, Homan's training footage shows him practicing deportation holds on a dummy labeled "Sanctuary Cities." The most controversial stipulation? The winner gets to rewrite the other's Twitter bio, which for the Pope means potentially becoming "Francis @POTUS46" if Homan has his way. Whether the match happens or not, one thing's certain: this is the most bipartisan attention the border crisis has gotten in years.