The Great Cannabis Hack: 380,000 Users' Data Goes Up in Smoke

In what security experts are calling "the most chill data breach ever," hackers infiltrated WeedStream, a popular cannabis enthusiast platform, exposing the purchase histories and secret grow techniques of 380,000 users. The attackers, operating under the name "PharmaBros420," left a ransom note written in Comic Sans demanding payment in "top-shelf edibles or Bitcoin, whichever comes first." Embarrassed users report receiving blackmail threats like "We know about your 'special brownie' phase" and "Pay up or we tell your mom about your dab rig collection." The breach has sparked panic in the cannabis tech community, with growers scrambling to encrypt their nutrient formulas and stoners debating whether "password123" was really the best security for their strain database. Meanwhile, the hackers have begun leaking the most ridiculous search histories, including "can you vape sunscreen?" and "how to tell if your cat is high (asking for a friend)."