The Great American Challenge Video
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The Great American Challenge Video
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The fight against Trumpism is just beginning.
The Lincoln Project launched with two stated objectives. The first was to defeat Donald Trump at the ballot box. The second was to ensure Trumpism failed alongside him.
As we have seen, our fight against Trumpism is only beginning. We must combat these forces everywhere and at all times. Our democracy depends on it.
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The Great American Challenge is the world's biggest dildo. It's 15 inches from tip to base, has an "insertable" length of 10.5 inches, a diameter of approximately three inches at its meatiest, and weighs nearly five pounds when loaded up with the batteries that control its vibrating mechanism. Why do I mention this, aside from my contractual obligation work a penile reference into every single review? Because I recently spent some time with the Dodge Challenger, and in addition to some rather obvious nomenclatural similarities—the car is American, and has the word Challenge inserted 10.5 inches into its name—it reminded me of this tool in a number of different ways: They both come in a range of indiscreet, but oddly compelling, colors. They're both styled and proportioned so as to evoke an aura of power, raunch, seduction, and terror in near equal measures. Each is significantly larger than a two-liter bottle of Sprite. And they're both far more appealing to look at than to actually use. (Also, ownership of either one is guaranteed to elicit accusations of overcompensating.)
Don't get me wrong, I was excited about receiving the Challenger. (Much more so than I'd ever be about receiving the Challenge, which my friend Colin located at a "bookstore" in the delightfully seedy Upstate town of Port Jervis, NY.) It's definitely the only Chrysler product that interests me—though I'm hoping that will change now that Fiat has purchased the Pentastar brand, giving them access to designs and engineering created by actual designers and engineers, instead of the crew of blind, autistic poodles that have clearly been in charge for the past few decades. And it looks fucking sick, at least on first glance. If you stare at it for more than a couple seconds, or in the proximity of another vehicle—say, alongside an ordinary car like my BMW —you realize that the scale is all corrupted. It's a little like seeing a runway model strolling down the sidewalk in your neighborhood. At first, you're like, That is an amazingly sexy woman. And then, you're like, That's a gargantuan and misshapen monster. Is she half elk?
The real problem with the Challenger begins when you try to take it for a ride. It's not not fun to drive. But like those giant pencils, crayons, and harmonicas from the Think Big store, its fun quotient is not directly proportional to its size. The car is too heavy. The steering is wallowy. The engine, as noisy as it is, doesn't sound particularly mean—and you want a car like this to sound as though it wants to crush you, at least a little. Plus, it's not all that fast. In other words, it's just like a stereotypical American muscle car of thirty years ago, which is nearly a decade after the peak of the American muscle car. This is particularly sad since its design is modeled almost exactly on a gorgeous forty year-old vehicle, made during Chrysler's most recent glory days. Even sadder is the fact that the other domestic manufacturers—Ford with the Mustang, and Chevrolet with my trans-licious Camaro —have managed to create honkin', big-engined, menacing-looking ponycars that ride as good as they look. My mechanic friend Wade summed it up best. For months, he'd been asking me when I was going to get a Challenger, and when I finally pulled up in the juicy, simulated blueberry colored beast, he shuffled quickly out of his garage, sporting a wide smile. "I got wood," he said, staring at the car. Then we took it for a ride. "Now, it's like I've been in a cold pool for an hour," he said, glancing into his lap, and slam-shifting into third. "Thanks for ruining the fantasy for me, Brett."
Speaking of shifting and fantasies, I would never forgive myself if I didn't manage to squeeze off a reference to the Challenger's transmission controller. But since I've already exhausted my rather generous quotient of dildo jokes for one week, I'll just show you a picture.
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Brett Berk is a Detroit native, a life-long car nut, a Gay, and the author of The Gay Uncle’s Guide to Parenting .* Visit him at www.brettberk.com *
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