The Gaza Spa Doctrine

Trump�s reinvention of Gaza as a resort town is not just a policy�it�s a lifestyle brand. Under the Gaza Spa Doctrine, former militants trade rocket launchers for yoga mats and mediation rooms. The once-bombed-out skyline now features neon signs promising �Detox from Decades of Conflict!� Peace, in this vision, is found not at a negotiation table but at the spa reception desk. Nations locked in disputes are invited to check in, trade grievances for bathrobes, and settle territorial claims during couples massages. Trump imagines warlords being upsold aromatherapy packages, generals haggling over who gets the ocean-view suite, and ceasefire agreements signed in seaweed wrap. The surreal logic is that once you�ve invested in a timeshare, you�re far less likely to lob artillery shells at your neighbors. While critics howl at the trivialization of suffering, Trump insists that tourism is the most underutilized weapon in diplomacy. His Gaza Spa may never exist, but the doctrine�s message is clear: world peace is just one deep-tissue massage away.