The Erotic Monkey
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The Erotic Monkey
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Having spent years researching and investigating dating sites , I’ve stumbled upon my fair share of illegal websites. There are some sites that hold no regard to the law and more often than not, they are escort sites. Well, one of the sites that I stumbled upon was none other than the Erotic Monkey. This site has quite the reputation and I mean that in the most negative way possible. It’s an only escort directory that basically is good for absolutely nothing.
The site isn’t free, it’s restricted and offers premium access to those willing to waste their money for invaluable information. Before you go wasting your precious time and money reading these escort reviews, I want you to take a closer look inside the site and what they do by reading my official review.
Have you ever been to the zoo? You know the cage that’s filled with monkeys? Well, they typically are throwing their crap at each other and it’s a stinky mess, right? Yes, the same applies to the EroticMonkey.com.
The website is basically a huge ripoff and then some. Most of these escort review sites are free but not this one. It’s actually very expensive and not worth the money at that. They use the freemium method of luring surfers in for nothing but trouble.
If you decide to foolishly join the Erotic Monkey, then you’ll eventually end up getting access to the site and a bunch of reviews but nothing is actually accessible on the site. They give you access to these escorts profiles but you cannot read the reviews and you certainly can’t connect with any of them online either. Not as a freemium member at least!
So, when it comes to using the site for free, you basically get absolutely nothing at all but access to a page that’s blank or with hidden data.
It’s possible that some of the escort ads posted on EroticMonkey.com are completely fake. I say this because I tried calling some of the women via their numbers on the website and I did not get anyone to pick up the phone. If escort models in reviews don’t even answer their phone, how on earth can you trust that they are real?
I have no physical evidence that any of these girls are in fact real hookers. Not that I would hire any of these girls to begin with. My guess is that some of these girls may be undercover agents posing as girls. You’ve been warned!
You’ll notice that some of the massage parlors and massage therapists have posted their services on Erotic Monkey. I need you to understand that these are cover-ups for escorts and paying for sex. Any so-called “massage service” that you come across is a load of crap. They’re girls that want your cold hard cash and they’re willing to do anything (legal or illegal) to get it.
People that use eroticmonkey.com often pay for access to reviews. This is probably the most foolish thing I’ve ever heard of in my entire life. For all you know, the reviews could be fake or even worse, they could be written by the actual escorts themselves posing as other people.
You may come across some girl that has smoking hot pics and reviews but that person on the other end might be a police officer trying to catch you in soliciting or being willing to pay cash for sex.
The premium memberships are not worth your time and paying for them just to read testimonials about girls is insane – literally.
Don’t forget that in addition to paying for your membership, you’re going to have to pay the girls to have sex with you. This is not cheap and often not worth paying for. There are incall and outcall rates, both of which end up costing between $200 and $450 for 30-60 minutes worth of fun.
As for the membership to Erotic Monkey be ready to pay a monthly fee of $29.95 or an annual fee of $279.95.
Assuming you’re into having sex for as little money as possible, you’ll be happy to learn that they Erotic Monkey is a waste of time and money. Unless you’re dumb or totally lacking confidence needed to find someone willing to have sex, then I wouldn’t use this escort review site. With all the options available out there, it only makes sense that you do what’s necessary to meet people to bang. However, that means joining the best dating sites listed here and not wasting your time with gross escorts.
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The EroticMonkey.com might help you find hookers who you need to pay for, but nothing beats finding local girls willing to have sex for free. Give my fave of all time a shot and find out what it’s like to get laid for free every night. Stay woke people.
This is your last warning to not hire hookers and go for the local sluts on this app before trying to snag chicks at the local watering holes. You’ll be in “holes” a lot quicker if you take my advice – pun intended.
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Erotic Monkey is yet another escort site that claims to be able to hook you up with a sexy woman so you “never spank the monkey again.” In fact, they boast that they’re the number one free escort site on the Internet. However, whether they’re number one or as awful as the now defunct personals ads on Craigslist, using an escort is still an illegal and dangerous activity. I’m a total nut job , but that doesn’t mean that I’m all about hiring escorts to have sex with me. I don’t need that garbage!
Before I get going with my review of Eroticmonkey.com…
Now, I don’t intend to spend my time judging anyone who decides to use an escort site to find a date. Instead, I chose to investigate Erotic Monkey and present you with all the facts of what the site is about and you can make an informed and, hopefully not dumb, decision.
Here’s all you need to know about this eroticmonkey.com website. Don’t waste too much time using it because you will be sorry if you do. Just read what I’ve got to say then take some action.
When you click on the Erotic Monkey link, you’re going to land first on a disclaimer. I really urge you to read what you’re probably going to just absent-mindedly click on. These terms and conditions basically state that you’re not going to hold Erotic Monkey liable for anything that should happen to you.
Essentially, what Erotic Monkey is stating in these terms is this: You get beat up by a pimp? Too bad. Did your escort rob you? Sorry, but that’s your problem. Wait, you got an STI and your wife is pissed that she now has herpes? Should’ve thought about that, buddy.
These terms also state a lot about legal issues about how you’re not going to use the site to engage in pay-for-sex activities or use any sexually explicit language, among other things like purchase drugs, buy guns, or (gasp) sell college research papers.
It all boils down to the fact that if anything should go bad in your quest for paid sex, you’re essentially screwed and not in any kind of good way.
Joining Erotic Monkey is free. Sounds great right? Well, don’t get yourself too excited because once you join, your personal information will be stored on their database. You’ve just given your name, email address, and the area you’re from to a site dealing in illegal activities. Guess who Erotic Monkey has to turn the information over to if they are raided? Yep, the authorities.
When you join, you’re allowed to read partial reviews for each of the working girls, as well as her “stats.” I’m a touch suspicious about the reviews, however, as there are usually only 1-2 reviews for each girl. I wonder if there are indeed legit or if the site writes them out themselves. One thing to keep in mind is that authorities will sometimes use sites like this to arrange stings, so please think long and hard about choosing a date with an escort from this site.
If you want to read the full reviews on any girl, you do have to upgrade to a premium account, which isn’t cheap. It varies by how you want to pay but using a debit card will cost you $29.95 a month. Using a prepaid Visa or Mastercard, Amazon gift card, or Bitcoins is $50.00 a month.
I hate to say this, but Erotic Monkey is an amazing site for free advanced searching. If you have a preference for a location, special fetish, body type, hair style, or like your lady to have implants, Erotic Monkey lets you look for it without giving them a dime.
Unfortunately, that’s about all you’re getting for free, so if you want to read the forums, which are not very busy, you’ll have to join by the month. And if you decide you want an erotic massage or to visit different escorts, they do have external links to other sites and the banners are everywhere while you’re browsing. Erotic Monkey is very heavy in its advertising of other third-party sex sites, which are all quite shady themselves.
Look, you’re an adult and you know that purchasing the services of an escort is illegal and nothing I say is going to change your mind about doing it. However, using EroticMonkey.com, just like any other escort site, can be dangerous and can put you in legal, financial, and personal trouble. If you are looking for NSA sex, there are far better and completely legal options out there that you should consider instead of going the escort route.
Circling back to the top articles that I’ve written, please take a look at the list below and give a few of them a read.
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Reviews system Plenty of info on the girls Great advanced search Great site design Safe mode Plenty of features Expensive! No way of contacting the girls directly through the site
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Escort reviews at "The Erotic Monkey", aka "Escort Monkey"? WTF? Is this some bestiality site, or what? Anyways, first things first; let’s face facts. There is a 99% chance that all you were going to do tonight before reading this article was jack off, eat something, and go to bed alone. It’s sad, but it’s true. I mean, that would be the easy thing to do, right? A hell of a lot easier than going out and trying to actually bang a chick. That takes time, probably money (to buy her drinks, etc.), and effort. Wouldn’t it be so much easier if a sexy slut could just show up at your door within the hour, willing to do anything you command her to do?
Well, lucky for you, we live in the information age. Not that most guys use the internet a whole lot for learning. Luckily, it’s never been easier to find an escort in your city than it is today, which means that you – yes, even a fat, lazy slob such as yourself – can get laid pretty much on demand any day of the week. If you have a little bit of money to spare, that is.
You might be thinking that ordering an escort is below you. You know, paying for sex gets a bad rep and all, but have you ever stopped to consider why, or whether or not that rep is warranted? What is so shameful about it paying for sex? Don’t we all kind of pay for sex, in one way or another, when it comes down to it? Think about it; whether you’re paying a girl directly for sex, or you’re taking her out on dates and paying for dinner and drinks, you’re still spending money with the end goal of getting some pussy, right?
Why not cut out all the extra hassle and extra steps and just give a girl money directly without having to cross your fingers about whether or not you’re going to get some ass out of it? It’s much more honest and direct. Quit being such a pussy and just get over the fucking stigma already. Plus, it saves you a whole lot of time and energy, since you won’t have to try and woo her or seduce her into fucking you. If you’ve never done it before, I say fuck it, just give it a shot!
As you probably could imagine, there are a fuck ton of escort ad and escort review sites out there to choose from. And, just like with any website, not all of them are created equal. Some are awesome, really easy to use, have convenient search engines with tons of filters to help you find the perfect girl, and provide all the information you’ll need to get ahold of the girl. Others will be lacking in one or more of those features, and some are just straight-up shit and should be avoided like herpes.
You won’t even have to go out of your way to find girls in your area. Erotic Monkey automatically detects your location and immediately provides you with beautiful pieces of ass within 50 miles or so of you, making your life a hell of a lot easier. After all, by the time you think to yourself, ‘hey, maybe I’ll order myself an escort,’ chances are you’re already extremely horny. Erotic Monkey gets that, and it wants to help you get straight to business – fuck all the bullshit!
But forget the reviews for now. Because if all you’re looking for is a great site to help you find escort ads and get in touch with the girls, Erotic Monkey can help you out completely free of charge. That is actually how I would recommend using the site. At least at first. Once you become a little more experienced and actually have racked up some girls to review, then it may be worth considering a paid membership.
At the very top of the site, you will find a quick access toggle button, allowing you to switch between safe browsing and the full site. Quickly censor the site if you’re browsing in public or at work. Toggling safe mode “on” will take away all the pics and switch the funny little monkey character into an alternate logo that just reads “EM” in a bold font. I wouldn’t advise searching for escorts in the office anyway, but hey, maybe you want to get fired!
Now that we have all the essential functions and site design quirks out of the way, it’s time to take a look at some girls. Although I can’t really speak for the quality of the girls themselves (it’s going to vary quite a bit depending on your location), I can say that they seem to consistently provide all the information you could ask for in the girls’ profiles. And if the profile is missing anything, they always give some means of contacting her directly, so that she can speak to you about prices and screening (if she does that … most of the good ones do, by the way).
Not only can you find the perfect paid companion to ease your lonelier nights on Erotic Monkey, but you can also read the latest escorting news. Just check the discussions, the site’s blog, and the forums section. Some of the girls even post in the forums, explaining where they will be traveling. Plus, it can be helpful for you to brush up on your escort etiquette before you spend the night with one. Learn how not to be a piece of shit!
All in all, Erotic Monkey, just like Eccie and USASexGuide , has developed quite a name for themselves as far as escort ad sites are concerned. And they have earned it. Between excellent site design, some awesome features, an amazingly detailed advanced search function, rigorous reviews, and plenty of posts of sexy ladies willing to make you cum for a price, you really can’t go wrong. Well, aside from draining your bank account along with your dick…but that comes with the territory.
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