The Emotionally Strongest People Have 7 Things in Common

Emotional strength is psychology’s no. 1 commodity(товар).

I know, (plenty) of people might argue with me, but I’m not budging. Given a choice, it’s the one thing I’d gift to my kids, my clients — anyone who’ll take it — because it’s the most helpful attribute of all.

Emotional strength is the foundation of resilience: it can help you cope with life’s setbacks, disappointments and failures; it can help you persist in the face of difficulty and climb out of whatever pit you find yourself in.

And last — but not at all least — it helps you manage yourself.

7 Traits Emotionally Strong People Share

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1. They question their own thoughts.(они подвергают сомнениям свои собственные мысли)

Emotionally strong people know thoughts are just things. That our “busy” minds can play tricks on us. They can buzz(жужжать) with unwanted thoughts: racing, intrusive(навязчивый) and negative. So emotionally strong people don’t believe everything that runs through their heads. They are able to step back mentally and see themselves, others and the world accurately.

2. They use feelings as a guide(руководство) — not a beacon(маяк).

Emotionally strong people are fairly intuitive(обладают достаточной интуицией). They trust their gut. But they understand what happens when feelings are given too much power, that they have the power to overrule everything. Emotionally strong people are self-aware, they can regulate their feelings. They are able to mix intellect with emotions to come up with good decisions.

3. They have a high bar for tolerating distress.

Distress Tolerance is a hallmark feature of emotionally strong people. Watch them in highly stressful or uncertain situations — they can still function well.

4. They don’t waste time beating themselves up.

Emotionally strong people are able to take setbacks, disappointment and failure. They have an internal locus of control, so they believe they have some control over what happens. This leads them to take criticism neutrally, seeing it as feedback rather than a personal hit on who they are. So they don’t spend precious time undermining themselves.

5. They can comfort(утешать) themselves without losing the capacity to comfort others.

Emotionally strong people can self-soothe(успокаивать себя). When overwhelmed with negative or difficult thoughts/emotions, they don’t panic or run or shut down. They don’t have total reliance on others to get them through. They have healthy go-to strategies for calming themselves down (and picking themselves up). But when they do this, they still have enough empathy in the tank to share it with others.

6. They are their own measuring stick.

Emotionally strong people don’t get caught in the comparison trap(ловушка). They don’t use others to figure out who they are or what they should have. They don’t use others to make themselves feel better. They measure themselves against themselves. They just try to do better today than they did yesterday.

7. They can zoom in and zoom out.

Emotionally strong people have a remarkable ability to show up where they are needed and do the right, kind thing. But they are also able to detach from where they are right now, step back and see the big picture. To ask: will this matter 5 days, 5 months, 5 years from now? And, if not, to let it go.