The Best Make Sex

The Best Make Sex
Medically Reviewed by Neha Pathak, MD on December 04, 2020
© 2020 WebMD, LLC. All rights reserved. View privacy policy and trust info
Sex isn't just fun. It's good for you too. Every orgasm releases a flood of the hormone oxytocin , which improves your mood. Regular rolls in the hay could improve your heart health, reduce stress and depression, improve your self-esteem, and help you sleep better. Snuggling together underneath the sheets also makes you feel closer to your partner and enhances your sense of intimacy.
Couples who talk to each other about their wants and desires have better sex and a healthier relationship, research finds. Tell your partner what you like and don't like. Share your most intimate fantasies and desires. If you're too bashful to say those private thoughts out loud, write them down in a story or a journal entry for your partner to read.
Spice up your sex life by stretching your boundaries as a couple. Play around with foreplay . Touch each other in new ways. Try out different sex positions to see which ones feel best. Dress up in costumes and play as characters (nurse-doctor, cowboys). Move from the bed to the floor, the bathroom, or the kitchen counter. Watch a dirty movie together. Bring sex toys like a vibrator, anal beads, or feathers into the mix.
No matter how much you might want to have sex, your busy schedule can get in the way. So pencil sexy time into your calendar, just like you would other important dates. Then you'll be less likely to skip it. Setting a date gives you time to prepare and something to look forward to. Book sex as often as is realistic -- whether it's once a week or every other day. Choose times when you know you won't be tired or distracted.
Working out boosts stamina in bed and puts you in the mood. Exercise also creates a more toned body, which improves self-esteem and makes you feel sexier. It's not clear how much exercise you need to improve your sex life. Start with the standard recommendations -- 150 minutes of aerobic activity and two days of strength training a week.
No matter how busy you are, sex is one part of your day that you shouldn't rush. Don't skimp on the foreplay. Those extra minutes that you spend touching and kissing each other help get you aroused and make sex more pleasurable. When you slow down, you also get more time to spend with your partner. That's good for your relationship overall.
Women's bodies naturally make their own lubricant, but sometimes it's in short supply. Hormonal changes around the time of menopause can cause vaginal dryness that makes for painful sex. A water-based lubricant is safest to use with condoms . But, silicone-based lubes are less irritating for anal sex.
Not every romantic encounter has to end in sex. You and your partner can find pleasure in many other ways. Take a bath together or give each other a sensual massage. Have a hot make-out session on the couch. Bring each other to orgasm through masturbation. Teach each other how you like to be touched. Or just cuddle.
Sex is a potent stress reliever, but it's hard to get in the mood when you're all keyed up. After a tough day, do something calming together to relax you. Listen to soft music. Practice relaxation exercises such as deep breathing or meditation . Research shows that mindfulness meditation helps women get more in tune with their bodies during sex.
Kegels strengthen the pelvic floor muscles that support your bladder. They also relax the vagina to make sex more comfortable, improve blood flow down there, and make it easier to reach orgasm. To do these simple exercises, just tighten and relax the muscles you use to hold in pee. And they're not just for women. Men who practice Kegel exercises have better erections and more intense orgasms.
Sometimes all you need to rev up your sex life is a change of scenery. Take a trip together. You don't have to go far, but certain settings -- like the ocean or mountains -- are ideal for rekindling romance. Turn off your cell phones and focus on each other. For an extra spark, pretend that you've just started dating -- or that you're strangers who've met up for a forbidden tryst.
Sometimes the solution to better sex is in your medicine chest. Some drugs, such as antidepressants and blood pressure medicines, can reduce your desire. The problem could also be a medical condition like heart disease, vaginal dryness , multiple sclerosis, or depression. Schedule a check-up to find out whether a health issue might be affecting your sex life. Be honest with your doctor about the problem, so you can find the right answer.
A sex therapist is the person to see if something is bothering you in the bedroom. Therapists are licensed psychologists or social workers who can address problems such as a lack of desire, trouble getting an erection, or problems reaching orgasm. You can meet with a therapist alone or together with your partner.
Age and Ageing: "Examining associations between sexual behaviours and quality of life in older adults."
Egyptian Journal of Dermatology and Venereology: "Foreplay importance from the point of view of a sample of Egyptian women."
Harvard Medical School: "11 ways to help yourself to a better sex life," "Benefits of exercise for the prostate and erectile dysfunction help," "Get back in sexual sync."
Healthy Women: "Sexual Dysfunction," "Should You Try a Sex Schedule?"
International Society for Sexual Medicine: "What are Kegel exercises and what sexual health benefits might they have?"
Journal of Health and Social Behaviors: "Is Sex Good for Your Health? A National Study on Partnered Sexuality and Cardiovascular Risk Among Older Men and Women."
Journal of Social and Personal Relationships: "The specific importance of communicating about sex to couples' sexual and overall relationship satisfaction."
Mayo Clinic: "Female sexual dysfunction: Symptoms & causes," "Low sex drive in women: Diagnosis & treatment," "Sex therapy."
Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center: "Pelvic Floor Muscle (Kegel) Exercises for Women to Improve Sexual Health."
OHSU: "The Benefits of a Healthy Sex Life."
Psychosomatic Medicine: "Effects of Mindfulness Training on Body Awareness to Sexual Stimuli: Implications for Female Sexual Dysfunction."
San Francisco City Clinic: "What type of lube is best for anal sex?"
The Journal of Sexual Medicine: "The Association of Exercise with Both Erectile and Sexual Function in Black and White Men," "Yoga in Premature Ejaculation: A Comparative Trial with Fluoxetine."
U.S. Department of Health & Human Services: "Physical Activity Guidelines for Americans."
© 2005 - 2022 WebMD LLC. All rights reserved.
WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

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When it comes to knowing what makes your partner tick in the bedroom, Googling " mind-blowing sex positions (opens in new tab) " only get you so far. Stimulating and gratifying sex is all in the timing, the communication, and the spontaneity, according to Dr. Bea Jaffrey—a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist based in Switzerland—and Mary Jo Rapini, a Houston-based psychiatrist and sex therapist. But what does that mean you should do , exactly? Fortunately, Rapini shared tips with Marie Claire about what actually works in the bedroom (lots of her tips are backed up by research, to boot!), and Jaffrey gave us some pointers from her book on overcoming common sex issues ( 159 Mistakes Couples Make in the Bedroom (opens in new tab) ).
Research suggests that better communication is key to better sex (opens in new tab) —and no, we don't necessarily mean dirty talk. Communicating what you like and don't like can be instructional and informative, no matter how much you think you already know each other's bodies. If they're doing something you like, say so rather than relying on (opens in new tab) ambiguous gestures or noises. And if it's something you're not into, communicate that or guide them in a new direction. Want to try a different angle? Suggest one. If simultaneous orgasm is your goal and you're close to climaxing, don't be mum about it.
In a 2016 study published in the Journal of Sex Research (opens in new tab) , researchers analyzed answers from 39,000 heterosexual couples that were married or cohabiting for over three years. Sexual satisfaction reported to be higher among the couples who revealed that they gave each other positive affirmation during sex and were open enough about embarrassing moments (opens in new tab) during sex to joke about them and move on. Dr. Jaffrey notes that this lighthearted approach to sex is key, saying, "Don't take life too seriously. Happy couples laugh together."
Even great sex can start to feel monotonous over time if it's more or less the same old routine. To mix things up, Marie Claire's guy expert Lodro Rinzler suggests: "If you're in bed with someone and have a sense of something new you or your partner might enjoy, be it some teasing, a change in position, anything…go for it."
Dr. Jaffrey also recommends switching up the time and place to avoid falling into a rut of once-a-week "duty sex." "Try new places to have sex, maybe on the sofa, in the car or on the kitchen countertops? Or how about the back row of a movie theater? Be careful though, because sex is illegal in public places. Try role-playing...take a bath together. Be inventive, have fun."
Long-term desire is built on a foundation of novelty. Otherwise erotic energy will naturally dissipate for most couples. Trying new things is the key to keeping the fire going.
Jaffrey notes that setting the mood for sex is vital, for women especially, and that foreplay should start long before sex even begins: "I am talking here about the mental foreplay that happens days in advance, not the one that you have just before sex. Make sure to be attentive to your partner. Small gestures and nice comments are significant to setting the right mood for sex." She also suggests keeping up communication during the day through texts or emails.
Having good sex requires knowing what you like in bed. The only way to fully understand your pleasure potential is to masturbate and explore your body. Masturbation is a healthy form of self-exploration and should be encouraged for all people, even those in relationships. Studies show (opens in new tab) that masturbation doesn't make you want sex less, it actually has the opposite effect.
Try to spend at least two days a week enjoying your own body. This will improve your sex life, because your partner is not a mind reader. When you know exactly how you like to be touched, you can better communicate your desires to your partner.
Before you put anything inside a vagina, it's important that you're fully, properly aroused. When you're aroused, the vagina expands and gets wet while the genital tissue becomes engorged with blood. This helps intercourse and penetration feel good rather than painful or uncomfortable. Be sure you're giving adequate time and attention to the clitoris. If possible, have an orgasm before penetration. Women and female-bodied people have orgasms most reliably through oral sex or with a sex toy. Make your pleasure a priority.
The power of sexy banter (opens in new tab) in the bedroom gets underplayed, but it can be a serious mood-enhancer when you're trying to liven things up together. Going about that, however, isn't the easiest for people who aren't used to actually vocalizing 50 Shades -esque fantasies (opens in new tab) . "What my [clients] benefit the most from is when they go to a bookstore or they go online and they find an erotic book," says Rapini.
She suggests that couples read from erotic books together, especially if they want to work on developing a "dirty talk" vocabulary that gives them the language cues without feeling self-conscious. Reading off scripts, she says, never works as well as if couples find a book they really like together and can build off of that jargon.
One way that Rapini counsels long-term couples on how to explore the unknown to enhance their sexual experience is to try shopping for products and toys together. That could mean anything from couples' vibrators (she recommends the remote-controlled Fiera (opens in new tab) ) to massage oils to body paint to blindfolds, though Rapini says another way to set the scene is to try adding music as sexy background noise (opens in new tab) . "Make massage part of your routine and start touching each other. Many couples will start feeling their libido rise after they do that," she says.
There is no "right amount" of sex you should be having. This is a myth. As long as both people are satisfied, you're doing great. There isn't one golden rule, but a recent study (opens in new tab) suggested that more sex doesn't mean better sex and that the happiest couples have sex only once a week.
So if you're anxious about you and your partner not screwing like rabbits, there's proof that the more energy you put into making regular weekly sex *better* will pay off in the long run. Focus on how much pleasure you and your partner are experiencing during any one session, not how often you're physically hopping in bed.
It's often underestimated how important empathy is when it comes to sex. Empathy is the care and understanding of a another person's feelings, and this is incredibly important in sex because when you feel that your partner actually cares about your pleasure, you're going to be more into having sex with them. We often come to sex with too much ego, and that's a real shame. We should be understanding and loving towards one another. Sex can be confusing, awkward, weird, and very hot. Make room for your many, many feelings in order to co-create an amazing erotic experience.

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