Thai Oil Massage That Turned Into Sex
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Thai Oil Massage That Turned Into Sex
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As a woman who's been in the spa business as a therapist and a manager for over five years, I've basically seen everything -- the good, the bad, the downright awkward. Not to mention, like all massage therapists, I put up with a seemingly endless stream of "happy ending" jokes all. the. time.
writer, Editor-In-Chief @ Ravishly.com
Sep 19, 2014, 11:29 AM EDT | Updated Nov 19, 2014
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.
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Part of HuffPost Style & Beauty. ©2022 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved.
writer, Editor-In-Chief @ Ravishly.com
As a woman who's been in the spa business as a therapist and a manager for over five years, I've basically seen everything -- the good, the bad, the downright awkward. Not to mention, like all massage therapists, I put up with a seemingly endless stream of "happy ending" jokes all. the. time. And while everyone thinks these jokes are hilarious, the reality is that every massage therapist does have to deal with a few sexually... heightened moments with male clients over the course of his or her career.
But let me just say that boners during massage appointments are totally normal. So to all the guys out there: You don't need to be embarrassed. There is no need to dart out of the room. Most massage therapists are professionals and won't just stare at your hard-on. We really don't want you to feel any more uncomfortable than you already are. So just relax -- and know that we are not judging you.
That said , there are some lines that shouldn't be crossed. What do I mean by that? Let me break it down for you...
Wow sir, I see you have an enormous erection! How might I know this? Because you have ever-so-unkindly removed the blanket that was (purposefully) placed on top of you to make certain I am aware of your arousal. And then to add to my misery you want to talk about it!? Ugh. Gross. These little scenarios I'm completely over. You know what I'm thinking during this game of show and tell? That I want to end the service immediately -- and I totally would if I could! Though, if you make this mistake, I'll offer you the chance to take the hint that this behavior is not OK by placing another blanket on top you, all while silently praying that this is where your shameless peacocking display ends. If not, though -- we are done.
No, really, this happens. If a male client is aroused and then his position is switched to lying on his stomach, I have observed ( far too many times) that he might start humping the table. Humping or "purposeful wiggling" -- however you want to term it -- is a sexual act that is awkward and disarming. Who knows how it might end? To be clear, I understand a client's need to adjust himself and possibly rein in his boner if he has one so that the rest of the service can be enjoyed. But please do not hump the table until you are "satisfied." Or else I will have to, you guessed it, end the service -- and no one wants that.
Unless you are having a heart attack or another similar kind of extreme physical episode that renders you unable to use your vocal cords, please do not touch your therapist during your service. Just because I am touching you in a therapeutic manner and sending you healing energy, this does not mean you can grab my legs, arms or try to guide my hands. This is especially true if you are erect, as this will send me over the edge and I will cut our session short. Here's what touching is appropriate: shaking hands before or after your service. And perhaps, if you are an established regular with your therapist, hugs might be acceptable. But this is it.
Do Not Give Directions To Your Penis
If a guy is sporting some wood and asks me to massage his inner thighs or stomach, guess what? I know exactly what you're up to -- and I'm not going to do it. You are fooling no one. Do you think my hand is going to magically start tugging on Little Tommy because you are inviting me to massage around where he hangs out? Uh. Nope . In such cases, I'm totally disgusted and will likely give you a less-than-average-level massage, just so you don't get the wrong idea.
Don't Blow It: Masturbate Before Your Appointment
Just so no one is confused: This is something I am asking you to do. Listen, to be real, clients do ejaculate during appointments and these are the incidents a therapist retraces in his or her mind over and over for eternity. We think: Was there anything that could have prevented this? To my fellow therapists: Please remember that if this happens during one of your services, it was not your fault. Clients: Keep in mind that in the event that you do finish before your session finishes, your therapist isn't going to be able to erase this incident from his or her mind... ever. And generally, the standard protocol is for the client to be banned from returning to the spa ever again. And this probably goes without saying: Everyone at the front desk will look at you like a creep as you weasel your way out the front door. Now how is that for a happy ending?
To be clear, my intention is not to boner-shame anyone. I am just educating the misinformed who think "happy endings" are a real thing -- as 99 percent of the time, this is not the case.
Please, thank you, and come again! (Sorry, after five years of happy ending "jokes," I had to.)
This story first appeared on Ravishly.com , an alternative news+culture website for women.
writer, Editor-In-Chief @ Ravishly.com
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by Chris | Last updated Feb 3, 2019 | Published on Jun 30, 2015 | Expat Life , Lifestyle | 33 comments
One of the perks of living in Thailand is the accessibility to affordable massages. We’ve had our fair share of both good and bad massages in Thailand, but every once in a while we’ll have a funny or surprising thing happen during our hour of supposed bliss. Here’s a collection of short stories for your entertainment:
Massages in Thailand are pretty dang awesome and range from luxurious treatments at professional spas to no-frills massages at quaint roadside parlors. We tend to go for the latter and pay between 150 to 300 baht for an hour massage and leave a little extra for tip.
We’ve had really good massages that have put us to sleep. Others have been unmemorable and a few not so good. Once we were subjected to an hour long massage of painful leg hair pulling (for Chris) and excessive shin bone rubbing (for me), but we were too embarrassed for our masseuses to tell them to stop! But boy do we have some stories…
For my last birthday, Chris treated me to a full day of massages. We ended up going to three different places, one of which was a high-end spa where we splurged on a package featuring a body scrub, foot massage, and an oil massage.
We shared a fancy room that had two massage tables, a shower in one corner, and a soaking tub in another. We were asked to undress and put on plastic shower caps and these itty bitty black pairs of disposable underwear before crawling under our sheets on the massage beds.
Our body scrub came first. When it was finished, instead of being wiped down with a cool damp cloth as expected, we were asked to clean off in the shower. The awkward part was that both masseuses remained in the room.
Rinsing off wouldn’t have been so bad if the enclosed shower actually offered privacy. Although the bottom half was frosted glass, the top half was completely clear. There’s nothing like sporting your birthday suit on your birthday in front of two strangers!
After cleaning up, we put on a second yet equally ridiculous pair of disposable underwear, crawled back under the sheets, and got a foot massage followed by a full body oil massage.
When everything was over, the masseuses left the room and finally allowed us to change in privacy. That’s when I looked over at Chris and realized that the black disposable underwear he was wearing were completely see-through. His pair had stretched much more on him than they had on me and left nothing to the imagination. He could have been strutting around in his birthday suit as far as I could tell!
So this is actually a story that one of our good friends shared with us. He’s a professional masseuse and pretty particular about the massages he gets. However, if a massage place has great reviews, he’ll consider it and treat himself.
So he researched some of the higher-end spas and booked a Thai massage at a place with great ratings. His first impressions confirm his online findings: Professional staff? Check. Calming atmosphere? Check. Clean and freshly spa scented? Check.
But not long after he had stretched himself on his massage table did things start going down hill. He could tell immediately that his masseuse didn’t know what she was doing. She was contorting him in very odd ways, which says a lot even for a Thai massage. At one point, she managed to bend his leg in a way where he actually kicked himself right in his man parts. Most guys can’t do this even if they tried!
Massages are supposed to be a therapeutic or relaxing experience, not a kick in the balls, pun fully intended. Certainly she couldn’t do it again because it takes skill to get that kind of leverage on a full-grown man and make him kick himself! But nope, this woman managed to do it a second time with the other leg. To this day our friend doesn’t know if she was blissfully unaware of the torture or if it was done intentionally.
Last year my parents and younger sister visited Thailand and one afternoon we stopped at a little massage shop after exploring the town on foot. We requested two oil massages (for me and my sister) and two foot massages for my parents. My parents were seated in the front area of the massage shop and my sister and I were taken to the back.
Going to the back of a shop for an oil massage is not unusual, except that the two of us were led to a full-sized mattress to share. This was odd because typically each customer receives their own personal narrow mattress.
It wasn’t a big deal, but then one of the masseuses closed the curtains around the massage area indicating that we were to undress right there together and not separately in a changing room. Again, a little odd, but not a big deal because I grew up sharing a room with my sister for 10+ years.
An oil massage begins with you laying on your stomach and getting massaged on your back, shoulders, and legs. Then you flip over and it continues on your arms, chest, and the front of your legs, face and head. I’ve had one or two masseuses who’ve massaged my chest muscles, but it’s pretty rare since I have boobs. If they do it, they place a small towel over my chest and then pull down the sheet to work around my pec muscles.
But this time there was no small towel provided for modesty. Nope! The one time I’m sharing the same massage space with another person is when I’m completely topless and getting my pecs massaged. It was utterly shameful knowing that my sister was receiving the same treatment just an arm’s length away and it was everything I could do to keep my eyes shut and act like this was totally normal.
Of course there are embarrassing things that happen in an industry when customers are nearly naked. Which leads me to my last massage story…
During the last few days my family was in Thailand, I took them to a massage shop that Chris and I have been to several times. This particular place is set up with several small rooms, each featuring two or three individual mattresses with curtain separators in between.
Somehow my mom and sister were whisked away to share one room and I was left to share a room with Chris and my dad. This wasn’t so bad except that when I wanted to go to the far massage table for a little privacy, therefore putting Chris between me and my dad, my massage lady insisted that I stay in the middle.
Ok, alright. I reluctantly pulled the curtains closed around me, got out of my robe, and wiggled under my massage table sheet wearing only my underwear. But my massage lady proceeded to throw open the curtains and started my session without having any privacy between Chris or my dad.
Of course I’m dreading the moment when halfway through the massage I’d be asked to flip over on my back. This is where the masseuse lifts up the cloth covering my body, and although she can’t see me, for a moment I’ll be completely exposed to either Chris (ok) or my dad (not ok).
In the middle of this thought I hear my dad’s masseuse give out a squeal followed by a few ooo-eee’s! and Thai chatter. Evidently, this was my dad’s first full body oil massage and when they instructed him to undress. And he did – completely. His masseuse lady must have been going through the motions of adjusting the sheet that was draped over him and was completely caught off guard by his blinding white butt cheeks.
This is about the time when I wish I could speak Thai well enough to have my masseuse tell me some massage stories from their point of view. Do you have any funny or embarrassing Thai massage stories? Do tell!
Thai massage parlors can be found on every street corner in Thailand, as can coffee shops and 7-Elevens. There are literally hundreds of these places in the larger cities throughout the country, and most are clearly marked and have their prices visibly listed on the outside of their windows. These…
We have to admit, we felt pretty lucky after randomly stumbling upon the Nature Beach Resort in Koh Chang. Little did we know that staying at this resort turned out to be the best decision we could have made for an awesome and relaxing vacation on one of Thailand's islands.…
We've lived in Chiang Mai for a few years and have tried hundreds of places in and around the Old City. Whether you're into culture and food, pampering yourself, or into exploring what the nearby mountains…
I love Chiang Mai; first time there was a year ago and I had a great time exploring on my own as my wife had a couple of days in a seminar with a printmaker up there. And funny but…we are also ‘Chris’ and ‘Angela’…though we are both in our 60s.
Thank you for this nice post. These stories are very interesting.
We are so grateful you include Practical Massage as part of your wellness plan…Thank you
Wow funny stories! I’m a licensed massage therapist myself and can’t even imagine! I totally would ended my massages if I felt they did this to me . I’ve heard all kinds of stories in Thailand. Some places they rub your boobs and stick their fingers where they DON’T belong! Oh just for letting you know we don’t say “masseuse ” .. it refers to prostitution . We say Massage Therapist Thankyou! 😁
Ggaahh we can only imagine the stories you have to share. Thanks for the tip – not masseuse, massage therapist.
Lol I think I went to the same one in your first story. The little black underwear is quite familiar. I’m in Chiang Mai with my boyfriend. He researched a massage spot near us with good reviews and we booked. It looked so earthy upon entering I was full of excitement. We scheduled for an Relaxing Oil Massage. Placed in the same room with the black undies waiting for me in a plastic baggie I decided I’d better put them on. My boyfriend in the other hand, he thought he wasn’t going to need them. Why? Well it’s my fault. … Read more »
Hahaha Monica! Thanks for sharing! We can’t imagine how many ridiculous massage stories there are out there – especially those who get sent the wrong signal and DON’T want a happy ending. Those little black panties! You almost have to snag a pair and show your friends or else they won’t believe you!
I’ve tried the traditional Thai massage…I had bruises on my arms and legs afterwards from my masseuse’s fingertips digging in so hard. I still enjoyed the experience although I was trying not to bust out laughing the entire time (at one point she managed to get my feet flat on my own crotch). The next one I tried was the oil massage, which I chose because the lady assured me it would be soft and relaxing, not like the normal Thai massage. It was initially enjoyable, except she kept going ALL the way up my legs and (it seemed incidental) … Read more »
WOW what stories! They are a bit cringeworthy. There are few boundaries during massages here (as you experienced), but we can see that they went just a tad too far. You ask yourself, “Was that really necessary? Hello? Body awareness!” We have a friend who loves deep tissue massage and when she visited she also had bruises all over her back after a Thai massage. Neither of us has had bruises, but we’ve definitely had been squirming under the thumb and elbow (gah!) pressure and counting the minutes until it’s over (even after requesting to lighten up.) Thanks for sharing … Read more »
Wow interesting stories lol! Thanky
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