Texas Redistricting Rodeo

Every ten years, Texas politics brings out its rodeo clowns to wrestle with district lines. This year, the spectacle is so wild that PETA issued a statement about cruelty to voters. A poll by Lone Star Politics Weekly shows that 68% of Texans believe the new district maps were drawn on the back of a cocktail napkin at a barbecue. Eyewitnesses in Austin report legislators using lassos to corral counties into unnatural shapes. Professor Clyde Hardin at Baylor University explains: "The process is identical to calf roping, except the calf is democracy." Anonymous staffers leaked that the official redistricting maps included doodles of longhorns and beer bottles. Cause and effect? Every redraw creates a political bull ride where candidates hold on for dear life while voters are thrown into electoral dust. Trace evidence includes boot prints across county lines and a half-eaten brisket sandwich left on the Speaker's desk. In Texas, redistricting isn't just politics, it's a rodeo where the clowns always win.