Teens Sex Step

Teens Sex Step
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By Hannah Orenstein Updated: Nov 9, 2022
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“We didn’t really know what we were doing, but it wasn’t awkward at all because we trusted each other a lot.”
Having sex for the first time can be a big decision. It might feel awkward, exciting, confusing, or a combination of all those feelings and more. But it’s so important to remember that everyone’s experience with first-time sex is different, and that the definition of sex and “losing your virginity” varies from person to person. What matters most is that you and your partner both consented to sex and that you’re using protection .
Your first sexual experience with a partner might involve vaginal, anal, or oral sex, or no penetration at all. You might orgasm the first time you have sex, or you might not, and that’s totally normal. It can take time to understand and learn what you like and don’t like sexually, and what turns you on. While everyone’s experience varies, hearing about others’ experiences can help you determine if you’re ready and navigate your own first time. To help you understand what it might be like, below, 16 guys get real about the first time they had sex — including how it happened and how they felt afterward.
1. “ I had just turned 17 and my girlfriend and I had been dating for a few months when we decided it was the right time. After waiting two or three nights out of anxiety, we were finally able to share the experience. We waited for her parents to go to bed, and after what seemed like hours, they did. We fumbled around with the condom in the dark, but eventually realized it would be easier with the lights on.” — Jay, 18
2. “ I was 18 and in my first semester of college. The girl I lost my virginity with was a good friend of mine. One night, we were both coming back from a party. In the Uber home, we started flirting and making out. When we got back to her dorm, we went at it. Five minutes in, we heard a voice say, ‘What are you guys doing?!’ It was her roommate — sitting upright, staring at us from her bed. We were so busy hooking up that we forgot to check if she was asleep.” — Jake, 19
3. “ We had been hooking up and hanging out for about three weeks when I was 21. We got really serious, really quickly, basically spending all our weekends and some weekday time together. She was staying at my family’s house for the weekend — the first time either of us had met another’s parents — and when we realized everyone had left for a few hours one morning, we gave sex a shot. We didn’t really know what we were doing, but it wasn’t awkward at all because we trusted each other a lot. We laughed when we decided to leave the bedroom doors wide open, since it was important to hear people coming back. At the time, I was pretty pumped. And sweaty. Two days later, we became official.” — Landon, 22
4. “ I met a girl off of Tinder. On our third date, we were watching movies at her place and getting along well. We just cuddled, kissed, and went slowly from there. I never told her it was my first time because of male stereotypes — I didn’t want to seem inexperienced. I thought telling girls that I had never had sex would hurt my chances. I was nervous and excited at the same time, and it didn’t last very long. She might have known that I was a virgin (or thought I was bad).” — Isaiah, 20
5. “ I lost my virginity when I was 18 years old. As a guy, you feel a certain pressure to lose your virginity, but I still wanted my first time to be special. She was a junior in college and I was freshman. We met when she started hitting on me at a diner after a party. We started hooking up every weekend. Three weeks later, we came back to my room and things were different. Neither of us planned to have sex, but it happened. It was good, but I was so nervous, I didn’t truly enjoy it. Afterwards, she told me I was amazing. Although I didn’t realize my romantic dream, I didn’t and still don’t care. We continued hooking up for the next few months until one day she told me she was getting back together with her ex-boyfriend. To this day, I still haven’t told her that she took my virginity.” — Tyler, 21
6. “ We were both 13. I made her laugh and she thought I was cute, so we started dating. A month later, we decided to have sex. I wasn’t really ready, but I just went with it. I had no idea where to put it. It felt amazing, but I regret the timing, the girl, and not using a condom.” — Jon, 20
7. “ It was the first week of classes during my freshman year of college, and I had been interested in a girl in my dorm since orientation. We had already been making out semi-regularly. Our make-out session was more intense than usual, so I asked if she wanted to have sex, and she nodded. If I’m being honest, I had a hard time getting started, but she was patient and helped guide me through it. I was afraid the entire time that she wasn’t enjoying herself, and to make it worse, I finished very quickly. Looking back on it, I wish that I had waited until I was more certain that I was actually interested in her. A lot of my relationship with her beforehand was me thinking about losing my virginity, which certainly didn’t help.” — Caleb, 20
8. “I was visiting my girlfriend in college my freshman year. We had been dating for four years. It hurt for her at first. I wish it didn’t. But we did what we could — we were comfortable with each other, so we were both patient. ” — Xander, 20
9. “ I was 16 and had been in a committed relationship with the same girl for nearly two years. We had spoken about it for months. Finally, it happened one night in her bedroom when her parents were out. We made sure to use a condom. Even though I’m no longer with her, I have no regrets about it because at the time, it was right. I do, however, wish we hadn’t built it up to be something that it really isn’t and wish we hadn’t treated it as a massive milestone.” — Jack, 19
10. “ I was 17 and with my girlfriend of four and a half years. It was the first time for both of us. It was after school on a Friday. We made plans to meet at her parents’ apartment in the city. When I got there, the lights were dimmed, candles were lit, and she was in lingerie. She told me she wanted it to be special for the both of us. The experience was amazing, and there’s never going to be another time like it. I was with the person I loved the most and couldn’t have asked for it to be any better.” — Matt, 19
11. “I lost it to my girlfriend when I was 18. We were together for a year or two and I loved her. At the time, I was nervous — like, what if I’m not big enough or what if I finish too quickly? But I enjoyed the experience. It was a rush of emotions.” — Danny, 19
12. “I was 17. We were working on a summer play together, and there was definitely some will-they-or-won’t-they chemistry between us. We hung out a few times, and eventually, the subject of sex came up in conversation. I said that I was a virgin. She said she was fine with that, even though she wasn’t a virgin. I was pretty happy afterward (as most guys are), but I wasn’t going around boasting or anything. Our relationship eventually turned rocky — pretty typical for a high school relationship — but I’d like to think we’re friends now. I try to keep in touch.” — Jack, 22
13. “ It’s awkward because it’s a different experience than anything in your life up until that point. It’s a fairly simple concept, but when it’s your first time, everything is difficult. I was 20. I was in a long-distance relationship with a girl I hadn’t actually met in person up until that point. We didn’t really know each other physically, and that probably contributed to the awkwardness. I don’t have any regrets, but it could have turned out better. I was pretty nervous.” — Kyle, 21
14. “I was dating this girl for a few months when I was 13. She was great — funny but shy, cool but aloof, and she liked all the same music I did. One night, when it was pouring rain, she came over. She couldn’t get a ride, so she walked three miles. That made me think maybe she wanted to have sex, which was absolutely terrifying. We had never done that before. We’re both shaking — her from the freezing New England rain, me from pure fear. I’m pretty sure I used some stupid line, like, ‘We should get you out of those wet clothes’ or ‘Let’s warm you up, babe.’ She handed me a condom, and neither of us could figure out how to put it on, so I called my more experienced friend and had him talk me through it. Eventually, I got it on.” — Ari, 16
15. “I was 17. I had hooked up a couple times with a girl who was a year older than I was. She asked me to pick her up at a party. I didn’t really know what her intentions were, but after she got in the car, she told me to park at a nearby park. We got in the backseat of the car and then things just escalated pretty quickly from there. I was happy to get it over with, especially since a couple of my friends had already lost their virginity. My only regret is that I didn’t use a condom.” — Drew, 19
16. “ I had met a girl online and hung out with her once before we decided to have sex. I was so excited to finally lose my virginity. I was 18 at the time. I put on a condom and tried to stick it in, but a few seconds later, she was in pain. I pulled out, got dressed, and hurried out. I felt so embarrassed on the way home. To this day, I still greatly regret losing it in that way. I haven’t talked to her since.” — Reid, 20
Hannah Orenstein is the author of several novels, including Meant to Be Mine (out June 7, 2022), Head Over Heels, Love at First Like, and Playing with Matches. She's also the Deputy Editor of Dating at Elite Daily. She lives in Brooklyn.
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Trailer for Blue Valentine (2010) starring Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams
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Derek Cianfrance dared to portray sex with any sense of realism, both physically and emotionally, only to quickly get slapped with an NC-17 rating for showing Michelle Williams’ character, Cindy, on the receiving end of oral sex. “The sex felt real - it wasn't sexy or 'a sex scene', and that's why we got into trouble,” co-star Ryan Gosling remarked to The Observer at the time. “You shouldn't be penalised for doing a good job.” After successfully appealing against the MPAA’s decision, Blue Valentine reached cinemas as an R, thankfully allowing mainstream audiences to see how emotionally complex a matter sex can actually be, especially in a broken down marriage like the one shared by its lead characters.
Gina Prince-Bythewood has masterfully shown Hollywood how cinema can portray realistic sex without any loss of romanticism or intimacy. That’s especially true of her directorial debut, 2000’s Love & Basketball, in which Monica (Sanaa Lathan) loses her virginity to childhood sweetheart, Quincy (Omar Epps). The moment is wonderfully tender, aided by Maxwell’s cover of Kate Bush’s “This Woman’s Work”, while being one of the rare films that actually shows the use of a condom. “The only note that I ever got from the studio during the filmmaking process was that when I shot that scene, they looked at the dailies and they said, they didn’t think she was enjoying it enough,” Prince-Bythewood told The Huffington Post. “And my argument was, it’s the first time and despite what the male fantasy might be, it’s not that great.”
Alfonso Cuarón’s raucous classic inverts the American sex comedy: Julio (Gael García Bernal) and Tenoch (Diego Luna) are stereotypical, sex-obsessed young men distraught at the concept of their girlfriends leaving the country. Choosing to live as bachelors, they befriend an older woman (Maribel Verdú), who seduces both of them. Yet, the film drives them towards one, real truth: their own bisexuality, finally freed during the film’s famous threesome. Though Y Tu Mamá También's conclusion is tragic - Julio and Tenoch's reject their own truth, turn their backs on each other, and suppress their feelings - their threesome still marks a moment of genuine, harmonious sensuality.
God’s Own Country star Alec Secareanu admitted he was initially “very afraid” of the kinds of scenes he would be tasked with filming for the gay drama film. “But the way each character has sex tells a lot about them; the way that they develop their relationship,” he told Attitude. The first sexual encounter between Secareanu’s character Gheorghe and Johnny (Josh O’Connor) is quick, aggressive and with little intimacy. As Johnny slowly learns to open up to Gheroghe, their second encounter is far more romantic; intense in a different way to the first. Both actors later told of how they developed a close bond in real life after working together on-screen.
A film that finds its eroticism in small gestures - in the languid rest of a glove, in a glance, shared across a crowded room - when it comes to director Todd Haynes actually filming the first time Therese (Rooney Mara) and Carol (Cate Blanchett) have sex, their chemistry is already so palpable that the moment feels nothing short of explosive. “It's very much like shooting a musical number,” Haynes told E!News of the scene. “You start the music and basically you just go and the camera finds the moments and the beats. And we had some amazing material with these two women to work with.”
Barry Jenkins’ Oscar-winner is one of the most tender depictions of yearning in modern cinema. Its protagonist Chiron (played by Ashton Sanders here, at other points by Alex R. Hibbert and Trevante Rhodes) experiences his first sexual encounter with fellow student Kevin (Jharrel Jerome) on a quiet, isolated beach. Their fumbling may pay testament to the awkwardness of a teenager’s first experiences, but Jenkins’ approach also gives the moment a profound grace, and an acknowledgement of how it will come to shape Chiron’s own view of himself. “It’s the first time I filmed a sex scene. It’s the first time these actors had performed a sex scene,” Jenkins told Entertainment Weekly of the scene. “It’s not gratuitous. It’s very delicate in keeping with most of the film, but it kept me up at night. I really wanted to get the feelings of that first sort of sexual expression, and I wanted to get it right… but then, when we got to shoot it, it rolled off like butter.”
Much like Blue Valentine, Nicolas Roeg’s 1973 classic swiftly faced controversy due to a sex scene so emotionally faithful (while also depicting a female character, Julie Christie’s Laura, receiving oral sex), that it caused clashes with censors. A grieving couple desperately holding onto the shreds of their marriage after the death of their child, Laura and John (Donald Sutherland)’s raw emotions and vulnerability in this moment are famously intercut with post-coital preparations to go to dinner - an attempt, in fact, to satiate censors. Christie herself admitted the film’s innovations made the scene difficult to film since, “There were no available examples, no role models ... I just went blank and Nic [Roeg] shouted instructions."
Sex is funny, sometimes hilarious. There’s no getting through this list without acknowledging that fact, and there’s no better film to summarise it than Team America: World Police and its infamous puppet intercourse, enthusiastically filing through every sexual position in the book. As puppet creator Stephen Chiodo noted to MovieWeb, it’s the scene’s bracing artifice that’s actually the key to its humour. As he explained, “The more realistic it became, the less funny it was. The more axes of movement, the more lifelike movement we gave the puppets during the sex scene, it just wasn’t funny. But when you had them stiff like dolls, kind of rutting, it just was funny.”
Trust David Lynch to create a highly-charged sex scene that inevitably only becomes part of the web created to deceive and befuddle us. Rita (Laura Harring) and Betty (Naomi Watts) may consummate their bubbling affections for each other in a sensuous, dreamlike manner - but who is Rita in this moment? Who is Betty? Is this encounter real or imagined? This moment of lush, Hollywood perfection only creates the set up for Mulholland Drive’s earth-shattering twist. Betty is now Diane, and her own sexual experience couldn’t be any more different: a tear-soaked, anguished masturbation scene that seems exemplary of her own broken soul.
One of the finest examples of the erotic thriller, director Adrian Lyne depicts the extramarital affair in its full urgency, its entire spectrum of conflicted emotions, as suburban housewife Connie (Diane Lane) becomes enraptured by a handsome young Frenchman (Olivier Martinez). Their initial encounter is at first tenuous, tender, before a hunger seems to consume Connie and her guilt is momentarily forgotten in the throes of extreme passion, only for them to creep slowly back on the train ride home. The memory of its erotic power, the searing regret; those feelings soon become feverishly intertwined.
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From Gina Prince-Bythewood's directorial debut Love & Basketball, to Todd Haynes' achingly romantic Carol
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From Gina Prince-Bythewood's directorial debut Love & Basketball, to Todd Haynes' achingly romantic Carol
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