Teens Meeting Sex

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For Teens Making Decisions About Sex and Intimacy
If you’re a teen who’s dating, even casually, the time is going to come when you need to make choices about the physical part of your relationship. This topic can be tricky, confusing, and hard to talk about, but if you don’t give it some thought early on, you may regret it. Feelings and emotions on this subject can be really powerful.
So, what do you need to think about? A lot of things. There are personal and value-based decisions you need to consider. There are relationship questions you’ll want to ask yourself. And, if you are considering becoming sexually active, there are major practical considerations to keep in mind. Only you can answer these questions, and your feelings may change over time. But to be prepared, you’ll want to think it over. Let’s take it piece by piece.
These are questions relating to your personal values regarding sexual relationships.
Ask yourself honestly: what do I really feel ready for at my age? Am I doing what I’m doing because I truly want to? Does it feel right to me in my heart and mind?
Remember, decisions about the physical side of relationships are up to you. It’s your body. Don’t accept pressure from others.
You are a product of your upbringing, your culture, and your moral and religious beliefs. These factors may be very important to you, and you may have negative feelings about going against what you’ve been taught or believe. Consider them carefully as you make decisions.
Although it’s not at all cool to judge other people for their actions, be aware that some people might. Then there’s the question of parents. How will your parents feel about your physical relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend? And how do you feel about that?
Sexual intimacy is a wonderful gift, but many people feel that the teen years are too early, due to potential emotional, physical, and health consequences. This is a time for trying to figure yourself out first and how you can be happy. Getting intimate with someone else before you learn how to meet your own needs can make it really difficult to have a mutually giving and caring relationship, both of which are prerequisites for intimacy. Your choices in this area could also affect you for a long time (for instance, if you became pregnant or contracted an infection).
These are questions having to do with this particular relationship.
Are you at ease and comfortable with him or her, or still feeling nervous, awkward, and unsure? Of course, having some butterflies is natural, but if you’re going to get serious physically, you need to be sure you fully trust this person and feel at ease with him or her.
If you’re considering getting involved in sexual activity that has any risk of pregnancy or STIs (note: STIs can be spread through many activities), you need to be able to talk with him or her about staying safe. Is this a conversation you can have? And have you had it?
If the answer has anything to do with “To hold on to the relationship,” “Because he/she really wants me to,” “Because I’m worried I’ll lose him/her,” “Because everyone else is,” or “Because it will make him/her love me more”—hold up! Those aren’t good reasons. The healthy answer is, “Because I’ve thought about it, I feel good about it, and I want to.”
Research tells us that when people have sex, emotions about the relationship tend to get bigger and more complex. Is this something you’re ready for at this age and point in time? Is it something this particular relationship is suited for?
Healthy physical relationships are all about consent. You should really WANT to do anything you are involved in. This includes everything from hugging and kissing all the way to intercourse. Remember, consent can be withdrawn at any time.
These are questions about the “nitty gritty.”
 Do you know how pregnancy occurs, and how it doesn’t? Are you familiar with common STIs (sexually transmitted infections) and how they are transmitted? Do you know what you need to protect yourself, and where you will obtain it? If not, you’re not ready for sexual activity.
Contraception and STI protection can and do fail. Do you know what you would do if this were to happen to you or your partner? Have you talked about it? What resources are available to you locally and how would you safely access them? How would your family react?
The decision to become physically intimate with a partner is a big one, and there’s a lot to think about. Don’t let the heat of the moment or an emotional situation sweep you off your feet. Instead, take time to think and talk about your feelings and beliefs ahead of time. Talking to your parents or another trusted adult can really help, too. For more on sex, safer sex, abstinence, birth control, and healthy relationships, visit the links below in Further Reading.
What is Consent?—from Love is Respect
How Pregnancy Happens—from Teen Health Source
By Carol Church, lead writer, SMART Couples, Department of Family, Youth and Community Sciences, University of Florida
Girlshealth. (2014). Deciding about sex. Retrieved from http://girlshealth.gov/body/sexuality/questions.html
Girlshealth. (n.d.) Know the facts first. Retrieved from https://www.girlshealth.gov/index.html
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Last Modified: Wed, 23 Sep 2020 08:18:49 EDT

Health
Sex/Relationships
Teens Today Are Having Sex, Dating and Drinking Less Than They Used To
Teen Birth Rates in the U.S. Hit a Record Low
Contrary to popular belief, today’s kids are not growing up too fast. According to a new study published in the journal Child Development, they’re growing up slower than they used to.
The researchers analyzed survey responses from 8.3 million adolescents, ages 13 to 19, from across the country over the last 40 years (1976 to 2016). They found that today’s youths, compared to those in previous decades, are less likely to engage in adult activities, including drinking alcohol, dating, having sex, going out without their parents, driving a car and working a job.
Today, the researchers say, 18-year-olds act more like 15-year-olds from previous decades. That was true across all demographic groups in the study.
The new findings are consistent with other recent research, and they tell a complicated story of teens today. “Some people have written that alcohol use and sexuality are down, so that must mean that teens are more virtuous than they used to be,” says lead author Jean Twenge, professor of psychology at San Diego State University. “Others wrote that they’re less likely to have jobs, so they must be lazy or immature.”
“If you look at the big picture, it’s not that they’re doing more good things or more bad things overall,” says Twenge. “It’s just that they’re less likely to do all kinds of things that adults do, and there is definitely a trade-off there.”
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One downside to slower development is that teens may be unprepared for living independently when they go off to college, get their first job or set out on their own, Twenge says. But there are also plenty of benefits, especially for teens’ health. “When kids don’t grow up before they’re ready, they’re protected from things like alcohol and sex,” says Twenge.
The study’s findings may help explain why the teen birth rate rate is lower than ever, Twenge says, and why teenagers get in fewer car accidents than they used to. “Teens are safer and healthier than they’ve ever been,” she says, “and that’s obviously a very good thing.” (The latter statistic comes from research Twenge did for her new book, iGen: Why Today’s Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy—and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood.)
The new study did not investigate why maturity has slowed among teenagers, but the researchers have a few guesses. Twenge and her co-author cite the evolutionary “life-history theory,” which states that human development will be slower when families are smaller, people live longer, children are safe and healthy and education takes longer to complete. “That’s a pretty good description of our current culture,” says Twenge.
It’s also possible that the use of smartphones and Internet access has played a role in accelerating these patterns over the last five or so years. Because they allow kids to communicate with friends without leaving their homes, she says, they have less opportunity to engage in adult activities. “But it’s clear that technology is not the only cause of these trends,” she adds, “given that they began long before smartphones or the Internet were mainstream.”
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