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American Journal of Sexuality Education
Am J Sex Educ. 2012 Jan; 7(1): 37–61.
Published online 2012 Mar 12. doi: 10.1080/15546128.2012.650984
Find articles by Thomas S. Weinberg
2 Buffalo State College, Buffalo, NY, USA
* Address correspondence to Tanya Bezreh. E-mail: moc.herzebaynat@aynat
Copyright © Taylor & Francis Group, LLC
This is an open access article distributed under the Supplemental Terms and Conditions for iOpenAccess articles published in Taylor & Francis journals , which permits unrestricted use, distribution, and reproduction in any medium, provided the original work is properly cited.
This article has been cited by other articles in PMC.
Keywords: Disclosure, coming out, stigma, sexual minority resources, sexuality education, BDSM, sadism, masochism, sadomasochism
What motivates people to identify with BDSM?
What concerns do people have about disclosing an interest in BDSM?
What experiences have people had disclosing an interest in BDSM?
What sex education and outreach needs and wishes do BDSM-identified people have?
Reflect the research that we do know . There is enough scientific evidence to support much general education about BDSM. For example, an interest in BDSM can begin in childhood; BDSM activities are wide ranging; there is evidence that participation in them is common; the activities may or may not involve pain. Some people do “kinky” things without calling it BDSM; kinkiness is hard to define.
Have the destigmatizing facts on hand . Be prepared to explain that research does not support past stigmatization and that current APA pronouncements do not see an interest in sadism or masochism as a problem unless they lead to clinically significant distress or to nonconsensual behaviors.
Know the biology . Explaining how assorted variations of human sexuality are pleasurable (e.g., the endorphin rush of heavy sensation, or the relaxation effect of surrender) might validate people's fantasies.
Teach about consent . Teaching people about consent in general, or teaching BDSM safety fundamentals such as “safe, sane, and consensual” and “safe words,” may allay ethical concerns and elucidate the dissimilarity of BDSM and abuse.
Adapt existing disclosure advice . The existing body of literature pertaining to “coming out” could be adapted for disclosure of an interest in BDSM. Educators could address that disclosure can be stressful, that there are ways of assessing the safety and timing of disclosure, and that one can anticipate reactions, especially questions about safety. Educators could validate the complexity of the decision about whether to disclose.
Validate disclosure as well as nondisclosure . At this point, there is not enough research to conclusively advocate for or against disclosure of BDSM interest from a health point of view. Educators can use the existing knowledge of disclosure benefits and motivations in general and warn of the risks of BDSM disclosure in hopes of supporting informed decision making.
Invite dialogue . Since people are reluctant to disclose in order not to burden their friends and family, and to comply with local norms the onus may be on friends and family to invite the conversation. Society at large, and caretakers, medical providers, and human services providers in particular, might be educated on how to invite disclosure, or present accepting attitudes.
Coping with stigma . Sexuality education might include strategies on how to cope with rejection or negative judgments that may be encountered. To deal with internalized stigma, educational materials could address self-doubt and self-judgment, and build self-esteem.
Create resources . Resources could be developed such as hotlines, safe places to discuss disclosure, advice columns, and so forth.
Inform about resources . People can be informed about the National Coalition of Sexual Freedom and its database of “Kink Aware Professionals” and the books When Someone You Love is Kinky and Healthcare Without Shame .
When disclosing to a therapist, there is a risk of being told one is “sick” and being “treated” for an interest in SM. There is also the risk of therapy records being subpoenaed and used against people. Despite the proposed clarification in the DSM, actions of individual therapists and legal precedents are unpredictable.
When disclosing in a dating situation, there is risk of rejection and judgment, as well as potential for frustration and romantic distress.
When disclosing in nondating situations, there is risk of stigma such as being judged negatively by friends, relations, or employers.
Some BDSM behaviors might be criminalized even where there is consent. In some cases this may be relevant to a disclosure decision.
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Wright S. Discrimination of SM-identified individuals. Journal of Homosexuality, 2006; 50 (2):217–231. [ PubMed ] [ Google Scholar ] [ Ref list ]
Stoller R. Pain and passion. New York, NY: Plenum; 1991. [ Google Scholar ] [ Ref list ]
Weinberg T. S. Sadomasochism in the United States: A review of recent sociological literature. The Journal of Sex Research, 1987; 23 (1):50–69. [ Google Scholar ] [ Ref list ]
Pawlowski W. BDSM: The ultimate expression of healthy sexuality. In: Taverner W.J., McKee R. W., editors. Taking sides: Clashing views in human sexuality. 11th ed. New York, NY: McGraw-Hill; 2009. pp. 70–75. [ Google Scholar ] [ Ref list ]
Janus S., Janus C. The Janus report on sexual behavior. New York, NY: John Wiley & Sons; 1993. [ Google Scholar ] [ Ref list ]
Maguen S., Floyd F. J., Bakeman R., Armistead L. Developmental milestones and disclosure of sexual orientation among gay, lesbian, and bisexual youths. Applied Developmental Psychology, 2002; 23 :219–233. [ Google Scholar ] [ Ref list ]
Rust P. C. “Coming out” in the age of social constructionism: Sexual identity formation among lesbian and bisexual women. Gender and Society. 1993, March; 7 (1):50–77. [ Google Scholar ] [ Ref list ]
Weinberg T. S. On ‘doing’ and ‘being’ gay: Sexual behavior and homosexual self-identity. Journal of Homosexuality, 1978; 4 :143–156. [ PubMed ] [ Google Scholar ] [ Ref list ]
Kolmes K., Stock W., Moser C. Investigating bias in psychotherapy with BDSM clients. Journal of Homosexuality, 2006; 50 (2):301–324. [ PubMed ] [ Google Scholar ] [ Ref list ]
Breslow N., Evans L., Langley J. On the prevalence and roles of females in the sadomasochistic subculture: Report on an empirical study. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 1985; 14 :303–317. [ PubMed ] [ Google Scholar ] [ Ref list ]
Moser C., Levitt E. E. An exploratory-descriptive study of a sadomasochistically oriented sample. Journal of Sex Research, 1987; 23 :322–337. [ Google Scholar ] [ Ref list ]
Sandnabba N. K., Santtila P., Nordling N. Sexual behavior and social adaptation among sadomasochistically oriented males. The Journal of Sex Research, 1999; 36 (3):273. [ Google Scholar ] [ Ref list ]
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Goffman E. Stigma, notes on the management of spoiled identity. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice Hall; 1963. [ Google Scholar ] [ Ref list ]
American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders. 1st ed. Washington, DC: Author; 1952. [ Google Scholar ] [ Ref list ]
American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders. 2nd ed. Washington, DC: Author; 1968. [ Google Scholar ] [ Ref list ]
American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders. 3rd ed. Washington, DC: Author; 1980. [ Google Scholar ] [ Ref list ]
Moser C., Kleinplatz P. J. DSM-IV-TR and the paraphilias: An argument for removal. Journal of Psychology & Human Sexuality, 2005; 17 (3/4):91–109. [ Google Scholar ] [ Ref list ]
American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders. 4th ed., text rev. Washington, DC: Author; 2000. [ Google Scholar ] [ Ref list ]
American Psychiatric Association. Proposed draft revisions to DSM disorders and criteria. 2010. Retrieved from http://www.dsm5.org/ProposedRevisions/Pages/proposedrevision.aspx?rid=188# . [ Ref list ]
Kilgore H., Sideman L., Amin K., Baca L., Bohanske B. Psychologists’ attitudes and therapeutic approaches toward gay, lesbian, and bisexual issues continue to improve: An update. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, Practice, Training, 2005; 42 (3):395–400. [ Google Scholar ] [ Ref list ]
Breslow N. Comparisons among heterosexual, bisexual, and homosexual male sadomasochists. Journal of Homosexuality, 1986; 13 (1):83–107. [ PubMed ] [ Google Scholar ] [ Ref list ]
Kamel G. W. L. The leather career: On becoming a sadomasochist. In: Weinberg T., Kamel G. W. L., editors. S and M: Studies in sadomasochism. Buffalo, NY: Prometheus Books; 1983. pp. 73–79. [ Google Scholar ] [ Ref list ]
Falk G., Weinberg T. S. Sadomasochism and popular Western culture. In: Weinberg T., Kamel G. W. L., editors. S and M: Studies in sadomasochism. Buffalo, NY: Prometheus Books; 1983. pp. 137–144. [ Google Scholar ] [ Ref list ]
Marin C. Lick me, flog me, buy me! The mainstreaming of S&M has turned us into a jaded culture of kink. Newsweek. 1997, December 29-January5; 131 :85. [ Google Scholar ] [ Ref list ]
Weiss M. D. Mainstreaming kink: The politics of BDSM representation in U.S. popular media. Journal of Homosexuality. 2006; 50 (2):103–132. [ PubMed ] [ Google Scholar ] [ Ref list ]
Macnair M. The contradictory politics of SM. In: Shepherd S., Wallis M., editors. Coming on strong: Gay politics and culture. London, England: Unwin Hyman; 1989. pp. 147–162. [ Google Scholar ] [ Ref list ]
Gebhard P. Fetishism and sadomasochism. In: Masserman J. H., editor. Dynamics of deviant sexuality. New York, NY: Grune & Stratton; 1969. pp. 71–80. [ Google Scholar ] [ Ref list ]
Easton D., Liszt C. A. When someone you love is kinky. Oakland, CA: Greenery Press; 2000. [ Google Scholar ] [ Ref list ]
Moser C. Health care without shame. San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press; 1999. [ Google Scholar ] [ Ref list ]
Grey L. The kinky girl's guide to dating. Oakland, CA: Greenery Press; 2004. [ Google Scholar ] [ Ref list ]
Mitzi & Thomas. Your first black rose gateway meeting. 2006, October 25. Retrieved from http://www.br.org/blackrose/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=46&Itemid=46 . [ Ref list ]
Corinna H. s.e.x. New York, NY: Marlowe & Company; 2007. [ Google Scholar ] [ Ref list ]
Derlega V. J., Grzelak J. Appropriateness of self-disclosure. In: Chelune G. J., editor. Self-disclosure: Origins, patterns, and implications of openness in interpersonal relationships. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass; 1979. pp. 151–176. [ Google Scholar ] [ Ref list ]
Goffman E. Interaction ritual. Chicago, IL: Aldine; 1967. [ Google Scholar ] [ Ref list ]
Savin-Williams R. C. Mom, dad, I'm gay: How families negotiate comi
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