Teens Having Sex Home

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I remember very clearly the way I reacted when my friends discussed their teenage children having sex and the fact they planned to allow them to do so in the family home.
First I did the ‘I am vomiting in my own mouth’ sounds, and then loudly (and swiftly) declared there was absolutely no freaking way I would ever do anything of the sort.
Sure, my boys were just babies at the time, but even when they were old enough to contemplate such things it would definitely not be happening under my roof.
No ifs, no buts, nothing. That would not be happening in my home, because: ew.
That was maybe a decade or so ago, and what can I say except… things have changed.
At 13 and 14 years of age, there is much talk of dating, sex and all that goes hand-in-hand with both (excuse the expression).
I am currently across the legal age for intercourse in a range of countries, the flag that announces you’re gender fluid, and also what pansexual means.
Their dad and I have been divorced for a solid decade. Obviously, he’s a man, but for some reason my two boys prefer to talk all things of this ilk with me.
I have encouraged them (pleaded with them, if I am honest) to talk to him about this stuff — you know, 'man to man' and all that — but to no avail.
I am deeply flattered by this, but also infuriated. Because, damn it, why me?
But there it is; my boys, my loves, my only loves, prefer to talk intimate topics with their mama. While I never imagined I’d be cool with that, turns out I sort of am.
LISTEN: The Honey Mums podcast covers all kinds of parenting dilemmas. (Post continues.)
Now, a good 10 years later, I get where my friends were coming from when they declared they would allow their kids to have sex in the family home rather than, say, the local park.
At the time I was all for the park — the park and/or anywhere else, as long as I didn’t have to know anything about it. In hindsight, I was being naive or perhaps hopeful.
I didn’t like the idea of my babies being sexual beings. Here’s the thing, though: a sexual appetite is a part of life, a healthy part of life, even. And do I want my boys to lead healthy, full lives? Of course I do.
This is where things have changed for me.
Do I enjoy the idea they’re young men and, as such, will soon be entering into adult sexual relationships of their own? I absolutely do not. CATEGORICALLY do not.
I would like for my sweet, rosy-cheeked, innocent babes to stay that way forever, but even I know that would be selfish. Also unrealistic.
They are individuals with their own needs and wants and desires and it would be irresponsible (likely damaging) of me to refuse that.
As such, I can now say I will do my best to keep them safe, but I will also accommodate them and their growing into adulthood.
When I say that, I mean this: I will allow their girlfriends (or boyfriends - heck, it’s early days, who knows, right?) to stay overnight, as long as everyone’s parents are across this and are equally approving.
I will be cool with this. Encouraging, even. At least, as much as I can be, because *vomits in own mouth*... ugh.
Wait, scratch that: I mean great. Good for you, boys. High fives all round!
And maybe next time, stay at your dad’s. Please.
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At least at home, I know they won’t run out of condoms or be put in a situation where they don’t feel like they can say no.
Like most parents, I try to avoid thinking about my kids having sex. Having been a teenager myself once upon a time, I knew it was likely they’d decide to have sex before adulthood. But it never occurred to me that when my teens did choose to have sex, they’d do it in my house.
Talking openly about sex is one thing. But dealing with my kids actually having sex is another thing entirely. In theory, it’s important not to stigmatize my kids’ sex lives or create shame around it that can last a lifetime. In practice, when I began to suspect that one of my teens was having sex, it was tempting to forbid him from spending time alone with his girlfriend.
My teens aren’t the first ones in their friend group to have sex. They were shocked when their friends began having sex as freshmen—at 13 or 14 years old—and I’ll admit that I was shocked too. The most surprising aspect of their friends’ newfound sex lives was that it was the kids whose parents were the strictest who had sex the youngest. If I was looking for proof that trying to control my kids’ sex lives would be effective, I didn’t find it.
As their friends become sexually active, my kids had questions. Sometimes, those questions were about working through their own feelings about sex, but other times they were far more logistical in nature: Where could their friends get free birth control? What type of birth control was the most effective? And when all else failed, where could they go for an abortion? More than once, they even brought their friends to me to talk about their relationships and birth control options.
I’ve talked to my kids about safe sex many times, but those awkward conversations didn’t prepare them for all of the nuances of having safe sex in practice. It was only when my teens came to me to talk about their concerns about one of their siblings having sex that I realized how many things I still had left to say. I’d told my son to use a condom, of course, but had I emphasized the importance of using two methods of protection to prevent pregnancy? Did my son know that he could always come to me to ask me to buy more condoms if our supply ran out?
But most importantly, would my son still practice safe sex if I made it harder for him to have sex at home? At least at home, I know they won’t run out of condoms or be put in a situation where they don’t feel like they can say no. Switching to an open-door policy began to seem ill-advised rather than sensible.
That doesn’t mean it’s not uncomfortable for me—or my other teens. They’ve asked me to “do something” about their brother’s sex life when they discovered sex toys in his bedroom. But as I reminded them, they probably shouldn’t barge into his bedroom to “borrow” his stuff if they don’t want to see things that make them uncomfortable.
Sex is a natural part of life, and part of me is glad that my son feels comfortable enough to experiment now. Many people don’t feel that confident in their sexuality until well into adulthood. Another part of me is still pretty horrified, but I’m not sure I’ll feel any less horrified by the thought of my kids having sex even when they’re 50.
The reality is that my kids are going to have sex. And so are yours. The average American has sex for the first time at 17 years old . As tempting as it is to hope that preaching abstinence will prevent kids from having sex, we know abstinence-only sex education doesn’t work . Like it or not, your child is probably still going to be living at home when they have sex for the first time.
If given the choice between my kids’ first sexual experience happening in a safe place or at a party, in the backseat of a car or god knows where else, I have to believe that allowing them to have sex at home makes sense. I’m just thankful that I had the good sense to put my teenagers’ bedrooms downstairs.
Jody Allard is a former techie-turned-freelance-writer living in Seattle. She can be reached through her website , on Twitter or via her Facebook page .

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Published: 08:49 GMT, 26 November 2017 | Updated: 09:43 GMT, 26 November 2017
Australian teenagers are running riot across the Gold Coast , in Balinese resorts and in Europe to celebrate finishing their high school years.
But the Aussie 'Schoolies' have nothing on their Norwegian counterparts.
In Norway, teenagers celebrate the end of their high school careers with 'Russefeiring' or Russ, a three-week party of drinking and shameless challenges in April before their final exams.
Challenges have included having sex in public, skinny dipping in freezing water and kissing police officers. Students on a dare once broke into a teacher's home and slept the night without the teacher noticing.
In Norway teenagers celebrate the end of their high school careers with 'Russefeiring' or Russ, a three-week party held in April before their final exams
These school leavers appeared to be having a great time in spite of their varying levels of undress
This man appeared to hog-tie his friend with sticky tape
The school leavers wear overalls for the duration of their Russ festival
Australian teenagers are running riot across the Gold Coast, through Balinese resorts and in Europe following the end of their schooling
One woman who completed her study in 2016 referred to the three-week party stint as a 'crazy graduation tradition' while explaining the reason for the challenges.
'What we do is basically to get dressed in red overalls, buy busses (or vans or cars), pimp them up and party in them for about three weeks,' she said.
'We also do lots of stupid things in public, to earn something called 'russeknuter'. There are more than 100 different 'russeknuter' and they can be anything from kissing a police officer to drink 24 beers in 24 hours to stay awake for 72 hours to eat a cheeseburger in 1 bite. In other words, a fair bit of stupid stuff.'
'The fancy thing about our graduation tradition is that it takes place BEFORE we are actually done with school, so about a week after the celebrations are over, we have all our exams coming up.'
Australians celebrate their end of schooling seven months after their Norwegian peers
The Norwegians celebrate with a series of challenges they call Russ
They also drink excessively and party in busses over three weeks
Challenges vary from having sex in public, skinny dipping in freezing water and kissing police officers to breaking into a teacher's home to spend the night without them noticing
Other more mild-mannered challenges include having breakfast in the middle of a roundabout
Other more mild-mannered challenges include having breakfast in the middle of a roundabout, being tied to a friend for the day and not washing the traditional Russ uniform for the whole month.
The celebrations traditionally start in mid-April, during the students' last Spring semester, and the events are often planned months in advance.
Students are commonly dared to sleep in trees, consume various amounts of alcohol in strict time periods and spend a whole school day crawling on hands and knees.
Other challenges include having sex in public places such as the woods, or trying to sleep with 17 people between May 1 and 17.
Skinny dipping in freezing temperatures and having sex in public are other challenges
these two school leavers look freezing as they take a dip for their challenge
Other school leavers, like the ones pictured, have to tie themselves together
The celebrations traditionally start in mid-April, during the students' last Spring semester, and the events are often planned months in advance
These girls scream through the street with various things written on their faces in black
Putting 'for sale' signs on police cars, doing naked runs through town and asking random people to 'borrow a condom', are also common challenges.
The young men and women put on overalls coloured red, blue, black or green depending on their main area of study.
Most students wear red because that represents the general curriculum, however those studying business wear blue, tradespeople wear black, and people learning about agriculture and farming wear green.
Most students wear red because that represents the general curriculum
The young men and women put on overalls coloured red, blue, black or green depending on their main area of study
Student also swap cards – and the more they get the better. The cards look like business cards, have a photo of the student and a chosen quote – which are often 'offensive, lewd or funny'
The students all travel around in party vehicles such as busses and vans, which are often painted, and filled with alcohol
The celebration is widely accepted as a rite of passage.
The students all travel around in party vehicles such as busses and vans, which are often painted, and filled with alcohol.
Student also swap cards – and the more they get the better. The cards look like business cards, have a photo of the student and a chosen quote – which are often 'offensive, lewd or funny'.
The alcohol-fuelled antics draw to a close on May 17. The students march in the national parade
Photographs and videos are often posted on social media during the celebrations and show the young people enjoying their period of debauchery
Photographs and videos are often posted on social media during the celebrations and show the young people enjoying their period of debauchery
The students march in the national parade – wearing their overalls and a hat, which features a nickname chosen by their peers written on it
These school leavers petition drivers to take part in their fun
These cards are also handed out to children in the street.
The alcohol-fuelled antics draw to a close on May 17. The students march in the national parade – wearing their overalls and a hat, which features a nickname chosen by their peers written on it.
Photographs and videos are often posted on social media during the celebrations and show the young people enjoying their period of debauchery.
These girls appeared excited to pose in what appears to be a sex shop
These revellers decided to wear loaves of bread on their feet
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SOUTH AMHERST, Ohio – Authorities in the small Lorain County town of South Amherst are investigating the circumstances that led to the creation of a video showing underage teen-agers having sex while young classmates watched, 19/43 News' Bill Younkin reported.
The teens involved were all students at Firelands High School. Firelands students, including senior Jim Wilgor, said that they've heard about the videotape, which shows a 15-year-old girl and 16-year-old boy having sex in front of other students.
"I don't think it's right, and I think they should be punished," Wilgor said.
Deputies said that the incident apparently took place on a late Friday night in the 16-year-old boy's home.
"There are quite a few people involved, as far as witnesses go -- witnesses who were there," Sheriff's investigator Det. Carl Yost said.
Yost said he believes that the girl was a voluntary participant. He said that the girl's mother found the tape, and called the sheriff's department.
The South Amherst community, including those people at Dewey's Barber Shop on Tuesday, is just starting to hear about the investigation, and they are in shock because their idea of children at play certainly doesn't include what is on the tape.
"It's ridiculous," Paul Shank said. "They have no morals whatsoever."
"It's unbelievable," barber Dewey Acord said. "It just doesn't make sense for young kids to get involved in stuff like that."
Now, the teens face a lot of questioning by not only detectives, but their parents as well.
Investigators said that they hope to wrap up the investigation and hand over the facts to the county prosecutor by the end of the week.

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