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Austin, TX
Brooklyn, NY
Chicago, IL
Denver, CO
Houston, TX
Los Angeles, CA
New York, NY
Portland, OR
San Diego, CA
San Francisco, CA
Seattle, WA
Washington, DC
Mental Health
Addiction
Anxiety
ADHD
Asperger's
Autism
Bipolar Disorder
Chronic Pain
Depression
Eating Disorders
Personality
Passive Aggression
Personality
Shyness
Personal Growth
Goal Setting
Happiness
Positive Psychology
Stopping Smoking
Relationships
Low Sexual Desire
Relationships
Sex
Family Life
Child Development
Parenting
Talk to Someone
Find a Therapist
Find a Treatment Center
Find a Psychiatrist
Find a Support Group
Find Teletherapy
Trending Topics
Coronavirus Disease 2019
Narcissism
Dementia
Bias
Affective Forecasting
Neuroscience
The question is not whether you’ll change; you will. Research clearly shows that everyone’s personality traits shift over the years, often for the better. But who we end up becoming and how much we like that person are more in our control than we tend to think they are.
I'm confused. My 17 year old daughter insists that all of her friends are allowed to go to coed sleepovers and frankly some parents do allow such sleepovers. I don't know if I'm being an old-fashioned fuddy-duddy by my position on this issue. I feel that nothing good can happen when you mix a group of teens who are probably up all night and have access to each other both emotionally and physically while the parents are probably asleep. And things probably don't get any better when you add alcohol to this mix. I'm not saying that my daughter and her friends are all a group of drunk and sex -crazed lunatics but why create opportunities that might encourage sex, drugs, and who knows what else? Please advise as I don't want my daughter to be mad at me but I also don't want to approve of something that feels very wrong to me.
A Mama Bear Trying to Protect her Cub
You ask a lot of good questions and make a number of good points. Yes, some parents will do just about anything to ensure that their teens don't get mad at them. Also, a good number of parents think that being their teens' friends is the way to go so they agree to coed sleepovers in an attempt to preserve the " friendship ." Your daughter is probably right when she says that her friends are allowed to go to coed sleepovers but she is wrong when she says that all of her friends are allowed. My guess is that many of the parents do not know that the sleepovers that their teens are going to are of the mixed sex variety.
I share your concerns. First, I am not a big fan of teen sleepovers even if they are same-sex . I believe that they are simply too frequent. They are set-ups for sleep deprivation and for excuses to get drunk and not have to come home in the evening and face their parents with the smell of alcohol on their breath. Of course, not every sleepover is like this but I can assure you that many are. I hear this from the teens themselves.
Second, when the sleepovers become coed you are introducing a whole new set of potential concerns. These curious teens are presented with opportunities and possibly pressure to experiment in any number of ways with one another while both sleep deprived and POSSIBLY but not definitely under the influence of substances that lead to disinhibited behavior.
I am with you on this one. I am not a fan of frquent same sex teen sleepovers and certainly not a fan of mixed sex teen sleepovers. And, I wish that so many parents weren't afraid of their teens' anger . After all, it is a parents job to be a parent and not a friend. And, as a parent it is necessary to be able to tolerate your teens' anger. The goal is to keep your teens safe not to be their buddies.
So, I'm with you on this one and from what you are telling me you are not a fuddy-duddy but instead a cautious and concerned. mom.
For more articles like this and similar ones take a look at my website: http://www.talkingteenage.com/
Barbara Greenberg, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist who specializes in the treatment of adolescents and their well-intentioned but exhausted parents.
Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today.
Psychology Today © 2022 Sussex Publishers, LLC
The question is not whether you’ll change; you will. Research clearly shows that everyone’s personality traits shift over the years, often for the better. But who we end up becoming and how much we like that person are more in our control than we tend to think they are.
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By CBSNews.com staff CBSNews.com staff
A high school valedictorian, stripped of her honor by school officials after a shower with several male students she insists was just "good clean fun" , is taking the school to court for what she considers overzealous punishment.
Last month, senior Leslie Shorb pulled all her clothes off and jumped into a shower in the boy's locker room along with five naked male classmates.
She did it "for the heck of it, honestly," she told The Early Show Co-anchor Braynt Gumbel on Thursday.
"I didn't do it to prove a point or do anything like that," she said.
Powers High School officials in southwestern Oregon didn't think the bare-all coed shower stunt was funny, nor very becoming behavior of a co-valedictorian representative of the school.
As punishment, school officials suspended Shorb for 10 days and took away her privilege of addressing her graduating class of 16 at the commencement ceremony. She also was banned from after-school activities, the senior prom and the senior trip to Mexico.
But the final insult, Shorb said, and the reason the 18-year-old will take her argument to court, was when her valedictorian standing was yanked.
"I thought I would be given punishment, but like three days of in-school suspension. I had no idea that it was going to be this severe," said Shorb. "I definitely wasn't expecting being stripped of my valedictorian status."
The reason for the April 11 shower incident is a major point of contention between Shorb and her co-valedictorian – who also happens to be her cousin, Anna Shorb.
After Anna leaked the details of the locker-room shower party to school officials, Shorb initially claimed she did it because she wanted to show supervision was lacking at the high school.
Anna contested her cousin's argument and Shorb since has said the nude encounter actually was a harmless prank.
But Shorb's shoulder-shrugging defense of the skin-baring affair has turned many in the community against her and her antics.
The Herald, a daily newspaper in nearby Everett, Ore., took an editorial stab on May 5 at the teen's decision to challenge her high school.
"One might surmise the only lack of supervision in this young woman's life is that of parental and self. Shorb's behavior epitomizes the negative stereotype of teens today - that of self-indulgent, reckless youth with the moral sense of shrubbery.
"It will be difficult for her to earn people's respect after this, if that's even what she wants. Then again, perhaps she'll follow in the footsteps of America's favorite millionaire bride, Darva Conger, and prove her point all the way to Hugh Hefner's mansion."
The school superintendent, who also is the principal, would not comment, saying he is prohibited by law from talking about student records or disciplinary actions.
Shorb and the five boys, also punished by being banned from extracurricular activities, claim there was no hank-panky in the shower. And since Powers is a small town with about 600 residents and they've all known each other since childhood, they said the clothes-less encounter is no big deal.
In fact, Shorb says the sextet had skinny-dipped together in nearby lakes and streams when they were younger.
As part of her defense, the teen-ager's attorney contends the girl's locker room was without soap at the time so she "went down to borrow some soap" from the boy's shower.
David Hans Schmidt said he will file a temporary restraining order in an Oregon court against the school board to seek immediate re-instatement of her title as co-valedictorian.
"Nowhere in the history of jurisprudence within a school set have they gone to this extreme amount of punishment that they've handed down in this situation," said Schmidt, who also represented infamous ice skating Olympian Tonya Harding and currently lists Paula Jones, President Clinton's accuser, as a client.
He added, "It's a material right. It's not a privilege as they're trying to portray it. This is a right that she won on the merit of her grade point average."
Shorb, whose grade point average hovers near a perfect 4.0, has received a scholarship to attend Oregon State University and said she plans to enroll for this fall.
Asked if the university has reconsidered accepting her as a student due to her recent notoriety, Shorb said, "They haven't sent me any denial or anything like that."
© 2000 CBS News. All Rights Reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed
First published on May 11, 2000 / 2:17 PM
Copyright ©2022 CBS Interactive Inc. All rights reserved.
More and more colleges are welcoming coed roommates—have you ever lived with a guy?
By Jessica Strul Published: Jun 18, 2008
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One of my favorite things about college was living with awesome (girl) roommates. That's why I thought this article about coed dorms was so interesting.
Colleges, like Wesleyan University, Brown University, the University of Pennsylvania, Oberlin College, Clark University, and Dartmouth College, have coed dorms, coed dorm floors, or some sort of coed living arrangements for their students.
A lot of heterosexual students who want to live with friends of the opposite sex, and gay students who prefer having a roommate of the opposite sex are doing so at these schools.
But some parents—and students—don't think coed dorms are a good idea. What do you think?
Have you ever had a roommate of the opposite sex? Does your school offer coed dorms?
What to Consider Before You Transfer Colleges
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Is college life better with boys or without 'em? Girls at both types of schools give you their perks and peeves to help you decide. BY KATIE L. CONNOR
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I went from an all-girls high school to a coed college.
PROS
"Unlike high school, at a coed college it's easier to have friendships with guys without thinking, 'Should we be dating?'" —Naima, 19, University of Pennsylvania
"My friends and I never thought of boys as real people in high school— they were like pets! So one of the best parts of going coed is getting to know and understand guys as individuals." —Tara Anne, 19, George Washington University
"The social aspects at a coed school are what you're going to encounter in the real world when you start working. It's good practice." —Kate, 24, North Carolina State University
Cons
"At my all-girls high school everyone was accepted for who they were rather than what they wanted to become. At college everyone likes the people who are like them. There are more cliques." —Amber, 20, Wofford College
"You have to censor yourself at a coed school. I used to walk the halls of my high school asking for a tampon. People would think I was weird if I did that now!" —Caitlin, 20, Johns Hopkins University
"Guys can be intimidating in a coed class. You want to look smart and answer questions correctly in front of them." —Wetherly, 21, Radford University
I went from a coed high school to an all-girls college.
PROS
"Being around confident, driven women is an amazing support system. Sure, there are competitive girls in class, but overall everyone wants to see you succeed." —Ashley, 21, Barnard College
"Life is more relaxed. Like, I don't worry about asking a dumb question in class. It's not that guys are judgmental; it's that we tend to care more about what they think, and that can be distracting." —Michelle, 19, Wellesley College
"The alumnae of women's schools are great and can give you tips on internships and jobs, or even set you up with an interview!" —Parisa, 20, Barnard College
CONS
"The worst part of going to an all-girls school is the stereotypes. People always ask me, 'Are they all lesbians there?' Or they think the students are all easy and starving for a guy's attention." —Emilie, 23, Barnard College
"After a while you miss having boys at parties and their laid-back 'guy' sense of humor. They don't take things as seriously as girls sometimes can. " —Puja, 21, Mount Holyoke College
"An all-girls school can seem like a small bubble since we don't interact with the opposite sex nearly as much as girls on coed campuses do ." —Maxine, 21, Wellesley College
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