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Teens Boy Sex Com
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How Teen Guys Really Feel About Sex!
How do teen boys honestly feel about sex and relationships? Seventeen Magazine and The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy partnered on a survey of 1,200 15-22-year-old guys to find out!

Sex Isn't Necessarily the First Thing on a Guy's Mind




They're More Interested in Relationships Than Sex




Being Intimate Is Actually Quite Significant to Boys




Though Some Admit to Being a "Player..."




Teen Guys Actually Really Want Relationships (Even if There is no Sex Involved!)




Guys Know Sex Can Change Everything




Double-Standards Still Exist Between Guys and Girls




Guys Actually Respect Girls Who Say No




Guys Will Listen to Girls When it Comes to Birth Control




It Doesn't Take Much to Convince Him to Use Protection




But Guys Are Confused About Their Role




Guys Admit to Being Anxious About Sex




Girls Have a Powerful Influence Over Their Boyfriends



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45% of guys in this sample are still virgins and 40% are not looking for sex or hook-ups.
Many are not in a rush and may actually regret moving too fast:
45% have had sex with someone and regretted it afterward, and almost half say it's good to wait to have sex until you're married.
Two-thirds (66%) agree that they, personally, could be happy in a sex-free relationship.
Their future is more important to them:
58% would rather get into their dream college than have sex with their dream girl.
From society: 78% say there is way too much pressure from society to have sex.
From friends: 14% have lied to stop friends from pressuring them to have sex.
Even from girls! 21% have been pressured by a girl to go further sexually than they wanted to and 56% often feel relieved when a girl wants to wait to have sex.
So many say they lie to appear cooler or protect their reputation:
60% admit they’ve lied about something related to sex and 30% have lied about how far they’ve gone sexually.
53% say they won’t have sex with someone unless they really love her.
The first time is a big deal for guys, too:
80% of virgins / 67% of non-virgins say their first time will be / was a big deal and 95% would rather have sex with someone they love than a random girl.
75% would choose to WAIT to lose their virginity to someone they love than to lose their virginity as soon as possible.
40%* had sex with someone when they knew it meant more to her than it did to them.
11% pressured a girl to go further sexually than she wanted to.
* the percentage of guys who have had sex
49% are looking for a serious relationship.
66% would rather have a girlfriend with NO sex than have sex but NO girlfriend.
35% worry that sex will change their relationship.
Sex can make someone stay in a relationship for the wrong reasons…
22%* stayed in a relationship, strictly for the sex.
28%* say having sex with someone for the first time had a negative effect on the relationship: 24%* lost interest in her, 11%* lost respect for her, and 9%* broke up with her.
74% say having sex with someone won’t make them stay in a relationship they don’t want to be in.
* the percentage of guys who have had sex
53% say having lots of hook-ups makes guys more popular (but 76% don't think the same of girls.)
Though more than half of guys describe girls who carry condoms as…
Safe (57%), Responsible (55%), Careful (54%)
A large percentage also describes them as…
Promiscuous (42%), Easy (34%), Aggressive (23%)
84% say they have more respect for girls who stop a hook-up if they aren’t ready or comfortable and 73% have more respect for girls who say no to sex.
Even though guys are, admittedly, risk-takers…
69%* admit to risky behavior when it comes to sex.
57%* admit to having had unprotected sex.
44%* have had a pregnancy scare with a girl they’ve had sex with.
* the percentage of guys who have had sex
83% would gladly wear a condom if a girl asked (Only 6% would refuse).
66% would gladly go get birth control with a girl if she asked (Only 11% would refuse).
93% would claim equal responsibility with a girl if he got her pregnant.
83% say both the guy and girl are equally responsible to get birth control or protection to prevent pregnancy.
87% their own desire to prevent pregnancy.
Guys admit to being confused about…
70% are confused about how to know whether or not a girl wants them to initiate sex.
70% are confused about what a girl expects from them after sex.
63% are confused about what’s pleasurable for a girl.
48% are confused about what to do during sex.
42% didn’t know that a girl can get pregnant during her period.
34% didn’t know that wearing two condoms at the same time is not more effective than wearing one.
20% didn’t know that a girl can still get pregnant if she’s on the pill.
Guys admit to feeling worried or anxious about…
73% the possibility of getting a girl pregnant.
77% say sex can be intimidating for a guy.
78% of guys say their girlfriend influences their decisions about sex.
*1,200 15- to 22-year-old males were surveyed online because of its high penetration (93%) among this population, but also because of the sensitive nature of the content of this survey, allowing young people to answer candidly (i.e., no adult interviewer) within the context of their preferred communications method.
Parents are the third greatest influence of guys’ decisions about sex…
53% have ever had a conversation with a parent about preventing pregnancy.
Though only 65% of those who’ve had a conversation say it was somewhat or very helpful to them.
Guys are more comfortable talking to mom about relationships, but more comfortable talking to dad about sex.





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Chances are parents know they need to tell their boys something about sex but aren’t sure where to start. As a result, television, friends and the internet often fill in the gaps, leading to confusion and misconceptions about what it means to be romantic and masculine. In this episode, Andrew Smiler, PhD, talks about his new book, a guide aimed at teen boys, in which he challenges the “myth of manhood,” and gives advice and tips on how to encourage boys to become sexually responsible and mature in their relationships.


Andrew Smiler, PhD, is a therapist and author residing in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. Smiler holds a PhD in developmental psychology from the University of New Hampshire and a master’s degree in clinical psychology from Towson University.

Smiler’s latest book is “ Dating and Sex: A Guide for 21st Century Teen Boys ” (Magination Press). He has also authored more than 20 journal articles and book chapters relating to boys, men, sexual development and identity issues. He co-authored the book “Challenging Casanova: Beyond the Stereotype of the Promiscuous Young Male.” Smiler is an associate editor (2015-2016) of the APA journal Psychology of Men and Masculinity and he was president of the Society for the Psychological Study of Men and Masculinity in 2011.

Audrey Hamilton : The sex talk is never an easy conversation. For boys, the questions about sexual consent, average penis size, how to ask someone on a date and how to decide when to have sex are often not asked and thus, unanswered. As a result, boys get their information from the Internet, the movies and their friends and end up coming to their own conclusions about what most guys think. In this episode, we speak with a psychologist about what most guys are really thinking and how that challenges masculine stereotypes. I’m Audrey Hamilton and this is Speaking of Psychology.
Andrew Smiler is a therapist and writer living in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. A developmental psychologist, Dr. Smiler is the author of the new book “Dating and Sex: A Guide for the 21st Century Teen Boy,” which is published by the American Psychological Association. He has also authored more than 20 journal articles and book chapters relating to boys, men, sexual development and identity issues and is currently an associate editor of the APA journal Psychology of Men and Masculinity. Welcome, Dr. Smiler.

Andrew Smiler : Thank you for having me. It’s a pleasure to be here.

Audrey Hamilton : So, the common assumption about teen boys is that sex is all they think about, right? All of the time. But there seems to be very little discussion out there about how to talk to boys about sex – romantic relationships. And just being a boy. Juggling various demands in their lives. Based on your research and your work with adolescents, do you think boys want more information that goes beyond your typical school health class? How do they juggle all that’s being thrown at them?

Andrew Smiler : That’s a great question and they absolutely want more information than what they’re getting. First off, we know that only about half of American teens get any kind of sexuality education in their middle schools or high schools. So, there’s a lot of kids that never really have that health class that talks about biology. And we know that most of those health classes don’t talk about relationships at all. At the same time, survey after survey, regardless of whether we’re talking to eighth graders or tenth graders or twelfth graders, about 80-90 percent of teen boys and similar numbers of teen girls tell us that they’ve been in a romantic relationship of some sort. That’s a much higher percentage than the number of kids who have had sex at any given time or any given age. So, there’s a whole lot of dating going on and only a fair amount of sexual activity, of course, the more they get older.
One of the things that I find when I talk to teen boys – one of the things that comes across pretty clearly in the research is that boys don’t have a good sense of understanding about how relationships work. This makes a lot of sense if you look at into the media content that’s geared toward teenage boys and compared to what’s geared toward teenage girls. If you’re watching shows or your sons are watching shows like “The Sweet Life of Zach and Cody” or if they’re watching “Harold and Kumar” or even the Avengers movies –there’s never any point in there where the guys actually talk about how relationships work. Certainly in the “Avenger” movies and “Ironman,” we see Tony Stark having all of these problems with women that he slept with and we get moments of his relationship with Pepper Potts, but there’s no kind of detailed discussion about relationship dynamics, about how does this relationship work. Do I trust you? Why do I trust you? Anything like that. If you look at shows that typically have female audiences, whether we’re talking “90210” or “Gilmore Girls” or “Pretty Little Liars,” that’s a substantial part of the conversation. Do I trust this person? Do I want to be physical with this person? How physical do I want to be with this person? I used to not like this person, now they’re trying to be my friend. How much did I trust them? Should I believe them? So boys are really kind of lacking a whole piece of education around how relationships work that girls get. And boys want that knowledge because they are having relationships and they want to know how they work.

Audrey Hamilton : Your latest book, again “Dating and Sex: A Guide for the 21st Century Teen Boy” is written for boys who are coming to terms with, like you say, the complex sexual world around them. As a therapist, what are some of the most common questions you get about dating and sex? And I’m also curious how parents can use this book as a way to talk with their sons about this?

Andrew Smiler : Wow, those are really good questions and I’m going to try not to get too complicated with the answer. With the boys I work with and even with the adult men I work with, there’s a lot of questions about how do I tell if someone’s interested in me or my partner and I had an argument or things aren’t going so well. How do I fix it? And again for boys, it tends to be about fixing things, because we tend to raise boys to be problem solvers and not so much about how they feel about what’s going on or how they feel about their partner that something’s going on. So as a therapist, I have a lot of conversations around those topics. Again, how do relationships work? How do feelings feed into those relationship dynamics?
One of the ways that parents can use the book is to give them ideas for how to start conversations. The book is written for kind of average, run of the mill teen boys, so there’s acknowledgement of stereotypes – acknowledgement of the things that teen boys get pushed into, like sports. And we know that somewhere north of 60 percent of teen boys play sports. Something like 80 percent follow at least one professional sport. So a number of examples throughout the book of the kinds of things that boys tend to be interested in. This is how a relationship might work in sports but here’s how it might be different if we’re talking about a romantic partner. And parents can use that kind of framework in those examples as they’re having conversations with their sons.
In regard to what are the most common questions that boys have about dating and sex, I actually start the book with an FAQ, a frequently asked questions list. One of the biggest ones that boys ask of any sexuality educator is about penis size. The average is about six inches. There’s much more detail in the book. The FAQ questions get answered in two or three sentences right there in the beginning with additional references to sections later in the book that provide additional detail.

Audrey Hamilton : I imagine the sex question is rather difficult for any parent, really. I know some mothers say, well, should I be having this conversation with my son? Should I leave it to my husband? Or what if I’m a single mom and I don’t have a husband around to help talk to my son about these issues? I’m not sure what your patients, your young patients say about that, but how do you address those types of difficult conversations?

Andrew Smiler : I’m going to start with the parent piece of that one. One of the things the research tells us – I certainly see this as a therapist – is that boys want information from someone that they can trust. For the vast majority of boys, the gender of that person doesn’t really matter. There is a small segment of the teen boy population that really wants that to come from a male. But for most boys, what is much more important than the biology of the person they’re talking to is their trust in that person. Whether or not they’re going to get good information. Whether or not that person is going to respect what the boy says as the conversation progresses.
When it comes to what to talk about regarding sex, we as adults are supposed to work with teens. We need to remember that there’s a large range of behaviors that fall under this umbrella of sex or sexuality, as I tend to refer to it. We can start with where most of our boys start, which is with things like kissing and holding hands and then work up to or down to (depending on how you want to think about it), more physically intimate kinds of sexual contact. But starting with, what does it mean to hold somebody’s hand? What does it mean to kiss somebody in public and kiss them like that in public? How do you know if you’re ready to kiss somebody or if you want to kiss somebody? If we can start with those discussions when our boys are maybe in fifth or sixth grade and there’s often a round of crushes and kind of dating. I remember having to apply to a group of girls to get a kissing license in fifth grade. That was how it worked in my class. That’s the point when we can start this conversation. And if we’re starting by talking about how do you know when you’re ready to hold hands. How do you know when you’re ready to kiss? Then, a couple of years down the road, we’re just changing the specific behavior. How do you know when you’re ready for ora
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