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There are many temptations to organize our life around the experience of earlier trauma. But that may short-change the future—which starts by our envisioning something better.
By Colin Allen published May 1, 2003 - last reviewed on June 9, 2016
Many teens, especially boys, feel pressure to have sex before they
are ready. According to research released this week, some 63 percent of
teens believe that waiting to have sex is a good idea, but few people
actually do.
One in three boys ages 15-17 say they feel pressure to have sex,
often from male friends. Teen girls feel less pressure--only 23 percent
said they felt such coercion. Researchers questioned 1,854 subjects
between the ages of 13 and 24 in a national survey.
The study, released by the Kaiser Family Foundation, also found
that teens feel strong pressure to drink and try drugs. The study
findings show a need for sex education at a young age, say the study
authors.
A separate study released this week, sponsored by the National
Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy , finds that one in five teens reported
having sex before they were 15. One in seven sexually active 14-year-olds
also said they have been pregnant.
Still, other research is not as pessimistic about teen sexuality .
Studies have found that teens were less sexually active during the 1990s
compared with decades before. The overall rate of sexual activity
declined by 5.7 percent, and the number of pregnancies, abortions and
sexually transmitted diseases also fell in the last decade.
Psychology Today © 2022 Sussex Publishers, LLC
There are many temptations to organize our life around the experience of earlier trauma. But that may short-change the future—which starts by our envisioning something better.
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Long Island mom of two Elizabeth Trinca said she’d never allow her kids to have sex in the house.
Mom of four Lauren Schmid would never let her kids have sex under her roof: “Not a freaking chance in hell.”
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Sex and the City? More like sex in the childhood bedroom.
Fans of the beloved HBO series were shocked when they tuned in for the reboot, “ And Just Like That …” last Thursday, and saw that the next generation was getting it on. Brady Hobbes — the now 17-year-old son of Cynthia Nixon’s Miranda (played by Niall Cunningham) — is in a hot and heavy relationship with his high school girlfriend, Luisa (Cree Cicchino). In an effort to go with the flow, Miranda and husband Steve have decided to let Luisa sleep over regularly — and are dealing with the gross consequences.
“I stepped on a used condom in Brady’s room this morning,” Miranda confesses to Carrie and Charlotte over brunch, mere moments into the “And Just Like That…” premiere. When her friends don’t react with sufficient horror, she adds, “Wait, I was barefoot at the time.”
Elizabeth Trinca said she immediately phoned her two sisters after watching this “oh hell no” scenario unfold.
“I couldn’t believe that Miranda was just allowing it to happen while she was home and picking up his used protection,” Trinca told The Post. “You need to have respect as a teen for your parents.”
Indeed, the mother of two from Long Island said she would never sanction that kind of behavior from her young son when he’s older. “I do not want to hear my son having sex. Do it when I’m not home.”
But other moms say they see the wisdom in Miranda’s permissive parenting.
“It’s not just a TV plotline — it’s a major reality check,” said Robin Gorman Newman, who has an 18-year-old son. “My trainer would tell me how the kids would rent out her gym to have parties and how they had to stand guard in the bathroom while the teens tried to have sex in the bathroom. It’s a thing.”
The Long Island founder of MotherhoodLater.com said that while she makes her son keep his bedroom door open when his girlfriend is at the house, she’d ultimately rather he have sex at home than in a random, and potentially dangerous, setting. “You don’t totally know what’s going on with your child … If teens want to have sex, they’re going to find a place to do it.”
Kimberly King, a certified early childhood education teacher and mom of three, agreed that that’s the big advantage of a liberal privacy policy with teens.
“Your child will not be trespassing on public or private property [if they’re having sex at home],” King said. “They won’t get charged with disturbing the peace or sex in public. They won’t have sex in the car,” she said, adding that it could also be a good opportunity to talk about “respect and boundaries.”
However, she warns that pitfalls can arise, especially if there are younger siblings around. “It can set a bad example for other kids in the house,” she said.
That’s precisely what happened when Long Island mother of four Christine Rose tried to turn the other cheek to the activity coming from her son’s bedroom downstairs.
One day, she said her 6-year-old son stood by the steps and exclaimed, “OMG — Danny’s bed is shaking really loud.”
“We all knew he was probably having sex with his girlfriend,” said Rose.
Still, she stands by her choice to let him explore his love life under her roof. “You have to be realistic as a parent today,” she said. “There’s really not much they can do to upset me. Teens will have sex and drink — you have to be real with them.”
Yet for author Lisa Milbrand, Miranda is letting things get a little too real in her Brooklyn brownstone.
“Set some boundaries already, Miranda,” she wrote in a blog for Parents online . “Like — maybe don’t let Brady’s girlfriend [sleep over] if you’re not comfortable with it? Even the coolest moms I know would definitely nip that in the bud.”
Mom of four Lauren Schmid doesn’t care if she comes off as uncool with her rules.
Would she let her pre-teens sleep with their partners at home one day, like Miranda and Steve? “Absolutely f–king not. It’s one thing for teens to be having sex, but to act like that in my home where I pay the bills? Absolutely not. It’s being so disrespectful. Not a freaking chance in hell. I’m not about to create opportunities to become an early grandma, either.”
The former New Yorker — who now lives in South Carolina — said that to avoid any confusion, she maintains ironclad ground rules. “No boys or girls in bedrooms — hanging out in the family room only.”
Schmid said that what was good enough for her as a teen is good enough for her kids. “I mean, I was that age and I would have died had someone’s parents heard me or saw me like that. I did the proper thing and sneak[ed] around.”
Additional reporting by Lambeth Hochwald
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People.com Crime Teen Allegedly Filmed 2 Other Students Having Sex in School Bathroom Then Shared It with Friends
Kyle Steven Bahner is accused of filming two other students who were in the middle of sex in a closed bathroom stall at Harrison High School in Kennesaw
By Harriet Sokmensuer May 09, 2018 06:10 PM
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Steven Bahner Credit: Cobb County Jail
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Teen Allegedly Filmed 2 Other Students Having Sex in School Bathroom Then Shared It with Friends
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A 17-year-old Georgia boy has been charged with a felony for allegedly secretly recording a video of two other teen students in the middle of sex in a school bathroom last week, PEOPLE confirms.
Kyle Steven Bahner faces a count of eavesdropping-surveillance for allegedly filming a male and female student — 16 and 15, respectively — while the latter two were engaged in a consensual sex act in a closed boy’s bathroom stall at their Atlanta-area high school on May 2, according to an arrest warrant obtained by PEOPLE.
Bahner allegedly reached over the bathroom stall and began to record the pair from above, the warrant states. He then shared the video with his friends and soon it spread throughout the school via social media and platforms, authorities claim.
Police say the video was recorded without the pair’s knowledge and was reported the following day by an assistant principal at Harrison High in Kennesaw. All three teens are students there.
• Want to keep up with the latest crime coverage? Click here to get breaking crime news, ongoing trial coverage and details of intriguing unsolved cases in the True Crime Newsletter.
“I took a video of a guy and a girl in a stall because I don’t see how they should let that happen and I was showing it to my friends,” Bahner allegedly told school administrators during their investigation, the warrant states.
He was arrested on Thursday after the school’s assistant principal reported the video to school district police. He was bailed out about an hour after his arrest, records show.
Under state law, Bahner is considered an adult for the purposes of criminal prosecution because he is at least 17 years old.
“This incident has been thoroughly investigated by school administrators and school district police. In addition to the criminal charge, appropriate action has been taken in accordance with the Student Code of Conduct,” the school district said in a statement to PEOPLE.
A district spokesman said he was unable to answer further questions.
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