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Teenager Jungfrau Hat Immense Sex Lust
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Health
By
Lia Tabackman
This article was medically reviewed by Rosara Torrisi , LCSW, CST, MSSW, MEd, PhD, a certified sex therapist at the Long Island Institute of Sex Therapy.
Our stories are reviewed by medical professionals to ensure you get the most accurate and useful information about your health and wellness. For more information, visit our medical review board.
Lia Tabackman is a freelance journalist covering health and science topics for Insider.com. She can be found on Twitter @LiaTabackman.
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If you have butterflies in your stomach, feel giddy when you see them and daydream about your life together, you might be in love. Or is it lust? At the beginning of a relationship, it can be hard to tell the difference between the two.
Lust and love are often thought of as two distinct feelings, but anthropologists theorize they exist on a spectrum that can be broken down into three categories:
"The most commonly understood distinction between lust and love is that lust is purely physical and sexual, whereas love includes care for someone well behind their function as a source of yearning and sexual gratification," says Alexandra Stockwell, MD , a Relationship and Intimacy Expert at Alexandra Stockwell Coaching and Consulting.
While the categories can overlap, different hormones and brain chemicals are implicated in each stage. Here's how you can recognize the signs of lust vs. love.
Love can be divided into two spheres — passionate and companionate.
Passionate love , also referred to as attraction or infatuation, is defined as a state of intense desire to be with another person. Emotional arousal and sexual passion are prominent features of passionate love, and people experiencing this type of love are usually distressed when their relationship goes awry.
When a person feels attraction towards another person or thing, the brain produces "feel good" chemicals like dopamine and norepinephrine that affect the same pathways associated with drug consumption and addictive behavior . This phenomenon explains the obsessive, euphoric behavior often seen in the early stages of romantic relationships.
Companionate love is characterized by strong feelings of intimacy, affection, and commitment to another person. It's often slow to develop and can be seen in close friendships and long-term romantic partners.
Companionate love involves the brain chemicals oxytocin and vasopressin which are associated with pair-bonding, like in the relationship between mother and child.
What the research says : A small 2014 study found oxytocin was significantly higher in new couples compared to single people. The elevated oxytocin levels remained during a 6-month follow up, and couples with higher oxytocin levels at the beginning of their relationship were more likely to stay together.
According to Stockwell, signs you may be in love include:
"Love feels like security, respect, and admiration and typically includes a sense of safety and commitment within a partnership," Neidich says.
In addition, Stockwell says both types of love can result in physical symptoms like sweaty palms, genital swelling or secretions, and the feeling of butterflies in your stomach — but lust can also cause these physical symptoms.
" Lust is purely sexual attraction which is often accompanied by physical arousal. Lust occurs both within loving relationships and external," says Haley Neidich, LCSW, a psychotherapist and relationship expert at Haley Neidich Consulting. "Lust is a natural human occurrence. Lust is not always something we act on, it is a sense of sexual interest."
According to Stockwell, you might be experiencing lust if:
Lust is an intense feeling that dominates our thoughts and can drive us to do things against our better judgment in order to satisfy longing, Stockwell says. Feelings of lust are controlled by the brain's hypothalamus, which stimulates the production of sex hormones testosterone and estrogen.
Relationship experts agree lust can turn into love — but warn that feeling lust does not guarantee an eventual loving relationship.
"Sometimes lust can lead to love and is often experienced within a loving relationship. However, the presence of lust speaks to absolutely nothing about partners compatibility long-term," Neidich says.
The blinding nature of lust means partners can miss potential "red flags" like dishonesty or selfishness, and have trouble determining if a sexual partner is a good fit for a serious relationship, according to Neidich.
Recognizing the difference between hormone-driven lust and real love can help you determine if there's more to your relationship than just sex. According to Stockwell, your relationship might be limited to lust if:
Love and lust are exhilarating emotions, but it's important to be able to distinguish between the two when navigating relationships.
"New love can feel intoxicating and exciting when a couple is first falling in love and imagining their life together. However, long term love that continues to feel "addicting" is actually quite concerning." Stockwell says. "That feeling of 'addiction' is often a major red flag that one or both partners may have a co-dependent attachment style which can lead to unhealthy partnerships."
The Best Sex Toys for Women Will Make Doing It More Fun For Everyone
The Best Solid G-Spot Toy: Njoy Pure Wand
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The best sex toys for women have come a long way—and made a lot of people come—from the humble beginnings of steam-powered vibrators and rubber dildos. It’s always been more a more wide-ranging category than the equivalent tools for men. (Though one look the best sex toys for men shows that changing in recent years.) And can be difficult for beginners to know exactly what to buy, whether you're shopping for yourself or a partner.
For guys, it can also be difficult to confront your own unease about sex toys if, for example, you’re insecure about your sexual prowess, or worried that you’ll be upstaged by a vibrator. But it’s important to remember that a sex toy cannot cuddle with your partner, or whisper filthy compliments in her ear, or remember exactly how she likes to be touched—so you’re better off viewing sex toys as your allies, not your adversaries, in the pursuit of pleasure.
Because the “ orgasm gap ” is still as wide as ever: straight men report climaxing during sex much more frequently and consistently than straight women, largely because most women’s main pleasure source–the clitoris–is all but ignored in typical heterosexual penis-in-vagina sex. But the good news is that sex can be so much more than inserting tab A into slot B, especially once you start incorporating tools other than the one between your legs. These days, having lube or a couples vibrator or even a prostate massager in your nightstand is just a sign you like feeling good—it's the kind of thing you can get on Amazon these days. Because sex is more for for everyone when everyone is having fun, you know? So here are some of the best sex toys aimed at women (or anyone else with a vulva).
This toy has a fervent fanbase, which might explain its frequent appearance in porn—and it got even better when its maker introduced a cordless, rechargeable version in 2015. It may not be the most versatile or discreet massager in the world, but its impressive vibrations more than make up for what it lacks in subtlety.
They say that good things come in small packages, and this vibe is a prime example. Its petite size makes its powerful vibrations all the more remarkable. It’s also waterproof so it’d be an ideal companion for bathtime masturbation or your next shower rendezvous.
Toys like the Womanizer use rhythmic pulses of air to create a clitoral sensation that’s somewhere between sucking, tapping, and vibration. This one has an “autopilot mode” that makes it feel even more like oral pleasure from a real live human (especially when well-lubed ).
This luxe metal plug is blissfully smooth, compatible with all lubricants, and heavy enough to be pleasantly noticeable but not so heavy as to be uncomfortable. Though it also comes in small and large versions, the medium one is an ideal size for most anal newbies.
Like any vibrator worth its salt, this one is powerful—but what really makes it stand out is its shape, which is so good that the toy can provide profound pleasure when rubbed against the G-spot whether the vibrations are on or off.
Dual-stimulation vibes—like the classic rabbit vibrator—are notoriously annoying to shop for, because the distance between the clit and the vaginal opening varies so much from person to person. This one bucks that trend with its super-flexible clitoral arm, which allows for much more variance in anatomy and also enables you to thrust the toy in and out without losing clitoral contact.
This gorgeous toy’s solid stainless steel construction makes it ideal for applying firm pressure to the G-spot. Just prepare to be in the splash zone if your partner is a squirter. (Waterproof poncho, anyone?)
Some guys’ insecurities make them feel envious or resentful of sex toys, especially realistic ones— but if you can work past those feelings, there’s a lot of freaky fun and mutual satisfaction to be found with a toy like this. Its dual-density material and gentle curve are terrific for G-spot stimulation, and can also hit your prostate if you decide to flip the script and get pegged.
This cute little weable vibe uses a magnet to stay affixed to its user’s underwear, so she can position it hands-free however she wants and it’ll stay put while she walks around (or writhes around, as the case may be). Since this vibe can be controlled via a remote control smartphone app, it’s perfect for surreptitious satisfaction.
This Bluetooth-controllable toy is a fave of many webcam performers, who let their fans titillate them from afar using Lovense’s well-designed app. With its rumbly motor and lightning-fast responsiveness, it’s also the best option for long-distance couples who want to keep their sexual connection strong while they’re apart.
The fabled simultaneous orgasm may not be all it’s cracked up to be, but if it’s what you’re after, the We-Vibe Sync can help facilitate it. It’s meant to be worn during sex, stimulating the wearer’s G-spot and clit simultaneously, while also feeling plenty good for the person penetrating her.
Clitoral stimulation is the missing ingredient from standard P-in-V sex for many women, and the simplest solution is a slim, unobtrusive vibrator she can use on herself during the act. The Zumio focuses ultra-fast movement into a tiny tip for intensely pinpointed pleasure.
It may look like a medieval torture device, but this hilariously hideous vibrator actually feels like nothing else on the market—in a good way. It oscillates, rather than vibrating, so the sensations it creates feel deeper and it’s less likely to cause the temporary numbness some people report from vibration. It also comes with multiple attachments, so you can experiment with different shapes and textures.
Many vibrators under $20 are made of porous materials known to cause irritation or infections, like PVC or rubber. This one, on the other hand, is made of body-safe plastic, has multiple speeds, is waterproof, and can provide internal or external stimulation. When it comes to cheap vibes, this one is a diamond in the rough.
While this aluminum-bodied vibrator is too heavy and bulky to earn the distinction of best wand, it’s inarguably one of the strongest vibes on the market. Anyone who just can't get enough will love this one.
Slip this silicone attachment onto a standard-sized wand (like the Magic Wand Rechargeable or Doxy Die Cast, above), and you can instantly harness all those powerful vibrations into a shape that targets the G-spot. This attachment is also ideal for people who like clitoral vibration but prefer it to be more focused than the broad head of a typical wand.
Many G-spots crave fast, firm pressure that can get tiring to provide by hand. This innovative toy physically thrusts back and forth against that spot, freeing up your hands to do other things.
This toy is called the Eleven because it’s 11 inches of satisfying steel; that much metal comes at a price, but for fans of big and deep penetration, it’s well worth it. The double-ended design gives you more bang for your buck, so to speak – and maybe you’ll save on gym costs, because you can definitely skip “arm day” after ploughing somebody with this toy.
The Best Vaginal Plug: Hole Punch Fluke
Okay, so it might be one of the only vaginal plugs on the market, but still. This toy is great for applying pleasurable pressure against the G-spot while you do other stuff, like kissing, external fingering, or oral sex.
These elegant clamps are adjustable, so they should suit nervous newbies and seasoned sadomasochists alike. Tug on the chain between them whenever you think the wearer needs a twinge of sexy pain, you delightful pervert, you.
The Best Strap-On Harness: SpareParts Joque
Whether pegging is a frequent part of your sex life or just an item on your bucket list, this harness is a fantastic choice. It’s comfortable, adjustable, fits a wide range of dildo sizes, and features a pocket that holds a small vibrator for clitoral stimulation for full sensory overload.
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