Teenage Dating Parenting Advice
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Parental Guidelines for Teen Dating
What rules and guidelines should we set for our teenager who wants to start dating?
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Home » Family QAs » Get Help » Family Q&A » Parenting Q&As » Parental Guidelines for Teen Dating
Most Christian parents tend to fall into two different camps when it comes to teen dating. Some believe that dating is never appropriate and encourage their children to follow a courtship model. Others feel that dating can be a positive experience for teens provided they are mature enough and the parents know and trust the dating partner.
Before deciding how you’re going to proceed, it’s crucial to realize that contemporary dating is radically different from what it was when the majority of today’s parents were kids. Sexual promiscuity is rampant, even among Christian teens, and many young people receive little or no moral guidance from their parents. Binge drinking, date violence, and even date rape are far too common. In light of this, we would advise that boys and girls under the age of seventeen should not be allowed to go out on one-on-one dates. There are simply too many dangers associated with this kind of activity. Instead, they should be encouraged to participate in group dates with a number of Christian friends who share their moral and spiritual values. Even then, mom and dad should make sure that they are well acquainted with the other kids in the group and their parents.
Some parents may feel comfortable allowing a mature, responsible seventeen- or eighteen-year-old to go out on individual dates. It’s their call, of course, but here again we believe it’s crucial that mom and dad know their child’s dating partner and his or her parents well. They should also bear in mind that while eighteen-year-olds may be legally considered “adults,” the fact remains that many of them haven’t developed the maturity to monitor and control their own actions in a dating situation. If an older teen displays maturity, common sense, and sound moral judgment, dating can play an important role in his or her growth and development. It can also teach them how to relate to the opposite sex in a healthy way and to recognize the character qualities that are truly important in a marriage relationship.
If your child is under seventeen years of age, we’d recommend that you sit down with together and map out some specific guidelines for relationships with the opposite sex. Encourage them to mingle with both boys and girls in a mixed group setting, such as a church youth group. Talk about pursuing a commitment to sexual purity and make it clear that, for the time being, there can be no question of unsupervised dates. Then you can promise to revisit the dating question after he or she turns seventeen if your child displays the necessary signs of maturity and sound judgment at that time.
If you’d like to discuss these questions at greater length with a member of our staff, feel free to contact our Counseling department .
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Most parents have some fears of the day their child will start dating. It is the big sign that they’re growing up and are entering adulthood. But it’s important to remember that they do still need you now and this is a normal development phase of the teen years. There are also things you can do to make dating easier for both of you.
Talk to your teen about what a good relationship is. While you may think your teen already knows how to date, they probably don’t. Most of their information comes from media that’s meant to be entertaining, not realistic. Make sure your child understands what it means to be in a loving and supporting relationship. Once you’re done talking, set a good example in your relationship with your significant other.
Once your child starts dating, don’t stop talking to them about relationships. Dating doesn’t always go as you expect; your child may need someone to come to if they have a problem. You need to keep the lines of communication open and also reiterate to them how they should treat people and expect to be treated in a relationship.
When it comes time to meet your teen’s date, be kind and respectful. While you may want to give a lecture on the rules; their date is not the one you should be talking to. It is your teen’s responsibility to know your rules and follow them. Also, while you may not like the person your child is dating, be supportive. If you have taught them about a proper relationship, then you should trust them to make their own decisions. Only intervene if you think the relationship is dangerous for your child.
As a parent, it is important for you to recognize the danger signs of an unhealthy or abusive relationship. If you have a concern, talk honestly with your child and ask other’s for help. Here are some clues that your child’s relationship may be in trouble.
It may be hard to see your child growing up and finding new people to get close to, but if you take the right steps and teach them how relationships are supposed to be, they’re much more likely to make the right choices.
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