Teenage Dating Age Difference

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Verywell Family's content is for informational and educational purposes only. Our website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
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Amy Morin, LCSW, is the Editor-in-Chief of Verywell Mind. She's also a psychotherapist, international bestselling author and host of the The Verywell Mind Podcast.
Medically reviewed by Ann-Louise T. Lockhart, PsyD, ABPP on April 25, 2021
Ann-Louise T. Lockhart, PsyD, ABPP, is a board-certified pediatric psychologist, parent coach, author, speaker, and owner of A New Day Pediatric Psychology, PLLC.
The prospect of your teen starting to date is naturally unnerving. It's easy to fear your child getting hurt, getting in over their head, being manipulated or heartbroken, and especially, growing up and leaving the nest. But as uncomfortable or scary as it may feel to consider your child with a romantic life, remember that this is a normal, healthy, and necessary part of any young adult's emotional development.
But what exactly does teen dating even look like these days? The general idea may be the same as it's always been, but the way teens date has changed quite a bit from just a decade or so ago.
Clearly, the explosion of social media and ever-present cellphones are two of the biggest influences on the changing world of teen dating—kids don't even need to leave their bedrooms to "hang out."
This quickly morphing social landscape makes it more challenging for parents to keep up, figure out how to talk with their teens about dating, and establish rules that will keep them safe. To help you navigate this unfamiliar territory, there are five essential truths every parent should know about the teen dating scene.
While some teens will start dating earlier than others, romantic interests are normal and healthy during adolescence. Some kids are more overt or vocal about their interest in dating but most are paying attention and intrigued by the prospect of a romantic life, even if they keep it to themselves.
According to the Department of Health and Human Services, dating helps teens build social skills and grow emotionally.1 Interestingly, teens "date" less now than they did in the past—perhaps in part due to the influx of cell phones and virtual social interactions.
In 1991, only 14% of high school seniors did not date, while by 2013 that number had jumped to 38%. Of kids aged 13 to 17, around 35% have some experience with romantic relationships and 19% are in a relationship at any one time.
But regardless of when it starts, the truth is that most teens, especially as they make their way through high school and college, are eventually going to be interested in dating. When they start dating, you’ll need to be ready by establishing expectations and opening a caring and supportive dialogue about these topics.
Just like starting any new phase of life, entering the world of dating is both exciting and scary—for kids and their parents alike. Kids will need to put themselves out there by expressing romantic interest in someone else, risking rejection, figuring out how to be a dating partner, and what exactly that means.
New skills in the realms of communication, caring, thoughtfulness, intimacy, and independence collide with a developing sexuality, limited impulse control, and the urge to push boundaries. Your teen may also have some unrealistic ideas about dating based on what they've seen online, in the movies, or read in books.
Real-life dating doesn't mimic a teen Netflix or Disney movie—or porn. Instead, first dates may be awkward or they may not end in romance. Dates may be in a group setting or even via Snapchat—but the feelings are just as real.
Today's teens spend a lot of time texting and messaging potential love interests on social media. For some, this approach can make dating easier because they can test the waters and get to know one another online first. For those teens who are shy, meeting in person can be more awkward, especially since kids spend so much time tied to their electronics at the expense of face-to-face communication.
Understand that early dating is your teen's chance to work on these life skills. They may make mistakes and/or get hurt but ideally, they will also learn from those experiences.
It's important to talk to your teen about a variety of dating topics, such as personal values, expectations, and peer pressure. Be open with your teen about everything from treating someone else with respect to your—and their—beliefs around sexual activity.
It can be helpful to outline for your kids what early dating may be like for them. Even if your perspective is a bit outdated, sharing it can get the conversation started. Ask them what they have in mind about dating and what questions they may have. Possibly share some of your own experiences.
Go over the topics of consent, feeling safe and comfortable, and honoring their own and the other person's feelings. Most importantly, tell them what you expect in terms of being respectful of their dating partner and vice versa.
Talk about the basics too, like how to behave when meeting a date's parents or how to be respectful while you're on a date. Make sure your teen knows to show respect by being on time and not texting friends throughout the date. Talk about what to do if a date behaves disrespectfully. Talk to your child about safe sex.
Additionally, don't assume you know (or should choose) the type (or gender) of the person your child will want to date. You might see your child with a sporty, clean-cut kid or a teen from their newspaper club, but they may express interest in someone else entirely.
This is their time to experiment and figure out what and who they are interested in. Plus, we all know that the more you push, the more they'll pull. Your child may be interested in someone that you would never pick for them but aim to be as supportive as you can as long as it's a healthy, respectful relationship.
Be open to the fact that sexuality and gender are a spectrum and many kids won't fall into the traditional boxes—or fit the exact expectations their parents have for them. Love your child no matter what.
Your parenting values, your teen's maturity level, and the specific situation will help you determine how much chaperoning your teen needs. Having an eyes-on policy might be necessary and healthy in some circumstances but teens also need a growing amount of independence and the ability to make their own choices.
Aim to offer your teen at least a little bit of privacy. Don't listen in on phone calls or eavesdrop on private chats, and don't read every social media message. Keep tabs on what you can, especially if you have any concerns about what is going on. You can certainly follow your child's public posts on social media. You'll need to follow your instincts on how closely to supervise what your child is doing.
Inviting your child to bring their friends and dates to your house is another good strategy as you will get a better sense of the dynamic of the group or couple. Plus, if your child thinks you genuinely want to get to know their friends or romantic partners and aren't hostile to them, they are more likely to open up to you—and possibly, less likely to engage in questionable behavior.
While it's not healthy to get too wrapped up in your teen's dating life, there may be times when you'll have to intervene. If you overhear your teen saying mean comments or using manipulative tactics, speak up. Similarly, if your teen is on the receiving end of unhealthy behavior, it's important to step in and help out.
There's a small window of time between when your teen begins dating and when they're going to be entering the adult world. Aim to provide guidance that can help them succeed in their future relationships. Whether they experience some serious heartbreak, or they're a heart breaker, adolescence is when teens begin to learn about romantic relationships firsthand. 
Talk openly with your child about sex, how to know what they're ready for, and safe sex.
Expect that your child may feel uncomfortable talking about this stuff with you (and may even be explicitly resistant) but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't try. Offer advice, a caring ear, and an open shoulder. Make sure they understand that anything put online is forever and that sending a nude photo can easily backfire—and be shared with unintended recipients.
Don't assume they've learned what they need to know from sex ed, movies, and their friends—tell them everything you think they should know, even the obvious stuff. They probably have questions (but may not ask them), and they've likely picked up misinformation along the way that needs to be corrected.
As a parent, your job is to keep your child safe and to help them learn the skills they need to navigate healthy relationships. As your teen matures, they should require fewer dating rules. But rules for your teen should be based on their behavior, not necessarily their age.
If they aren't honest about their activities or don't abide by their curfew or other rules, they may lack the maturity to have more freedom (as long as your rules are reasonable). Tweens and younger teens will need more rules as they likely aren't able to handle the responsibilities of a romantic relationship yet.
Here are some general safety rules you might want to establish for your child:
Consider that how you parent your child during this new stage can have big ramifications on their future relationships (romantic and otherwise), the lifestyle choices they make, and the mature adult they become. The more open and supportive you can be with them, the better. After all, if something does go awry, you'll want them to know that you're always in their corner.
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Verywell Family uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
U.S. Department of Health & Human Services Office of Population Affairs. Healthy Dating Relationships in Adolescence. Updated March 25, 2019.
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Verywell Family's content is for informational and educational purposes only. Our website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
Ⓒ 2021 About, Inc. (Dotdash) — All rights reserved
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As tweens become teens and Facebook links replace friendship bracelets, dating ensues, leaving many parents wondering, what’s the best age for teens to begin coupling up?
The answer depends on a variety of factors, including personality and maturity level. It’s obvious a lot has changed among teens in recent years. For one, group dating is more popular than ever (not to be confused with double dating, this is when girls and boys hang out en masse, usually at a mall or a restaurant). As a result, fewer boys are actually asking girls out on one-on-one dates. All but gone are the days when an invite to a movie came by way of a phone call or a shy, in-person meeting. These days girls and boys are more likely to ask each other out via text or direct messages on social media. But while the culture of teen dating has evolved, has the age at which it starts changed, and when exactly is the best time?
On average, kids begin group dating at 12-and-a-half for girls and 13-and-a-half for boys, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics. By the time they hit 15, most begin pairing up.

There’s a stark difference between early daters and those who wait until they’re old enough for a learner’s permit. Boys and girls who start dating between the ages of 11-and-a-half and 13 may experience more academic and behavioral problems than their peers, according to a study published in the Journal of Adolescence. Their lack of maturity leaves them ill-prepared to handle some of the common emotions and issues that couples face, and without many peers going through similar experiences, they’re left to figure things out for themselves. Researchers also cited an increase in the risk of unsafe sex, alcohol use, and more, according to the Wall Street Journal. The majority of teens studied didn’t begin dating until about age 13, and the so-called late bloomers were around 15. Neither of these latter groups appeared to experience any major social or emotional difficulties.

It’s worth noting that plenty of teens aren’t just dating, they’re already having sex: A CDC study found that about 43 percent of teenage girls and 42 percent of teenage boys had had sexual intercourse at least once.
Most recommend 15 and 16 as the ideal ages to begin dating. For Ron Eagar, a pediatrician at Denver Health Medical Center, the magic number is 16. “There’s an enormous difference between a fourteen- or fifteen-year-old and a sixteen- or seventeen-year-old in terms of life experience,” he told HealthyChildren.org, the website for the AAP.
“Sixteen — and even a bit older — is a good age for dating, provided that the teen is mature,” Leslie Beth Wish, a psychologist and clinical social worker, told SheKnows. “Maturity can be measured by willingness to participate sufficiently in household chores, treating others with respect, getting good grades, and managing emotions.’”
The important thing is not to make children feel bad about their feelings, even if you think they’re too young to have them. “Parents should never minimize or ridicule a first love,” Dr. George Comerci, a Tucson pediatrician, told HealthyChildren.org. “It is a very important relationship to teenagers, and it’s important for another reason, in that it is their first intimate relationship with someone outside their family.”
Some experts warn against waiting too long to allow kids to date. Donna Thomas-Rodgers, PhD, suggests allowing teens to go to group dances and supervised events at 14, on group dates at 15, and on individual dates at 16. “When teens start at 15 years old with actual group dating, you can support the child’s dating choices and supervise their decisions,” Thomas-Rodgers told SheKnows.
“I think it would depend on the maturity level. I was raised that a girl does not go out with a boy unless she has a chaperone. Being the sneaky teenager that I was, I paid my brother to scram!” — Erica Diaz, Chino, California.
“Forget about it. You will have absolutely no control over the situation.” — Stephanie Wood, New York City.
“Seventeen because at that age they’re old enough to make their decisions and transitioning from junior to senior high.” — Maritz S., Miami, Florida.
“Sixteen. I’m not driving you on a date.” — Carina H. Wytiaz, Provo, Utah.
“Twenty-five.” — Robert Hearn, Orlando, Florida.
It’s perfectly natural to wonder if your child is ready to begin dating. After all, it probably seems like just yesterday you were buying action figures and setting up tea parties. No one knows your child better than you, so consider his or her maturity level, and perhaps ask the opinions of parents of teens whom you respect. So long as kids’ grades aren’t suffering and nothing else is falling by the wayside, let them progress from friendships to dating at their own pace. And whatever you do, don’t overthink it. The vast majority of first loves never make it past high school. Just keep an eye on your teens, and let them know they can come to you if they need you.

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