Teenage Christian Dating

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Take an in-depth look at what the Bible says about sex, romance, dating and marriage.
Dating and sex are some of the most common issues that Christian teenagers want to discuss with their youth leaders.
If you’re a Christian teen, odds are you’ve wondered how dating and sex fit into God’s plan for your life - which is great! It's so important that we wrestle with topics like this, and make sure that we're honouring God with our whole lives.
In this Christian Teen’s Guide to Dating and Sex, we’re going to take a look at what the Bible says about dating and sex, and answer a few of the most common questions about this topic that we've received here on Fervr.
As Christians, we turn the Bible as our primary source of wisdom for how we live, so let’s begin by taking a look at what the Bible says about this dating and sex.
I’ve got some bad news, unfortunately… the Bible says nothing about dating!
In Biblical times, both the Old and New Testament, the vast majority of marriages were arranged by the families of the couple. They didn’t get much of a say in who they married, and there was certainly no dating period in which couples “tried out” the relationship.
That doesn’t mean all Christians should have arranged marriages today. Instead, when we want to think about dating in our modern context, we have to look at what is timeless in the Bible – most importantly, we have to look at what the Bible says about marriage.
In the Bible, marriage is the first human relationship that God creates. After he makes Adam and Eve, they become the first married couple – committed to one another before God.
Even after the fall, marriage remains a key part of God’s plans for humanity. It is still his intention that men and women come together in exclusive relationships, for the purposes of loving each other and growing together in godliness – and to make more people!
Plus, since Jesus, marriage has had another special purpose: representing the relationship between Jesus and the church. Ephesians 5:25-27 explains:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
Married couples have a special responsibility: to represent this sacrificial relationship to the world. It’s a great joy but also means we need to take marriage very seriously!
The Bible is very clear about sex: it is for husbands and wives in the security and privacy of marriage.
Inside marriage, sex is a beautiful, bonding activity that connects a couple deeply and can lead to the conception of children. Sex inside marriage is meant to be enjoyable and loving.
Sexual activity outside of this God-ordained marriage is sinful, and the Bible warns strongly about sexual immorality throughout the Old and New Testament. Check out 1 Corinthians 6:13 , 1 Corinthians 6:18 Galatians 5:19 , Ephesians 5:3 , 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 for just a few references.
Because marriage, according to God, is between a man and a woman, that means that sexual activity between same-sex partners is also not ok in God’s eyes, even if they are married in the eyes of the law of a state or country.
Now that we’ve taken a look at what the Bible has to say about dating, marriage and sex, let’s address some of the questions that you might be wondering about, as you seek to follow God in this area.
Since there’s no dating in the Bible, there are no guidelines that tell us exactly what dating is for. But wise Christians have figured out over the past few centuries that dating (or courting or going out or whatever you call it!) should be used for one main thing: to find someone to marry!
Now that we don’t have arranged marriages, dating is what we do instead to find a suitable person to marry. Keeping this end goal in mind is important, because if you’re dating someone you can’t see yourself marrying, you need to ask why you're in that relationship.
Christians don’t just date for fun, or to have someone to hang out with on a Saturday night. We date for a purpose.
Since dating for Christians should look towards finding someone to marry, it makes sense that you shouldn’t date a non-Christian.
2 Corinthians 6:14 says it clearly: " Do not be yoked [joined] together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"
There are obviously other important things to consider when picking someone to date, including how old they are, your common interests, and of course whether they are nice to you! But if you want to marry a Christian, date a Christian.
If you date a non-Christian, consider what will happen:
Even if you’re young, dating is still preparing for marriage. It's just not wise to date a non-Christian! You can read more about this in this article.
Since dating is preparing for marriage, some people think it makes some sense to save dating until you’re old enough to get married.
His four main reasons to save dating for after high school are:
All that being said… there is definitely no rule around this area. Your church might teach something different, and that’s ok! Since dating isn’t in the Bible, different Christians are going to have different ideas around issues like this one.
If you do choose to start dating a long time before you get married, be aware of the challenges you may face.
The younger you are, the more casual you should keep your relationship. Save serious talks about the future for when you’re older, hang out with friends and family more than alone, and think seriously about your physical boundaries.
Speaking of physical boundaries… this is the biggest question Christian teens seem to have around dating!
But it’s actually the wrong question to be asking. 1 Corinthians 6:18 tells us to “ flee from sexual immorality ”.
Asking how far you can go with your boyfriend or girlfriend is like playing a game of soccer, and trying to see how close to your own goal you can get the ball. It’s just not what you’re supposed to do – you should try to keep the ball as far away as possible. In the same way, you should try to stay as far away from doing something wrong sexually when you are dating.
That will mean setting some boundaries with your boyfriend or girlfriend. You might consider boundaries like the following:
If you’re serious about your sexual purity, you might like to ask a trusted adult to keep you accountable. If your parents are Christians, you could even ask them. Nothing helps avoid a sexual mistake like a parent who insists on keeping your bedroom door open.
Don’t forget – while physical boundaries are important, emotional boundaries are also significant. Guard your heart as well as your body, taking things slowly. Make sure you maintain your friendships, so you have another person to talk to other than just your boyfriend or girlfriend! You can find out more about this idea in this article .
If you’re considering dating, or just want to think more deeply about this topic, here are some questions to help you:
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A new era has arrived. You finally have kids old enough to start dating. And you are slightly terrified. You remember back to your dating days and the not-so-wise decisions that you made. Some of us may have even made choices that carried along lifetime consequences for us and others. Truly we have learned that “hindsight is 20/20”. We DO want our children to move forward and find a solid Christian partner to spend their lives with.
Molly came home bouncing off the walls a few weeks ago. “He’s SO cute,” she told her mom. “Maybe I should ask him out first!” Off to her room she flew and mom was left holding the side of the kitchen counter, clearing her throat. “Now where did she learn that?” She wondered.
Once long ago, we gals learned that asking a guy out was not appropriate, but times have changed. Commonly, girls are the ask-ers and as Christian parents, we should be willing to also allow our girls, in appropriate situations, to make that first move. Nowhere does God state that He is against this in His Word. In fact, He empowers women throughout the old and new testament to make decisions and provide wise leadership.
Actively listening to your teen (vs planning what you will say next) is an important step in gaining the information needed to help guide them. Are they of age to date and expressing interest? If so, it is time to start enforcing the information you’ve already raised them with and help support them in their endeavors.
My son once brought up a relationship between two friends that he was concerned about. We were able to talk about some unhealthy patterns of behavior and he later recognized the same patterns in his new girlfriend. He had already learned that God is not pro-manipulation or pro-controlling of another human being. He already learned that we as humans are equal and that a true relationship is about service and love. It took him a while, but he did remove himself from the relationship as more issues became evident.
There are times when it seems my teens barely speak to me, so this recommendation to listen is not just about words. Listening includes hearing their silence and seeking to connect with them. Helping them to remember that they are a priority to you. And listening to their non-verbal communication such as body language.
Watch for signs of unhealthy relationships and friendships. Here is a great early relationship checklist of what to watch for in the other party, including things like a push for quick involvement, jealousy and isolating activities. If you see any of these behaviors, or if your teen is exhibiting them, it is time for a discussion and potentially some outside help. In fact, to prepare my kids, we talk about these things when we see them happen around us. On the news, in the store or down the street. In Proverbs 27:12, the Bible says that the prudent see danger and take refuge.
Be aware also of any changes in usual behavior/activities in your teen. “I don’t understand my daughter,” a mom recently told me. “She usually is pretty happy but has been in her room for most of the past week.” This is not normal teen malaise. Silence and changes in behavior speak volumes. Mom needed to follow up and when she did, she learned that her daughter had experienced a traumatic experience on a date. Work at not being defensive or overly questioning when something comes to light and do not take it personally when your teen has not shared with you. Focus on the issue and how you can be most helpful.
My husband has a great phrase. It is “tell me more”. We often use this at our house. It not only ensures the kids of our interest but when I use it, it reminds me to focus on them and not how just now hearing about something has thrown me a curveball. “So train your heart to listen when I speak and open your spirit wide to expand your discernment— then pass it on to your sons and daughters.” (Proverbs 2:2, TPV)
Even as teens, our children find security in a home environment where they are listened to, have boundaries and consequences and most importantly, your love. And although we cannot save them from the heartache a dating relationship might cause, we can help them make good choices. As they look to us-so it’s also important that we are making wise choices in our relationships, whether that is with a significant other, in-law, parent, friend or sibling. Be a good example, listen and watch your teen, be there for them, pray ceaselessly for them and provide that stable, at-home love that they so need. Those are all tools that will guide them to make healthy and appropriate dating decisions.
Julie Bonn Blank is a national freelance writer, inspirational website designer, pastor's wife and survivor of domestic abuse. She is married with four children and a grandchild on the way. She, her husband, youngest son and fur-baby Mocha reside near the coast of Oregon. She can be reached at her website https://juliebonnblank.com
Copyright © 2022 · Blogs By Christian Women · Articles From Christian Women Bloggers · Terms and Conditions · Privacy · Cookie Policy · DCMA Policy · Affiliate Policy · Content Policy

Kelli Mahoney is a Christian youth worker and writer. She previously worked as an administrator for NXT, a high school Christian youth group.

Mahoney, Kelli. "What You Need to Know About Christian Teen Relationships." Learn Religions, Sep. 27, 2021, learnreligions.com/relationships-and-christian-teens-712234.
Mahoney, Kelli. (2021, September 27). What You Need to Know About Christian Teen Relationships. Retrieved from https://www.learnreligions.com/relationships-and-christian-teens-712234
Mahoney, Kelli. "What You Need to Know About Christian Teen Relationships." Learn Religions. https://www.learnreligions.com/relationships-and-christian-teens-712234 (accessed October 16, 2022).

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Christian teens form all kinds of relationships. From friendships to dating, these are the years that Christian teens start building ties outside of the family. While these relationships are an exciting time for Christian teens, they also come with their own issues and hazards. Suddenly the issues of sex and boundaries start to arise, and teens find themselves having to choose sides on "hot button" topics like homosexuality and abortion. There is a lot of growing to do in all aspects of relationships, and having Biblical and Christian guidance is essential.

Friendship is the foundation of any good relationship. Whether you are looking to make friends or keep the ones you have, friendship is important in any Christian teen's life. This is also why Christian teens need to work at keeping their friendships strong. Think of the traits that are important in any relationship like honesty and trust, and they apply to your friends. Avoiding pitfalls like gossip and lying go a long way in building friendships that last a lifetime.

Dating is the part of many Christian teens' lives. Whether you are choosing not to date or looking to set boundaries in your dating relationships, there is a lot to consider when you take a relationship to the next step beyond friendship. Knowing what you want from a dating relationship and finding ways to resist temptation will allow you to build a productive and Christian dating relationship.

The Bible covers sex quite a bit , and for good reason. Sex is a beautiful thing meant to be experienced by a married couple. Yet a lot of teens are already having sex, not realizing the emotional and physical consequences. Other Christian teens are not having sexual intercourse, but doing everything but "going all the way." This brings up the question, "How far is too far?" Knowing what the Bible says about sex and understanding the lies teens tell themselves about sex can help you remain abstinent and focus on purity.

There is a lot of controversy when it comes to Christian teens and relationships. For some Christian teens, hot button items like homosexuality, masturbation , and abortion are clear-cut sins. Other Christian teens see "shades of gray" in the Bible scriptures. However, understanding the arguments on both sides will help you remain strong in your own faith.

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Amber is Managing Editor for DatingNews. She has written more than 1,600 articles about dating experts, dating advice, and dating news. When she's not writing copy, you can probably find her at the dog park with a book in hand.
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