Teen World Sex
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Parenting Teens - Christian Family Resources
Her mind raced, somewhere lost in the tragic words that tumbled from her daughter’s voice. The truth spilled out. Tears flowed, hearts broken, spirits grieved. She wanted to make it all OK. Guilt plagued her every thought. She longed to turn back time for another chance at doing things right.
“I should have listened more.” “I should have been there more.” “I should have been more aware.” “Maybe she should have just been on birth control,” her thoughts swirled round and round, still finding it hard to accept what was true.
Living under the weight of the “should have’s” is a heavy burden to carry. The enemy’s voice whispers condemnation, shame, and guilt deep down to hurting souls, reminding that the line had been crossed. Defeated thoughts wrap like chains around the future. Bright tomorrows now darkened by the reality of all that was lost, colors of gray casting bleak shadows.
This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Out of control. Off balance. Pressured and stressed. Where was truth in it all? Where was God?
This story happens all too frequently in many homes today. Raising kids in a world saturated with sex and technology demands more attention than ever from parents. Hard reality hits square in the face when presented with unsuspecting information. Pornography found on a phone. Lewd pictures. Suggestive texts. Premarital sex. Teen pregnancy.
In a world that says sex before marriage is “normal and expected,” anything else is seen as ancient and rather archaic thinking. “Did God really say….?” the voices of our culture ask, lured by the same similar voice that confronted Eve in the garden that one fateful day. “Surely he did not mean…” Doubts rise, we try to rationalize behavior and choices to fit into a neat box of acceptance and updated thinking.
As parents, we can’t be too busy to listen. We can’t just assume kids are safe. We can’t shy away from difficult topics because we’re unsure of what to say. But here’s what we can do. We can make the choice to stay aware and keep doors of communication open and honest. We can equip our young people with truth, not just what we think, but what God says about it all. We can empower them to know it’s OK to say “no,” in a world that presses them to say “yes.”
Whether or not we decide to talk openly and honestly with our kids, our culture most assuredly will. It’s been talking, already, straight to hearts and minds, for a very long time. And it has quite a lot to say - about sex.
The good news is this, we’re not alone. God has a lot to say about sex too. After all, he created it. And it seems to me that the soundest of wisdom would come straight from the One who thought it all up.
1. “If you really loved me, you’d sleep with me.” Lie. The truth says love is patient and it is not self-seeking (1 Corinthians 13:4-5).
2. “We’re planning to get married anyway. We’ll be better prepared if we go ahead and start acting like we’re married.” Lie. The truth is you do not need to “practice” being married or practice having sex. God’s boundary for sex is reserved for marriage (Hebrews 13:4).
3. “It’s not that big a deal.” Lie. Truth says it is a big deal. It’s a huge deal. You are choosing to become “one” with that person (Genesis 2:24, Colossians 3:5).
4. “We’re both consenting adults, it’s not hurting anyone.” Lie. The truth is, it’s hurting you, and anyone else involved (Hebrews 12:1).
5. “We all have sin issues. Sex is just the same as any other sin.” Lie. Though it’s true, we do all struggle with sin, his Word also says that sex outside of God’s design is different than all other sins, because you are sinning against your own body. God will forgive any sin, no matter what we’ve done. But sexual sin affects us deeply and there are great consequences involved that we may have to live with (1 Corinthians 6:18, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-7).
6. “You might as well get your teens on birth control, they’re going to have sex anyway.” Lie. The truth is not all young people are having sex before marriage. Many are choosing to wait. But the mindset of the world will make you think you’re the odd one out. Providing birth control and condoms to your teen is like giving them a free pass to engage in sex, sending mixed messages and creating confusion over what is really right or wrong. It may prevent some things from physically happening, like a pregnancy or STD, but it is never going to protect one’s spiritual and emotional needs from harm (Romans 6:1-2).
7. “Everybody else is doing it. And they’re all having a great time.” Lie. Really? Truth digs deeper than the latest Hollywood flick. Have you looked into the darkness of the moments that linger after sex? The morning after? The guilt that plagues? The feelings of distrust, betrayal, shame, or rejection? Have you followed a soul through the anxiety of wondering if she is pregnant? Or into the clinic with the one that needs to be treated for a STD? Is it all really as great as the world seems to scream? (Romans 8:1-2, 9).
8. “It’s too late for me anyway. I might as well keep on having sex, since I’ve already said yes once.” Lie. The truth says that God forgives our wrong, restores, and redeems our lives. It is never too late to start over. Ever. Just because you’ve said “yes” before, does not mean you can’t begin now to say “no” (1 John 1:9).
9. “God just doesn’t want me to have any fun in life.” Lie. The truth says he desires that we live incredible, free, full lives. He’s not out to ruin fun. He’s not an old fashioned God who just doesn’t “get” today. He knows you. He created you. And he is out to set you free and longs to give you the best life possible. There is safety in boundaries. There is security in his protection (John 10:10).
10. “You can do everything else, as long as you refrain from actual sex.” Lie. Truth says “flee” from sexual immorality. That covers it all. Because God knows how difficult this temptation can be, it’s the one area that he doesn’t say to stand and fight. Nor does he say, “Go as close to the line as you can, but don’t cross it” - he tells us to run from it. All of it (1 Corinthians 6:16-20; 1 Corinthians 10:13)
Sometimes it seems easier to just “fit in” with the norm. But following the mindset of popular culture will often leave you feeling betrayed, misguided, and take you down a spiraling path that you never intended to go.
It really comes down to this question. Who will we choose to listen to? Who will our kids listen to?
The latest trends and media messages? Or the Truth that sets us free?
The Bible isn’t based on changing trends. It doesn’t shift with the latest hot topics. It isn’t an old fashioned book with no significance for today. It doesn’t speak with shades of gray but with clarity and wisdom. It is living and active, relevant for our culture, for this technology driven, sex saturated world.
Because the truth is this, God never changes. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
There is power in the One who breathes new life. Who gives hope. Forgiveness. Courage. To live differently. And set apart.
Sex is a gift. And the best gifts in life often come with the greatest cautions. Enjoying this gift within the boundaries of marriage, the way that God intends, is worth the wait. Always.
Debbie McDaniel is a pastor's wife, mom to three amazing kids and a few too many pets, dramatist and writer. She has a heart to communicate God's hope though the everyday moments of life - the good, the bad, the ugly, and the ones that take your breath away. A lover of every sunrise, forever needy of His grace, this Texas girl finds joy in the simple gift of each new day. Debbie invites you to join her at www.freshdayahead.com, and Facebook and Twitter.
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As a new mother herself, Brenda Lohman admits to being shocked by the results of a new study she co-authored. It found that among nearly 1,000 low-income families in three major cities, one in four children between the ages of 11 and 16 reported having sex, with their first sexual intercourse experience occurring at the average age of 12.77.
"So if 12 years was the average age here, that meant that some kids were starting at 10 or younger," said Lohman, an Iowa State University associate professor of human development and family studies (HDFS). "A handful of kids reported having sex as early as 8 or 9. We know from our follow-up interviews that one boy who reported having sexual intercourse for the first time at age nine had fathered four children by the time he was 18."
"Those people who say that kids don't have sex at that young of age should think again," she said. "Definitely the age is the most shocking thing about this study."
Tina Jordahl, a former Iowa State HDFS and public policy graduate student who is now a market research specialist with Hospice of Central Iowa, collaborated with Lohman on the study. It analyzes data from the "Welfare, Children and Families: A Three-City Study" -- a six-year longitudinal investigation of low-income families living in Boston, Chicago and San Antonio. Their paper, titled "A biological analysis of risk and protective factors associated with early sexual intercourse of young adolescents," was posted online in the Children and Youth Services Review and will be published in an upcoming issue of the journal.
Interview data for the study was first collected in 1999 on youth between the ages of 10 and 14, and again in 2001. Lohman says she also has data collected in 2006 from the same subjects, who were between 16 and 20 by that time.
Boys having sex earlier, more often than girls
In the study, boys reported their first sexual intercourse at younger ages (averaging 12.48) than girls (13.16). Boys also had nearly 10 percent higher frequency of intercourse than girls and were also more likely to experience sexual debut (20 percent to 14 percent) between the two years when the first two waves of data were collected.
Recent national research has found that 13 percent of girls and 15 percent of boys have had sex by the time they're 16. Lohman says that means the rate of sex among her low-income sample is only slightly higher among the girls, but almost double among the boys
"The ages [of sexual debut] are a bit younger than the national samples, but not alarmingly so," she said.
African Americans also had 12 percent more early sexual intercourse than whites (29 to 17 percent respectively), although racial differences did not change the age of their first intercourse.
The authors report that periods of instability in family structure and welfare use serve as risk factors for early sexual activity. They found that additional maternal education -- beyond a high school level -- was found to inhibit some of that activity.
"That can be for multiple reasons," Lohman said. "It can be that mothers have better paying jobs and more stable home environment and they're less likely to be in stressful circumstances. It could also be that mothers then have greater cognitive capacities to sort of sit down and discuss the pros and cons of waiting to have sex until you're older."
For that reason, the researchers propose allotting public funding to increase maternal education as a way to reduce early sexual promiscuity among their children.
Juvenile deliquency increases early sexual activity
The study also found the youths' involvement in delinquent acts drastically increases the chances of early sexual activity.
Because of the gender differences in sexual debut, the authors also urge more gender-specific prevention programs that are implemented at earlier ages, especially among high risk populations.
"It may be that boys and girls, starting at younger ages, should have these programs that are designed separately by gender before they're moved back together over time," Lohman said. "And yes, they must start much, much younger than they do now. You have to start before those young kids -- 10 or even younger -- start becoming sexually active."
Lohman is currently working on research to determine the relationship between obesity and teen sexuality. She hopes to publish results from that study within the year.
Materials provided by Iowa State University. Note: Content may be edited for style and length.
Iowa State University. "Low-income Kids Report First Sexual Intercourse At 12 Years Of Age In New National Study." ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 19 August 2009. .
Iowa State University. (2009, August 19). Low-income Kids Report First Sexual Intercourse At 12 Years Of Age In New National Study. ScienceDaily. Retrieved June 17, 2021 from www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/08/090817142855.htm
Iowa State University. "Low-income Kids Report First Sexual Intercourse At 12 Years Of Age In New National Study." ScienceDaily. www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/08/090817142855.htm (accessed June 17, 2021).
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Low-income Kids Report First Sexual Intercourse At 12 Years Of Age In New National Study
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/08/090817142855.htm
A new study of nearly 1,000 low-income families in three major cities found that one in four children between the ages of 11 and 16 reported having sex, with their first sexual intercourse occurring at the average age of 12.77.
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Teen World Sex
