Teen Want Sex

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Our conversations are sprinkled with slips, pauses, lies, and clues to our inner world. Here’s what we reveal when we speak, whether we mean to or not.

By Alison Calabia published July 1, 2001 - last reviewed on June 9, 2016

While the media bombards us with alarming statistics about the
number of teenagers having sex, few reports shed light on what might
encourage teens to become sexually active in the first place. Three
studies offer some insight into sexually active teens: environment, age
of partner and perceived family support may affect young people's
decisions to have sex.
In a study presented at a meeting of the American Public Health
Association (APHA), researchers at the University of Kentucky followed
950 teenagers at 17 high schools in Kentucky and Ohio from 9th to 11th
grades. They found evidence that teens who have intercourse tend to think
their friends are too, even if they're not. "You're 2.5 times more likely
to have sex by the 9th grade if you think your friends are having
sex -- whether or not they really are," says Katharine Atwood, assistant
professor at the Kentucky School of Public Health. Plus, teens tended to
overestimate how many of their friends were sexually active. Only 33
percent of kids in the study had had sex by the 9th grade, but 31
percent said that most or all of their friends had had sex. "If you can
persuade them that fewer are having sex than they think," she says, "that
can have a significant impact on their behavior."
Among young girls, a partner's age is a risk factor for sexual
activity. "The younger the girl is at the age of first intercourse, the
more likely she is to have a much older partner," says Harold Leitenberg,
Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Vermont. His study,
published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, found that of 4,201 girls
in 8th through 12th grades, those who lost their virginity between
ages 11 and 12 tended to have partners five or more years older. For
girls who had sex later in adolescence , the partner's age disparity was
much smaller. Early sexual initiation was also associated with a number
of behavioral problems. "Ignoring the age of the partners, the earlier a
girl was when she first had intercourse, the greater her risk of suicide
attempts, alcohol use, drug abuse , truancy and pregnancy ," Leitenberg
says.
The good news is that while teen sex may not be wholly preventable,
the health risks it involves can be reduced through communication within
the family. More research presented at the APHA meeting showed that
frequent parent-child discussions about sex and its dangers may prevent
teenagers from engaging in risky sexual behavior. Researchers at Emory
University questioned 522 sexually active African-American adolescents
about the openness and support that their families provided. Adolescents
who felt that their families were more supportive were less likely to
have unprotected sex, and thus were at a lesser risk for pregnancy and
disease.
Psychology Today © 2022 Sussex Publishers, LLC

Our conversations are sprinkled with slips, pauses, lies, and clues to our inner world. Here’s what we reveal when we speak, whether we mean to or not.

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How Teen Guys Really Feel About Sex!
How do teen boys honestly feel about sex and relationships? Seventeen Magazine and The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy partnered on a survey of 1,200 15-22-year-old guys to find out!

Sex Isn't Necessarily the First Thing on a Guy's Mind

They're More Interested in Relationships Than Sex

Being Intimate Is Actually Quite Significant to Boys

Though Some Admit to Being a "Player..."

Teen Guys Actually Really Want Relationships (Even if There is no Sex Involved!)

Guys Know Sex Can Change Everything

Double-Standards Still Exist Between Guys and Girls

Guys Actually Respect Girls Who Say No

Guys Will Listen to Girls When it Comes to Birth Control

It Doesn't Take Much to Convince Him to Use Protection

But Guys Are Confused About Their Role

Guys Admit to Being Anxious About Sex

Girls Have a Powerful Influence Over Their Boyfriends

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45% of guys in this sample are still virgins and 40% are not looking for sex or hook-ups.
Many are not in a rush and may actually regret moving too fast:
45% have had sex with someone and regretted it afterward, and almost half say it's good to wait to have sex until you're married.
Two-thirds (66%) agree that they, personally, could be happy in a sex-free relationship.
Their future is more important to them:
58% would rather get into their dream college than have sex with their dream girl.
From society: 78% say there is way too much pressure from society to have sex.
From friends: 14% have lied to stop friends from pressuring them to have sex.
Even from girls! 21% have been pressured by a girl to go further sexually than they wanted to and 56% often feel relieved when a girl wants to wait to have sex.
So many say they lie to appear cooler or protect their reputation:
60% admit they’ve lied about something related to sex and 30% have lied about how far they’ve gone sexually.
53% say they won’t have sex with someone unless they really love her.
The first time is a big deal for guys, too:
80% of virgins / 67% of non-virgins say their first time will be / was a big deal and 95% would rather have sex with someone they love than a random girl.
75% would choose to WAIT to lose their virginity to someone they love than to lose their virginity as soon as possible.
40%* had sex with someone when they knew it meant more to her than it did to them.
11% pressured a girl to go further sexually than she wanted to.
* the percentage of guys who have had sex
49% are looking for a serious relationship.
66% would rather have a girlfriend with NO sex than have sex but NO girlfriend.
35% worry that sex will change their relationship.
Sex can make someone stay in a relationship for the wrong reasons…
22%* stayed in a relationship, strictly for the sex.
28%* say having sex with someone for the first time had a negative effect on the relationship: 24%* lost interest in her, 11%* lost respect for her, and 9%* broke up with her.
74% say having sex with someone won’t make them stay in a relationship they don’t want to be in.
* the percentage of guys who have had sex
53% say having lots of hook-ups makes guys more popular (but 76% don't think the same of girls.)
Though more than half of guys describe girls who carry condoms as…
Safe (57%), Responsible (55%), Careful (54%)
A large percentage also describes them as…
Promiscuous (42%), Easy (34%), Aggressive (23%)
84% say they have more respect for girls who stop a hook-up if they aren’t ready or comfortable and 73% have more respect for girls who say no to sex.
Even though guys are, admittedly, risk-takers…
69%* admit to risky behavior when it comes to sex.
57%* admit to having had unprotected sex.
44%* have had a pregnancy scare with a girl they’ve had sex with.
* the percentage of guys who have had sex
83% would gladly wear a condom if a girl asked (Only 6% would refuse).
66% would gladly go get birth control with a girl if she asked (Only 11% would refuse).
93% would claim equal responsibility with a girl if he got her pregnant.
83% say both the guy and girl are equally responsible to get birth control or protection to prevent pregnancy.
87% their own desire to prevent pregnancy.
Guys admit to being confused about…
70% are confused about how to know whether or not a girl wants them to initiate sex.
70% are confused about what a girl expects from them after sex.
63% are confused about what’s pleasurable for a girl.
48% are confused about what to do during sex.
42% didn’t know that a girl can get pregnant during her period.
34% didn’t know that wearing two condoms at the same time is not more effective than wearing one.
20% didn’t know that a girl can still get pregnant if she’s on the pill.
Guys admit to feeling worried or anxious about…
73% the possibility of getting a girl pregnant.
77% say sex can be intimidating for a guy.
78% of guys say their girlfriend influences their decisions about sex.
*1,200 15- to 22-year-old males were surveyed online because of its high penetration (93%) among this population, but also because of the sensitive nature of the content of this survey, allowing young people to answer candidly (i.e., no adult interviewer) within the context of their preferred communications method.
Parents are the third greatest influence of guys’ decisions about sex…
53% have ever had a conversation with a parent about preventing pregnancy.
Though only 65% of those who’ve had a conversation say it was somewhat or very helpful to them.
Guys are more comfortable talking to mom about relationships, but more comfortable talking to dad about sex.

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When do you know when your kid is old enough to have sex and wants to have someone sleep over at your house?
This question is perplexing many of my friends at the moment, the ones with teens around 15, 16, 17.
As with most parenting dilemmas, I had to figure this one out on my own a few years earlier than my friends because their kids are mostly younger than my eldest. I’m not sure if I got it right or wrong. But I’m happy with my decision and I’m happy to share how I came to making it.
My son had his first serious girlfriend at age 16 and she was a year older than him. It was a lovely relationship and lasted almost a year. The first time he asked if she could stay over, they had already been together a few months. I said sure and then I made her sleep on the couch in another room.
I have no idea what happened after I went to bed but I can guess because I’ve been 16.
Luca rolled his eyes at the fact he even had to go through the motions of separate rooms. He thought it was ridiculous. But I was adamant.
You can follow Luca on Facebook, here .
I thought a lot about it. And eventually I realised I was being silly. I was also being a hypocrite.
Before I did a backflip and allowed her to sleep in his room, I reflected on my beliefs:
I also reminded myself that my son and his girlfriend were both over the legal age of consent. The law says they are old enough to have sex.
Sure, my parents didn't allow sleepovers before I was 18 but that didn't stop me having sex or even slow me down ( you can read about that here ). And just because I had certain rules growing up, being a parent is about making your own.
So that's how I came to allow my son's girlfriend to stay overnight in his room. With the door closed.
Here are some of the things you might be wondering at this point:
Yes, I had younger children in the house. Still do. At that time they were five and eight. But whenever they had sleep overs, their friends slept in the same room so it's not like they were aware of any big difference for their brother. And a 'bad' example? Again, see my beliefs above. Even if they did realise their brother was having sex (they didn't), there are lots of things older people do that young kids know they can't. Like drinking alcohol. Driving a car. Going out at night. Paying taxes.
Mia talks about her reasoning on the latest episode of Mamamia Out Loud:
Excellent question. Yes, my eldest child was a boy. Perhaps I would have felt differently if he were a girl but I don't think so and I don't plan to have different rules for our daughter. Let's see how my husband and I feel about that when the time comes......although based on the risks for girls having sex in parks and at parties and being filmed, it could be argued that it's even more important for them to be able to have their partners stay over.
This worried me for a bit. Was I responsible for upholding rules or boundaries for other people? In the case of my son's girlfriend, she was a full year old than him and I'd met her mother and spoken to her on the phone before when she'd joined us for a few days on holidays. If she'd raised sleeping arrangements with me I would have asked what she was comfortable with and then willingly complied.
But she didn't so I decided it wasn't my business to police what someone else's child was or wasn't allowed to do. My house, my rules. And my rule is that sleepovers in the same room was OK - for my son in this situation. Every parent has to make their own decision based on their own circumstances and their own kid.
In case you think our house is some kind of teenage sex den, let me alleviate you of that delusion.
My son has never had a girl I didn't know stay over. Or if he has (he probably has), they've been gone by the morning and I've been none the wiser. I assume he put them in an Uber to make sure they got home safely and treated them with the utmost respect because that's how he's been raised ( he wrote more about that here ) and that's the kind of man he is.
Now he is 19 and has another girlfriend and she stays over regularly and we all adore her and how can any of that be a bad thing?
What they do behind closed doors is none of my business.
As a parent, it can be hugely confronting to think about your kids having sex. I KNOW.
If they're little right now, the whole concept can feel surreal.
It's on par with thinking about your parents having sex.
I'm sorry for that mental picture. Please replace it with this image of me wearing a ridiculous outfit:
In my book, Work, Strife, Balance I have written more about sex and teenage girls, in particular. It's a hugely fraught area for parents. All my friends with teenage daughters are traversing terrain that feels far more complex and nuanced (and frightening) than my relatively straightforward decisions about my son.
So much of parenting, in my 20 years of doing it with mixed results, is about sorting what you feel you SHOULD do from what you believe, what you want to do and what your child wants.
I'm completely comfortable with my rules around sex under my roof even though I realise that the ability to have sex freely at home has always been one of the main motivating factors for kids moving out of home. Banning sex sleep-overs is a guaranteed way to empty your nest sooner rather than later.
So my kids will probably all be here until they're 30. I'm cool with that.
They have to buy their own condoms though. You have to draw the line somewhere.
Listen to the full episode of Mamamia Out Loud here:

Do you agree with Mia? At what age is it ok for your kids to have 'sleepovers'?

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Sorry, completely irrelevant to this discussion, but I just wanted to praise you for the article about the non-heroism of cadel evans and sports stars in general - couldn't agree more, and very sorry to hear about the backlash. We definitely need more people that think about sport the way you do!
Why does the majority think sex is the be all and end all of human existence anyway? Ever heard of teaching something called self-control? We are not animals. I mean we are but we like to think we aren't. Self-control is an unfashionable skill in these hedonistic times, but it is actually very useful and important. How are you going to have a long, proper relationship and stick with that one person for life if you are always chopping and changing girlfriends and boyfriends every few months when you get bored with that person? When my parents got married they hadn't had sex with anybody and theirs was a lifelong, stable marriage. They were well into their twenties therefore, before having sex. Most teenagers don't have the emotional maturity to start having sex anyway. Sex is not a recreation or a sport believe it or not.
Oh come on, did you read what wrote? With most (not all) teenagers all they think about IS sex. Either they are doing it, wanting to do it or thinking there was something wrong with them if nobody wants to do it with them. As parents it's our job from an early age to be open and honest and be prepared to reply to the hard questions as well as provide them with the tools should they want to act on their feelings. Teach them to respect their bodies and not be afraid to experiment if they so choose. I believe you're fooling yourself if you think your parents weren't thinking about sex even if they never acted on it. Social norms of the day restricted couples acting on feelings out of fear of repercussions given that "marriage" was seen as the ultimate in coupledom. You're right in that teenagers don't have "emotional maturity", just lots and lots of hormones, so instead of condemning their thoughts and actions, give them the emotional stability to get them through this extremely tumultuous period of their lives.
there isn't a hard question about sex, the hard question is why the children [young people] are not guided at first to get an education.

By Lindsey Murray Published: Apr 12, 2017
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