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10 Myths About Lesbians You Need to Stop Believing Now
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No, we don’t all love the ​The L Word​.
Forget everything you think you know about lesbians. Well, not everything. Some truths remain undeniably unavoidable (say, for example, that whole 'being attracted to women' thing), but for some reason our identity also comes with a bunch of misconceptions and stereotypes that range from casually cute to potentially dangerous. Of course, some stereotypes exist for a reason. Personally, do I own at least 10 beautiful flannel shirts? Yes, proudly. I also own around 30 pairs of Converse and I literally have a rainbow tattooed on my body. However, I am fully aware that the next girl I swipe right for on Tinder might hate rainbows and think flannel is downright atrocious. Is nothing sacred anymore? Who can we trust?! Just kidding...
Lesbians may share a label, but most of us couldn’t be more splendidly different. Since today is Lesbian Visibility Day, it’s time the world acknowledge how diverse lesbians and our culture can be instead of lumping us into a few key words and cultural icons. Of course, we can’t really hear that kind of ignorance over the blare of Tegan and Sara’s greatest hits while The Ellen DeGeneres Show plays in the background, but we know it’s there and we're demanding change. So here are the top 10 misconceptions about lesbians — study up because we're about to turn those perspectives around.
10. Lesbians are looking at you in the locker room.
No matter how far we progress as a society, there are always going to be those people who feel ‘uncomfortable’ sharing a locker room with LGBT folks. Well, here’s some news for you: we’re in the locker room to change clothes. Maybe to shower. Probably to put on some deodorant. Definitely not to convert you to the wild ways of women-lovin’. At the most, we might ask you where you got your cute yet practical workout clothes, but that’s about as crazy as it might get.
9. You can identify a lesbian by their flannel.
Careful with this one. Flannel is hella in right now, and straight girls are all over it just as much as we are. Take it from someone who’s made this error herself — flannel does not equal lesbian. You can ask that girl wearing an adorable flannel to drinks, but you might just end up with a lovely heterosexual friend.
Oh, The L Word. We are slowly drifting away from this being the main hub of of all lesbian entertainment content, but for some reason it lingers as beacon of references. Personally, I’m much more of a South of Nowhere girl myself, but here’s the thing — all lesbians don’t need to watch or identify with a show exclusively about lesbians. What we’d really love are some more fully realized, compelling queer characters in all sorts of films and TV shows. Honestly, give us as many as possible, but The L Word is not the be all and end all of our television queues. Some of us really don’t even like it. But shhh, we can’t really say that out loud...
7. Lesbians are all super athletic.
Let me tell you how bad I am at softball. They put the ball on a string in middle school and I still couldn’t hit it. Ladies, do not feel like a failure because you can’t hit a home run or literally connect your bat to a ball under any circumstance. There’s a world of stuff for us to be good at out there, and it’s not always gonna be sports.
6. Every lesbian a woman meets is in love with her.
In certain circles, when someone comes out as a lesbian some ladies think that’s the equivalent of being asked to prom. However, here’s really all we want to happen when we come out to you: we want you to know how we identify. You’re on a mighty high horse if you think all people who are attracted to women might be in love with you.
5. Lesbians have major problems with boys.
Beware the “man-hating lesbians!” Donate your sperm and we can live entirely without you forever! I joke, I joke. Despite the fact we often get quite seriously accused of this, we’re perfectly fine with dudes. Some aren’t the best, of course, but neither are plenty of women. Lots of people just aren’t great. But if we're really generalizing an entire gender, we wouldn't be that great either. Men, you can stay, and we even enjoy your company! We just don’t want to make out with you.
4. Every lesbian couple “U-Hauls” immediately.
Let’s be real, “U-hauling” (moving in together immediately) certainly can be a thing. A U-Haul-associated Twitter account even acknowledged that itself when marriage equality was legalized. Sure, we see a lot of our friends moving in after a few dates, and wonder if we're next, but a lot of lesbian couples come with two sets of apartment keys. We can date and be just as afraid of commitment as anyone else! And yes, we can side-eye our friends who are “U-hauling” and shake our fists a bit at the stereotype coming true because this really doesn't happen to everyone.
3. Lesbians can’t understand their sexuality without dating or being in a relationship.
Oddly, there are people in the world who might try to fight your sexuality if you’ve never been in a relationship with a woman or don’t date. "But how do you really know you're a lesbian" is always a fun question to get asked. It’s perfectly possible to know who you’re attracted to without being wrapped in a person of that gender’s arms. In short: you just know. If you're still figuring it out, you shouldn't have to defend your journey or personal life to anyone. And you definitely shouldn't feel pressured to date simply because you need to ‘defend’ your identity.
2. Lesbian sex isn’t as valid as sex between a man and a woman.
Wow, do my heterosexual friends have a lot of question about lesbian sex. Let me assure you; we’ve got this under control. We want for nothing. Hell, we’re might even be having a lot more fun than you. So to those folks out there who are worried that lesbian sex isn’t all it can be and more, please find other things to worry about.
1. All lesbians fit into the butch or femme dichotomy.
Especially in previous decades, the butch or femme dichotomy was a pretty substantial part of lesbian culture (you can add Stone Butch Blues to your reading list for more information). Now, however, those lines can be and are often blurred. Of course, many lesbians do identify as such and there’s no problem with that at all, but don’t go around assuming labels based on style or stereotypes. Short haired girls can be femme! Girls with long hair can be butch! Oftentimes labels like butch and femme need not apply at all, and at the end of the day, we’re all just cute girls with great haircuts.
Check out Teen Vogue’s December/January issue cover star, Fernanda Ly.
The young person’s guide to conquering (and saving) the world. Teen Vogue covers the latest in celebrity news, politics, fashion, beauty, wellness, lifestyle, and entertainment.
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