Teen Titans Ass

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Bob Haney, George Kashdan, Bruno Premiani
The Teen Titans, also commonly known as The Titans, New Titans, The New Teen Titans, The Mini Justice League, or Those Meddling Kids, is a group of teenaged superheroes out to prove to the world that they are just as good as their older counterparts. Originally founded under Nightwing after he went solo, the team changed into more of a partying crew than the former protege of the Batman would have liked, leading to the team being dismantled and remade several times since its first incarnation. Instead of constantly fighting crime like Nightwing had originally wanted to, the team now centers around sex, drugs, and booze.
After Nightwing left Batman's side and journeyed to Blüdhaven, Nightwing had quickly learned that its hard out there for a sidekick. He was completely and utterly destroyed by the Sesame street mafia. They left him for dead twenty miles outside Gotham City, dazed and confused, but most of all, utterly humiliated. As he struggled to return to civilization, his mind ran through the idea of combining forces with a group of sidekicks to fight crime.
The original team consisted of Nightwing, The Original Kid Flash, the pupil of the Flash, Aqualad, sidekick to Aquaman, Wonder Woman's younger sister, the first Wonder Girl, and Green Arrow's sidekick, the first Speedy. Early on, Nightwing managed to pull the team together enough to face off criminals, such as Mister Twister, Doctor Light, and even Deathstroke, the scourge of the Titans. The teams spark died after Nightwing's decline in power spiraled out of control. Aqualad left the team for awhile, leaving several other teenaged heroes to fill the place for brief periods of time, such as the Psychic Lilith Clay, Mal Duncan, the somewhat more experienced brothers Hawk and Dove, and the Caveman Gnaark. All of these teens noted that with Nightwing in charge, the team would never rise to fame like they had that first year.
The team relapsed in 1973, after a huge fight between the team and Nightwing. Around this time is when the team started partying. Speedy would sneak in drugs and alcohol into the sub basements of the Titans Tower, away from the prying eyes of their leader, who was always on the lookout for crime. The truth about the years between '73 and '76 was that Nightwing worked solo, while the Titans were in the Tower getting fucked up. By the time they entered the crime fighter scene again, they all were more worried about where their next hit would come from rather than what the enemy had at his disposal.
In '76, after new member Bumblebee joined up, Titans West was established, who's members included Batgirl, Golden Eagle, the Joker's daughter Duela Dent, and even the former Titans members Hawk and Dove. This renewed the Original Titans need to get into the fight, but it was shortlived. The sidekicks were just getting to old to be a 'Teen' Titan. At least, thats what they told the press. In reality, Nightwing had finally found out about the Rave Parties in the basement and had called in the JLA to bust up the team. The Titans never knew it was really Dick that betrayed them to the fuzz, but it probably wouldn't have suprised them. The team disbanded, and the older heroes moved on to bigger and better things.
Nightwing had a few unfortunate years. Wally West, who felt bad for his old friend, "accidentally" slipped the idea of making a new titans crew, which led to Wonder Girl, Kid Flash, and Nightwing to make a new team.
The new team brought in new teenagers as pupils, such as Doom Patrol's Beast Boy, the former football player turned machine Cyborg, and the alien whore Starfire. A Goth "Empath" character named Raven helped form the last of the team after her demonic father Trigon the Terrible, tried to take over the world. The JLA had refused her, so she had to trust in the Titans to deal with him. Nightwing led them into battle, only to find, to his suprise (but not to the surprise of his teamates), that Cyborg stepped in and led in the absence of his skill.
Raven stayed on after the ground breaking defeat of her moody father. The team became both a success and a great party group, where, unlike before, Nightwing even participated. This was mainly because he had fallen in love with fellow teammate StarFire. Starfire, however, showed no interest in settling down to a one man relationship. She basically had sex with just about every man on team, and, quite possibly, some of the women. Nevertheless, he pursued her like a dog on a bone.
Deathstroke the Terminator, who fought the Titans in that first year, had grown with time. He'd become one of the best assassins on the planet. He was out for blood against the Titans, for they were the only ones to ever beat him. So, he managed to brainwash a Earth controling girl named Terra and get her in to the titans.The plan was soiled by the Titans, but only just that. Deathstroke would later find out that his son, Jericho, would join the Titans.
As time passed, Nightwing feel out. He was drinking more and more. After Kid Flash moved on to become the lash and leave the Titans in favor of the JLA, Cyborg approached him and had a discussion that maybe being on a team wasn't his thing anymore, that all that time alone had made him more of a solo hero. This actually pleased him, because that's what he had always wanted, ever since he had left Batman. He ducked out under his own choice, with the agreement that he could come back at anytime. Starfire even gave him some goodbye sex a goodbye kiss. Donna troy stayed on, despite getting married to some gay professor dude.
The Titans numbers grew with every month, and reserve Titans were common. New Titans of the time included Phantasm, Pantha, Red Star, Impulse, Damage, Green Lantern (Kyle Rayner), Supergirl, Rose Wilson, Minion, and Baby Wildebeest, though most were merely reserve members. A newer team had been created, which included Captain Marvel Jr., but failed in most of their jobs because Captain Marvel has no earthly uses and can't fight for shit.
Even with such setbacks, The Titans were in a time where they thought they couldn't go wrong. They would soon learn that this was not the case.
One day the crew were all at the Tower for an anniversary celebration, smoking a drinking and having a good time. Then the wall blows apart, and Superman walked in. The crew scurried to hide the booze and drugs, but the supposed Superman just picked Omen off of his feet and crushed his throat. The Titans go into action, attacking him left and write, literally tearing the New York Tower apart. By the end of the long battle, The robot had taken the lives of Omen and Donna Troy, leaving the Titans in grief.
Raven has an emo freak out after her father takes over her body, and attacks the team. She is killed in the conflict, further killing the teams setup.
The team divided. Some tried to keep the old ways open, by creating a titans west or recreating Young Justice, but the days of the titans had died with Donna Troy. The other original members were either long gone, dead, or done with the Teen titans.
The days of the old fashion Titans were over. Could an old mentor bring the younger Teens into the New Teen Titans?
Cyborg had spent those years in between in a gas spa, taking carry of a nasty case of rust foot and fixing his motors. Starfire had made a name for herself on the corners of Las Vegas and in the rooms of the cities finest. Raven had spent a few years in hell with her Daddy, and Beast Boy had a disastrous line of movies and documentaries published. After the group found out about Raven's return and her fear of being caught by h er boyfriend, they all got together at the old Los Angeles Tower and devised a plot to bring back the Titans.
And so the recruiting began. Batman's new Robin was brought into the fold almost immediately, along with Superboy, the clone of Superman and some bald stoner. The new Wonder Girl was brought in soon after, much to the anger of Wonder Woman. Bart Allen, also known as Impulse, the new protege of the original Kid Flash, Wally West. Not long after the team was formed, a series of events led to a massive fights on the streets of LA, pitting Jericho, former member of the Teen Titans in his father's body, against the new Titans. Although they were successful, Bart was shot in the leg and had a major high rush, leading to him donning the mask of Kid Flash. Cassie met Aries, the god of war, and got something a bit more powerful than that shitty Lasso of Truth. Cyborg got his head blown off, but had it repaired. And poor Beast Boy had to turn himself into a tapeworm.
Immediately after these events, Cassie and Superboy started to get it on on the top of Titans Tower, when Wonder Woman, enraged that her protege left to join the Titans, stopped them before one thing led to another. Or rather, just before one thing went in to another. She started pulling Cassie along by the hair, but was stopped by Starsire, who believed Cassie should have the right to do what she pleased. What followed was the biggest wet dream any nerd had ever had: StarFire and Wonder Woman fighting in the mud. The JLA had arrived just before, and fighting between Titans and their leaders had begun, but everyone stopped to stare in awe at the two women going at it. Eventually, the fighting stopped, and the women went on to have a talk with the girls, while the boys sat back and had a beer and laughed at the best fight they'd seen in a long time.
Raven had an abusive boyfriend named Brother Blood, who had brought her back to life and kidnapped her. The Titans had to get into the fray, but found there old enemy Deathstroke, with their former yet brief teamate Rose Wilson, who also happened to be Deathstroke's daughter. After all was said and done, Raven was now going out with that dog Beast Boy.
Even with such a strong team, things start to change. Starfire leaves the team to see the stars and find new races to screw help. Wondergirl leaves to fight the brotherhood of evil. Raven got lost in that dark domain of her mind and wouldn't respond. Beast Boy rejoins Doom patrol after they escaped a different dimension. After the death of Wally West, Bart became the New Flash. Cyborg fell down a flight off steps and is badly damaged. The team is losing members fast.
But with the changes, the Teen Titans members start to grow. Rose, now known as the Ravager, joins up. So does the Kid Devil. Cyborg gets a new battery and the engine to a, eclipse and rejoins the team. But leadership is thin, and the team is on shaky legs.
Tragedy strikes once more, when the Infinite Crisis caused all hell to break loose. Superboy is utterly destroyed by an alternate version of Superman, Superboy-Prime. This kills the spirit, and the heaviest drinker, of the team.
The new Robin proves to be a far better leader than Nightwing ever was. He, Kid Devil, and the Ravager reform the team once more. Wonder Girl, Raven, and Cyborg return to the team, and a new chick named Miss Martian, enters into the fold.
In the meantime, Robin was making clones of Superboy, in a vain attempt to resurrect his old friend. Using the excuse that they are in grief, Robin and Cassie start getting it on. One thing leads to another, and Wonder Girl ends up pregnant. Her abortion is a huge public massacre, with signs saying "Zeus hates you" and "What happened to Superboy, you ho!" held high in a sea of angry religious types. IT would later be discovered that the baby, like so many other people in the comic book universe, was reborn as a superhero known as the Almighty Bastard Child, who would later prove to be a deadly nemesis who was after his father with a vengeance, and took up the Pencil as a sign of hate toward him.

Deathstroke yet again returns, but this time with a legion known as the new Titans East, a group of villains out to take the Titans down. Once again, the plan fails, when Batgirl's memories return and Duela Dent switches sides yet again. Robin, who had had enough of this guy, hung him upside down in a soundless force field, where he could complain for the rest of his life.
Bart is killed while he was playing the part of Flash. Duela Dent dies when she rather stupidly claims that yet another villain, Doomsday, is her father, and he crushes her neck for such an insult. The Titans were dropping like flies, when suddenly, God decided to mix things up. He resurrects a younger version of Bart and Donna Troy.
The massive drinking binges, their druggy nights, always smoking like chimneys, casual sex from one side of the tower, cum stained floors and yellow tobacco stained walls, Krypto's untended droppings, Pot leaf wall designs, Rebellion against authority, and the memory of the man who created them, but was too goodie-two-shoes to stick around. This is the heart of the Titans. That heart will always beat.
Oh, and they fight crime, too. I always forget about that part.
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A team of five teenaged superheroes save the world from many villains around their city while experiencing things normal teens face today.
The Brain and his army have managed to capture or neutralize many Titans and their honorary members. Beast Boy leads the few remaining honorary members in a desperate attempt to free the captives and stop The Brain once and for all.
The Titans set out to stop Slade, who has mysteriously returned. The main problem: Robin is the only one who can see him.
David Slack
Bob Haney(Doom Patrol created by)
Bruno Premiani(Doom Patrol created by)
In a major city, Robin the Boy Wonder leads his own team of superheroes, The Teen Titans. With his teammates, the dark Raven, the powerful Cyborg, the flighty alien princess Starfire and the flippant Beast Boy; the team battles the forces of evil where ever they appear like the enigmatic Slade, the diabolical Brother Blood or the malevolently cosmic Trigon.—Kenneth Chisholm (kchishol@rogers.com)
The opening credits of the show featured two versions of the theme song: one in English and the other in Japanese. The Japanese version is not a direct translation of the English lyrics. Beast Boy sings a translation of the Japanese Lyrics in Teen Titans: Trouble in Tokyo (2006).
Slade: Who knows... I could become like a father to you.
[Bats fly off and Batman music plays]
The title credits are sung bi-lingualy, some episodes being in Puffy's native Japanese, others being in English.
I know the animation style the producers use for Teen Titans doesn't appeal to everyone. Some see it as a rip-off, and some just don't like it, period. Sure, Teen Titans can be goofy at times, but it has its cute moments, its romantic moments (between Robin and Starfire, as they are my favorite pair), and its dark moments (the dynamics of Robin and Slade's interaction). One of my favorite episodes in the first season is "Masks," as it shows that Robin will do almost anything to beat Slade, regardless of whatever risks he has to take, whatever laws he has to break, and whichever friends he has to beat up (as Red X). Another favorite is "Apprentice," parts 1 and 2. Part 1 showed a Robin who was coming apart at the seams, losing control of himself in his desperation to beat Slade. Part 2 showed just how far the other Titans would go for Robin's sake.

Those were the dark episodes of season 1. The cute episode, as I see it, was "Sisters." Yes, Blackfire was an evil witch, but other than what she tried to do to Starfire, the episode was cute, especially when Starfire thought Blackfire and Robin were kissing and when Robin told her at the end, "No one can ever take your place." The funny episode was "Mad Mod," in which the title character takes the Titans hostage in his school and tortures them. (Not really, it's a kids' show so they won't allow torture.)

As for season 2, the premiere episode ("How Long Is Forever?") was semi-dark. It started out cute when Starfire was excited over the Tamaranian festival of friendship, but got kinda sad when the others seemed to prefer childish bickering to celebrating with her. It got really sad when Starfire ended up 20 years into the future following Warp and saw what had happened to the Titans in her absence. Despite the fact that Nightwing (future version of Robin) had done very well for himself in Star's absence, one could tell that he had suffered most. (I mean, he does love her, even if he won't admit it.)

The episode that was cute, funny, and romantic all at once was the Valentine's Day episode "Date With Destiny." Kitten's spoiled-brat attitude was very funny, as was Starfire's jealousy when Killer Moth blackmailed Robin into taking Kitten (his daughter) to her junior prom. The jealousy was cute, too, by the way. The romantic scenes were Starfire showing up to the prom in a dress and giving Robin a corsage and Robin and Starfire being announced as Prom King and Queen. (Now if only the episode had shown them dancing together.)

Overall, this is a bloody good show. It has its flaws, it's not quite like the comics, but no comic-based animated series is ever a complete mirror of its printed counterpart. Just sit back, enjoy, and quit nitpicking.
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