Teen Threesome Sex
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Teen Threesome Sex
My partner and I tried a threesome. Then she kissed someone without me
‘The lines have become blurred.’ Illustration: Lo Cole/The Guardian
My ex’s partner is forcing me to lie to my daughter. Should I refuse?
Original reporting and incisive analysis, direct from the Guardian every morning
© 2022 Guardian News & Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. (modern)
It sounds as if you’ve never discussed ground rules, says Annalisa Barbieri, and that you have different ideas of what is permissible
My girlfriend and I are in our mid to late 20s and have been together for four years. Before we met, we both had sexual experiences with members of the same sex. Whil e I’ve never felt romantically attracted to a man, she has towards a woman. I might be bicurious; she is more bisexual.
Since we’ve been together, we’ve had one threesome (involving another woman). A handful of times, at parties, they made out in my presence, and with my consent. Otherwise, we have an exclusive relationship and are clear about never cheating.
Recently, she came home from a party (without me) and told me she had made out with a woman who is a close friend of hers . When she told me, I didn’t know what to feel : I warned her to be careful not to ruin her friendship . I knew that I didn’t love the idea.
Over the following weeks, my feelings bec ame clearer . My girlfriend and I had a falling out ; I was angry and felt cheated on. The fact that they were close friends meant I was put in the position of hav ing to be OK with them “just hanging out”.
My girlfriend doesn’t have a lot of friends and it would be unreasonable to object to them seeing each other . This is hard for me, though, because it’s easy to think it will happen again – or that their friendship will evolve into something else. I told my girlfriend my fears; she understood, and guaranteed it would never happen again. She also told me she only kissed her because she thought I would be OK with it , and that the lines were blurred. It has been a month or so now since it happened. I don’t know how to handle it.
When you have an open relationship, one that allows other people in, it doesn’t mean you have to be OK with everything that happens. At least part of your struggle seems to involve you trying to quash your feelings. I notice that immediately after it happened you warned your girlfriend to be careful not to ruin her friendship with the other girl – not your relationship. Why was that? It seems that the elasticity of your relationship accommodates your girlfriend more than you.
Did you open up your relationship to include others from the beginning, or is it a recent thing? Are you doing it because you both want to – or because she does? It sounds as if you’ve never really discussed ground rules, and that you and your girlfriend have different ideas of what is permissible. That she willingly told you about kissing her friend is a good sign, but she has taken things into a different arena.
There is, as sex and relationship counsellor Murray Blacket ( cosrt.org.uk ) pointed out, “a difference between having a sexual relationship with your regular partner and bringing others into it by choice and agreement [what you had done in the past], and a situation when one of you splinters off independently to be with someone else”.
Blacket added: “I think you need to have the conversation about whether your relationship is polysexual – you have sex with others, either together or separately, usually just once or twice, but there is no relationship – or polyrelational – when you also form a sexual relationship with someone outside the dyad.”
The lines have indeed become blurred. Your girlfriend kissed a woman she already has a friendship with – so now that relationship has turned sexual. Whether this was just a bit of fun, or is likely to turn into something beyond that one kiss, is really the question; but the fact that several weeks later you still don’t feel comfortable with it can’t be ignored.
I get the sense that you are trying to be cool about the situation. But whatever sort of relationship you have (exclusive, open, somewhere in between), it’s important, not to say liberating, to be able to tune into your feelings and admit what you want, and not to put up with things you’re not happy with.
Discuss this with your girlfriend; be brave, be honest. Draw up some ground rules, which could change over time if mutually agreed on; this is why ongoing communication is key. Only when it’s clear what is and isn’t permissible to you both will you give the other person a chance to show whether or not they are the partner for you.
Send your problem to annalisa.barbieri@mac.com . Annalisa regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence.
Comments on this piece are premoderated to ensure the discussion remains on the topics raised by the article. Please be aware that there may be a short delay in comments appearing on the site.
The First Time My Boyfriend And I Tried… A Threesome!
Rohit and I had been dating for as long as either of us could remember. We were in a long distance relationship, but that didn’t come between our love for each other. He was sure of me and so was I of him. We had no qualms about our sex life as well. Sure, we had let our imagination run wild at times and had also experimented tons of times in bed, but none of them involved another person. Until this one time…
For a while, we had been planning a trip together to Thailand. So when that day finally came, we could not control our excitement! Being on holiday with the one you love and having the time of your life sounded so dreamy. I really couldn’t believe this was happening for real!
We stayed at a cute little hotel in Phuket. While the days were meant for relaxing near the pool and beach, the nights were meant for hardcore partying. The nightlife was so vibrant and colourful that neither of us ever wanted the nights to end.
We decided to bar hop one night. After every bar, we got a bit more tipsy. I remember this one bar Rohit and I were at. The music was groovy and the vibe was just perfect. While we were on the dance floor, suddenly, Rohit pulled me closer to the corner. He started kissing me and I could feel his hands all over my body. None of us seemed to mind because the club was pitch dark and we were too caught up in the moment to care.
While we were at it, I couldn’t help but notice a girl who was just staring at us. She didn’t say a word, though. All she did was just smile at the both of us. My boyfriend and me got a little awkward, but she gently asked us to carry on what we were doing because she enjoyed seeing us together at it!
We found it extremely weird at first, but we both thought that it was kind of hot. After a wild makeout session we turned around and the girl was gone! We headed back to our hotel room and laughed it off. Not to mention that the sex that followed after was just amazing. We woke up the next day thinking all of it was just a dream.
We then dressed up and headed to a place near our hotel to grab lunch. The tiny hut-shaped restaurant was known for its yummy seafood. After we placed our order, our eyes fell on this one table. There was a group of friends having a good time and the girl who had met us at the bar the night before was there too!
We both freaked out and decided to not make any further eye contact with that table. To our surprise, that girl came over to our table and asked us if she could sit with us. We got to know that her name was Tamara and, just like us, she was on vacation too. She also confessed that she had broken up with her girlfriend and had come to Phuket to find peace. She was a fun person to be around. It felt as if we had known each other since forever, when in reality it had only been a day.
After getting to know her better, we invited her over for a couple of beers and snacks in the evening. She came over that night with a dish she’d prepared and it was a really fun evening. We spoke over food, played Jenga and listened to soft music while sipping on some chilled beer.
After a few beers and couple of jokes down, she casually told me that she found me attractive. I mean, I was flattered and all – but I didn’t know how to react. She then gently leaned over and passionately kissed me on my lips. Rohit was in the washroom all along, and the moment he came out, he couldn’t believe what he was seeing!
I pushed her away, but deep within, I quite enjoyed every bit of it. There was an awkward silence and no one knew what to do or say after. It all came as one big shock. But we swore this: whatever happens in this rooms, stays in this room.
Tamara then suggested that we try something different as a couple. Like a threesome… While Rohit was speechless, I didn’t mind giving the idea a shot. I assured him that this would never change our relationship and that we should do it just for the thrill of it. I finally got him to agree!
Rohit and me got into bed while we were waiting for Tamara to get done with her shower. As soon as we heard the door slide, shivers ran down both our spines. She was wearing nothing but a smile. She looked stunning.
She hopped onto the bed, and slipped in between us. After a few giggles, she put the awkwardness to rest by making the first move. She pulled my face close to hers and started kissing and nibbling on my lips. She then moved to caressing my breast. After which, we both made eye contact with my boyfriend, and took turns at satisfying each other. It was such an intense union, but equally blissful and passionate at the same time.
All three of us went to bed after. Only to wake up and notice that Tamara had already left our hotel. The strange part was that neither Rohit nor me felt guilty about what we had done. It all felt just…great.
We then headed to a place for breakfast. While we were relishing our food, I felt a pat on my back. It was Tamara! She had seen us from afar and had come by to apologise for leaving so abruptly. We offered her a seat and three of us got to joking and talking as if nothing ever happened between us.
We were all coincidentally heading back that day itself. She hugged me and Rohit and said goodbye. We knew that we would probably never see her again, but what we did know was that Rohit and I had never felt closer as a couple.
I doubt we would be open to trying another threesome in the future, but it’s an experience neither of us will ever forget!
* Names changed to protect privacy.
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