Teen Takes It Up The Ass

Teen Takes It Up The Ass

Plus: Can I keep my ex-girlfriend’s panties?

by
jmartinache
October 31st, 2014 July 22nd, 2021
"I live in D.C. and want local news."
"Y'all are doing real local D.C. journalism."
" Washington City Paper has made me feel like I am part of the D.C. community."

My son is 15 going on 16, and he’s been experimenting with masturbation. At the moment, I pretty much just think fine, whatever, he’s a teenager, there’s very little I can do about it. So long as he doesn’t get porn-obsessed and start letting his grades slip, it’s fine. The issue is that, a few months ago, his younger sister found one of her tampons in the garbage, and it was covered with poop. She brought it up to me and my wife, and we didn’t think much of it—until a couple of months ago, when my wife discovered, again, a used, shitty tampon in the garbage. We had a talk with our son and told him that we understand he is maturing sexually and we don’t care how he explores his sexuality. However, we also don’t want to find shitty tampons or whatever else in the garbage. Then, a couple of days ago, we were going to bed and we heard a noise coming from his bathroom. We checked it out and found his toothbrush in the sink, butt-end being rinsed with the water running full blast for who knows how long (he was downstairs). We asked him why he was doing that, and he said the cat had pissed on his toothbrush. We think his story is bullshit, as although the cat does piss on the floor, the cat has never peed on a counter before.

We are fine with him exploring his sexuality, but at the same time, we don’t want to find tidbits of what he’s doing out in the open. As I’ve explained to him, he needs to do a better job of hiding it, because if a friend had come over and found a shitty tampon in the garbage can, what would they think? However, it looks like shaming him to hide it better might be the only way. What are your thoughts on this? Are we in the wrong here? —Perplexed Over Progeny’s Sexuality

You haven’t found any more shit-covered tampons in the trash since you spoke to your son about it months ago, POPS, so either he’s doing a better job of hiding those shit-covered tampons—he’s honoring his father and mother—or he’s not putting his sister’s tampons up his ass anymore. And your concern for the delicate sensibilities of your friends is a bit of a reach. A true friend wouldn’t paw through the trash in your bathroom, and anyone who did dig through the trash in your bathroom deserves to find not just one shit-smeared tampon, but a handful.

As for the toothbrush, POPS, it wasn’t left “out in the open.” You found it in the sink in his bathroom. You discovered it because he stupidly left the water running full blast, it’s true, but it wasn’t out in the open in a shared communal space. If you had texted me the moment you found the toothbrush, I would’ve immediately texted you back and advised you to turn the water off and refrain from asking your son about the toothbrush. If you had to say something to him about it, POPS, I would’ve advised you to go with this: “Don’t leave the water running in your sink.”

Your son would’ve figured that you saw the toothbrush, figured that you figured it had been in his ass, and never made that mistake again. (Just as he’s never made the tampon mistake again.) But you made the mistake of asking your son for an explanation (“Why are you doing that?”) in a context where (1) your son isn’t going to tell you the truth (“The cat pissed on it, Pops!”), and (2) you can’t handle the truth (“I was fucking myself in the ass with it, Pops!”).

Zooming out for a second: A boy who’s almost 16 isn’t “experimenting with masturbation.” He’s perfecting his technique. And we can deduce from the tampons and toothbrushes that your son likes assplay. That’s not a problem. Inconsideration used to be a problem (disposing of shitty tampons where his family members might find them), but he’s knocked that off, right? So the only remaining problem is that he’s putting things in his ass that aren’t designed for assplay.

If you don’t want your son abusing any cucumbers or mixing spoons or Oscar statuettes that might be lying around your house—and if you don’t want to have to rush him to an emergency room in a few months to retrieve something that gets stuck in his ass—consider purchasing a few ass-appropriate toys for him, i.e., one or two small silicone butt plugs with flared bases. He’ll be mortified when you give them to him, POPS, but no more mortified than you were when you found those shitty tampons.

Buying sex toys for kids is a hurdle most parents can’t clear. If it’s not something you can do, then you’ll have to turn a blind eye to any toothbrushes you might find in sinks over the next few years.

You’ll also want to thoroughly wash cucumbers before consuming them. —Dan

Say your boyfriend has a spanking fetish, and he spanks other women with one particular belt—but not you, because you don’t like it, but you’re OK with him making dates to spank others—and he wears that particular belt all the time, even though you’ve asked him not to. What’s going on here? —Ass Spared, Feelings Hurt

Equal parts inconsideration (on his part) and insecurity (on your part) are combining to create unnecessary drama. If spanking is so central to his identity that he has to wear his spanking belt every day, you may be the wrong girlfriend for him. If seeing an easy-to-overlook reminder of his fetish leaves this hurt, you’re less OK with those spanking dates than you pretend to be, ASFH, and he may be the wrong boyfriend for you. —Dan

I recently came across a pair of my ex-girlfriend’s lacy panties in an old pair of shorts I haven’t worn in years. I love wearing women’s panties, and I almost hit the floor when I found them. I was a mess after this girl dumped me. I was devastated. To this day, I have not found closure. This is where it gets tricky. A part of me wants to keep them because it’s so hot that they’re hers. I’m happy with my current girlfriend—I love her—but these panties really turn me on. The other part tells me to “show some respect” and get rid of them. Is this an ethical or moral issue? By keeping them, am I driving a wedge between me and my girlfriend? Any advice? —Old Panties Protocol

You’re entitled to your memories and your keepsakes. And if a pair of panties can drive a wedge between you and your current girlfriend, OPP, then your relationship is made of pretty flimsy stuff. If an old pair of panties doesn’t destroy it, the next strong breeze will.

Keep the panties, I say, but put them away somewhere that isn’t easily accessed—in a box in your storage space, on a high shelf in a closet—so you aren’t tempted to haul them out every time you want to have a wank. But now and then, maybe when the girlfriend is out of town, I don’t see the harm in retrieving your ex-girlfriend’s panties and enjoying a nice, long, leisurely wank down memory lane.

And finally, OPP, closure isn’t something you find. It’s something you do. —Dan
We don't have one. Readers like you keep our work free for everyone to read. If you think that it's important to have high quality local reporting we hope you'll support our work with a monthly contribution.

Events: A heads up about City Paper events, from panels to parties.

This website no longer supports Internet Explorer, which is now an outdated browser. For the best experience and your security, please visit
us using a different browser.

Social Links for Amanda Woods

View Author Archive

Get author RSS feed

captions settings , opens captions settings dialog captions off , selected
Error Code: MEDIA_ERR_SRC_NOT_SUPPORTED
No compatible source was found for this media.
Session ID: 2022-08-29:c666de079a130a0edf5409b7 Player Element ID: nyp-brightcove-player-1
Text Color White Black Red Green Blue Yellow Magenta Cyan Transparency Opaque Semi-Transparent Background Color Black White Red Green Blue Yellow Magenta Cyan Transparency Opaque Semi-Transparent Transparent Window Color Black White Red Green Blue Yellow Magenta Cyan Transparency Transparent Semi-Transparent Opaque
Font Size 50% 75% 100% 125% 150% 175% 200% 300% 400% Text Edge Style None Raised Depressed Uniform Dropshadow Font Family Proportional Sans-Serif Monospace Sans-Serif Proportional Serif Monospace Serif Casual Script Small Caps
Reset restore all settings to the default values Done

Filed under

crime

flushing

pervs

queens

teens

8/26/22

subject_subject-listing-of-the-week

This story has been shared 133,808 times.
133,808

This story has been shared 75,228 times.
75,228

This story has been shared 74,694 times.
74,694

The best-dressed celebrities at the 2022 VMAs: Taylor Swift, Lil Nas X, more

Nicki Minaj goes full Barbie for MTV VMAs 2022 performance

Lil Nas X channels Iman with VMAs 2022 red carpet outfit

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

LinkedIn

Email

YouTube

Thanks for contacting us. We've received your submission.
Beginning of dialog window. Escape will cancel and close the window.
This is a modal window. This modal can be closed by pressing the Escape key or activating the close button.
This is a modal window. This modal can be closed by pressing the Escape key or activating the close button.
A Queens perv asked a 14-year-old girl if she was a model before taking photos up her skirt, groping her and offering her $20 to spit on him, cops said.
The sicko followed the teen into her building at Franklin Avenue and Union Street in Flushing around 3:30 p.m. Aug. 8, police said.
When the two entered the elevator, the creep allegedly asked her, “Are you a model? Can I take your picture?”
Then he pulled out a camera and began taking the teen’s picture, cops said.
He rubbed the girl’s inner thigh and took photos up her skirt, authorities said.
Video released Friday morning shows the bespectacled sicko — wearing a yellow T-shirt with the words “Have a Nice Play,” as well as a black T-Mobile baseball cap – fiddling with what appears to be a purple digital camera.
He also offered the girl $20 to spit on him, police said.
The victim began to yell at the man and followed him out of the building, cops said.
She did not report any physical injuries.
Cops say he is between 50 and 60 years old with a thin build, mustache, a light complexion, short black hair, a goatee and brown eyes.
He also wore white socks, black sneakers and carried a gray backpack, police said.

Listening on…

Switch Spotify device
Open in Spotify Web Player

Change playback source

Open on YouTube website

Change playback source

Previous

Play

Next

Skip to YouTube video

Toggle navigation Upgrade to Pro Live Music Charts Events Features

Subscribe

Log In

Sign Up

More actions

Play similar artists

More actions

Play similar artists

Company

About Last.fm
Contact Us
Jobs

Help

Track My Music

Community Support

Community Guidelines

Help

Goodies

Download Scrobbler
Developer API
Free Music Downloads
Merchandise

Account

Sign Up
Log In
Subscribe

Follow Us

Facebook
Twitter
Instagram
YouTube

Connect your Spotify account to your Last.fm account and scrobble everything you listen to, from any Spotify app on any device or platform.

A new version of Last.fm is available, to keep everything running smoothly, please reload the site.

Do you have any photos of this artist?
Scrobble, find and rediscover music with a Last.fm account
Hmm, it looks like we don’t know much about this artist. Can you help us out?

Do you know any background info about this artist?

Start the wiki

Do you know what kind of music this is?

Tag this artist

We don’t have any upcoming events for this artist right now.

Do you have any photos of this artist?

Add an image

Javascript is required to view shouts on this page.

Go directly to shout page

We don’t have any upcoming events for this artist right now.

Do you have any photos of this artist?

Add an image

Some user-contributed text on this page is available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License ; additional terms may apply.

Какой тип телосложения вы считаете идеальным?

Женщины какого возраста вам подходят больше всего?

Поиск одиноких женщин в вашем городе

Tatiana94 хочет обменяться с вами фотками. Вы подтверждаете?
Прежде чем показать вам список и фотографии одиноких женщин, которые готовы к новым знакомствам, мы должны задать несколько вопросов.
Многие из этих девушек ищут мужское внимание и новые впечатления. Согласны ли вы, если они сами будут проявлять инициативу?
Вы согласны сохранить в тайне ваши встречи?
(Можно выбрать несколько вариантов)
(Можно выбрать несколько вариантов)
(Можно выбрать несколько вариантов)
(Можно выбрать несколько вариантов)
Теперь вы можете посмотреть фотографии и список одиноких женщин, готовых к новым знакомствам и живущих рядом с вами. Пожалуйста, уважайте их желания и сохраняйте конфиденциальность ваших встреч!

Нажмите на кнопку ниже, чтобы продолжить

Naked Teenage Girl Peeing On The Floor
Watch New Porn Movies
Toni Storm Leak

Teen Takes It Up The Ass

Report Page