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Malia Griggs is a writer, editor, and social storyteller who joined SELF's commerce team in 2020. Previously, she worked at The Daily Beast , Comedy Central, and Cosmopolitan. In addition to shopping, she has written about mental health, burnout, epilepsy, race, and relationships.
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It’s high time we talk about the best sex toys for men. Here at SELF, we’ve covered sex toys for women and couples in-depth, but there’s a whole world of sex toys specifically designed for male bodies—and they’re well worth the wading (which, handily, we’ve done for you).
When it comes to sex toys, experts say they see a lot of hesitation from men (especially in heterosexual relationships) related to viewing sex toys as competition instead of tools. “Sex toys are made for our pleasure, and there is no shame in trying them out, as a man or as a person with a penis,” says sex educator Javay Frye-Nekrasova, MEd (also known as The Millennial Sexpert ).
The right sex toys can heighten and increase pleasure in solo or partnered play for all people, and at the end of the day, they’re meant to be fun. Megan Fleming , PhD, a New York City–based sex and relationship expert, notes that the bedroom is one of the rare spaces that adults can actually play in their everyday lives, and expanding your toy “toolbox” is crucial: “I want people’s sex lives to be like a diner menu, where you have lots of appetizers, main dishes, and desserts, so you’re always feeling like, ‘What kind of play do we want today?’”
Below, we spoke to a range of sex experts to answer the big questions about the best sex toys for men looking to take masturbation or play to the next level, how to shop for these toys, and—crucially—what their recommendations are for the best ones.
If you’re by yourself and want to experience sensations that are different than your good-old-hand stimulation, masturbation sleeves (especially power strokers) offer enjoyable, hands-free stimulation, as do non-vibrating cock rings. If you’re trying to adjust to the sensation of anal penetration, dildos and butt plugs are good choices for working out your comfort levels with self-stimulation.
Prostate massagers can also be used alone if you’ve not explored your prostrate, but Frye-Nekrasova says they also work well with partners, as do vibrating cock rings and butt plugs.
There are a few factors to think about when deciding what sex toy to give a go, starting with whether you’re shopping for a toy to use solo or with a partner, as some toys work better alone and others with a partner. And some sex toys are remote-controlled , an excellent feature for anyone in a long-distance relationship .
Next, consider what type of sensation you’re after (for instance: warming, sucking, internal). Then take a closer look at the sex toy’s various speeds, intensities, vibration patterns, shapes, and materials it’s made out of (generally you’ll encounter silicone, glass, and stainless steel). Most sex toys are waterproof , but it’s something to look out for in case you plan to play in the shower or a pool.
“Start with a less expensive model,” Fleming advises beginners. “Sometimes trying a more affordable model gives you a sense of what a sensation is like and whether you like it.” Of course, if you already know what feeling you like and you need a recommendation for the best sex toy that aligns with that, we’ve got you too.
Whip out that new toy when you’re actually turned on (and not as a way to turn yourself on). “Think of it as foreplay,” Fleming says. “If you want to build up reception to a new toy, start off when you’re already highly aroused. The research is clear that people tend to be more open and receptive when already aroused.”
And if you don’t like the sensation of a new toy the very first time you use it, don’t give up on it just yet. “The first time we try anything, we’re doing what we call spectatoring, which is observing ourselves, how it’s going, what we thought, what our partner thought. We’re in our heads and not so much in the experience,” says Fleming. “So try, try again.”
Below, find our experts’ top picks for masturbation sleeves, prostate massagers , cock rings , butt plugs , dildos , and more, from best-selling retailers and brands such as Lovehoney, We-Vibe, Lelo, Hot Octopuss, and Tenga. Just don’t forget to throw good lube in your cart and clean up your toys after.
Masturbation sleeves (also known as strokers or penis sleeves) are cylindrical sleeves or canal-shaped sex toys that envelop the penis and are either open-ended or closed. “These sleeves work well for solo stimulation, as they’re like giving yourself a hand job , or your partner can stimulate you with it,” Frye-Nekrasova says.
These various strokers can be textured on the inside (like the Tenga Egg , an egg-shaped disposable masturbation sleeve), while others (such as the Fleshlight Pink Lady ) mimic human anatomy in look and feel (and are usually closed-ended). “Because of the suction or vibration, there’s an arousing, pleasurable sensation,” Fleming says. “Most men will get erect and it will bring them to orgasm.”
Often made of soft silicone, the sleeves come in both non-vibrating and vibrating models. The vibrating models are known as power strokers or penis stimulators, as they’re powered by a motor that adds a stroking motion. “To really explore a different stimulation that’s not just digital, manual stimulation, go for a power stroker,” Frye-Nekrasova says. “For the majority of your life with a penis, you’ve likely stimulated yourself only by hand, so introducing a new form of stimulation by way of a power stroker is going to do things for you that you probably never expected.”
The Hot Octopuss Pulse Duo masturbation sleeve has an adjustable design that fits to any girth, and its open design makes it possible to wear during penetrative sex as well. Sex educator Cassandra Corrado told SELF that this is a nice option for men who have difficulties with erections because “you can use it without getting hard.” Instead of a motor, the remote-controlled Pulse Duo uses oscillation to “create an intense sensation for the wearer,” she explains.
Frye-Nekrasova highly recommends the ArcWave Ion, a unique male masturbator that focuses on stimulating the frenulum (the highly sensitive vein on the underside of the penis shaft) with pulsating airwaves. “This offers a completely new world of stimulation that many male sex toy users are not used to because there’s no other product like it,” she says.
For a vibrating masturbation sleeve, Frye-Nekrasova likes the Blowmotion, which warms and mimics the feel of engaging in penetration with a human partner or receiving a blow job.
Looking to give anal sex toys a try? Prostate massagers are one way to get started. These toys are shaped and designed to target the prostate gland, which is a walnut-size gland behind the penis, inside the pelvis, and between the bladder and rectum. Similar to the female G-spot , this gland is known as the P-spot, and stimulating it can feel amazing. For those who have never explored the prostate, hand stimulation can be intimidating, Frye-Nekrasova says, which is why a sex toy is helpful: “Using a toy allows for more exploration without having to step out of your comfort zone too much, and I will die on the hill of encouraging everyone with a prostate to stimulate it.”
Complete with remote control and vibrating motors in its tip and base, the Lelo Hugo is a smooth, medium-size prostate massager that leads to large-size orgasms. It’s a favorite of Adina Mahalli, MSW, relationship expert, and women’s health specialist at Maple Holistics, who previously noted to SELF that the Hugo makes an excellent toy for women to try too.
“Aneros is a brand whose entire line is designed specifically for not only providing prostate pleasure but with prostate health in mind,” Lisa Finn, sex educator and brand manager for Babeland , told SELF . The sleekly contoured, self-pivoting design of the Trident prostate massager allows for blissful stimulation of both the prostate and perineum (which lies between the anus and genitals for men), and its flared base and P-tab stops provide external sensations and ensure the toy doesn’t move around. “You can comfortably massage and stimulate this hot spot internally and externally at once—up and down or in and out, and in any position,” Finn says.
The We-Vibe Vector is a Bluetooth-enabled, app-controlled prostate massager, that can be controlled from a phone (even remotely). Fleming previously told SELF that the Vector works both for masturbation and partnered play, and she appreciates its 10 “whisper-quiet, powerful vibration settings.”
Another safe and satisfying way to dip your, er, toe in the anal sex pool? “ Butt plugs are great for starting out in anal stimulation so that you can get used to the feeling of something inserted anally,” Frye-Nekrasova says, advising that newbies start small before working their way up to larger anal toys like dildos . Butt plugs come in a range of sizes, textures, and materials. Some vibrate, others are made of heavy metal that provides lots of pressure, while others mimic the sensation of rimming.
Fleming notes that it’s important any toy you buy for butt stuff has a flared base: “If not, when you orgasm and the muscles contract, it can have a vacuum effect where the toy can slip in and get lost in the rectum.” Butt plugs are great for trying anal play by yourself, but can also be paired with a stroker with a partner. Pssst : Don’t forget the lube .
For a non-vibrating butt plug for beginners, Fleming previously recommended Tracey Cox’s Supersex for its small size and low price, making it cheap enough that you won’t sweat it if you find the sensation isn’t for you. The plug has a slender neck and tapered tip that make it easy to insert and remove. Plus, it comes with a pocket guide to anal play that explains the ins and outs of safe, comfy, and enjoyable anal sex.
When you’re ready to graduate to a vibrating sensation, the wireless remote-controlled B-Vibe Novice is an expert pick. “The range of options on the toy—six vibration levels and 15 vibration patterns to choose from—make it great for anal enthusiasts of any level,” Finn says. Though it’s on the pricier side, it’s a worthy investment for anyone who knows for certain they’re committed to trying anal play.
If you’re ready to graduate from butt plugs to bigger leagues (literally), the best dildos are good starter toys and can be used both solo and with a partner. “Dildos work by stimulating the prostate and by stimulating the opening of the anus,” Frye-Nekrasova says, adding that the thrusting motion can provide prostate stimulation as well as the opening of the anus to allow for more pleasure. If you’re working your way up to being pegged , using a dildo can prep you for that sensation by giving you control of the pleasure, so you can explore what feels good for you before bringing in a partner.
There are dildos of all sizes, shapes, and materials. Some look incredibly realistic, while others are colorful, fantastical, and ridiculous. You’ll find dildos that suction onto shower walls, that hook into strap-ons , and dildos with dual ends. When shopping for a dildo for your needs, Ashley Cobb, Lovehoney’s sex toy educator, previously advised asking yourself first: “Do you want a dildo that is 10 or 5 inches? Girthy or narrow? What type of dildo are you looking for?” And lastly, know whether you intend to play with the dildo alone or with a strap-on.
This sleek, 10-inch dildo is made of medical-grade stainless steel that massages the inside. Its deep curve is designed to hit the P-spot (and G-spot), it has double ends that offer further stimulation, and it’s weighted for firmer pressure and orgasms.
Here’s a silly, confetti-speckled mini dildo that’s well-suited for first-timers with its shorter insertable length of 5.5 inches (though there is a full-size version ). The dildo is realistically shaped with a suction cup at the base that makes it easy to stay put on flat surfaces (like in the shower).
When you think of a classic dildo, chances are something like the Dick Rambone springs to mind. This simple, realistic-looking silicone dildo is a good choice for people who like deep penetration. Available in light and dark flesh colors, the 17-inch dildo is 2.35 inches in diameter and molded from the porn star of the same name.
If you’re in the market for a longer, stronger erection and orgasm, a cock ring may be just what you need in your rotation. True to its name, a cock ring is a ring-shaped toy that slips around the penis (or dildo) and squeezes the shaft or shaft and balls—an intensely satisfying feeling for some. This constriction at the base makes for “firmer, harder erections,” Fleming says.
Often made of silicone, stainless steel, or metal, cock rings come in non-vibrating and vibrating models, many of which can be remote- and app-controlled, allowing for foreplay. New to the cock-ring club? Start with a simple silicone ring, lube up, and place the ring around a flaccid or semi-erect penis.
These cock rings are actually adjustable, an option previously recommended for SELF by Gigi Engle , a feminist writer, certified sex coach, and sex educator. “They’re great if you’re getting started because they allow you or your partner to control how tight the ring gets,” she says. Not to mention they’re affordable.
Another solid pick from Engle is the We-Vibe Pivot, a vibrating cock ring with a raised head which feels nice as clitoral stimulation for “vulva-owning penis-rider” partners. Sloane Sloane, a sex educator who coaches sex-toy classes at Good Vibrations and Pleasure Chest , especially likes the Pivot because “it features a wide range of deep, rumbly vibrations.”
For a gentler vibration, Sloane recommends the top-selling Lelo Tor 2, a high-quality silicone cock ring that she says has “less rumbly, less noticeable, and more buzzy vibrations than the Pivot.”
Frye-Nekrasova specifically recommends the We-Vibe Bond as a teasing product: “This We-Vibe is great for the foreplay aspect (something male users tend to forget) because it allows for teasing and has a remote control as well as app capability, so that a partner can actually control it for them and get them aroused and intrigued by the moment.”
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The best sex toys for women have come a long way—and made a lot of people come—from the humble beginnings of steam-powered vibrators and rubber dildos. It’s always been more a more wide-ranging category than the equivalent tools for men. (Though one look at the best sex toys for men shows that changing in recent years.) It can be difficult for beginners to know exactly what adult toys to buy for the first time, whether you're shopping for yourself or a partner.
For guys, it can also be difficult to confront your own unease about sex toys if, for example, you’re insecure about your sexual prowess, or worried that you’ll be upstaged by a vibrator. But it’s important to remember that a sex toy cannot cuddle with your partner, or whisper filthy compliments in her ear, or remember exactly how she likes to be touched—so you’re better off viewing sex toys as your allies, not your adversaries, in the pursuit of pleasure and self care.
Because the “ orgasm gap ” is still as wide as ever: straight men report climaxing during sex much more frequently and consistently than straight women, largely because most women’s main pleasure source–the clitoris–is all but ignored in typical heterosexual penis-in-vagina sex. But the good news is that sex can be so much more than inserting tab A into slot B, especially once you start incorporating tools other than the one between your legs. These days, having lube or a couples vibrator or even a prostate massager in your nightstand is just a sign you like feeling good—it's the kind of thing you can get on Amazon these days. Because sex is more fun for everyone when everyone is having fun, you know? So here are some of the best sex toys aimed at women and people with vulvas.
While there are about a zillion different kinds of sex toys out there, there are a few main categories to consider when shopping for sex toys for women.
Clitoral vibrators : The clit is the most important part of most women’s sexual anatomy when it comes to pleasure and orgasm, so it makes sense that many toys are aimed at pleasing it. You can use pretty much any vibrator on the clit, but if you’re looking for one specifically for this purpose, often a small toy (like a bullet vibrator) will work the best, especially if you want to use it during penetrative sex.
Pressure-wave toys : These are a newer category of clitorally focused toys, which use rhythmic pulses of air to stimulate the clit hands-free. It’s a sensation that sort of has to be felt to be understood; some people say it feels like great oral sex, while others say it’s more of a sucking or tapping sensation.
Insertable vibrators : Internal erogenous zones like the G-spot can enjoy vibration too! An insertable vibrator will have a longer shaft than a clitoral vibe, and may have an upward curve that aims for the G-spot. You can use an internal vibrator on its own, or pair it with a clitoral toy for explosive blended orgasms.
Wand vibrators : While originally designed and marketed as “body massagers,” these large, round-headed vibrators are also beloved by people who need (or want) a lot of power to get off. And, naturally, you can also use them for actual body massage if the mood strikes!
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