Teen Small Penis
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Teen Small Penis
Bushwick Daily
Bushwick Daily
“It’s little dicks, not micro-penis,” the reporter from Gothamist was told outside of Kings County Saloon just before the event started
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“It’s little dicks, not micro-penis,” the reporter from Gothamist was told outside of Kings County Saloon just before the event started. And it seems that the distinction between the two is what makes Brooklyn’s Smallest Penis Pageant what it is: a little joke with a lot of pride.
This was the third year for Brooklyn’s most idiosyncratic and irreverent pageant, and based on the crowd that was lining up to pay $10 to see some small dick (when a few probably could have just stayed home and looked in a mirror), it was an outstanding success.
Once again, Kings County Saloon was selling “Penis Coladas” with plastic dick straws to the 100+ crowd of mostly women, many of who seemed pretty eager to be close to the stage when the little fellers made their big debut. When resident drag Queen Chicken Bitches , dressed in her finest, most sparkly and cumbersome Jedi attire (this year was Star Wars themed), asked the audience if they were here to hate or celebrate, they exuberantly shouted, “celebrate!”
Seriously, why doesn’t every bar in Brooklyn have a resident drag Queen? There are certainly enough of them living here. The only answer that I can come up with is that every bar owner and manager in the borough are well aware that no Queen can MC like the witty, cheeky and downright hysterical Chicken Bitches.
After Chicken Bitches warmed up the crowd, out came the competitors in see-through tuxedo-speedos. Two of them were returning for a second shot at the crown, a Mr. Rip Van Dinkle and The Puzzlemaster. The former won the first pageant, whereas the latter was a close runner-up last year . The other contestants, a well-tatted and rotund Chino Loco, the shy and endearing Gentleman and the Tecate-wielding Cromwell all seemed to have a shot at the title when the show started, but after the introductions and pageant walks, it seemed like the bout could only favor one man: The Puzzlemaster.
From the start he brought a flair and confidence that the other contestants struggled to deliver. He had a handful of jokes (last year he lost only by the “smallest margin”), and went all out during the cocksplash segment, when one lucky young woman was invited onstage to spray the dancing contestants with a squirt gun. I knew better from last year than to get too close to the stage. The Puzzlemaster also killed it with a Shirley Bassey cover renamed, “Golddinger.”
So when the Puzzlemaster was crowned and handed the scepter (a toy light-saber tipped with a plastic dick) along with $500 in cash, few people could be surprised. True, The Gentleman delivered a heartfelt poem that made the ladies in the crowd swoon, Chino Loco presented a hilarious and deeply traumatizing striptease in a Stormtrooper outfit, Rip Van Dinkle dropped a poorly timed but amusing rap, and Cromwell killed it with a Braveheart-level rousing speech about orgies in America, but nobody delivered the sincerity and cocksured-ness of The Puzzlemaster.
Confidence, it seems, is truly the key to winning the hearts of Ameri- er- Brooklyn.
I’m much smaller than the winner! Soft 0cm, hard 2cm!
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One of the things that I never stopped to consider about women who have sons is that they have a new level of peener to contend with: baby peen . When you’re a woman and you have a daughter you can recognize pretty much immediately what is normal down there and whether something is amiss , because you match, for the most part. Baby penis is something that you may or may not have a barometer for, depending on how many baby peens total you’ve dealt with in your lifetime.
Even so, when I started watching little boys, the baby penis thing didn’t faze me; I just adjusted and moved on. And yet, on more than one occasion a mom or dad might pull me aside and ask if their son appeared to be “on par down there” to which I could only shrug because I have no idea what average baby penis size is, unlike, say, a pediatrician would.
It turns out that the concern about baby twigs and bitty berries being too small is a real thing, and I don’t want to poke fun too much because I understand what it’s like to be concerned about every little thing.
But at the same time, I think it’s a foregone conclusion that baby penises are small. There are cases where there’s a real medical concern, but that is very rare indeed. When a doctor – a real one, not someone on the internet who totally majored in baby penis for a semester in college – tells you to worry, then you start to worry. Until then, it’s no big penis deal.
Hidden penis is a real thing, you guys, but try not to freak out, because it’s very common. According to medilexicon, it’s a “normal penis obscured by suprapubic fat.” So once the baby fat starts to disappear, everything will start to look normal.
I’d venture to say that the worst thing for a male isn’t to have a small penis. And boys can sit on toilet seats to pee until they have a little something more to grip.
Eight months is too early to start worrying overmuch about future penis size. According to WebMD (I know, I know), the magic doesn’t really start to happen until puberty. Extreme nausea is no joke so don’t play the game of “should I have just stuck it out?” You won’t win that game.
“I have a child here for the day. He’s seven months old.
His penis is very, very small, and it points in, not out. It’s just like an innie belly button. It’s buried inside his testicles.
I’m not going to ask his parents, because it’s clearly something they would have already asked a doctor about.
I’m just wondering if this is an actual medical condition, or if it’s something a child will outgrow? What causes this? Have you ever heard of something like this?”
Oh, my sweet chinchilla of a first time mom. Everything is fine. Two days is old is too young for a penis complex.
Injecting your child with hormones against your doctor’s advice is flirting with danger. Size doesn’t matter that much. Again, why not wait until puberty and see what happens down there? Until then, it’s as big of a deal as you make it.
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2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant
The city’s least visually impressive pageant is back with some more truly tiny tiddlers
Apparently, the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant is a grower. The second annual event drew a fat line that stretched halfway down Seigel Street in Bushwick this past Saturday, and those who were lucky enough to fit into the diminutive Kings County Bar were treated to MC Chicken Bitches' sweet and sharp tongue, great music and the effervescence of burlesque performer Cherry Pitz. The main event, of course, was the interaction between the audience, judges and those boys brave enough to bare their modest members. Judges this year included L.A. talk-show host Caroline Fox, sex educator Kendall McKenzie and Bobbie Chaset, the owner of Kings County Bar and mastermind behind the pageant.
RECOMMENDED: Full coverage on the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant The pool of contestants were whittled down to five after a casual screening process, with the lucky (or unlucky, depending on your point of view) finalists comprising of the somewhat twisted Puzzle Master, the cocky Rufio, returning contestant the incognito “Peter Parker,” all-American blond “Twig N’ Berries" and the benevolent Indian “Raj Kumar.” The group were then asked such revealing questions as their favorite sexual position and their responses were saucily evaluated by the judges. Extra points were handed out for originality (and in some cases, their appreciation of cunnilingus). During this hard-hitting opening round, Raj Kumar got points knocked off for being too cutesy, while Peter Parker—the only masked contestant this year—played the awkward wacko card to great effect. Charisma, wit and sweetness, however, won out over showboating or a pretty face. Astoria comedy band Afterbirth Monkey provided intermission entertainment with songs about—you guessed it—penis size, complete with plastic penis water guns and balloon-art dicks. Once the second round of judging was underway, the guys paraded across the bar wearing dainty mesh tangas. Though always fully covered, this costume change revealed the family jewels most clearly, and honestly, Rufio might as well have been disqualified for not being nearly small enough. Cherry Pitz graced the bar top with two intermission burlesque sets, which provided an appetizer for the talent portion of the afternoon. The Puzzle Master performed a surprisingly smooth tease and tuck routine, which won him high scores with both the judges and the audience. Peter Parker broke a sweat with a characteristically awkward but high-spirited break-dancing number, dressed head to toe in a Spider-Man costume. Rufio read punny jokes from his iPhone with surprising charm, while Twig N’ Berries sang an uncomfortable, flat-falling duet with Cherry Pitz, then tried to get the audience back with some yoga moves. Raj Kumar donned a traditional Indian costume and displayed his agility in a Bollywood-tinged dance routine that seduced judge Caroline Fox, who joined him onstage for a bump and grind. As ever, the act with the lowest score won, and audience favorite and New Delhi native Raj Kumar—a 28-year-old Fulbright scholar who lives on the Upper East Side and works in digital advertising—romped away with the win. Last year’s winner, Nick Gilronan, returned to the stage to present Kumar with the glitter encrusted, penis-spired crown amidst a terrible stench of sewage, which, by all accounts, is a pageant tradition (we didn’t feel like enquiring further). Kumar seemed genuinely touched at the turnout and oddly proud of his new title. See all the photos of the event in the slideshow above (very much not NSFW), or check out the photos from last year's pageant right here .
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