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Photo of Lynn on her honeymoon, August 2002.
 Starting over in socializing and dating
 Early experiences in lovemaking and partnering
 Exploring your sexual orientation as a woman
 Compartmentalizing and adjusting one's stealthiness
 Staying healthy and being physically active
 The Process of Ongoing Refinements
 Being an immigrant to a new social gender
 Enjoying and finding fulfillment in the world of work as a woman
 Building and experiencing a full social life
 Reaching out and sharing our stories
The real-life examples in this page are based on the stories of
postop women from among the many women listed in Lynn's TS Successes webpage. To read more about their stories, see:
 
TS WOMEN'S SUCCESSES
I'm sitting here in a coffee shop on a cold, windy, and rainy day in the Midwestern U.S. I'm watching people come in and order their cappuccinos, their lattes (I have one myself), and their baguettes. Small groups sit at each table in hushed conversation. Occasionally, a snippet of a discussion will filter itself out from the background noise of coffee grinders, rustling newspaper pages and ceaseless mumbling. And in the midst of this otherwise normal appearing Midwest kitsch lays a terrible secret that, if anyone knew, would disrupt the tranquility of this room with the force of a train wreck. There's a transsexual in the room! This is slightly better than having an elephant in the room, only because it is harder to hide the elephant. Had this been a year and a half ago, I'd be one of the most paranoid people on the planet. It is one of the most incessant and pervasive fears that any transgendered person could encounter - the fear of being discovered; the fear of being "read."
I know that the topic has been batted around in the transgender community like a badminton birdie, and the discussions have led to all sorts of conclusions. But I've always had a problem with the usual discussions where the conclusion is that "passing" shouldn't mean anything. I personally have a problem with the whole concept of "passing." For far too many people, "passing" means hiding - denying who and what you are, and pretending that you are not transgendered by hiding from the world. This accomplishes little except to raise the stakes of being outed. But there is another motivation behind "passing" that is altogether different. I'll forego the descent into the Politics of Bornstein (as I call Kate Bornstein's views on the dichotomy of gender), but suffice it to say that I think there is a psychologically healthy aspect to "passing" as it liberates us to define ourselves as we see fit.
The reason why this has recently come to my mind is because I have made an appointment to visit Dr. Osterhout for facial surgery this summer. I am frequently questioned and chided about going to such extremes to "pass." A pleadingly imperative "why?" usually accompanies such conversations. I would like to think that I'd be the last person to be vain enough to think of myself as "attractive," but I do feel that I have physical shortcomings that could be improved upon; my chin is too wide, my jaw is too square (yes, I'm entirely self critical, much as any woman in our consumer culture would be). But why would I choose to undergo such an extreme measure to improve upon what others declare to be little more than extraneous and insignificant imperfections?
Therein, dear friends, is something that causes us to look at the whole "passing" issue in a slightly different light than we have before. Being transsexual, the issue of "passing" takes on an entirely different perspective than what one would normally consider as a cross-dresser or transvestite. Why? (There's that word again) There are several reasons for this, but two primarily stick out when this topic comes up. The first is that as a transsexual, once we have transitioned, there is no reprieve - we cannot escape ourselves now as transitioned transmen and transwomen any easier than we could escape ourselves when we were living the life of a wrongly gendered person. When we go out each day, we are who we are. A step backwards for a rest or reprieve is a step backwards in the name of progress. Because of that, we need to find comfort in the identity that we present to the world each day.
Secondly, the nature of my gender identity is that I identify as female, not "a guy in a dress." My remarks aren't meant to disparage cross-dressers or transvestites; not in the least. I could be unattractive as a woman and be comfortable, because at least I'd be a woman. But given the temporal nature of cross-gender presentation by cross-dressers and transvestites, the issue of "passing" is placed into an entirely different context than it is for transsexuals. For the cross-dresser, the return to male presentation is normal and appropriate. Once back in "guy mode" (as some call it) the world is none the wiser about any gender issues, and the whole topic, for the most part, may be conveniently ignored. Some people who identify as cross-dressers will likely have a problem with the second point. I don't mean to be indignant here, but the basic fact of being transsexual is that life is already difficult enough; why should we complicate things further by being indifferent or dismissive about our own appearance? And this concept cuts both ways. Should a FTM not "pack" or bind because it shouldn't make a difference? Should an MTF not wear makeup? If there is something I can do to correct the gender obstacles that nature gave me, then why should I not do so? Just because I cannot escape who I am, doesn't mean that I can't work to improve upon my lot. Of course, there are those who don't fit neatly into any classical definitions used by the transgendered community, and quite often the lines between any two points on the gender spectrum become easily blurred. But in that light, the issue of "passing" then becomes one of "passing as what?" To which one would likely (and appropriately) answer "yes."
So here I sit, watching these people in the coffee shop come and go, drink their drinks, carry on their conversations, and no one appears to notice the woman sitting in their midst who isn't exactly all that she seems to be (or who is more than she seems to be). And I go about my apparently dull little life, clacking away on my laptop and sipping my latte.
 See Becky Allison's website for
state-by-state information about
 
CHANGING NAME AND SEX ON BIRTH CERTIFICATES
 The HRC's Corporate Equality Index rates a company
on a scale of 0 percent to 100 percent on whether it:
Has a written non-discrimination policy covering sexual orientation.
Has a written non-discrimination policy covering gender identity and/or expression.
Offers health insurance coverage to employees' same-sex domestic partners.
Officially recognizes and supports an LGBT employee group, or has a policy that gives employee groups equal standing regardless of sexual orientation and gender identity.
Offers diversity training that includes sexual orientation and/or gender expression in the workplace.
Engages in respectful, appropriate marketing to the LGBT community and/or provides support through its corporate foundation or otherwise to LGBT or AIDS-related organization or events.
Avoids any corporate actions that would undermine the goal of equal rights for LGBT people.
 Companies having perfect scores on the HRC Corporate Equality Index:
Aetna Inc.
AMR Corp./American Airlines
Apple Computer Inc.
Avaya Inc.
Eastman Kodak Co.
Intel Corp.
J.P. Morgan Chase & Co.
Lucent Technologies Inc.
NCR Corp.
Nike Inc.
Replacements Ltd.
Worldspan L.P.
Xerox Corp.
Companies having excellent scores:
General Mills Inc.
Starbucks Corp.
Motorola Inc.
Raytheon Co.
ChevronTexaco Corp.
British Petroleum
Shell Oil Co.
 
In contrast, here are some companies having extremely poor scores:
Domino's Inc.
FedEx Corp.
MeadWestvaco Corp.
Meijer Inc.
Shaw Industries Inc.
Wal-Mart Stores Inc.
CBRL Group Inc./Cracker Barrel
Emerson Electric Co.
Lockheed Martin Corp.
Christie Lee Littleton and her husband Jonathan.
This 7-marriage was invalidated by courts in Texas after Jonathan's tragic death.
A further serious threat to trans marriage rights in the U.S. surfaced on April 16, 2004, when the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (CIS) issued a memorandum stating that the CIS "shall not recognize the marriage, or intended marriage, between two individuals where one or both of the parties claim to have changed their sex." Immigration Daily reported on this new policy in an article entitled "The Status Of Transsexuals Under US Immigration Law".
The CIS exploited the fact that a handful of states do not recognize a legal change of sex, combined with DOMA's proscription against same-sex marriages, to exclude any immigrants who seeking entry visa's as a result of entering into a trans marriage. The new policy raised the awful specter of the federal government possibly going further and declaring trans marriages invalid for other purposes too. 
Almost immediately after the onset of this new policy, many loving couples who had planned the immigration of a spouse were caught up in the nightmare of being unable to marry and live together in the U.S. For some insight into the many tragedies that unfolded as a result of the new policy, see the story of Donita Ganzon, whose husband Jiffy Javenella suddenly faced deportation as a result of the ruling:
As these cases began to emerge, many legal appeals were filed. Finally, as reported in the article "BIA Upholds Validity Of Marriage Where One Spouse Is Transsexual", one of these appeals was successful and the new CIS policy was overturned:
 "On May 18, 2005, The Board of Immigration Appeals issued a precedential decision, Matter of Lovo, 23 I&N 746 (BIA 2005), overturning the Nebraska Service Center's denial of an I-130 visa petition where one of the spouses is [] transsexual. This decision reverses a recent policy set forth in a U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services memorandum by William Yates dated April 14, 2004 . . . which stated that all marriage-based immigration petitions would be denied where one spouse "claimed to be transsexual." Significantly, the BIA has reaffirmed the longstanding rule that if a marriage is valid in the state in which it is entered into, it should be recognized for immigration purposes."
However, even with this reversal in that CIS policy, we must remain very vigilant. The CIS that for a while prevented trans people from marrying (at least in immigration situations) was undertaken within a climate of ever-increasing political power by religious fundamentalists in the U.S. Trans people should be aware that this current trend may lead to further bureaucratic attempts to preclude trans people from marrying or otherwise deny them proper legal status, and should follow any such developments closely.
Continue on to next Sections:
PART III: Sections c,d,e

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Teen Shemale Vs Shemale