Teen Sex And Submission
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Teen Sex And Submission
Connection Impairs Ability to Become Aroused, Research Shows
July 21, 2005 -- Some women may subconsciously associate sex with submission, and the connection could wreak havoc on their ability to enjoy sex , research shows.
In a series of studies involving female college students, University of Michigan researchers found that the women who most strongly linked sex with submission reported the most difficulty becoming sexually aroused. The same association was not seen in young men.
"Women seem to internalize the female sexual role of submission," the researchers write. "In the process of fitting their sexual behavior and desires into this cultural mold, women may unwittingly undermine their sexual arousal."
Two well-known sex therapists who spoke to WebMD expressed differing opinions on the research.
"I just don't think this study is relevant for sexually mature, experienced women," says Sandra R. Leiblum, PhD.
Leiblum directs the Center for Sexual and Relationship Health at the UMDNJ-Robert Wood Johnson Medical School in New Jersey.
"It may be relevant to younger, less-sexually experienced women who tend to respond more to gender role stereotypes. But it would be hard to find too many 50-year-old women who feel submissive."
She adds that the most common complaint she hears from older women is a disinterest in sex.
Therapist, author, and researcher Laura Berman, PhD, agrees that college-aged women often lack a sense of sexual empowerment. But she adds that she sees the problem in women of all ages and social levels.
Berman and colleagues interviewed several thousand women for her book Secrets of the Sexually Satisfied Woman , which was published earlier this year.
She says the most sexually satisfied women were comfortable with their bodies, were able to communicate their sexual needs to their partner, and had a sense that their partner was receptive to their needs.
"Elements of empowerment are key to a woman's level of sexual satisfaction," she says. "So it makes sense that sexual response is not as good for women who don't feel this autonomy."
The University of Michigan researchers used a subliminal association test to measure the degree to which women associated sex with submission. Thirty-six female undergraduates participated in the research.
The women were told that they would complete a simple word categorization task. They were instructed to sort nonwords from words by pressing keys marked "nonword" or "word" on the keyboard as quickly as possible. Following random prime words, target words were presented on a computer screen. It remained there until the participant pressed the "nonword" or "word" key, at which point a reaction time was recorded.
The women's responses tended to be faster when submissive words like comply, submit, slave, and weaken were preceded by sex prime words than neutral ones. This indicated that they associated sex with submission, study researcher Amy Kiefer, PhD, tells WebMD.
Those who had the quickest responses were also more likely to report engaging in submissive sexual behavior.
College-aged men recruited for the same test were much less likely to associate sex with submission, and the degree to which they did so did not predict submissive sexual behavior.
In a follow-up study, the researchers asked the female participants a series of questions to gauge the impact of submissive behavior on arousal. The more women reported engaging in submissive sexual behaviors the less arousal they reported from a range of sexual activities.
"We showed that women tend to associate sex with submission without necessarily being aware of it," Kiefer tells WebMD.
She says women are probably not hardwired to be sexually submissive and that greater awareness of the issue may help them achieve more sexual satisfaction.
Berman says even though women's attitudes toward sex have changed in recent decades, most still don't feel comfortable discussing their sexual needs with their partners.
"Even though we had the women's movement and the sexual revolution and have made huge strides in terms of sexual empowerment, I work with women every day who are struggling with this," she says. "Even today there is this idea that nice girls can be sexually receptive and responsive, but if they are too sexually assertive it is off-putting."
SOURCES: Kiefer, A, University of Michigan study. Amy Kiefer, PhD, research
fellow, University of California at San Francisco. Sandra R. Leiblum, PhD,
professor of psychiatry; director, Center for Sexual and Relationship Health,
University of Medicine and Dentistry New Jersey-Robert Wood Johnson Medical
School, Newark, N.J. Laura Berman, PhD, sex therapist; director and president,
Berman Center, Chicago.
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WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
How Self-Esteem Influences Teen Sex Behavior
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Nancy Schimelpfening, MS is the administrator for the non-profit depression support group Depression Sanctuary. Nancy has a lifetime of experience with depression, experiencing firsthand how devastating this illness can be.
Amy Morin, LCSW, is the Editor-in-Chief of Verywell Mind. She's also a psychotherapist, the author of the bestselling book "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do," and the host of The Verywell Mind Podcast.
According to a report by the National Center for Health Statistics, more than half of all teenagers in the U.S. have had sex by the time they reach age 18. 1 Unfortunately, teens may lack the maturity and emotional resources to properly manage sexual relationships. It is not uncommon for teens to engage in risky sexual behaviors such as lack of protection or multiple sexual partners.
"Low self-esteem in children is a sure way to push them toward engaging in risky and reckless sexual behavior as teens. They wish to be popular and the inability to make wise decisions about the consequences of one's actions is at the core of the problem, explains licensed psychologist Patricia A. Farrell, PhD .
The CDC reports that half of all newly reported STDs occur in young people between the ages of 15 and 24 and that nearly half of all sexually active high schoolers did not use condoms the last time they had sex. 2 Unprotected sex significantly increases the risk of contracting a sexually transmitted infection (STI) or experiencing an unintended pregnancy.
Research suggests that self-esteem is an important factor in determining whether teens are sexually active, but the effect is different between girls and boys.
A number of studies have found a connection between self-esteem and teen sexual activity. For example, one early study found that girls who reported being sexually active had lower scores on measures of self-esteem. 3 What the results did not indicate, however, is whether self-esteem was the cause or a consequence of sex.
"Kids are impressionable and if they see that popularity in a group is related to risky sex, those with low self-esteem, especially the girls, will gravitate toward it," Farrell suggests. Some of this may be attributed to the fact that girls tend to have lower self-esteem than boys, and are more likely to hold negative views of both their physical and intellectual characteristics. 4
One study found that self-esteem had differing effects on sexual behaviors in teen boys and girls: 5
Half of the boys who had high self-esteem in seventh grade had sex by ninth grade. Of the girls with low self-esteem in seventh grade, 40% had sex by the time they were in ninth grade.
Another study looking at risky sexual behaviors in Nigerian teens found that adolescents with low self-esteem were 1.7 times more likely to engage in risky sexual behaviors such as having sex without a condom, having multiple sexual partners , and having sex in exchange for drugs. 5
Research also suggests that low self-esteem can be a predictor for having sex at an earlier age. 6
It is important to remember that not all teens with low self-esteem will become sexually active. Conversely, high self-esteem is not necessarily a guarantee that your teen will not become sexually active. In fact, research suggests that high self-esteem may actually make boys more likely to begin having sex.
Kids who have a strong sense of themselves and self-respect will not be immune from sexual urges, but having good self-esteem may help them to handle relationships in more mature ways. Teens who are struggling with their own sense of self-worth may be the most prone to unwise decisions about sex.
Unless you have a very open relationship with your child, you may not know they are sexually active unless a problem arises such as unintended pregnancy, illness, or an STI.
If your child is dating, you should assume there is a possibility they will become sexually active. If you are fortunate to have a very trusting relationship with your child, they may actually come and ask you for advice. If not, you may find signs of contraceptives or evidence that your child is seeking out moments to be alone with a boyfriend or girlfriend for private moments.
The best advice, however, is to be proactive rather than waiting for signs. Talk frankly with your child about sex. Work actively to ensure they place a high value on themselves and their futures.
As a parent or caregiver, you can help foster healthy self-esteem in your teen as well as a supportive and caring relationship with you, which can encourage your teen to make healthy choices in all aspects of their life, including their relationships and sexuality.
If you suspect that your teen has low self-esteem or is depressed, talk to your child's doctor. Your child's pediatrician can screen for potential problems and also provide information about safe sex and birth control options.
Sexually active teens will also need non-judgmental education about the risks and responsibilities of sex, including proper medical care where appropriate.
Activities that raise self-esteem may help teens feel more empowered and in control of their lives and bodies.
Farrell notes that parents and caregivers should model healthy close personal relationships. She also stresses the importance of engaging in open communication with children.
"Open conversations regarding questions that will be asked about sex are significant and parents must provide positive parenting practices to counter the information the children may get from their friends," she explains.
Such communication, Farrell suggests, shouldn't be restricted to a single conversation. Instead, it should be an ongoing pattern of communication that helps kids feel comfortable talking about their lives.
"Research has shown that teens who shared their parents’ values, developed over years of open conversations, make better decisions about delaying sex and understand that sex does not mean love," she says.
Great opportunities to talk to your teen include while in the car (kids may feel more comfortable listening to what you are saying without needing to look at you, Farrell suggests) and in teachable moments such as while watching TV shows that feature relevant storylines regarding sex, relationships, and risky sexual behavior.
If your child is depressed or struggling with low esteem, there are things that you can do to help. Your teen's pediatrician may recommend treatments such as medication or psychotherapy to address underlying symptoms of depression or anxiety.
Recent findings from the CDC's National Youth Risk Behavior Surveys indicate that fewer teens are engaging in risky sexual behavior than in the past. 7 While the research could not point to any specific intervention as the cause of this trend, access to medically accurate sex education programs and online educational information may play an important role.
Such trends suggest that parents may be able to reduce the risk by talking about making healthy choices and providing frank, factual information about sex, including safe sex practices and the consequences of risky behaviors.
Farrell notes that making sure that kids have access to age-appropriate, accurate information is imperative. "Several things that parents should keep in mind include asking the teen where they are getting their information about sex, what they know about relationships and the prevention of STDs, and what messages are factual and medically accurate," she suggests.
It's important for parents to watch for signs of poor self-esteem or symptoms of depression in teens. It is also essential to remember that teens view their parents as the single largest influence on their decisions regarding sex. 8 For this reason, talking to your kids frankly about sex is essential despite any awkward
Important topics to discuss include anatomy and physiology, STIs and protection, puberty, sex practices, boundaries, relationships, sexual orientation, contraception, pornography, and abuse. In many cases, educating yourself before having such conversations can be helpful. 8
If you suspect that your child might have low self-esteem or depression, take steps to get them the help they need. Look for ways to support your child's self-esteem and talk to your teen's pediatrician about treatment options that can help with depression.
Everything feels more challenging when you're dealing with depression. Get our free guide when you sign up for our newsletter.
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Orr DP, Wilbrandt,ML, Brack CJ, Rauch SP, Ingersoll GM. Reported sexual behaviors and self-esteem among young adolescents . Am J Dis Child . 1989;143(1):86-90. doi:10.1001/archpedi.1989.02150130096023
Bleidorn W, Arslan RC, Denissen JJ, Rentfrow PJ, Gebauer JE, Potter J, Gosling SD. Age and gender differences in self-esteem-A cross-cultural window . J Pers Soc Psychol . 2016;111(3):396-410. doi:10.1037/pspp0000078
Enejoh V, Pharr J, Mavegam BO, et al. Impact of self esteem on risky sexual behaviors among Nigerian adolescents . AIDS Care . 2016;28(5):672-676. doi:10.1080/09540121.2015.1120853
Ashcraft AM, Murray PJ. Talking to parents about adolescent sexuality . Pediatr Clin North Am . 2017;64(2):305-320. doi:10.1016/j.pcl.2016.11.002
Spencer JM, Zimet GD, Aalsma MC, Orr DP. Self-esteem as a predictor of initiation of coitus in early adolescents . Pediatrics . 2002;109(4):581-584. doi:10.1542/peds.109.4.581
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