Teen Sec

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It's no secret that sex is a big deal for teenagers. They think about it, they talk about it. And usually, they do it. On average, both males and females in the US and UK first have sex at 16. Which, if you're the parent of a teenager or young adult, can suddenly start to feel very real. Have you ever wondered where all those teenagers are doing it?
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Sep 15, 2014, 06:56 AM EDT | Updated Nov 15, 2014
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Global community for contemporary people over 50
It's one thing to know your kids are having sex. It's another thing for it to happen at your house, with your permission. High50's Paula Greenspan reports on how to navigate this tricky topic
Where do you think your teenage children are having sex? It's better to let them do it at home, say some experts.
It's no secret that sex is a big deal for teenagers. They think about it, they talk about it. And usually, they do it.
On average, both males and females in the US and UK first have sex at 16. Which, if you're the parent of a teenager or young adult, can suddenly start to feel very real.
Have you ever wondered where all those teenagers are doing it? Nobody likes to think of their child taking risks by having sex outdoors or in the back of a car. But what's the alternative for them?
Well if they're living with you, there's a good chance that the safest place for your kids to have sex is under your roof. Which is a pretty uncomfortable thought for a lot of parents. So what do you do when he or she asks for a partner to stay over?
In an ideal world, you'll have been discussing sex and relationships with your kids for years so the subject won't be new to the two of you.
But there's a massive difference between having a theoretical chat about and actually giving them your blessing to do it, especially if they're still quite young.
According to Suzanne Pearson, psychologist and director of Sharing Parenting , there's no right age to begin allowing your child to have partners stay the night. "However, most parents tend to consider it more over the age of 16," she says.
Yes, 16 is the federal legal age of consent (it varies from state to state, and in some it's actually younger) but that doesn't mean sexual maturity suddenly kicks in at midnight on your child's 16th birthday. There are other things to consider as well.
How well does your child know his or her partner? Is it a happy, committed relationship, or just a fling? Can your child handle the emotions of a sexual relationship? Are they putting themselves at risk of a sexually-transmitted disease or pregnancy? And...
That last question is a big one. It would be easy to assume that when kids ask for a partner to stay over, it means they want you to say yes. But in some cases your child might, in fact, be looking to you to be the one who says no?
It's worth considering whether your child is feeling pressure from friends, or even a boyfriend or girlfriend, and may not have the confidence to say no themselves. After all, it's far easier to say 'my mum won't let me' than 'I don't want to'.
You know your child best and in this situation and you've got to think about whether they're delving into something they're simply not ready for.
"Trust your instincts about how your child feels," says Suzanne. "If you know your teenager well, you'll know if they're relying on you to say no."
If you do say no and your teen simply agrees without arguing about your decision, chances are it was what they wanted to hear.
When young children ask to sleep over at a friend's house, you'd probably call the friend's parents to check it's OK with them. However, when sex is involved with your older teens, you might want to think twice before picking up the phone.
It's a grey area and a very difficult decision for parents to make.
Suzanne Pearson believes that by making that call behind your child's back, you're crossing a line. After all, just by asking your permission and involving you in the relationship, your child is showing trust in you. One phone call could break that trust.
"If you ring the partner's parents you're undermining your relationship with your son or daughter," she says. "But if you really want to do it, make sure to ask for your child's permission first."
Not everyone agrees with this approach. Dr Linda Mallory, educational psychologist and author of Parentuality: How to Have an Amazing Relationship with your Child, has a different take on things.
"It's about the health and safety of everybody involved," she says. "It's about being open and honest, and in order to do that I would feel it was important to speak to the other child's parents."
So what do you do? One mum found middle ground when her 16-year-old son wanted his girlfriend to stay for the weekend.
"Rather than asking, he more or less told me that she'd be staying over for the weekend. I didn't ring her parents but I knew his girlfriend well and I spoke to her on the phone to ask if her parents had agreed," she said. "She said they had, and after having a think and a chat with my partner, I agreed too."
Once you've agreed to let your child have a partner stay over, you have to live with the reality of it.
Being aware that your child is sexually active is very different to feeling comfortable knowing that he or she is having sex in the next room right at that very moment.
Hopefully this isn't a decision you've made lightly. And if you've thought it through, you're likely to have a good reason for agreeing.
But parents are parents, and it probably won't stop you from worrying.
So what do you do when you're lying in bed, blinking at the ceiling and driving yourself crazy wondering what they're up to in there?
"You need to be clear about the reason why you made the decision and genuinely feel comfortable with it," Suzanne says. "Remind yourself of that, and that you love your teenager."
Believe it or not, you'll get used to the idea. Eventually.
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People.com Crime Teen Allegedly Filmed 2 Other Students Having Sex in School Bathroom Then Shared It with Friends
Kyle Steven Bahner is accused of filming two other students who were in the middle of sex in a closed bathroom stall at Harrison High School in Kennesaw
By Harriet Sokmensuer May 09, 2018 06:10 PM
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Teen Allegedly Filmed 2 Other Students Having Sex in School Bathroom Then Shared It with Friends
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A 17-year-old Georgia boy has been charged with a felony for allegedly secretly recording a video of two other teen students in the middle of sex in a school bathroom last week, PEOPLE confirms.
Kyle Steven Bahner faces a count of eavesdropping-surveillance for allegedly filming a male and female student — 16 and 15, respectively — while the latter two were engaged in a consensual sex act in a closed boy’s bathroom stall at their Atlanta-area high school on May 2, according to an arrest warrant obtained by PEOPLE.
Bahner allegedly reached over the bathroom stall and began to record the pair from above, the warrant states. He then shared the video with his friends and soon it spread throughout the school via social media and platforms, authorities claim.
Police say the video was recorded without the pair’s knowledge and was reported the following day by an assistant principal at Harrison High in Kennesaw. All three teens are students there.
• Want to keep up with the latest crime coverage? Click here to get breaking crime news, ongoing trial coverage and details of intriguing unsolved cases in the True Crime Newsletter.
“I took a video of a guy and a girl in a stall because I don’t see how they should let that happen and I was showing it to my friends,” Bahner allegedly told school administrators during their investigation, the warrant states.
He was arrested on Thursday after the school’s assistant principal reported the video to school district police. He was bailed out about an hour after his arrest, records show.
Under state law, Bahner is considered an adult for the purposes of criminal prosecution because he is at least 17 years old.
“This incident has been thoroughly investigated by school administrators and school district police. In addition to the criminal charge, appropriate action has been taken in accordance with the Student Code of Conduct,” the school district said in a statement to PEOPLE.
A district spokesman said he was unable to answer further questions.
It is unclear whether Bahner has an attorney who could comment on his behalf or if he has pleaded to his charge. He could not be reached directly on Wednesday.

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