Teen S Sex

Teen S Sex

We humans

What teens really want to know about sex
Sep 26, 2014

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Al Vernacchio

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On the first day of my Sexuality and Society class, I don’t pass around anatomy drawings. I don’t hand out pamphlets about safer sex, although those are stacked on a table near the door. Instead, the first thing I do is establish ground rules. People should speak for themselves, laughter is OK, we won’t ask “personal history” questions, and we’ll work to create a community of peers who care about and respect one another. Only then can we get to work.
I’m all about context. Talking about sexuality, intimacy, relationships, and pleasure can’t be done in a vacuum.
In the back corner of my classroom is an old shoebox with a hole cut into the top of it. Next to the box are scraps of paper and some pencils. This is the Question Box, a place where kids can drop any question they have about human sexuality. I answer the questions both during class time and on a blog I maintain at school.
Here are some actual questions from students and my answers to them. I haven’t done any fancy editing; these are the questions just as the kids asked them. They run the gamut from innocent to downright technical. My answers are exactly as I gave them, to show how even a simple question allows for both information and value clarification to be offered in response. Here goes:
There are two ways to answer this question. From the biological perspective, sex feels good for an important evolutionary reason. If a species, like ours, is going to reproduce sexually, then there’s an advantage if that action also feels good. As I’ve often said, if sex felt like getting your tooth drilled at the dentist, people wouldn’t have it very often, and that could eventually threaten the survival of our species. Our bodies have evolved so that our genital regions, as well as many, many other parts of the body, are sensitive to sexual stimulation.
A part of the body that brings sexual pleasure when stimulated is called an erogenous zone . This does not mean just our genitals. All of us have many places on our bodies that result in sexual pleasure when stimulated. Knowing your own and your partner’s erogenous zones can lead to much more fulfilling sexual experiences. The mechanisms of sexual pleasure involve a combination of nerve impulses, blood flow, and muscle tension. To find out more about this, you might Google the phrase “human sexual response cycle” and look at the work of Masters and Johnson, two famous sex researchers who studied the body changes that happen when people get sexually excited.
WOULDN’T IT BE GREAT IF WE COULD SAY, “THE THURSDAY FOLLOWING YOUR SIXTH DATE IS THE MOST APPROPRIATE DAY TO START HAVING SEX”? OF COURSE, THAT’S NOT THE WAY IT WORKS.
The second reason sex feels good is that humans have developed the emotional capacity to feel love, intimacy, and passion. These emotional states highlight and deepen sexual pleasure.
While pleasure can exist without these emotions, it is much more significant when they are present.
When is someone emotionally and physically ready for sex?
I wish I had an answer that would be right for all people at all times, but the real answer is “it depends.” We are all unique individuals, and our relationships are all unique. Because of that, there can’t be a standard answer to this question. Wouldn’t it be great if we could say, “The Thursday following your sixth date is the most appropriate day to start having sex”? But, of course, that’s not the way it works.
EMOTIONALLY, A PERSON HAS TO BE READY TO FACE OTHER PEOPLE’S RESPONSE, POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE.
I think it’s appropriate to start being sexually active with a sweetheart (and remember: I define sexually active as being involved with someone else’s body for the purpose of giving and receiving sexual pleasure) when intimacy, commitment, and passion are established and both people have pretty equal amounts of these feelings for each other. I don’t think these things develop quickly, so I don’t think sexual activity is appropriate on a first date or early in a new relationship.
I also think people aren’t ready to become sexually active if they can’t talk about it with their partners in a serious way, and also talk about safer sex practices, contraception (if appropriate), and possible positive and negative consequences and how they’d deal with them. Emotionally, a person has to be ready to face other people’s response, positive or negative, to the sexual activity and be willing to share those emotional reactions with his or her partner.
As you can see, I think it takes a lot for a couple to be ready to engage in sexual activity. If any of the above things aren’t in place, I’d say you’re not ready.
Could you use a balloon as a condom?
Short Answer—ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! UNSAFE! UNHEALTHY! DANGER! DANGER!
Longer Answer: OK, I’m calmer now. Condoms are made to be condoms; balloons are made to be balloons. Both can be made of latex, but that doesn’t mean they’re interchangeable. You wouldn’t use a pencil eraser as a car tire even though they’re both made of rubber, would you?
If a person doesn’t feel confident enough to acquire condoms, then maybe they shouldn’t be having intercourse.
Condoms, when used correctly, are an essential tool in reducing the risk of pregnancy and STIs. They work so well because they’re designed for that purpose. No condom substitute (balloon, plastic baggie, sock—whatever) will provide the same level of protection, and some can do more harm than good. So insist on the original! Sometimes people ask about condom substitutes because they don’t know where to get condoms or are embarrassed to get them. Condoms can be purchased at any local drugstore; there are no age requirements for buying condoms and no prescriptions are necessary. Free condoms are available from many health clinics, sexual health agencies, and even some schools (although ours does not provide free condoms at this time).
Here’s an important thing to consider. If a person doesn’t feel confident enough to acquire condoms, then maybe they shouldn’t be having intercourse. Being ready for sexual intercourse means being able to handle all aspects of the situation, including protecting oneself and one’s sweetheart from unwanted consequences. Remember my rule about sexual activity—“ If you can’t look your partner in the eye and talk about it, then you can’t do it with them.” My rule for condoms is, “If you can’t take responsibility for securing condoms, then you’re not allowed to have the kind of sexual activity that calls for using condoms.”
How can you tell if a guy likes you?
I know you’re really hoping for a clear-cut answer here, but that’s just not the way it works, I’m afraid. People can react in all kinds of ways when they like you. Some people get really quiet around you. Others will make sure you notice them. Some will tease you or act annoying. Some will just silently stare at you (yes, that can feel a little creepy).
The best way to figure out if a guy likes you is to ask him ! Might it feel awkward to do that? Sure, but it’s also a way to get a clear answer. You might want to resort to the middle-school tactic of asking your friends to ask his friends if he really likes you or not, but that makes the whole thing so much more public than it needs to be. You could try using Facebook or texts to figure it out, but they’re not great ways to get clear information.
Why not try the kind of “I message” we use in class? In an I message, you describe the situation, say what you feel, and say what you want or need. Below are two different I messages you might try (or make up your own!).
#1: “I’m trying to figure something out and I could use your help. I’m feeling a bit confused about what you think of me. I’m wondering, can you be honest with me and tell me whether you like me or not?”
#2: “It’s hard for me to figure out if someone likes me or not. I’d be a lot less anxious if I knew for sure. So, I was just wondering, do you like me?”
Asking such a question might seem scary, but remember, the worst a person can say is no, and you’re absolutely strong enough to hear that and be OK. Believe it! Then go ask him.
Al Vernacchio In his 12th-grade Sexuality and Society class, Al Vernacchio speaks honestly and positively about human sexuality. He is the author of For Goodness Sex.

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Sara is a staff writer for Live Science, covering health. She grew up outside of Philadelphia and studied biology at Hamilton College in upstate New York. When she's not writing, she can be found at the library, checking out a big stack of books.

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The percentage of teens in the U.S. who have had sex has ticked down since the 1980s, a new report finds.
The latest estimates — which are based on data gathered from 2011 to 2015 — are that 42 percent of girls and women ages 15 to 19 who have never been married have had sex, down from 51 percent in 1988, according to the report. For guys who have never been married, 44 percent have had sex, down from 60 percent in 1988.
These trends follow another pattern that researchers have observed in previous studies: Teen birth rates are also on the decline, according to the report published today (June 22) by researchers at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. [ 10 Facts Every Parent Should Know about Their Teen's Brain ]
Indeed, the researchers found that the surveyed teens' views on pregnancy played a large role in their decisions about whether to have sex and their likelihood of using contraception .
In the report, the researchers analyzed data on more than 4,000 teens ages 15 to 19 who were interviewed for the National Survey of Family Growth (NSFG) from 2011 to 2015. The NSFG is a national survey of people ages 15 to 44 in the U.S. that involves in-person interviews conducted by the survey researchers.
The majority of teens in the survey said that when they had sex for the first time , it was with someone with whom they were in a relationship: 74 percent of teenage girls and women said their first partner was a significant other, and 51 percent of teenage boys and men said the same.
A very small percentage of teens — 2 percent of teen girls and women and 7 percent of teen boys and men — said that their first partner was a person that they had "just met," the report found.
Among the teens who hadn't had sex yet, the most common reason was that it was against their religion or morals. Other common reasons included not having found the right person and not wanting to get pregnant or to get someone pregnant.
The new report also looked at contraception use among teens.
The researchers found that 80 percent of teens reported using contraception when they had sex for the first time. And among teenage girls and women who'd had sex more than once, a whopping 99 percent reported that they had ever used some form of contraception when they had sex.
Teens cited condoms as the most common form of contraception they used during sex, with 97 percent of girls and women and 95 percent of boys and men saying that they had ever used condoms. Also, 60 percent of teen girls and women reported having used the withdrawal method (the report did not give the percentage of boys and men who reported using this method), and 56 percent of teen girls and women reported ever using birth control pills , according to the report. [ 7 Surprising Facts About the Pill ]
The researchers also found that a larger percentage of teen girls and women said they would be "very upset" if a pregnancy occurred compared with teen boys and men. Nearly two-thirds of teen girls and women said they would be very upset if they got pregnant, compared with 46 percent of teen boys and men who said that they would feel the same if they got a girl pregnant.
Indeed, teenage girls and women who said that they would be very upset about a pregnancy were also more likely to use contraception compared with those who said they would be pleased with a pregnancy, the researchers found.
And one in five teens who have never had sex cited not wanting a pregnancy as their primary reason for avoiding intercourse.
Originally published on Live Science .
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November 11, 2022, 6:45 PM · 7 min read
Across the country, students are turning to social media to get their sex ed questions answered. (Collage: Getty Images/Nathalie Cruz for Yahoo Life)
Yahoo Life’s School Report Card: Sex Education series examines what adolescents are being taught about sexuality — and why it’s about more than the birds and the bees.
Dr. Jennifer Lincoln is an ob-gyn with a massive following on social media, where she’s a source for many young Americans who are grasping at straws when it comes to sex education — something the doctor knows plenty about.
“I received abstinence-only sex education, which left me ill-informed and ill-prepared to keep myself safe,” Lincoln, 41, tells Yahoo Life. “Once I started using social media professionally, I used myself in high school as the target audience: What did 15- or 16-year-old me need to know? What were the topics I was clueless about, that an ob-gyn on TikTok could shed some light on?”
Unfortunately, not a ton has changed since Lincoln was a teen: Experts have told Yahoo Life in recent weeks that sex education in America is “failing,” with its patchwork approach falling short in most districts when it comes to offering honest, inclusive, medically accurate information that goes beyond teaching abstinence-only. And that’s despite a majority of parents — 59% — wanting their kids to learn about birth control methods beyond abstinence, according to new findings by Pew Research .
It’s no wonder young people are turning to online sources.
“Social media is where most of us spend a lot of time — especially young people — so I knew I could use it as a platform for education and empowerment,” says Lincoln. “If I had access to TikTok or Instagram as a teen, I can guarantee I would have understood much more about my body and felt more confident in seeking care,” she says.
That’s certainly true for Aarush Santoshi, 16. He recalls receiving sex ed in middle school but says it felt exclusionary.
“I personally identify as gay, so I felt it was lacking in that sense,” he tells Yahoo Life. “I didn’t learn a lot of things about how nonheterosexual sex works, or, you know, protection and stuff for nonheterosexual forms of sex.”
Now in high school, Santoshi says sex ed isn’t even taught as a class anymore.
“We just have a Google Classroom page where our gym teacher gives us questions to respond to every week,” he says. “So the research is actually stuff we do on our own; all the information I get is from online.”
Luckily, there are sources like Lincoln, and many other qualified people just like her, sharing their wealth of knowledge on TikTok, Instagram and YouTube.
However, not all content creators teaching sex ed online have Lincoln’s bona fides.
“You have some people who are unfortunately contributing to either misinformation or are unknowingly contributing to stigmatizing language or stigmatizing programs or beliefs that actually harm people,” Monica Edwards, the federal policy manager for Unite for Reproductive & Gender Equity (URGE), tells Yahoo Life. “It’s important for young people to be in community with each other, and to learn from each other’s experiences, but at the same time, there’s always that danger of not getting accurate information.”
That’s why Nora Gelperin’s organization Advocates for Youth tries to counter misinformation by getting involved and creating some expert-led lessons of their own — all informed by youth advocates, who range in age from 10 to 16.
According to a report by sex ed advocacy organization SIECUS (Sex Ed for Social Change), abstinence is all that’s being taught in 16 states and is required to be emphasized in the sex ed curricula of 30. Only 29 states and the District of Columbia require any sex education at all, while 13 don’t require it to be medically accurate. And only nine states have queer-inclusive sex ed policies, while six states require that sex ed lessons are anti -LGBTQ.
It’s what’s driving Santoshi and so many other young people to turn to social media — even though it can have its limitations.
Dr. Staci Tanouye , an ob-gyn who began sharing sex education information on TikTok when she noticed a need there, explains that medical professionals, specifically, are limited in their communication on the platform.
“I do have people that reach out and say, ‘Well, I’m having this, this and this, what should I do?’ And legally, I cannot answer that. I can’t even answer that for my own patients on a platform like that; I have to direct them to their own physician or if they are my patient I have to direct them through the appropriate channels. And so it does become challenging because I don’t want people to get discouraged by that,” Tanouye tells Yahoo Life. “I cannot form a patient-doctor relationship over social media, that’s just legally not appropriate. It makes it hard and it blurs the lines and it’s hard to answer the way we want to answer.”
Despite these setbacks, doctors like Tanouye believe that it is their duty to combat the spread of misinformation that they know exists on social media platforms by putting reliable content in the mix. “You can’t monitor your kids all the time, but you can point them in the right directions,” she says, explaining that she knows of parents who send her TikTok page to their child
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