Teen Nudity At Home
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Teen Nudity At Home
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Teen bothered by parents being nude at home
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DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: Our dad and mom believe in casual nudity in the home. They think nothing of walking around naked. It didn't bother us when we were younger and were taught to be casual ourselves. However, since we've reached puberty (15 and 13), it really bothers me and my sister to see our dad this way. We aren't prudes and don't have a problem with nudity around our mom and other females, but we started locking our door because our dad would think nothing of walking in on us when we were undressed. We also have a 10-year-old brother, and while it doesn't bother him to see our mom nude now, it probably will pretty soon. We think opposite-sex nudity is not appropriate once you reach puberty.
Nicole, 22, Santa Rosa: If you feel uncomfortable, things must change. Express to your parents how you feel. If your father doesn't understand, hopefully your mother will help persuade him to put some clothes on.
Christina, 20, Marysville: I agree with you completely! I would talk to your mom first.
Gregg, 21, Los Angeles: Haha, this sounds like my dad's dream family! He always walked around nude, even in the backyard. For me it was no big deal, but my sister had a hard time when she hit puberty. She kept her privacy by locking the door and telling Dad straight up that he should put some clothes on — not that he ever did. I remember he would try to talk to her while he was naked and she would be like, "You're naked, no way!"
Jessie, 20, Eugene, Ore.: Of course this would be uncomfortable! Ask them bluntly to at least wear basic underwear. Remind them that in eight short years you all will be moved out and they can revert to nudity. While I would think parents would want to keep a family happy, you never know about people's habits. Either way, continue locking your door.
Colin, 18, Sacramento: Essentially the only reason public nudity is looked down on is because of sexual attraction. That's why there are male and female locker rooms. This sexual factor is removed in the case of immediate family. Freud would have a lot to say about this.
Ryann, 15, Tustin: I agree with you and your sister. Opposite-sex nudity is inappropriate once you reach a certain age. You should never have to feel like a prisoner in your home. Talk to them. Maybe they don't realize the effect it has on you.
DEAR CINDY: Your parents sound innocent but completely forgetful. Did Mom forget what it's like to first get breasts and pubic hair, how it's thrilling and private and you don't want to show men, especially, ugh, your dad? Did Dad forget that a boy at puberty is hard-wired to be aroused by the naked female form — even (sometimes) if it's his mother or sister? We get lots of mail from boys who suffer horribly from clueless mothers and sisters parading around nude (see our column, Oct. 7, 2009).
The panel recommends talking to your parents and frankly, nothing will change if you don't. Unfortunately, most parents won't automatically accommodate your request, they will ask "why" their nakedness bothers you — yes, the dreaded question that makes you not want to bother. (Parents: It's important to inquire about the possibility of abuse, but "why" questions that tap into the normal feelings of puberty mentioned above, your teen cannot and should not have to answer.)
If this happens to you, just say, "Nothing inappropriate is going on, but we're young women now and would prefer that you wear clothes." Repeat as needed. If it doesn't work, avert your eyes and lock your door.
To contact Straight Talk TNT, visit www.straighttalkTNT.com or write P.O. Box 1974, Sebastopol, 95473.
Part of HuffPost Parenting. ©2022 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved.
I have no qualms walking around in the buff in front of my daughters. And they do the same with me. We even take showers together if we´re pressed for time. My girls are now 14 and 11, but we've taken baths together since they were born.
Founder of VivaFifty.com, author and speaker
Jul 28, 2015, 06:08 PM EDT | Updated Dec 6, 2017
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Part of HuffPost Parenting. ©2022 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved.
Founder of VivaFifty.com, author and speaker
I have no qualms walking around in the buff in front of my daughters. And they do the same with me. We even take showers together if we´re pressed for time. My girls are now 14 and 11, but we've taken baths together since they were born.
I was raised in a country (Spain) where nudity in beaches and pools is normal.
This doesn´t mean we'd do it just anywhere. Now that we're a blended family and because we live in the U.S., I tell my girls to cover up when walking around the house, and of course I do the same. There is such a thing as common sense. If I were with my father-in-law or with my husband's employer, of course I would wear a top.
Otherwise, I'm happy to report my girls and I are comfortable enough with our bodies that, given the chance, we´ll quickly undress and enjoy a wonderful sense of freedom. If we had the chance to lounge around in a beach in Europe we'd be quite comfortable going topless. Heck, I even sleep naked if I can.
In Spain you can see toddlers running around the beach naked and nobody bats an eye. Girls don't wear bikini tops until they really need to, for support, and maybe not even then. Are there oglers and rapists behind a bush ready to pounce? Well no, not really. I mean, I´m sure men look, but when there are so many breasts to gaze at, it´s just not that big of a deal.
The human body is a beautiful thing, and yes, there is a time and place for everything. But breastfeeding in public or baring your breasts at the beach doesn´t need to be sexualized. In Scandinavia families hang out together, naked, in the sauna or the jacuzzi.
Photo: My daughter at 5, feeling carefree at the beach © Lorraine C. Ladish
My eldest was very aware of this difference between Spain and the United States even as a little girl. So up until she started puberty, she wore her hair in a bob and went to the beach or the pool wearing boy´s swimming trunks. Most of the time she'd be mistaken for a boy, but sometimes people asked. I would say, yeah, she's a girl. Or maybe she'd answer herself. She was, of course, as flat-chested as a boy. This deal of wearing swimming trunks all came about after she was told at four years old, to wear a top at a public pool. At four!
I remember asking the pool manager why my daughter had to cover up because she didn´t even have breasts! He said it was a rule. Well, unless you find a way around it, when in Rome. Well, I'm glad my daughter did find a way around it: boy's swimming trunks. For that, I'm proud of her.
What´s your take on nudity around your children?
This post originally appeared on BabyCenter en español .
Founder of VivaFifty.com, author and speaker
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Grandma puzzled over teenage son's group nudity
Grandma puzzled over teenage son's group nudity
Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
| Standard-Times
Dear Annie: My husband and I are in our mid-60s. For the past five years, we have been the guardians of my daughter's 13-year-old son, "Jake." When I married 12 years ago, I certainly didn't expect to be raising a teenager at my age.
I know that raising kids today is nothing like it was 30 years ago, but Jake seems well adjusted. He's a top student, an outstanding athlete and a fine young man with friends we approve of. Here's the problem:
Jake recently asked if he and his friends could sleep in the nude when they stay over. He has been teased about living with "the old folks" and claims we are the only ones who don't allow it. I checked with the other parents, and they confirm this. In fact, at "Jay's" house, the boys remain unclothed all day. Jay's mother says they are often naked while playing video games, watching TV or snacking in the kitchen. They frequently appear in the nude at breakfast if they are going skinny-dipping in the pool after. She sees no need for them to dress.
Annie, I'm not opposed to nudity. I have no problem with Jake sleeping naked in his room or skinny-dipping — even the coed kind. But somehow, the idea of six teenage boys running around the house naked all day bothers me.
Hubby assures me that it's a "guy thing" and all teenage boys do it. He remembers fondly how he swam naked at the YMCA through his college years at an all-male school. He says it builds character and is a significant male bonding experience. Indeed, he encourages it.
I don't have anyone to ask about this. Our best friends are our contemporaries and would be appalled if their grandkids ran around naked. Have you ever heard of this before? Is it common? How do other parents handle this?
Dear Not: In certain times and places (swimming pools, overnight camp), group nudity among young men is not unusual. Being naked all day, however, is much less common, and we would not encourage it. Don't be badgered into agreeing to something that makes you uncomfortable. You do not have to allow it, nor do you need to apologize. It's your house, and you get to set the rules.
Dear Annie: This is for "Blindsided in Vermont," whose married brother picks fights with her until she's in tears. You said she must learn not to respond to his attempts to aggravate her.
I have a smart brother who is a fast thinker with a huge vocabulary, and he is my polar opposite politically. He would start an argument and beat me down to the point where I would nearly cry. One day, my husband said, "Don't let him get to you. When he starts in, say, 'I hear the swallows are coming back to Capistrano.'"
So I did. It took a while, but it worked. My brother now can't get a rise out of me, and he stopped talking politics. And we get along much better.
Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.
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