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My Daughter Masturbates – Is That Normal?
July 9, 2010 Updated August 21, 2015
So, your daughter masturbates and it’s freaking you out, huh? Guess what: Masturbating is normal at any age. It just plain feels good. And it’s actually a good idea.
There are certain ages where this behavior will peak. You can guess which ages those are, if you think about the ages at which kids are most self-involved. The preschool years and the young-mid teen years are the true heights of existential existence. So for your 3 year old (and for a 13 year old), they live by the precept “If it feels good, do it.”
Should you be worried? No. Should you guide your child? Sure! This behavior is private. This is OK when you’re alone, in the bathroom or your bedroom. This isn’t something to do with other people around.
The important point here is to teach your child discretion without teaching her shame. Learning about her body, what feels good and what all the parts are for, is an important step on the road to being a healthy young adult. You want her to someday be an adult who does not let someone else touch her in a way she doesn’t like. Teaching her both privacy and pride directly affect her ability to protect herself and advocate for herself in the future.
Will your kid be be “overly sexual” later? Masturbation does not lead to promiscuity. Earlier I said it’s a good idea. Why? Teens who (on anonymous surveys) give high scores for masturbation and comfort with themselves often delay sex with others. Perhaps this is because they can explore these feelings alone, perhaps it is because they can better communicate what they do and don’t want to do. Maybe it’s because sex for teens tends to be messy, embarrassing, often terrifying and about 17 seconds from start to finish. The kids who can achieve orgasm alone may realize how much better it is!
All kids have sexual and sensual feelings. We each have a drive to explore these feelings (or we would never have kids). Consider this: would you rather your tween or teen try to satisfy these urges alone or with a friend? Many kids respond to their sex drive with experimentation. Having the knowledge and skills to satisfy their sexual hungers on their own can give them extra strength to avoid sexual situations they aren’t ready for. Pretending our children don’t have an inborn sexual drive will only increase their risk of bad outcomes later, like STDs and teen parenting.
Dr. Doom disclaimer: Children who suddenly become much more sexual at any age may be a victim of sexual abuse. This behavior usually represents itself in more than one way. Masturbating alone is not usually such an indicator. Children in this situation will often show behavior change as well, some becoming withdrawn or aggressive, behaving suddenly different towards men/teen boys. If you have ANY concerns about this, speak to your child’s doctor or seek out advocacy in your area.
Remember: Good parents can end up with a child who has been sexually abused by someone. Good parents ask and listen. Good parents look for the truth even if it is hard!
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9yr old daughter started masturbating?
Hello, just recently my daughter has started masturbating in the shower. This really bothers me and I don't know how to handle it or what to say to her. 
I want to be open and honest and I want her to know that she can talk to me but I don't know where to start with this one. Is it normal?
Yes, totally normal. I personally would just leave it as probing her further may just end up needlessly embarrassing her. It's perfectly normal to explore your own body, why does it bother you?

Can I just ask (out of nosiness) how you know she is doing it?
How do you know?! Id say its normal x
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Thank you that makes me feel loads better. I walked in on her shower a few weeks ago and saw her - she immediately pretended she wasn't doing anything and bless her, my heart went out to her. She asked me to close the door when I went out which I did but I lingered on the other side listening to the rhythmic noise and aching that my baby girl was growing up
Since then she asks to shower in private. I did have a heart to heart with her about growing up and experimenting etc but she wasn't keen to persue it so I let it be.
It only bothers me because she's still so young and I didn't realise that she would be having these feelings at such a young age.
Thank you that makes me feel loads better. I walked in on her shower a few weeks ago and saw her - she immediately pretended she wasn't doing anything and bless her, my heart went out to her. She asked me to close the door when I went out which I did but I lingered on the other side listening to the rhythmic noise and aching that my baby girl was growing up
Since then she asks to shower in private. I did have a heart to heart with her about growing up and experimenting etc but she wasn't keen to persue it so I let it be.
It only bothers me because she's still so young and I didn't realise that she would be having these feelings at such a young age.
Bless her she must have been mortified when you walked in. I am almost certain I did it at that age, I have done it for as long as I can actually remember (and there's definitely nothing wrong with me ). The important thing is that she shouldn't feel it's something to be ashamed of. Perfectly normal and absolutely fine to do privately.
Thank you that makes me feel loads better. I walked in on her shower a few weeks ago and saw her - she immediately pretended she wasn't doing anything and bless her, my heart went out to her. She asked me to close the door when I went out which I did but I lingered on the other side listening to the rhythmic noise and aching that my baby girl was growing up
Since then she asks to shower in private. I did have a heart to heart with her about growing up and experimenting etc but she wasn't keen to persue it so I let it be.
It only bothers me because she's still so young and I didn't realise that she would be having these feelings at such a young age.
It shouldn't bother you as this is totally normal. Children as young as six learn to masturbate. It's wrong to associate masturbation with adulthood and sex because it's not quite the same.
Oh goodness. My daughter is 9 and hadn't given it a thought!

I remember my mum walking in on me, on the floor, rubbing myself against a cushion!! It was never mentioned though. X
Oh gosh.... I hope my 9yr old isn't doing such things... She still seems so young. Although she bathes with her younger siblings with the door open....

Feeling your anxiety. X
I have a 9 and 11 yr old daughters,and was cort masturbating by my 9 year old.i didn't realize she was stood watching,and now I've seen her masturbating!I feel so guilty thinking its my fault:(
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14 year old daughter still not started periods
Don't make an issue of it.
Somebody a while ago talked about a 'growing up box' which I plan to so for my two girls soon. It included books about sex and biology, sanitary towels etc...
Maybe just do something like that and offer her the choice to come to you with any questions...
What is it that you are worried about?
This is perfectly normal behaviour.
Oh gosh.... I hope my 9yr old isn't doing such things... She still seems so young. Although she bathes with her younger siblings with the door open....

Feeling your anxiety. X
Not a very helpful comment - it's perfectly normal behaviour
Maybe not helpful, but a scary thought none-the-less...
my 12 year old is out of control and has started to hit me.
Maybe not helpful, but a scary thought none-the-less...
My eldest is 9 i wouldnt feel comfortable knowing that either.

How do you know she does this? and does she just touch her bits or actually masterbate? i wouldnt have known how to at 9
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