Teen Love Affaires

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I have never spent entire summers in my family's villa in Northern Italy. I have never been a 17-year-old boy caught in the wrenching process of falling madly in love with an older American named Oliver. I have never done such lurid things to a peach.
And yet, while watching Elio and Oliver fall towards each other in Call Me By Your Name, I vividly remembered the unique mania of being 17 and in love. I remembered analyzing my crush's movements, hoping each glance was conveyed a message just for me. I remember, just barely, the physical ache. I remember actually feeling bad for adults, because their priorities were not the right ones. The unrelenting, unceasing, all-consuming of first attraction — that's what you'll see, and that's what you'll recall, while watching Call Me By Your Name.
This movie, out November 24, is an honest and authentic addition to the "Movies About First Love" genre. Here are some of the others.
A and Rhiannon (Angourie Rice) in Every Day (2018)

Every Day depicts a complicated romance — but a philosophically pure one. Each day, A wakes up in a different body. And every day, he seeks out Rhiannon, the girl he loves. A and Rhiannon love each others' souls. It's as idealistic and moving as it sounds.
Harold (Bud Cort) & Maude (Ruth Gordon) in Harold and Maude (1971)

Likely, you have a fixed image in your mind of what "first love" is — and the relationship you'll find in Harold and Maude between a morose 17-year-old boy and a rambunctious 79-year-old woman isn't it. But that's what movies are for! Reminding us that relationships are sometimes too grand and too surprising to fit inside the box of what's normal. If you sneer at all things romantic and cheesy, Harold and Maude will be even more likely to melt your heart — it's that authentic.
Elena Mendola (Agnese Nano) & Salvatore Di Vita (Marco Leonardi) in Cinema Paradiso (1988)

Like Call Me By Your Name, the love story depicted in Cinema Paradiso is especially romantic because a) It's set in Italy and b) It's set in a nostalgic version of the past. While growing up in a small Sicilian village, Salvatore loves only two things: Cinema, and Elena. He comes of age through devoting himself fully to those two loves. With a particularly beautiful theme played when Salvatore and Elena are together, Cinema Paradiso captures the drama, the drama of a first (and forbidden) love.
Tita (Lumi Cavazos) & Pedro (Marco Leonardi) in Like Water For Chocolate (1992)

First love's so powerful that it can make magic happen. Literally. Tita La Garza falls in love with Pedro at first sight, but is bound by her family's stringent tradition that the youngest daughter may never marry, and must always care for her mother. So, it's arranged that Pedro marry Tita's sister instead. Tita, in charge of cooking for the entire La Garza clan, unintentionally stirs her emotions into the food, and infect all with her feelings of heartbreak and attraction.

Why yes, Marco Leonardi from Cinema Paradiso is also in this movie about first love. After watching both movies, Leonardi will be your new favorite floppy-haired dreamboat.
Jack Dawson (Leonardo DiCaprio) & Rose DeWitt Bukater (Kate Winslet) in Titanic (1997)

Rose is 17 when she meets Jack Dawson aboard the Titanic, and has her world split open to the pleasures of life that exist outside her bubble of rarefied wealth and manners. Unfortunately, there isn't time for Jack and Rose to experience the full, healthy cycle of first love, from instant attraction to mutual dissolution. Instead, their love is preserved forever as it was for those few hours aboard a doomed ship. We have a feeling Rose's first love will always be the deepest.
Monica Wright (Sanaa Lathan) & Quincy McCall (Omar Epps) in Love & Basketball (2000)

Monica and Quincy have their first kiss when they're just 13-year-old next-door-neighbors with the same aspiration: Playing professional basketball. Love and Basketball tracks the four "quarters" of their relationship, as they progress from kids to college stars, and get even closer to achieving their dreams.
Judy Ramirez (Judy Marte) & Victor Vargas (Victor Rasuk) in Raising Victor Vargas (2003)

During one sweltering summer day in New York, Victor tries to salvage his reputation as a romantic loser by approaching one of the most desirable girls in the neighborhood, Judy Ramirez. To Victor's surprise, they end up developing an uncertain, but genuine, relationship. Every aspect of their love story feels earned — probably because Rasuk and Marte were not experienced professionals at the time of the movie, and were close to their characters' age.
Ally (Rachel McAdams) & Noah (Ryan Gosling) in The Notebook (2004)

You can debate the merits of The Notebook all you want — but its depiction of an enduring love has undeniably riveted audiences for over ten years now. Through a series of wildly romantic gestures, Noah, a poor boy, convinces Ally, a rich girl, to go on a date with him. From there, it's history — but Ally's parents don't approve of her romantic choices, and make their lives very difficult.
Jacob (Anton Yelchin) & Anna (Felicity Jones) in Like Crazy (2011)

Do yourself a favor and bring many tissues and a steely resolve to any viewing of Like Crazy, because this movie will tear you apart. Jacob and Anna fall desperately in love during their last semester of U.C.L.A. Unfortunately, there's a countdown to their romance — Anna's not a citizen of the United States, and her student visa is expiring. Out of sheer romantic impulsivity, Anna overstays her visa. The U.S. government, not sympathetic to acts of sheer romantic impulsivity, proceeds to ban her from reentering the country. After that, Jacob and Anna have to negotiate just how far they'll go for each other.
Sam (Jared Gilman) & Suzy (Kara Hayward) in Moonrise Kingdom (2012)

In 1965 on an island off the coast of New England, two middle-schoolers decide to shirk the confines of the adult world, and run away together. They take only the essentials: Suzy brings along her kitten and some books, and Sam, the camping equipment. With a hurricane coming, the cast of quirky adults imagined up by Wes Anderson have to find Sam and Suzy.
Aimee (Shailene Woodley) & Sutter (Miles Teller) in The Spectacular Now (2013)

You might think you've seen The Spectacular Now, the story of a bookish girl and a wild boy falling in love in love with a wild boy, before. But while The Spectacular Now tackles a typical high school romance, it does so with more authenticity and accuracy than any other movie you've seen attempt it (and there certainly have been many).
Hazel (Shailene Woodley) & Gus (Ansel Elgort) in The Fault In Our Stars (2014)

The Notebook is glorified because Noah and Ally's first love is the same as their last love. You'll see the same phenomenon take place in The Fault in Our Stars, only much, much, much sadder, because Hazel and Gus are teenagers who meet in a cancer support group. They're loving each other on limited time.
Eilis Lace (Saoirse Ronan) & Tony (Emory Cohen) in Brooklyn (2015)

In the 1950s, Eilis leaves behind her mother and sister in her small Irish village, and emigrates to Brooklyn. Eilis, overwhelmed by the pace and customs of America, is unbearably lonely — until she meets Tony, the son of Italian immigrants, at a dance. Later on, Eilis must briefly return to Ireland, where she reconnects romantically with a childhood acquaintance. Brooklyn adds dynamics of homesickness, familiarity, and duty to the typical elements of a love triangle. Eilis has a helluva choice.
Elio (Timothee Chalemet) & Oliver (Armie Hammer) in Call Me By Your Name (2017)

Each year, Elio spends the entirety of the summer at his family's Italian villa. The summer he's 17, Elio finds himself drawn to Oliver, his father's research assistant living with them for five weeks. At first, Elio and Oliver deny the chemistry that's so clearly taking place between them during their river swims and bike rides. Thankfully for us, they don't deny it for long.
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Best Teen Romance Movies About First Loves, Heartbreak

We were both hiding a part of ourselves from the other.
(Pierre-Emmanuel Lyet / For The Times)
The sun was setting and I could feel the cool summer breeze through my sweater. My partner Leo and I were spending the evening at Dockweiler State Beach, our first night together after spending months apart while at college. As we walked down toward the water, I could feel the tears begin to well up in my eyes. Leo didn’t notice until we reached the water’s edge.
As his concern grew, so did my courage to just come out with it. “I think I’m in love with you.”
Not once in all those years did I get the vibe that he wanted to reconcile. Not once. And it seemed to me that he just turned the page. We didn’t work out, so it was history. Maybe I had to turn the page too.
He grabbed my hand and smiled. “I think I’m in love with you too.”
I felt a sense of relief wash over me.
It had been so hard for me to say those words, and for so many reasons. I was only 5 years old when a caretaker’s nephew began to sexually abuse me. He made me pinkie-promise not to tell. “I do this because I love you,” he’d say.
For years, I would carry this lie — that abuse was a form of love — into my other relationships.
In high school, I dated a teen who was also sexually abusive, followed by another boyfriend who cheated on me again and again. By that time, I’d begun what would become a years-long battle with starving myself as a way to feel whole, and cutting myself as a way to feel alive.
Adding an extra adult to the mix feels like I am disturbing all the perfectly balanced, precariously spinning plates of my life. Maybe having a boyfriend and a kid is just not possible after all.
Although Leo and I had known each other since we were 10 years old, we didn’t start dating until we were in our sophomore years of college. He’d left L.A. to go to UC Merced to study mechanical engineering, while I stayed home to attend UCLA, majoring in psycholinguistics.
Initially, being in a long-distance relationship seemed to be our only obstacle. We found ways to make the best of it. He’d send me early morning texts full of heart emojis. We’d video chat every evening. He came home as often as he could.
But we were both hiding a part of ourselves from the other.
Each time Leo would drive down to Los Angeles or back to Merced, he’d ask me to stay on the phone with him. I didn’t know it then, but I later learned that driving on freeways was a panic trigger for him. I thought he was just missing me. Sometimes he’d unexpectedly call late at night, even though he knew how early I had to get up. He would insist everything was OK, but sounded like he was in sheer panic. He often complained of feeling tired, tense or just completely out of it. I thought that he was simply “stressed” from school.
Or maybe I turned a shoulder because I had my own things going on.
We met in the middle of the pandemic. In a time with not much to look forward to, she simply brought a lot of joy into my life. But the clock was counting down, and time was running out.
I kept a rigid schedule. The day started with a no-excuses-allowed workout routine that consisted of running or resistance training. By 8 a.m., I was often at one of my jobs or in class. The rest of my day unfolded between volunteering at a lab, conducting my own research project, more classes or my other job, and would usually end with another workout — swim or a yoga session.
I avoided anything that would throw me off my flow. I had to have that control. I had learned over the years that this was the only way to tame the overwhelming thought that I wasn’t worthy or deserving of anything good in life.
The issues that we could see on the surface in each other seemed minor. We both thought that the other had it easier, better, simpler.
It wasn’t until early 2020, a month before Leo graduated and came back to Los Angeles to live with his parents, that I witnessed one of his panic attacks. Later, after months of endless job searching in the middle of the pandemic, he was spending more and more time on video games, Instagram and YouTube. Soon, even leaving his parents’ house became difficult.
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He also witnessed my battles with uncertainty, and constantly struggling with finding a sense of safety and security. Early in the pandemic, I lost one of my jobs, which meant I couldn’t afford to start a doctoral program in the fall as I’d planned. My dad was also fighting stage four kidney cancer. I handled medications, medical appointments and just being there in his final months. Late-night anxiety attacks meant I went through my day feeling exhausted, tense and on edge.
It was difficult for Leo and I to support each other at first because we both just wanted to be seen and heard. His irritability was a sign that he felt lost and alone in his struggle to find a job. My tears were a sign that I wanted to feel safe and supported while being a pillar of service for my parents.
We would frequently misunderstand the other’s cry for help. Sometimes I’d call when I was upset or moody not because I was being demanding or needy, but because I craved a sense of comfort. Sometimes he’d abruptly decide to go home when we were in the middle of a date, not because he wanted to get away from me, but because his anxiety was taking over.
We were afraid to fully share what was going on in our minds and bodies because we believed that in doing so, we would no longer be loved and accepted by the other. I believed that if he knew about my past, if he knew the truth about how I lived every single day, he’d see me as too broken to share a life with. And he worried that I’d judge his insecurities as unmanly.
And we both began to fear our darkness would only drag the other person down.
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Admitting our love for each other meant sharing our past, present — and future. Together, we dedicated ourselves to a path of healing. I started to see a therapist. Leo began prioritizing his health with exercise, better nutrition, sleep and addressing his panic disorder.
As we learned how to listen, how to open up, how to feel what the other was feeling, we learned how to help each other out of the dark, sticky depths. He’d validate my frustrations whenever I fell short of my goals and remind me of all the times I had bounced back from adversity. I’d send him encouraging texts every morning, make him green smoothies after our evening runs, and give him a deep tissue massage after a hard day.
Mostly, though, we believed in each other before we learned how to believe in ourselves.
Every act of love, no matter how small, brought us closer to realizing that no matter how broken we felt, we were more than our fears and worthy of all the beautiful things love has to offer.
The author is a psychology master’s student and works as a researcher, writer and caregiver. She is on Instagram @rose_cx_cx and Medium @rose-mejia1998.
L.A. Affairs chronicles the search for romantic love in all its glorious expressions in the L.A. area, and we want to hear your true story. We pay $300 for a published essay. Email LAAffairs@latimes.com. You can find submission guidelines here.
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Best Teen Romance Movies About First Loves, Heartbreak
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Teen Love Affaires