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MIL Disrespects Lesbian Mom And Overrules Her Parenting, Then Snaps With “They Aren’t Even Your Kids”
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Reddit user u/throwawayaitamil is a lesbian mom-of-two. And I know you might be wondering, what does her sexual orientation have to do with anything? Unfortunately, it’s relevant to the story.
When she and her little ones went to a BBQ with their extended family, the kids wanted to have some M&Ms. Their mom, however, told them to wait until after dinner and enjoy the candies as dessert. Sounds like a pretty simple situation, right? It was. Until the mother-in-law decided to go rogue.
The lady gave her grandchildren candies before the meal, even though her daughter-in-law explicitly said she was against it. What’s even worse, the mother-in-law refused to apologize and chose to destroy her relationship with her daughter and her family over a few M&Ms instead.
In doubt over the way she handled the conflict, u/throwawayaitamil turned to the subreddit “Am I the [Jerk]?” for help. Here’s what she wrote.
Vicki Broadbent, an award-winning lifestyle blogger, parenting expert, and bestselling author of Mumboss (UK) and The Working Mom (the US and Canada), refers to the act of challenging parents in front of their children or otherwise as ‘backseat parenting.’
“It’s rather like driving a car from the passenger seat and however well-meaning the intentions of those offering unsolicited advice, the parent will always feel disrespected,” the creator of Honest Mum told Bored Panda . “In this instance, the grandmother was entirely in the wrong, she tried to control the situation despite knowing the mother’s intentions, undermining her before then abusing her in front of the children, stating she didn’t consider her their real parent. This was highly distressing for all involved and most of all, the children. It seems this situation was far more complex than giving children candies and there are tensions and unresolved issues between her and the mother in question.”
“In general, if you feel a desperate need to share advice to a parent (and it’s not a dangerous situation where you must interfere immediately for e.g.), take them to one side in private (never in front of their children) and before doing so, please carefully consider whether your advice is necessary and it’s even your place to share,” Vicki added.
The mom of two boys with a baby girl due in the winter highlighted that everyone parents differently and individually. “The saying, ‘Mom (and dad) knows best’ is almost always right. Parents know their children inside and out, they’re aware of their schedules, routines, behavior, and needs, and while grandparents enjoy spoiling their grandchildren and should at times, offering kids candies 15 minutes before a meal seems ill-thought-out in this instance and intentionally disrespectful towards the mother,” Vicki Broadbent explained. “Common sense is rarely common, as my Dad would say. Think before you speak or act.”
If you also fall victim to backseat parenting, you might want to address your kids after everything cools down and clear up any confusion they might have. “Once your children are away from the grandparents and have calmed down (if they’re upset), I would gently explain that sometimes adults make mistakes and say and do things they don’t mean or they don’t fully think it through before saying/doing,” Vicki said.
“The point here is to first reassure your children that they are emotionally safe with you and that you are their guide and guardian when it comes to safety, rules, and boundaries. Children need to know they can count on their parents/primary caregivers at all times and it’s your job to ensure they don’t ever feel otherwise.”
When other people question your parenting, it can feed your fears and doubts. But try to fight them. As Laura Markham Ph.D. said , the proof of your child-raising approach will be in the pudding, and the pudding takes a long time to cook. Focus on the process and things will fall into place.
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I'm shocked the phonecalls keep going. All has been said that needs to be said; stop repeating, put the phone down. No reason to insist on an apology which is meaningless as long as MIL feels/'knows' she did nothing wrong. I'm no genetic contributor to my dog but if I tell my MIL not to give it a treat she doesn't give it a treat --- it's not a matter of genetics it's who's caretaker.
Totally agree, they know what she did wrong, and what she needs to do, so no point engaging with them until she does. If her son and his wife had adopted a child, would she have told them they were not really it's mum and dad in front of it? Clearly she has a bigger issue with her daughter's relationship on some level
Probably not but some people get really terrible with the cincept of non biological children no matter the sex of the parents.
The non-MIL family probably just want the drama to end and don't care how, so shouldn't be surprising they keep calling
That is how families usually function, the people not directly involved in the argument are much more interested in shutting everyone up than in backing the person who's right. But usually that means that everyone but the interested parties are sick of it and stop talking about it quickly enough, if they're still calling that means the MIL is still raising hell with the entire family.
Precisely. The MIL behaviour is disgusting and it's about more than simply giving the kids a treat before dinner. What gets me is the fact the rest of the family seem to think her behaviour is OK and also all contributing to the guilt trips and abusive calls. Some true colours showing it seems
Oh boy, that mil is a peice of work. She tried a power grab, undermined your authority and deliberately put you on the spot. Now she is a victim???? Your wife is great taking your side as it should be. MIL is a cow.
I feel like candies were just an excuse here to get into fight. MiL probably had some resentment long long time ago and just needed a cause. It's just too ridiculous to be so rude and really awful to daughter in law just because of such small thing. That mother in law has some previous resentment, and she should really address and solve her real issues because this way she doesn't look good.
I'm shocked the phonecalls keep going. All has been said that needs to be said; stop repeating, put the phone down. No reason to insist on an apology which is meaningless as long as MIL feels/'knows' she did nothing wrong. I'm no genetic contributor to my dog but if I tell my MIL not to give it a treat she doesn't give it a treat --- it's not a matter of genetics it's who's caretaker.
Totally agree, they know what she did wrong, and what she needs to do, so no point engaging with them until she does. If her son and his wife had adopted a child, would she have told them they were not really it's mum and dad in front of it? Clearly she has a bigger issue with her daughter's relationship on some level
Probably not but some people get really terrible with the cincept of non biological children no matter the sex of the parents.
The non-MIL family probably just want the drama to end and don't care how, so shouldn't be surprising they keep calling
That is how families usually function, the people not directly involved in the argument are much more interested in shutting everyone up than in backing the person who's right. But usually that means that everyone but the interested parties are sick of it and stop talking about it quickly enough, if they're still calling that means the MIL is still raising hell with the entire family.
Precisely. The MIL behaviour is disgusting and it's about more than simply giving the kids a treat before dinner. What gets me is the fact the rest of the family seem to think her behaviour is OK and also all contributing to the guilt trips and abusive calls. Some true colours showing it seems
Oh boy, that mil is a peice of work. She tried a power grab, undermined your authority and deliberately put you on the spot. Now she is a victim???? Your wife is great taking your side as it should be. MIL is a cow.
I feel like candies were just an excuse here to get into fight. MiL probably had some resentment long long time ago and just needed a cause. It's just too ridiculous to be so rude and really awful to daughter in law just because of such small thing. That mother in law has some previous resentment, and she should really address and solve her real issues because this way she doesn't look good.
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A Mom Proves She's OK With Her Lesbian Daughter in Becks Clip
In an exclusive clip, Lena Hall's Becks laments her shattered love life while her mom, played by Christine Lahti, proves she's been to Pride.
A Tony winner for her transformative turn as Yitzhak in Hedwig and the Angry Inch on Broadway, Lena Hall stars as the titular character Becks in this indie about a folk-rock musician who follows her girlfriend (Hayley Kiyoko) from Brooklyn to Los Angeles only to be dumped in the opening scenes of the film. Heartbroken and aimless,
Becks drives back east to St. Louis to crash with her mom (Christine Lahti), a former Catholic nun only tenuously OK with her daughter’s sexuality. There, Becks gigs out at a dive bar where she falls for the wife of an old high school rival played with lovely openness by Mena Suvari. For those unfamiliar with the mind-blowing range of Hall’s vocal gymnastics, Becks offers up plenty of the sweeter side of her instrument with original songs from Alyssa Robbins. In this beautifully affecting film, Hall is poised to pull some heartstrings with an entirely new fan base. Liz Rohrbaugh and Daniel Powell directed the film, with Rebecca Drysdale joining them on the writing team.
In the clip above, Becks has just arrived at her mother's house, where she explains how her life has essentially just fallen apart as her mom tries to prove how fine she is with having a lesbian daughter.
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Female homosexuality without identity in western culture
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The word lesbian is also used for women in relation to their sexual identity or sexual behavior, regardless of sexual orientation, or as an adjective to characterize or associate nouns with female homosexuality or same-sex attraction.
Where can I find media related to lesbianism?
Where can I find media related to lesbianism?
NPR. Wikimedia Commons has media related to Lesbianism. Look up lesbian, Lesbian, or lesbianism in Wiktionary, the free dictionary.
Are lesbian and bisexual women at higher risk for certain diseases?
Are lesbian and bisexual women at higher risk for certain diseases?
While all women have specific health risks, lesbian and bisexual women are at a higher risk for certain diseases than other women. Find information and resources from CDC and other government agencies and community partners that address lesbian and bisexual ... Am I a Lesbian? Top > About You > Identity. 388 Comments.
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How has the definition of lesbianism changed over time?
How has the definition of lesbianism changed over time?
What followed was a movement characterized by a surge of gay activism and feminist consciousness that further transformed the definition of lesbian. The sexual revolution in the 1970s introduced the differentiation between identity and sexual behavior for women. Many women took advantage of their new social freedom to try new experiences.
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A lesbian is a homosexual woman. The word is also used for women in relation to their sexual identity or sexual behavior, regardless of sexual orientation, or as an adjective to characterize or associate nouns with female homosexuality or same-sex attraction. The concept of "lesbian" to differentiate women with a … See more
The word "lesbian" is the demonym of the Greek island of Lesbos , home to the 6th-century BCE poet Sappho . From various ancient writings, historians gathered that a group of young women were left in Sappho's charge for … See more
Construction For some women, the realization that they participated in behavior or relationships that could be categorized as lesbian caused them to deny or conceal it, such as professor Jeannette Augustus Marks at Mount Holyoke College See more
Kinsey Report The most extensive early study of female homosexuality was provided by the Institute for Sex Research See more
Lesbians portrayed in literature, film, and television often shape contemporary thought about women's sexuality. The majority of media about lesbians is produced by men; women's publishing companies did not develop until the 1970s, films about lesbians … See more
The varied meanings of lesbian since the early 20th century have prompted some historians to revisit historic relationships between women before the wide usage of the word was defined by erotic proclivities. Discussion from historians caused further questioning of what … See more
Middle East Arabic-language historical records have used various terms to describe sexual practices between women. A common one is "sahq", which refers to rubbing. Lesbian practices and identities are largely absent from the historical … See more
Physical In terms of medical issues, lesbians are referred to as women who have sex with women (WSW) because of the misconceptions and … See more
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Actress | The Sex Lives of College Girls. Jillian Armenante was born on July 5, 1968 in Paterson, New Jersey, USA. She is an actress and producer, known for The Sex Lives of College Girls …
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