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BOB ABERNETHY, anchor: Now, a special report on the sexual pressures on pre-teenage girls. Parents, social critics, and many young girls themselves deplore it, but sex sells, so advertisers and entertainers use it to attract audiences. They use it without the regulation or social pressures that once were restraining forces. And they use it without censorship, which hardly anyone favors. Mary Alice Williams reports on the media and the children who are its targets.
MARY ALICE WILLIAMS: They’re sweet. The sexually debasing lyrics they’re mimicking aren’t. Ever since Elvis shimmied his pelvis, parents have worried about protecting their teens from the obscene. This is different. These aren’t 17-year-olds. They’re 11. And these self-confident sixth graders and even their younger siblings are increasingly exposed to torrents of overtly sexual messages by people selling things to preteens.
ALICE (Teenage Girl): It makes me feel like an object and feel really, really weird. And it is not like girls should be like that.
WILLIAMS: The culture tells them something different. They listen to music. Britney Spears made it big wearing a Catholic schoolgirl uniform. Look at her now. Most of BILLBOARD’s top 20 CDs are slapped with “Parental Guidance” stickers. They [kids] do homework on the Internet where there are lots of porn sites. They watch TV. The teen hit DAWSON’S CREEK on the WB alludes to oral sex and masturbation. In prime time, the Kaiser Family Foundation has catalogued an average of five sexual references per hour.
KERRY (Teenage Girl): This sexual stuff you don’t just see on TV. You see it day to day. It happens in middle school. It will happen in high school. You just see it around.
WILLIAMS: Professor Jean Bethke Elshtain is an ethicist with University of Chicago Divinity School.
Dr. JEAN BETHKE ELSHTAIN (University of Chicago Divinity School): There’s certainly a relationship between the culture and the increase of sex because of the many cultural messages that bombard young people daily.
WILLIAMS: According to studies, more girls than ever before are sexually active before their 15th birthday. One in 12 children has lost his or her virginity by the eighth grade. Almost a fourth of ninth graders have slept with four or more partners.
Dr. Michael Rich, a pediatrician who treats adolescents only, talks with his teenage patients daily about sexual issues. He says he is seeing more sexually transmitted diseases in younger and younger children and that expectations of sex have changed drastically.
Dr. MICHAEL RICH: What we are seeing now that is different from previous years, I think, is that sex is expected. Sex is part of the normal interaction, day-to-day interaction between boys and girls.
JERRY DELLA FEMINA (Advertising Executive): This is about as sexy as we get.
WILLIAMS: Advertising agent Jerry Della Femina doesn’t use sex to sell his clients’ products. But he knows why people do.
Mr. DELLA FEMINA: It’s easier to be lewd than to be creative, and people try to get attention, and the one thing that gets attention is sex. Sex sells. People turn around. They look at it.
WILLIAMS: Like many in the industry, he thinks it is up to the parents to monitor what their children see and hear.
Mr. DELLA FEMINA: I believe that it is the parents’ job to provide them with a sense of values so that if they do see something that is off, they are not affected by it.
WILLIAMS: Diane Levin, with the Coalition to Stop Commercial Exploitation of Children, studies the effect of culture on kids’ behavior.
DIANE LEVIN (Coalition to Stop Commercial Exploitation of Children): I have interviewed thousands of parents, and they agree it is their job and they try very hard to do it, but they can’t keep it out of their children’s lives. I resent that I have to struggle with this issue. I think that in the best of all possible worlds we would have a society that is trying to create an environment that helps parents in their job instead of making it harder.
Dr. ELSHTAIN: At one point in time in this culture, the assumption was that families and churches and schools, and even the wider culture, reinforced one another in helping to sustain children through a period of growing up. And I think that coherence has broken down.
STEPHANIE (Teenage Girl): The sixth graders learned how to do something they are not supposed to do. And it is called “giving booty.”
RACHAEL (Teenage Girl): The girl like gets in front of the guy and the guy is behind her.
CASEY (Teenage Girl): It’s like — I just don’t really want to tell you.
WILLIAMS: Like them, the majority of preteens don’t engage in sexual behavior, but they are aware of what they see around them. Sixth graders know about a concept many of their parents hadn’t heard of till college: oral sex. SEVENTEEN Magazine says 55 percent of teens have engaged in oral sex.
ALICE: According to a lot of people, it keeps you a virgin.
LEA (Teenage Girl): Because it is kind of like having sex, but you are not really doing anything and you can’t have a baby, and they don’t think there is any consequences.
Ms. LEVIN (referring to an ad): Her breasts look like they are about 50 percent of her weight.
WILLIAMS: Using sex to sell products starts early.
Ms. LEVIN: What they are seeing right now is a sexual relationship between males and females that is totally objectified — the sexuality that you see is not in the context of relationships. It is not in the context of caring and feeling. I am very worried about where this is going to lead. There is a whole set of problems that has to do with the relationships males and females are going to develop with each other.
WILLIAMS: What messages are you getting about who you are supposed to be?
CASEY: Perfect — big boobs, hips, a strong stomach, you know, pretty face, no zits.
SARAH (Teenage Girl): So basically stuff that is on the outside. Not on the inside.
WILLIAMS: It’s how these children should be developing on the inside that concerns ethicist Jean Bethke Elshtain.
Dr. ELSHTAIN: To the extent that your time is devoted to engaging in these kinds of activities, it’s taken away from other sorts of possibilities at very crucial ages for young people, when they’re learning how to be to the kinds of adults that they’re going to become.
WILLIAMS: How did it get this far? Television producers, advertisers, movie producers, magazine editors outdoing each other for the big sell — with almost no limits imposed on them.
Ms. LEVIN: The entertainment industry is unethical in its practice of marketing sex and violence to children. They will use whatever techniques they can to capture the attention of an audience so they will be interested and engaged and hopefully buy what is being marketed.
RACHAEL: Everyone has something, you know, that is not perfect about them. So I think that magazines, TV shows should stop putting that message out to everybody.
WILLIAMS: Can you legislate the images coming at our children? Jerry Della Femina doesn’t think so.
Mr. DELLA FEMINA: I don’t like that this is the way we are going as a nation. It is time to censor these people. I don’t want to be part of that.
Dr. ELSHTAIN: People have to get licenses to broadcast. So it seems to me that there’s some way, without in any way moving into real censorship, there are ways that you could set up certain guidelines.
Ms. LEVIN: One of the reasons it is so important that government play some role in regulating and setting standards is that once it becomes a level playing field for the whole industry, then it will help the whole industry become more ethical.
Dr. ELSHTAIN: We have the responsibility to affirm that which is worthy and good about our culture. And there’s so much to affirm. We also have the responsibility to say no, and I think we have to do both in equal measure and find some balance between them.
CASEY: It does rub off on you a lot of times, and it makes you feel that this is the way that you are supposed to be and that guys will like you because you have big boobs, and then after a while you think that it is normal.
WILLIAMS: Perhaps normal to adults too, to the extent that they are increasingly desensitized to the saturation of sexual messages and squeamish about talking with their children. Sex education is left to the schools, which are restricted from teaching the realities of oral sex and doing “booty.” But our children are still learning and absorbing values from what they see around them. I’m Mary Alice Williams for RELIGION & ETHICS NEWSWEEKLY in New York.
ABERNETHY: We tried to get comments from people in the TV, magazine, and record businesses who are using sex to sell, but their spokespeople all declined.
Related Reading
THE BODY PROJECT: AN INTIMATE HISTORY OF AMERICAN GIRLS by Joan Jacobs Brumberg
THE VALUE OF MATERIALISM: A PSYCHOLOGICAL INQUIRY by Tim Kasser
HONORING THE BODY by Stephanie Paulsell
+ Show More
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14 year old daughter ready for sex help!!!
hi
my 14 year old daughter has just told me shes ready to have a sexual relationship with her bf whos 16. I have always told her that when shes ready to let me know and we can sort out contraception etc, but now shes told me its freaked me out a bit as i didnt expect it so soon I really dont know how to deal with it as if i say no she will probably do it anyway but without my support, but if i say yes its like saying yeah go ahead its fine
please advise

Legally, if she has sex with her bf, he can be arrested for statutory rape as you DD is under 16.

Personally, if she was my daughter, I would sit her down and explain to her why she is still to young to be having sex. At 14 she is still a child. I know there are girls out there having sex at 14, but if you can prevent it, I would try my damdest. xx
i would much prefere to prevent it, but im not sure of the right way to go about it without making her feel im been controling and unfair as they do at that age when you say no to something, id like to discourage her but also make it her desision not to have sex
14 year old daughter and her boyfriend, advice please
All you can do is explain the reasons why she shouldn't, unwanted pregnacy, STI's, also explain that her bf WILL be arrested if they have sex, as he is over the age of consent, and she is under. its easy forn her tosay no one will find out, but it could happen. She tells a freind or he does, and someone calls the police. And if they are so 'in love', he will wait, if hes not willing to wait then hes not worthy of being her bf, cause she worth more than that. xx
Wow what a great relationship you have got with your daughter, very hard as you have said though to know what to do now, from her point of view she has done exactly what you have asked her to, no mean feat at 14 and is trying to be completly honest with you, i think that is really amazing.

I'm sure you have and will give her all the do's and don't as you sound like you have that kind of relationship.

If you think she is going to sleep with him anyway, i would let her know that you still think she is a bit young but if she is still sure that she wants to do this then help arm her the pill and condoms, if she's going to do it anyway then at least it will be safely, mostly down to yourself being such an open and honest mother.

Really hard one though, you have my sympathy's,it's a hard slog this teenage thing.:)
hi
thanx for that. we do have a great relationship and can talk about anything. I think im going to arm her with all the reasons against it see how she still feels after that and if shes still dead set on it arrange to go to the family planning centre with her and her bf. I will let her know that although im not happy about it im still there for her. really i want to lock her in her bedroom till shes 21 lol I just hope im doing the right thing
I think you are a fantastic mum, your dd is so lucky.
 I became sexually active at 14 with my bf who I had been with for 18 months.
I could not speak to my parents about such a toboo subject.
So bf & I went to doc together.
As you quite rightly said she will probably do it anyway.
My advise is talk as much as possible, keep the door open for her to start a disscusion anytime she wants.
If they do then your job is to make sure they get as few opportunities as poss, such as not been alone in house etc.
Hiya

It's a difficult one really.. and something I haven't yet had to deal with yet so my answer is from a theoretical point of view.

I think you should sit down and explain to her that she is too young and explain why the age of consent is there. I would tell her (perhaps even look at sites on the net) about STD's and pregnancy and explain that even using contraception carefully does not make sex 100% safe. Perhaps even let her read some of the unplanned pregnancy stories on here?

Having said that, I do think if she is going to do it then she is going to do it. I was on the pill from aged 14 for my periods and I think it would be worth her going to the docs and going on it perhaps just incase. Also perhaps you could put some condoms in a box for her and give them to her.

Good luck with everything, you sound like a fab mum xx [smilie=056.gif]
hi
thanx for that. we do have a great relationship and can talk about anything. I think im going to arm her with all the reasons against it see how she still feels after that and if shes still dead set on it arrange to go to the family planning centre with her and her bf. I will let her know that although im not happy about it im still there for her. really i want to lock her in her bedroom till shes 21 lol I just hope im doing the right thing
Well done you for being so open with your daughter, it is rare. I also have a 14 yr old daughter and dread what you are going through! I think you are going about it right and I think as long as she takes "on board" what you say she will make an "adult" decision.
Good luck.
My 14 year old daughter refuses to go to school.
Firstly, I think that the fact that your daughter is willing to discuss this with you is fantastic!
Not many 14 year olds would do that, you must have a great relationship.
I can't give any advice that hasn't already been given, just express your concerns about sex at such a young age (reminding her that it is illegal, as well) but remember if she is intent on doing it, then she probably will. So make sure she knows about the contraception available to her at her age.
Good luck hunni
xx
You must have a very open relationship that's fab.

People are right when they say she is under the legal age of consent. It would only take a teacher at school to find out and they would inform the police which is a whole heap of trouble nobody needs.
Thanx so much for all your help. its given me plenty to discuss with her. I have arranged an evening with her tonight and my husband and son are making themself scarce. will let you know how it goes and thanx to all of you
I think you're going about it completely the right way! Yay you

My DD is nearly 11 and I so hope our relationship is the same as yours when she's 14. We're close now and I try to be honest but we've not reached the teens yet, it could all change and that is scary!
12 yr old daughter has had sex. Help!!!
14 year old son refusing to go to school
how lucky you and your dd are to have such an open and respectful relationship. I think the fact that you have this relationship that your dd feels comfortable to come to you about this is wonderful and shows her to be a fairly mature young woman, rather than just jumping in without any prior thought or planning.

I dread my dd being older, she is only 7 and still seems like my little baby girl but i really hope that when she is older we have as close and open a relationship.

I would say the same as everyone else, make sure she has all the facts, and point out that her bf could be arrested. But then i guess as you say ultimately you want to be supportive. The idea of taking them both down to the family planning clinic is a good idea, make sure they're both safe.

Good luck talking to your dd this evening, and who knows, maybe she will listen to your concerns and decide she wants to wait after all, good luck.
I just hope my daughter is as sensible as yours when the time comes and comes to me first. Your obviously doing great as a Mum.

I have odd religious beliefs that involve chastity before marriage, I have found when talking to the teenagers at church about it, it works not to point out the pregnancy and STDs they know that usually and feel invulnerable. What I find helps is talking about the positives of not having sex too early that usually generates a more useful discussion.

I found that being chaste as a teen gave me a better relationship with boyfriends we needed to find other ways to have fun together, its easier to walk away if you have to or its not working out,,  There are others but would probably sound bonkers to a teenager who wasn't considering chastity, but if you can talk about the aspects that will give her a better relationship with her boyfriend, and her own emotional growth its going to be more positive.

-Charley

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