Teen Girls Alone

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Pursuing the light of objective truth in subjective darkness.
Thirty-five years ago, I convinced another girl to eat a cow pie.
It’s hard to admit this – it’s actually awful, really. The short story is that it was a counselor-approved camp “initiation” ceremony (aka “hazing”), and that I actually stopped her before she did it. But there was a minute or two where I looked this girl in the eye and told her everyone else had done it and it wasn’t a big deal and she believed me. She believed me. And here’s the worst part: despite it all, I blamed her for being so gullible. I was thirteen, and I believed someone that stupid and easily pressured didn’t deserve my respect. To subdue any shame in my own brain, I convinced myself it was her fault.
But it wasn’t her fault. And over the next few years the memory of that moment and her trust in me slowly ate away at me. I couldn’t believe I had done it, that she had believed me, that the other girls (and counselor) had just let me make this outrageous demand. That I had briefly believed that because I had stopped her from doing this horrible thing that I was somehow excused from the guilt of starting it in the first place. Worst of all was realizing that I had that power, and that I could so easily abuse it. Which meant that other people could do that sort of thing, too. It was horrifying and humbling.
A few years later, in the first month of my freshman year at college, a nerdy boy latched on to the two “alternative” girls on the hall. The first one wore heavy eyeliner and made her own artsy clothes. The second one listened to grunge music, had a nose ring, and stashed a clandestine goldfish in her room. They were wicked cool. Anyone could see that.
The boy was a classic music geek. Thick glasses, horrible bowl haircut, collared shirts buttoned up to his neck. He was super intelligent and sweet, but had the street smarts of a ten-year-old. A few weeks into the school year, the two cool girls announced they were going to give him a fashion make-over. To my horror, he was thrilled at this idea. I tried to articulate my concerns, but I was dismissed as a stick-in-the-mud. They tromped down to the local second-hand clothing store and returned later with his new-and-approved wardrobe. This being the nineties, it was a lot of flannel shirts.
For a few weeks, he was blessed with their attention and a spot with them at lunch. By Thanksgiving, the girls had moved on to dating upper classman and ignoring him, and music boy was spending hours in the practice rooms of the music building. In the end, he came through alright, but my respect for the cool girls was gone. Whatever their intentions, whatever his willingness, they had dared to assume that they knew what suited him better than he did.
Last summer, four months into Covid, my son’s mild depression kicked up into something more serious. Isolated and lonely, he spent hours online on reddit and discord connecting with friends and strangers. The one school friend he kept in touch with was a girl we’d known for a while, slightly funky, but generally pretty cool. As he began to sink lower, it was clear she was becoming more important to him. When I asked if he might have a crush on her, he’d responded that she was a lesbian. My response: “Every high school boy should have a lesbian friend.” I thought he was in good hands.
Forty-eight hours after my son announced to us that he thought he might be trans, this teen girl sent me a text congratulating me on having a trans son, saying I must be so proud, and offering to help educate me if I had any questions. You might be surprised to hear that I did not take a teenage girl up on her offer of advice on the psychosocial and sexual development of my son.
Her gall continued. It was clear she had found a new venue for her deep desire to venge justice upon the world. Clearly, this was a wounded and neglected trans boy whose parents just didn’t understand him. Despite her busy schedule of therapy to deal with her anorexia, cutting, and suicide attempt, she found time to provide him clothing and test out nail polish on him.
Over the next few months, we scrambled to find a good therapist, add in an anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medicine, and try to expand our son’s world. By January, he was pulling out of his depression, desisting from his trans identity, engaged and happy, and doing well in school.
In late winter, he invited a few friends over (socially distanced – relax!), including the now “non-binary” girl. As a gift, she snuck him some more girl’s clothes.
Every few days, I surreptitiously check the pile of girl’s clothing to see if they’ve been worn. For weeks, they’ve been gathering dust. He’s moved on, but I fear she has not. When will she inquire? It’s the unwanted gift from the lesbian ex-crush girl friend who thinks she’s being helpful. Where’s the Hallmark Card for that one? “Sorry I Confused You and Everyone but It Was a Super Weird Teenage Stage and Can We All Just Pretend That Didn’t Happen?”
And how do we get these teenage girls to back off? They’ve been inundated with conflicting messages that warn them that #MeToo status is threatening them around every corner, or “Girls Can Do Anything” platitudes bejeweled on backpacks. They think they are both more powerful and more fragile than they really are. How can we get them to realize their role is to find that deep sacred truth inside themselves and protect it, while also honoring the dignity of the people around them?
Listen up teenage girls – and for any adults in the wings, this is for you, too. If someone tells you they think they might be trans, your job is not to fix them. If they seem anxious, depressed, or have low self-esteem, being supportive does not mean blind affirmation nor any affirmation at all. This person is fragile, yes. This person needs friendship and support. But the best thing you can say is “I really like you just as you are. Right now.” Anything else, any slight tipping of the scale, or gentle breath on their sail reflects deep narcissism on your part. You are not God. This is not your call to make nor your battle to wage. Back off.
The hubris of the teenage mind is not a new thing. What is new is this sudden cultural amnesia that forgets that adolescence is marked by these painful periods of self-doubt, cruel acts of bullying, and humiliating errors in self-perception. Grown-ups know this. We think we’re being so kind and so thoughtful by “following the child’s lead” when it comes to gender identity, but if we’re letting kids lead, we’re just acting like children. Let kids be kids. Let teenagers be teenagers. But it’s time for us adults to act like grown-ups.
Donna M. is a writer who was censored by Medium when her insights on transgender issues were labelled "hate speech." You can follow Donna on Twitter @minnemom1.
We are as a species wired to despise weakness; seeing weakness displayed even if it is a loser acknowledging defeat and inferiority only angers us further – because we all know that there is always someone more powerful. Today, you are top dog. Tomorrow you’re the runty mutt at the back of the pack. All it takes is one bad day, one display of weakness. NB: kindness, fairness, and so on is not weakness. Going with the flow and running with the pack is not weakness, it’s natural – but doing it in such a way that it becomes obvious to everyone else that it is in fact not natural for you, that you’re just acting (or even worse doing it ‘ironically’ in a distanced “I reject your social hierarchy of acclomplishments and behaviour and insists on my own, private, one where I’m always on top”… well, just typing that gets my hackles up. Be strong – strength is a choice, and as all choices it has a cost. And the price you are willing to pay for being strong, being you without rationalisations och excuses, tells all others what you are worth. Harsh, as are all truths, and unfair. Look at it like this: you are climbing a tree, and you take a fall. Does blaming the tree get you up there again? Does it mean the fall didn’t happen? Was your fall “ackcherly” in purpose, and everyone else is just to square to “get it”? If you think like that, you are the problem. Be strong, walk tall, and spit in the eye of fate.
Brilliant piece, thank you. It occurs to me that you might have meant ‘trans daughter’ when you said ‘trans daughter’ and ‘trans girl’ when you said ‘trans boy’ but perhaps you chose not to use this description
The lesson from history is that swaths of land have been taken and lost for eons. To think that we are so sophisticated and enlightened that this will never happen here is the epitome of ignorance and nativity. This current movement is so cunning that the next exchange of land may come by simply handing it over out of guilt for a sin not committed by the giver.
Where were the boy’s parents in all this? The problems are clearly deep and have a long history. It’s ridiculously simplifying to collapse this down into an issue with another teenager. The seeds were planted for this long before she came around. I hope his parents are waking up to this or the next problem will be SO much worse.
I’ve been following a series on Quillette relating the stories by (primarily) mums about their sons’ suddenly deciding that they’re trans. The ‘helpful’ girl-friend, supposedly lesbian or non-binary herself, actively encouraging the confused boy, seems to be a recurring theme.
It’s as if these girls are using the boys to work out their own issues, as therapeutic guinea pigs or something.
One of my favorite comedians once said that high schoolers get away with crap that would get grown men thrown in psych wards.
And – in the age of woke – that maxim is spreading across age groups.
However, the core wellspring of psychological torture and manipulation in Western society is teenage girls. This is obvious. This is massive. And it’s only getting worse as the Tumblr cancer gets more and more bulletproofing for their bullying from polite society.
I know a grown-ass woman who – like me – is in her thirties. Total lezzie and a girly one at that. Very intelligent and sophisticated and confident in her own skin. Never in the 70% of her life that I’ve known her had she ever expressed the slightest inkling of gender dysphoria.
But one conversation with a trans recruiter about how “Pretty much all tomboys are actually trans” had this actual adult seriously questioning her gender identity.
It’s things like these that make me seriously wonder whether liberal democracy was a mistake and we should do religious fundamentalism instead. If society is going to be a cult, then at least it should be a decent one that respects the value of humanity.
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Перевести · 23.11.2007 · Midnight visitor hunting for the lonely girls. Home Latest Popular Trending Categories. Art Animation ... Lonely Girl Home Alone. essty Subscribe Unsubscribe 19. 23 Nov 2007 74 999. Share. Share ... Cute Teen Girl …
https://newdiscourses.com/2021/04/dear-teen-girls-leave-vulnerable-kids-alone
Перевести · Dear Teen Girls: Leave the Vulnerable Kids Alone. April 30, 2021; Donna M. Total. 0. Shares. Share 0. Tweet 0. Share 0. Thirty-five years ago, I convinced another girl to eat a cow pie. It’s …
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0gkiUF6liYQ
Перевести · 13.11.2017 · Sponsored by Foxy Games, see more here - http://bit.ly/2YCpUyABoys Alone …
https://passportinfo.com/blog/tips-for-teens-traveling-alone
Перевести · 26.05.2016 · Although there aren’t nearly as many logistics involved for a teen to travel alone, compared to a younger child, your teen will need to carry the right documents in order to be able to travel hassle-free. Air Travel for Teens. Most airlines will allow teens over age 12-14 to travel alone …
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Most airlines will allow teens over age 12-14 to travel alone without paying an unaccompanied minor fee.
passportinfo.com/blog/tips-for-teens-trav…
How old do you have to be to travel alone on an airplane?
How old do you have to be to travel alone on an airplane?
Air Travel for Teens. Most airlines will allow teens over age 12-14 to travel alone without paying an unaccompanied minor fee.
passportinfo.com/blog/tips-for-teens-trav…
Can you travel alone on an unaccompanied minor?
Can you travel alone on an unaccompanied minor?
Most airlines will allow teens over age 12-14 to travel alone without paying an unaccompanied minor fee. (For international flights, some airlines will require an unaccompanied minor fee for travelers up to age 17.) Before you book your child’s ticket, make sure to check the airline’s policy on unaccompanied minors.
passportinfo.com/blog/tips-for-teens-trav…
What to do when you are alone in Your Room?
What to do when you are alone in Your Room?
If you enjoy a more relaxing type of exercise try yoga or meditation. If you want to get your heart rate up, put on some music and dance. Pretend you are a Zumba instructor and your stuffed animals are your students. If it’s okay with your parents, bounce on your bed as long as it is safe.
www.wikihow.com/Have-Fun-Alone-in-You…
https://www.wikihow.com/Have-Fun-Alone-in-Your-Bedroom-(Girls-Only)
Перевести · 09.11.2008 · How to Have Fun Alone in Your Bedroom (Girls Only). It is important for a girl …
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Teen Girls Alone