Teen Dirty Talk

Teen Dirty Talk
"Keep it clean but nasty at the same time, if you understand what I'm saying."
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I think it has to be so in the moment and so natural,
if it's forced you sound ridiculous.
Good dirty talk is the perfect combination of like,
well the perfect middle ground between
being anatomical and then being like, metaphorical.
Like I don't want explicit names, anatomical names,
like I don't want you to call it a vulva.
But I definitely don't want you to call it like,
Good dirty talk I would say is kind of
I don't like the name calling too much, you know.
just keep it kinda clean but nasty at the same time
when you're really confident and like you know what you want
like if you say it with confidence and not sound awkward,
What makes bad is definitely when someone's like
trying to be more macho than they are.
You like have to be into it otherwise
I just am gonna start laughing at you.
If it's too intense and if it's too,
it's got too much energy behind it,
it gets a little bit too much and then I can't stop,
you know, cracking up cause I'm nervous.
Bad dirty talk is definitely when you say
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By Audrey Fine Published: Mar 10, 2008
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"One day I was at the bus stop alone with this supercute guy who I really liked. I thought that he hated me, but boy was I so wrong! Well, we were just standing there getting bored, and before I knew it, he kissed me! I was in total shock and couldn't move or talk until the bus came! That sure was a great way to start off the day!"
"So, there was this girl Emily in my freshman class who was SO conceited. Seriously, she worshipped the ground she walked on. I didn't like her because she's the school slut, but everyone else seemed to think she was so nice. Well, I recently found out that she was addicted to drugs and sex. I felt so bad for not liking her after that."
"I went to the movies with an old friend, her boyfriend, and her boyfriend's friend. I thought her BF was really hot, and he must have thought I was too because he kept staring at me. Before the movie her BF said he wanted to buy us popcorn, so I went with him. Right before we went back into the theater, we started making out! Right at that moment, my friend walked out the door and saw us. She was so mad and didn't speak to me EVER again. Perhaps we should've picked a more private place to make out!"
"My parents and sister were out of the house one night, so I invited over this boy I had a crush on to watch a movie. There happened to be a thunderstorm that night, so right in the middle of the movie the power went out. I got up to get a flashlight in my closet, and when I got back, I tripped over one of my (many) shoes and landed on the bed right next to him! So we start kissing, you know, just the innocent stuff, but it quickly got steamier! Before we knew it, we heard my sister's car in the driveway, so I had to put on my shirt and he had to get his shoes on and make it to the back door in lightning speed! It was so devious!"
"Once when my parents went away for the weekend, my older sister had to baby-sit. Well, in the middle of night I found her in the pool with her boyfriend making out. It was going pretty far when my parents walked through the door! They asked me where my sister was, and I pointed outside. My mom caught them in the pool, so they never let her baby-sit again!"
"One day I was at my friend's house riding on her sister's skateboard when I crashed into her sister's puzzle. We tried putting it back together but couldn't, so she decided to lie and tell her mom the cat did it. I was totally against it and wanted to tell the truth, but I knew it risked our friendship. So her mom and sister still think the darn cat did it!"
"One day at school my friends and I were playing around with a bottle of Victoria's Secret perfume spray during recess. A few of my friends had the bright idea that I go up and spray the perfume on my crush. Well, I did, but it went right into his eyes. Oh no!!! I could not believe it. He doesn't hate me, but he hasn't been paying much attention to me either — just in case I have another bottle of spray!"
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Published August 24, 2006 11:00AM (EDT)

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Since You Asked

I'm 30 and in a wonderful, loving, amazing, 10-month-long relationship with an incredible man whom I adore. On the surface, everything looks -- and is -- quite perfect. We are both attractive, intelligent, funny and in love. We get along, we have a great time together, we share the same views on most important issues and have the same conception of what our future should look like.
The one area, however, in which we disagree is sex. I'm somewhat adventurous. I want him to talk dirty to me, knock it out with me in a bathroom at a party, hold me down, smack my ass, bend me over the kitchen table, jerk off while I watch, etc. He, on the other hand, likes to make love on the bed or possibly the couch if he feels like really going crazy, and only if there is ample time (quickies make him feel rushed), and he won't even say, "This feels good," or "I like it when you do X," let alone, "Do you like it when I fuck you hard" or something.
I have asked for everything I listed above, both while we're in bed and while we're out of it. He always answers that my request is corny and cheesy. He says that it would make him uncomfortable and refuses to even try it. If pressed, he dismisses these desires as silly, or just sighs and acts put upon and stressed out until I eventually drop the request. I've offered to indulge any fantasy he has, and he insists he doesn't have any.
His lack of interest in meeting me in the middle, or lending credence to my desires, or even discussing his own, is making me feel like a pervert, and makes me feel slightly resentful. Right now, despite all of this, I'm not unsatisfied with our sex life. I do my best to focus on enjoying what he will give, instead of what he won't. I worry, however, that in the future I'll be sexually frustrated and unsatisfied because we are only able to have sex in ways that he prefers. I'm also concerned for the viability of a long-term relationship if he is unable to candidly discuss my desires without acting as if I'm requesting some huge and onerous favor.
Can two people who are in love manage to have a long and satisfying relationship if they have incompatible ideas and comfort levels when it comes to sex? I'm desperately in love with him. But I don't want to go my whole life without ever getting tied up or talked dirty to again.
What a shame it would be if nobody ever talked dirty to you again, you wet little slut. What a shame if nobody ever lifted you onto the hood, peeled back your preconceptions and put to you an irrefutable proposition concerning your corporeal being (at which point, gasping, you ask: Are you with the soccer team?). What a shame if no one ever again put his hand over your mouth to muffle the sharp little noises you make when such things are discussed.
What a shame to never again be bent over a bathroom vanity while party people bang on the door to do their cocaine. What a shame to be fucked in the same old way on the same old bed night after night, stifling yawn after yawn as he begins to arch and stiffen like an alligator.
You pouty little junior high school cheerleader in crotchless panties and a pushup bra! You nasty Catholic schoolgirl on detention in fishnet stockings, rubbing yourself under the desk in full view of Father Tom! You're a bad, bad, bad little girl but I feel sorry for you, so I will rub something soothing and cool on you after I spank you with my slipper!
How's that? Does that feel better? You're a nice little girl but you need direction. So crawl over to the wet bar and bring me a towel, an ice cube and some tongs. Bring me a bottle of Chivas Regal, a copy of Car Craft Magazine, some nail polish, a package of frozen Jimmy Dean Sausage, three pomegranates and a nail gun.
Now let's sit here naked and wait for the diaper truck and the veterinarian.
I think your boyfriend is missing out on a whole lot of fun. Have you tried reading aloud to him from the Kama Sutra? Have you tried tying him up and drawing pictures of the Virgin Mary on his penis with a Sharpie? Have you tried covering his ass with pomegranate seeds and popping them with a razor strop? Have you tried pretending you and he are trapped in the Space Shuttle, weightless and in total darkness?
Have you tried doing the things to him that you want done to you?
I know, it may be hopeless. He may lack imagination or courage or both. If so, you've got some thinking to do. You have to weigh your alternatives. And while I can do many things for you, weighing your alternatives is something that, I am quite certain, you must do for yourself.
What? You want more? Then beg for it!

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