Teen Daughter Sleep Over

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Suitable for 12-18 years
Sleep and teenagers: 12-18 years
Lack of sleep can make it harder for your child to behave well, regulate emotions, pay attention and do well at school, and get along with others. Being tired all the time can even contribute to mental health issues like anxiety and depression.
Most teenagers need 8-10 hours of sleep each night. Some need as little as 7 hours or as much as 11 hours.
It’s very common for children in the early teen years to start wanting to go to bed later at night and get up later in the morning. This is because they start to secrete melatonin later at night than they did in earlier childhood, which affects their circadian rhythms. Also, as their brains mature during puberty, children can stay awake for longer.
Good daytime habits can help teenagers get the sleep they need, especially as they get towards the later teen years. These habits can also help children avoid or sort out any sleep problems that come up.
Waking, sleeping and napping routines
Encourage your child to:
You can be a healthy sleep role model for your child – for example, by winding down before bed, reducing screen-time before bed, relaxing and managing stress, and reducing your use of stimulants like caffeine before bedtime.
A change in your child’s sleep behaviour – like going to bed later than you’d like – isn’t necessarily a sleep problem.
Signs that your teenage child has sleep problems might include difficulties with:
If your child has sleep problems, they might also feel tired during the day, or have trouble remembering things or concentrating.
Your child might be able to solve some sleep problems by getting into the good sleep habits described above. But if persistent problems with sleep are affecting your child’s wellbeing, schoolwork, relationships or mental health, it might be time to see a GP, school counsellor or psychologist.
If children have sleep problems, they need to be involved in solving their own sleep issues.
You can get your child’s input by asking about what makes it harder for them to get to sleep, or what keeps them awake. Then your child might be able to choose a daytime or evening habit that they think will help. For example, if they don’t feel tired, they might focus on doing more physical activity each afternoon.
It’s a good idea to praise your child when you notice they're trying to make changes to sleep patterns or trying out strategies you’ve discussed.
Lots of after-school activities like sport, music or part-time work can cut into your child’s sleep time or make it harder to unwind before bed. If this is the case with your child, you might need to talk about it. For example, your child might be able to reschedule some activities so they don’t interfere with sleep.
Young people should avoid alcohol and illegal drug use completely. These substances have a bad impact on sleep, mental health and wellbeing. They can also harm young people’s developing brains.
This article was developed in collaboration with the Centre for Adolescent Health, Royal Children’s Hospital, Melbourne. The Centre for Adolescent Health acknowledges Professor Dorothy Bruck for her contribution to this article.
Bruck, D. (2006). Teenage sleep: Understanding and helping the sleep of 12-20 year olds. Melbourne: Wellness Promotion Unit, Victoria University. Retrieved 5 September 2019 from http://eprints.vu.edu.au/467/1/teenagesleep.pdf.
Dahl, R., & Lewin, D. (2002). Pathways to adolescent health: Sleep regulation and behaviour. Journal of Adolescent Health, 31, 175-184. doi: 10.1016/S1054-139X(02)00506-2.
Hirshkowitz, M., Whiton, K., Albert, S.M., Alessi, C., Bruni, O., DonCarlos, L. et al. (2015). National Sleep Foundation’s sleep time duration recommendations: Methodology and results summary. Sleep Health, 1(1), 40-43. doi: 10.1016/j.sleh.2014.12.010.
Jenni, O., Achermann, P., & Carskadon, M.A. (2005). Homeostatic sleep regulation in adolescents. Sleep, 28, 1446-1454.
Laberge, L., Petit, D., Simard, C., Vitaro, F., Tremblay, R.E., & Montplaisir, J. (2001). Development of sleep patterns in early adolescence. Journal of Sleep Research, 10, 59-67. doi: 10.1046/j.1365-2869.2001.00242.x.
Logan, R.W., Hasler, B.P., Forbes, E.E., Franzen, P.L., Torregrossa, M.M., Huang, Y.H., Buysse, D.J., Clark, D.B., & McClung, C.A. (2018). Impact of sleep and circadian rhythms on addiction vulnerability in adolescents. Biological Psychiatry, 83(12), 987-996. doi: 10.1016/j.biopsych.2017.11.035.
Mayo Clinic (2009). Teen sleep: Why is your teen so tired? Retrieved 5 September 2019 from https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/tween-and-teen-health/in-depth/teens-health/art-20046157.
Moore, M., & Meltzer, L. (2008). The sleepy adolescent: Causes and consequences of sleepiness in teens. Paediatric Respiratory Reviews, 9, 114-121. doi: 10.1016/j.prrv.2008.01.001.
Noland, H., Price, J.H., Dake, J., & Telljohann, S.K. (2009). Adolescents’ sleep behaviors and perceptions of sleep. Journal of School Health, 79, 224-230. doi: 10.1111/j.1746-1561.2009.00402.x.
Owens, J.A., & Mindell, J.A. (2005). Take charge of your child’s sleep: The all-in-one resource for solving sleep problems in kids and teens. New York: Marlow.
Taylor, D.J., Jenni, O.G., Acebo, C., & Carskadon, M.A. (2005). Sleep tendency during extended wakefulness: Insights into adolescent sleep regulation and behavior. Journal of Sleep Research, 14, 239-244. doi: 10.1111/j.1365-2869.2005.00467.x.
Wolfson, A. (2010). Adolescents and emerging adults’ sleep patterns: New developments. Journal of Adolescent Health, 46, 97-99. doi: 10.1016/j.jadohealth.2009.11.210.
Sleep is important for health, wellbeing, growth and learning. How much babies, children and teenagers sleep and when they sleep changes as they get older.
Children’s sleep: 20 frequently asked questions
Bedtime routines can help kids settle at night. Behaviour strategies can help with some sleep problems. See a GP if you’re worried about children’s sleep. Article available in: Arabic, Dari, Karen, Persian, Simplified Chinese, Vietnamese.
In puberty, children get bigger and stronger. There are also changes in children’s sexual organs, brains, skin, hair, teeth, sweatiness and sleep patterns.
Brain development in pre-teens and teenagers
As children become teenagers, their brains grow and change. Build healthy teen brains with positive behaviour and thinking, sleep and other healthy choices.
Relaxation techniques: breathing exercises
Need to relax or calm down? Sometimes it’s as simple as working on your breathing. Read how to do breathing exercises as one of your relaxation techniques.
Managing screen time: strategies for teenagers
Healthy screen time habits for teens don’t always come easy. Strategies for managing screen time can help. You can try rules, routines, sessions and choices.
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A lot of parents take the lessons we try to teach our kids very seriously. Most of us want to raise kind, empathetic kids who will grow to become kind, empathetic adults. It's not always easy to know if our kids are actually absorbing and acting on the lessons we try to impart, and sometimes we end up hoping for the best.
One mom recently wrote a post on Reddit asking for advice. She says that she's tried to teach her daughters, who are 16 and 14, to respect everyone regardless of their social standing in life. Unfortunately, it seems that her youngest hasn't exactly absorbed the lesson the way the mom had hoped.
The mom decided to take quick, decisive action. It seems like it worked, but now the rest of her family thinks she overreacted.
She explains that she had both her children when she was pretty young, and she had to hit rock bottom before she could really provide:
"I (34F) am a single mother to two girls, 'Jasmine' (16F) and 'Jessica' (14F). Their dad died when I was pregnant with Jess, and I had to work hard. We hit rock bottom, and I was barely making paycheque to paycheque but I managed to get a degree, become successful and we live well. Point is, I know how [expletive] hard it is to be at the bottom of society, and my daughters know this, which is why I was livid at my daughter's actions."
"Yesterday, Jasmine showed me a video of Jessica cussing a homeless man out and telling him, 'stop asking me for money, you'd earn it yourself if you weren't so [expletive] lazy and spending what you earned on substances.'"
When the man balked, the situation got worse:
"When the homeless man complained about the cold (we live in NE England), Jessica responded 'Yeah people camp for fun, even in December, you can't complain, you're living someone's holiday.' Fury was an understatement for what I felt, as I thought I had raised an empathetic daughter."
She didn't want to let her daughter get away with her awful behavior, so she put a plan into motion:
"Along with finding the homeless man and making her apologise and help pay for a hotel room for a night for him (she paid £20), as well as signing her up to volunteer at a food bank - I decided to take her up on her offer of sleeping outside."
"I locked her bedroom door so she couldn't go in, put a sign on it saying Closed for the holidays, pitched a tent in the garden and filled it with blankets and the sleeping bag I used when I was camping in Norway on a family holiday as a teen (aka really bloody thermal)."
"I slept in the room closest to the garden for that night so I was nearby if anything was to go wrong."
The mom gave her daughter two choices: camp outside for a night or lose her phone.
"She was reluctant to do it, but chose it over the option of not having access to her phone until the Christmas holidays are over."
"In the morning, she was crying about how horrible it was to wake up on a cold mat and get disrupted sleep due to birds. After comforting her, I asked her would she like to do that everyday like the homeless man. It struck a cord with her and she was crying over her actions, while even after the £20 she was rolling her eyes and her apology was not sincere. This afternoon, I came home from work to Jessica making a big meal to donate to the homeless people who live on the road near our house."
Everything was going great until her daughter and her cousin had a conversation at school:
"I was proud of how she turned over a new leaf, and after taking the food to the people, my sister came over. Apparently, my nephew and Jessica were talking at school, and he asked her about her plans for the afternoon, and she said that she was going to cook for the homeless. My nephew asked what triggered that, and Jess told him everything, which he relayed back to his mum."
"My sister said that my punishment was too harsh, and just the £20 and the food bank would have done the trick, and I was acting irrationally due to my past. Now I'm second guessing myself."
So now she wants to know: Was this too much?
Since the mom gave her daughter a choice, a lot of people are applauding her move. As one commenter noted:
"I would also like to point out that [OP, the original poster] gave her daughter a choice- either a learning experience or a punishment (losing her phone for break), and I feel like that made it even better. Her daughter could have ended up just resenting it if she'd been forced to sleep in the tent with no option, but because she chose it it had more impact."
Commenters also praised the mom for teaching her daughter an important lesson in a "low stakes" way. A commenter explained:
"Not only did it teach her empathy, but you were able to teach her in a very low stakes way. She isn't roughing it as an adult with no one to turn to. She is roughing it as a child who has a parent who would step in if it got dangerous."
In fact, that person likes it so much they're going to try it out with their own kids if they ever need to:
"This is the best way to teach empathy, frankly. I will be using this if our children ever do something similar."
"The proper cold weather outdoor camp gear and you staying within view from the garden window made this a safe way to teach your daughter some perspective. It worked wonders. Be proud of yourself."
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Teen Daughter Sleep Over