Teen Boys Ass Like

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6 Things You Should Know About Teenage Boys
December 3, 2013 Updated September 28, 2020
1. They will see those girl parts. Even though I have been getting dressed in the dark, in the closet or in the bathroom for years, there will come a time when they bust in on me partially clothed. This intrusion will be prompted by a bona fide emergency like finding that yellow t-shirt that I told them to put away three days ago. Or telling me that their brother is so annoying when he talks like “that.” In this moment, they will realize that I have the same body parts as the people on TV and music videos but with different fat to muscle ratios. They will also get a visual of the properties of gravity first-hand. The science teacher can thank me later. This incident will suck all of the oxygen from the room and they will literally flee from the scene. I will hurriedly finish getting dressed and go directly to the bank to open a savings account to fund ensuing therapy. There is a high likelihood that we will never speak of this event, even after I have gone to confession and endured sleepless nights.
2. They smell. Actually, there is no word in the English language to accurately communicate teen boy sweat. I called this phenomenon “Sweatmones.” Their hormones—and they kick in early people—turn the sweat into a living, breathing entity and it is stronger than an army. Much like a Sherman tank, it rolls over any deodorant like child’s play. The odor hangs in the air; slapping you in the face over and over until you want to pass out. The good news? There is a careful layering process of scented body wash, (soap is totally old school), shampoo and deodorant that gives parents a reprieve from sweatmones for approximately 10 minutes out of every 24-hr period. If you can get them in the shower, that is.
3. They cannot stop touching each other. My husband and his two brothers still wrestle on the floor at least once a year, and their combined ages hover around 150. So, why would I expect the younger pups not to follow suit? A punch in the arm is like an exclamation point on any sentence and they punctuate OFTEN. They-and I mean father and sons—have a goal line stance drill that plays out in the middle of the family room floor with the dog barking in circles around them. The pictures shake on the mantle, I cringe as heads graze the very edge of the coffee table and they are in heaven. BECAUSE THEY ARE TOUCHING EACH OTHER.
4. And they cannot stop touching themselves. I cannot, will not, provide any details on this because, blessedly, I have no details on this. The saying “Ignorance is bliss’ originated with some mom of a teenaged son who had a pretty good idea that her son got “handy” but never wanted to confirm. I am squarely in her camp. The fascination never, ever ends for them. They touch and adjust constantly. Wearing boxers and a t-shirt IS “dressed”, and is how they are most comfortable, BECAUSE THEY CAN EASILY TOUCH THEMSELVES. Enough said.
5. They call all of their friends by their last name. I am forever meeting boys with no first names. It is awkward when speaking with their parents. I want to tell them how wonderful their son is and what a pleasure it was to have him hang out with us. But I feel like that sentiment is more sincere when you actually can repeat the child’s name. Conversely, my sons are now just “Stiles” to legions of young men. So, I am forced to pull out the school directory and look up the kid’s name and repeat it over and over in the car until I can spit it out without the book to prompt me. If I refer to anyone by their first name, my sons give me a blank stare like I am speaking a foreign language. Decoder rings all around.
6. There is a word limit. When they were younger, my kids NEVER stopped talking. It was word vomit tall day long. My guess is, as they aged, the word count dropped by approximately 1000 words a year. All modifiers disappear. So, by the time they are 14 there are only four words left. 1) Yes 2) no 3) good and 4) bad. UNLESS they are talking about sports. Sports brings out modifiers, re-enactments, hand motions and facial expressions to rival a Broadway show. If they are involved in the sporting event, add at least 1000 words and rampant exaggeration.
So, consider yourself warned by someone who has been there. Good luck ladies because, boy (see what I did there?), are you going to need it!
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Here’s How To Find Out If That Mom You Really Like Consumes Cannabis Too
Do you feel comfortable asking another mom if she drinks coffee? Probably. How about asking a cool mom you met at the playground if she likes to relax with a glass of wine at night? Likely. Now how about asking a potential new mom friend if she consumes cannabis?
It’s no secret that moms who consume cannabis, and cannabis consumers in general, face stigma. But cannabis consumption is on the rise among parents. Parents are incorporating cannabis into their lives as part of their daily , as well as for a good night’s sleep. Parents are also way more likely than non-parents to consume cannabis mainly for medical use.
So why then, when we’re chatting it up with a mom we’re really vibing with, are we so hesitant to ask if she consumes cannabis? No one bonds faster than two moms commiserating about the trials of parenthood. And yet somehow we’ll spill the tea about light bladder leakage faster than we’ll admit to consuming cannabis.
One thing that won’t work: assuming you can figure out whether a fellow mom consumes cannabis based on her appearance. Cannabis consumers are everywhere and look like everyone. So you’re gonna have to be a little more clever. Start with these subtle conversation openers.
This will definitely get the ball rolling. Being a mom is stressful AF. We’re so used to doing everything for everyone else all the time, it can take real intention to look out for our own well-being. We basically have to give ourselves -— and each other — license to chill, or it may not happen. Start talking about how to let go of the stress of the day and see where it goes.
Maybe it’s not anxiety. Maybe it’s PTSD or panic attacks. But sharing that you’re consuming cannabis for a mental health issue you’ve been managing is a great way to ease into the conversation without worrying that another mom is going to look at you like you have three heads.
Obviously not everyone is a painter or a musician. But most of us have a need for some kind of creative expression, whether it’s through cooking, making jewelry or even coming up with fun new activities to do with our families. Supplementing your creative endeavors with cannabis is a sweet way to add to the chill factor. Besides, who can really get creative when they’re stressed to the absolute limit? This question might have your potential new pal saying something like “Let me tell you about how I created an entire coloring book one night with just a set of washable markers and some junk mail…”
Self care means different things to different moms. It really doesn’t mean one thing or even one type of thing. Maybe for you, it’s a night with a locked door, a vape pen and an entire season of your favorite true crime podcast. For someone else it could be an early morning run. (I mean, I guess?) Increasingly, parents are incorporating cannabis into their self care routines because, uh, have you looked around lately? We’re all going through it. Being intentional about how we care for ourselves is a conversation worth having. And if, while chatting with Fellow Cool Mom, we learn that she consumes cannabis, too? Cool.
There’s an argument to be made for being direct, honest and up front right from the beginning. Since life is too short for friends who don’t accept and embrace everything about you, why not just go the direct route? Kick it off big by telling her you’ve been consuming cannabis. Or “Smoking a bowl at the end of the day is literally my ONLY me time.” You might be surprised when she confides that her go-to way to unwind is with a trashy romance novel and a cannabis edible.
Or she may have no idea what you’re talking about. Which is totally fine, because then you get to educate her on how responsible cannabis consumption can absolutely be part of family life. Hey, New Bestie!
Curaleaf creates a safe, open and honest environment for cannabis discovery that minimizes doubt and confusion. Get canna-confident with Curaleaf and learn more here.
The statements in this publication are solely those of Scary Mommy and not Curaleaf. Laws governing the legality, availability and use of marijuana vary by state.
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Their anacondas don't want none unless you ... got good genetic material, hon.
OK, so by now everyone has seen Kim Kardashian's booty-baring, Internet-breaking cover for Paper magazine. And sure, seeing Kim's bare bum is a shocker on some levels, but what's behind the deeper, visceral reaction to the pics? Science!
Nowadays -- if popular music is to be believed -- we're currently "all about that bass." Prominent posteriors are everywhere on the Billboard charts -- Nicki Minaj’s “Anaconda” ode to big butts, Meghan Trainor’s “All About That Bass” curvy-girl “bringing the booty back” anthem, and, of course, Jennifer Lopez and Iggy Azalea’s “Booty” celebration. (Not to mention Beyonce’s always-revered rear.)
Butts are clearly having, well, their biggest moment ever, a fact that evolutionary psychologists like Gordon G. Gallup Jr. of the University of Albany finds unsurprising. According to Gallup, men's attraction to women with bigger butts -- see Trainor's assertion that "boys like a little more booty to hold at night" -- is woven into their genes.
Evolution isn't about survival of the fittest, Gallup told MTV News. It's about pairing your genes with someone "who has genes that code for health and vitality and fertility." In some cases, that means all the right junk in all the right places.
"The reason narrow waists and broad hips are so prized -- the reason males rate these as being attractive, even though they don't have any insight into why they do -- is twofold," he said. "It means, if a woman has a narrow waist, she's not pregnant. And if she has broad hips it means that the underlying skeletal morphology is probably such that she'd be able to have a relatively unencumbered childbirth."
Translation: An hourglass shape indicates that a woman is single and ready to mingle -- or, you know, to birth healthy spawn.
And speaking of those babies, women with big butts apparently have smarter kids -- and tend to be more intelligent themselves. The fat stored in women's butts -- called gluteofemoral fat -- has unique long-chain polyunsaturated fatty acids (science!) that are important for babies' brain development, Gallup said.
"They've done research that shows that as gluteal femoral fat stores go up, so do the cognitive scores of babies born to women with large hips," Gallup said. "And not only are babies advantaged, but even the mothers are. Mothers with large hips and butts also have a significant advantage on cognitive tests."
Gallup said that men aren't aware of these rather logical reasons why they're attracted to larger butts ... but attracted they are. So keep watching those "Anaconda" and "Booty" videos. Science approves!









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Teen Boys Ass Like