Teen Bisexual Stories

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Teen Bisexual Stories
This article is more than 6 years old
This article is more than 6 years old
Labels about one’s sexuality can be limiting to those who feel their desire is fluid. Photograph: Alamy
Fri 2 Oct 2015 09.30 BST Last modified on Thu 23 Nov 2017 11.13 GMT
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These days, I’ll mention a guy I dated if it comes up and is relevant, and then I’ll also say I’m dating a girl right now who I really really like, if they ask
I ’ve always felt attracted to both men and women, but usually not at the same time. One day it’s more dude-focused and then it’s back to women, but it always feels fluid. This has nothing to do with my ability to be in a committed relationship with one person. Actually, open or poly relationships have never worked for me, and I’ve mostly been in relationships with women.
I came out as bisexual to my mom at the age of 15. Back then, the terms homoromantic, one who dates mostly the same sex, an heteroromantic, one who dates mostly the opposite sex, weren’t around.
We were driving around downtown Evanston, a suburb just north of Chicago, in a navy blue Ford station wagon. She knew about John Turner, my boyfriend from our summer family vacation. But I felt like she must have known that something was going on with my best friend, Eleanor. I’d been fooling around with Eleanor since about age 13. My mom had no idea about any of my sexual adventures and I didn’t tell her that day. I did mention that the daughter of a family friend was bisexual, and that I was “also like her.” This was a strange new queer world to mom, and I felt like I needed to seek another support group aside from just my immediate family and one gay boy bestie at high school.
When I started attending a queer youth group at a church basement in Evanston, and sharing about my feelings of attraction and desire, it made sense to identify as bisexual. But I worried that my experience with John, my first boyfriend, wasn’t real at all, because it wasn’t like the one I’d had with Eleanor. Did that mean I was a lesbian, even though I really cared for John and liked the sexual experiences I’d had with him, and probably would have kept dating him if he lived nearby? I did end up meeting my first-ever girlfriend at that group, and have since mostly been in relationships with women.
But that early bisexual identity marker lingered for years, and I was reminded of it when I met Jason at a party in Chicago a few years ago.
Things with Kristin, my lover of nearly three years, were off again. She was living in Santa Fe, where she was doing a postdoc in neuroscience, and though I visited sometimes and admitted to myself that I was still deeply in love with her, this long-distance thing wasn’t quite working. Back in Chicago, I wasn’t interested in any other women. I felt really attracted to men again – like, I thought about sex with them when I masturbated – so why not make my fantasies a reality?
When I was talking with Jason, which involved looking at our phones and showing each other things and smiling a lot, my friend Marie interrupted and pulled me aside.
“So who’s that guy you’re talking to?” she asked.
“What? Oh, he seems nice. His name is Jason and he does web design or something,” I explained. “He’s also an artist.”
“I think he’s into you,” she whispered.
“Oh? What? Wait why do you think that!” I asked, in a shouting whisper.
“I mean, he’s giving you a lot of attention,” she said.
“We are having a conversation,” I remarked.
“Yeah, but like when a guy does that . . .” she said.
“Oh!” I exclaimed, as if finally getting something that I’d been blocking out of my purview for years, because I had been in this on-again, off-again thing with Kristin, who happened to be a woman, and I was really focused on her. She looked like a female version of Jim Gold, my elementary school dream boyfriend who played basketball and always had the latest Air Jordans, and she was also as athletic as he was.
Eventually I made my move, grabbing Jason’s hand and heading to the porch for a prolonged make-out session. I was grateful that Marie, another bisexual/queer-identified lady friend of mine who’d previously been married to a man but was now happily partnered with a masculine-of-center woman, had pulled me aside to have this girl-talk conversation. In talking with her, I felt like I could express my attraction to men without feeling judged. I wouldn’t have had the courage to keep talking with Jason if it weren’t for her. The truth was that I really didn’t want anyone at the party to think that I was bisexual, even though my actions were clearly indicating otherwise.
The term “bisexual” has always been pretty contested; there’s a stigma that bisexual women can’t ever be in a committed relationship, or that they just want to have sex all the time with everyone. Bisexual women are often identified by the sex of the partner that they’re with. I’ve had straight women friends of mine who tell me that they think I am straight and can I just get over this gay thing already, and lesbian friends throw me the stink eye and tell me that I really just need to admit that I’m gay.
Despite the potential for stigma, I decided to give it a chance with Jason. We went on a few more dates; we saw The Wolf of Wall Street, starring Leonardo DiCaprio (who I still think is hot), on a snowy dark night of Chicago winter. I hated the egregious masculinity of the movie, but Jason loved it. I was really into the fact that he was into it, and so to this day I still like that film. I took him to a queer performance art thing, and actually I hated it and he didn’t seem to mind it; later at dinner, we discussed Wolf.
Eventually, Kristin came back to town, we slept together, I realized I still wasn’t over her and I called it off with Jason. In doing so, I also felt like I’d put an end to my potential “bisexual” identity. Kristin made me feel safe again in a lesbian identity even though I refused to be in a relationship with her. Soon I would move to Los Angeles, and she would not come with me.
Nowadays I let my stories tell themselves, and I don’t claim an identity unless people ask. I’ll mention a guy I dated if it comes up and is relevant, and then I’ll also say I’m dating a girl right now who I really really like, if they ask. I like the identifier “homoromantic bisexual,” which implies that I am bisexual but mostly am involved romantically with other women. But to say lesbian or straight/mono-sexual disqualifies the ever-expansive realms of desire, and both of those terms feel dishonest to me.
Usually it’s not an identity question, except when it comes to Mom and Dad. They are still hoping that I’ll let them know when I decide on an all-encompassing, single label, that I will pick a side, so that at least they can know something about my future that they feel is certain, not just a driveby memory of a suburban car ride.




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Published May 22, 2012 12:00AM (EDT)


Related Topics ------------------------------------------
Bisexuality
Infidelity
Marriage
Since You Asked

Recently my husband of 18 years has explored his sexuality with other men. He admitted having four sexual encounters with random men he solicited from Craigslist. After a week of hell, and many a shouting match, he begged me to take him back, claiming that his experimentation is not worth losing his family. As in a textbook scenario, he, somehow, convinced himself that I, being very liberal and supportive of gay community, would understand, and maybe even approve, his urges. Having two teenage daughters and being a stay-at-home mom, I have initially agreed to let him back into the family fold, after all his STD tests came back clean.
I have immediately lined up a therapist, not being able to go through the crisis by myself. I have consulted the divorce lawyer as well, but decided that I simply cannot afford to leave him before I can secure some sort of support system, income, job, anything that would assure my landing on solid ground. Now, being middle-aged and with thin résumé, getting a job will be difficult in this economy, and I am more and more inclined to pursue separation, since staying in the marriage is not really emotionally healthy for me. I do give it a try every day, and every day is an effort, but, although he did give up his "encounters," he still maintains virtual presence in the gay community through porn and his private Flickr account(s). Although not a deal breaker, his Internet activity makes me conclude that he is not willing to make an effort toward the true reconciliation of our relationship, and that his real orientation is something he will not be able to deny for much longer. I do realize that his orientation is not a choice, but his behavior is.
My priority is our girls, who are, hopefully, oblivious to the extent of our marital crisis, but I am asking myself lately if it is time to let him go, and hope for the best for all four of us? I do not want to hurt the girls, but I do not want to carry on with this agony for much longer either. This past couple of months have been hardest in my life, just watching everything I ever believed in crumble apart. My self-esteem is still pretty high, but self-pity creeps in every now and then, hurting my ability to think straight. I want out; the question is do I wait until the girls are off to college (another couple of years), or do I seek an exit now.
You need concrete help. For that, you have wisely chosen a therapist and a lawyer.
What I can do is help you form a narrative or map.
Because you are human you will seek meaning in what happened. We seek meaning in misfortune whether we get cancer or have an accident or are bombed out of our houses by unseen jets. It helps. It helps to make a story out of what happens.
Your story will be something like this. You fell in love and got married and had two beautiful children and had always thought there might be unexplored territory between you and your husband. But you did not go there. You may have learned a way of relating that, though intimate, allowed for certain unexplored regions. You may have termed this privacy, or given it some meaning. But you sensed that your husband was not completely transparent to you, that he had secrets or evasions. Having no clear guidelines, you let these areas, and perhaps these doubts, go unexplored. You didn't press the issue. You made small incremental decisions that maintained the relationship and the family.
It may be that at the first you wondered if this was the way it was supposed to be. You may have talked to your friends about it, subtly suggesting that things were "good" but not "great," that you wondered sometimes ...
Maybe. Maybe not. I think it likely, if you are honest, that you had vague suspicions.
At any rate, now it has become clear that your husband has been hiding a great deal from you. So you are incensed, enraged, hurt, betrayed. You've had a terrible shock. Gone are the bedrock vows and beliefs on which your marriage rested. You are now in the sticky muck of uncertainty. It is hard to walk now; everything is harder.
For a while it's going to be one day at a time, slogging through, some days better than others. You will have to decide if you can continue living with him and for how long, and under what circumstances, and for those decisions, you have help through a lawyer and a therapist. One way or another you will arrive in a future that was not the future you imagined.
What do I see for you in the future? I see a wiser woman; I see a woman who finds new strength in herself to protect her daughters and make a new life. I see a woman who now knows you never really know, who learns that when disaster happens you're capable of more than you realized. And maybe there will be some new rules in this story -- rules about hunches and doubts, a rule that says if something doesn't feel right, it isn't.
We are educated to be sensible and quasi-scientific in our decisions. In the conscious realm we operate on what we can see and hear. But in the unconscious realm, the animal realm, the realm of hunches and doubts, we need to listen more carefully to unformed notions we don't fully understand and yet which persist, in their way, in their language of symbols and doubts and strange coincidence.
I wish to leave you with this: You are not alone. This has happened before. You have strength and support to call on. You can get through this and be stronger and wiser. You have help. You have people who love you and are on your side. You are going to be OK.
Copyright © 2022 Salon.com, LLC. Reproduction of material from any Salon pages without written permission is strictly prohibited. SALON ® is registered in the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office as a trademark of Salon.com, LLC. Associated Press articles: Copyright © 2016 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

My (So) Bad for March 10, 2008 By Audrey Fine PUBLISHED: Mar 10, 2008
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"One day I was at the bus stop alone with this supercute guy who I really liked. I thought that he hated me, but boy was I so wrong! Well, we were just standing there getting bored, and before I knew it, he kissed me! I was in total shock and couldn't move or talk until the bus came! That sure was a great way to start off the day!"
"So, there was this girl Emily in my freshman class who was SO conceited. Seriously, she worshipped the ground she walked on. I didn't like her because she's the school slut, but everyone else seemed to think she was so nice. Well, I recently found out that she was addicted to drugs and sex. I felt so bad for not liking her after that."
"I went to the movies with an old friend, her boyfriend, and her boyfriend's friend. I thought her BF was really hot, and he must have thought I was too because he kept staring at me. Before the movie her BF said he wanted to buy us popcorn, so I went with him. Right before we went back into the theater, we started making out! Right at that moment, my friend walked out the door and saw us. She was so mad and didn't speak to me EVER again. Perhaps we should've picked a more private place to make out!"
"My parents and sister were out of the house one night, so I invited over this boy I had a crush on to watch a movie. There happened to be a thunderstorm that night, so right in the middle of the movie the power went out. I got up to get a flashlight in my closet, and when I got back, I tripped over one of my (many) shoes and landed on the bed right next to him! So we start kissing, you know, just the innocent stuff, but it quickly got steamier! Before we knew it, we heard my sister's car in the driveway, so I had to put on my shirt and he had to get his shoes on and make it to the back door in lightning speed! It was so devious!"
"Once when my parents went away for the weekend, my older sister had to baby-sit. Well, in the middle of night I found her in the pool with her boyfriend making out. It was going pretty far when my parents walked through the door! They asked me where my sister was, and I pointed outside. My mom caught them in the pool, so they never let her baby-sit again!"
"One day I was at my friend's house riding on her sister's skateboard when I crashed into her sister's puzzle. We tried putting it back together but couldn't, so she decided to lie and tell her mom the cat did it. I was totally against it and wanted to tell the truth, but I knew it risked our friendship. So her mom and sister still think the darn cat did it!"
"One day at school my friends and I were playing around with a bottle of Victoria's Secret perfume spray during recess. A few of my friends had the bright idea that I go up and spray the perfume on my crush. Well, I did, but it went right into his eyes. Oh no!!! I could not believe it. He doesn't hate me, but he hasn't been paying much attention to me either — just in case I have another bottle of spray!"
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