Teen Ass Thongs

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Parade Underwear Review — They're the Comfiest Thongs I Own
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In times where some of us are only changing from our PJ’s to sweatpants to leggings (maybe the occasional slip dress), and repeat, I understand how thongs wouldn't necessarily fit the cozy equation. Who would want to feel like they have a wedgie 24/7 while navigating online classes or Zoom meetings? Not me. Thongs, in this economy? That was the question I used to pose myself anytime somebody I knew would voluntarily choose to wear this barely there undergarment — before I tried Parade's thongs, that is.
Let's take it back to simpler times: It's December of 2019. We didn't know that 2020 would be what we thought 2012 was going to be (remember the Mayan prophecy and this movie), and the biggest event of my life is that I became a thong convert.
It began when I received a pack from the underwear startup that Cami Téllez cofounded in 2019 that included three thongs, two cheeky undies, and one boy short. Their vibrant colors combined with the supersoft and breathable material made them instant winners in my book. Plus, since Parade uses recycled polyamide for its underwear, and all of its materials are Oeko-Tex certified (aka free of polluting chemicals), all of them felt (and looked) great while still being sustainable. Win-Win. Not to mention that their sizing ranges from XS to 3X and they start at only $9.
Of course, the thongs were the last pairs of the pack that I tried, but they rapidly became my favorite. When I first tried out my orange pair, I was in awe. They actually lived up to their claim of feeling like you're not wearing any underwear. "What kind of sorcery is this?" I asked my mom. She just rolled her eyes, told me I grew up and proceeded to tell me to put on some pants with the same tone she would tell me to put on chanclas, because if not, I was going to get sick. Now, bare booties might not be a superstition in Latinx households but I didn't want to risk it. And so, since then I gladly wear my thongs with all my bottoms of choice.
I no longer lump them with my bras, jeans, and all the other "real" clothing that hasn't seen the light of day since this new normal began. Whether I'm sitting down on the sofa working, doing a 30-minute workout, or I'm simply standing up cooking myself yet another meal, I feel like I'm indeed wearing my birthday suit and not a thong. The best part is its soft, seamless material. They don't show when I'm wearing leggings or a soft knit lounge set. And the best part is that you can't tell that I'm wearing a thong, either. You know that feeling when you twirl in the mirror and your booty just looks like it's being strangled? No? Maybe it's just me since I'm still technically a thong newbie…
Regardless, I'd say Sisqó would be proud because my Parade underwear repertoire has kept expanding and now my cart is full of their high-cut and high-rise thongs to try out too.
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This Is What Your Thong Is Doing To Your Butt
Thanks to someone deciding at some point that panty lines are an unforgivable sin, a lot of us ladies are walking around with our underwear up our asses—on purpose! Many women are big fans of the thong, while others only enter the void when they really have to (I think you can tell which camp I’m in). Whether you’re doing it with pleasure or constantly reminding yourself not to pick your wedgie because it’s supposed to be there, there are a couple things you should know about what’s going on along the great divide.
We tapped Leah Millheiser, M.D., an ob/gyn and director of the female sexual medicine program at Stanford University School of Medicine, who tells SELF that in her practice she definitely sees women who have chafing as a result of wearing thong underwear.
Millheiser says that while thongs are perfectly safe—they’re not going to do any long-term damage or anything—they can definitely rub you the wrong way, especially if they’re on the small side. If you’re noticing irritation or discomfort, her advice is to take a break for a week or two to let your skin heal inside some regular underwear. To avoid future irritation, she suggests opting for cotton thongs, which have more give than other materials, and possibly going up a size. “Thongs shouldn’t be painful,” she says. “If you notice it’s there, it’s too small.”
She recommends using Vaseline or a similar ointment to protect the skin and reduce friction, but advises against talcum powder (gyns typically don’t want you to use anything in or around the vagina, but talcum powder in particular comes with some unfounded but unsettling health-concern baggage).
As for the question of whether the skinny part of a pair can shuttle bacteria from your backside to your front parts, Millheiser says not to worry. “There’s fecal matter around the vagina all the time,” she affirms. (Phew?) “That’s why women get UTIs—E. coli is often present around opening.” That string between your cheeks isn’t making the situation any worse: “To get that area [of the underwear] touching the anus all the way to the opening of urethra you’d have to pull it all the way around and really rub it around,” she says. So, like, don’t do that and you should be all good.
You may also like: These Guys Tried On Their Girlfriends' Thongs And Found Out How Much It Sucks
Amanda Schupak is a health, science, and technology journalist. As a writer and editor, she has covered topics including women's health, nutrition, psychology, climate and environment, consumer technology, cybersecurity, and space exploration. Her work has been published in Popular Science, O, The Oprah Magazine, Forbes, CBS News, and others. She... Read more
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