Teen And Sex

Teen And Sex

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Sex, consent and teenagers

CONTENT WARNING: This post discussessexual consent and may be triggering for people who have experienced unwanted, unsafe or upsetting sexual contact, whether towards themselves or someone e...
...ear olds the family pension or any sort of financial assistance for her and baby.. i’ve also been told my daughter and her boyfriend can be charged for sexual offences and put on the sexual o...
I am very concerned about my 14 year old daughter because for the last 2 years and seems to be getting worse. She started with sneaking out to actually having sex. I have taken her smart phone and r...

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Depending on your teenager’s age and the people they hang out with, you will probably find that they have thought about exploring sex and sexual relationships. During the later teenage stages, sex becomes a big deal and each teenager will approach it differently.
There are things that you can do as a parent to create an open dialogue with our teen where they feel safe to talk to you about sex, consent, and respectful relationships.
Young people are talking about, thinking about and having sex. By the age of 16-17 , around one in three teenagers have engaged in sexual intercourse. Even for those who aren’t sexually active, their lives are saturated with different and often confusing messages about what sex and relationships are like. They have easy access to a whole world of information, and that’s where you come into the picture.
Young people from families in which sex, consent sexual relationships are openly discussed are more likely to behave respectfully and safely when they do have sex. Evidence shows that teenagers want to talk to their parents about sex and relationships, and vice versa, but both can feel awkward about starting the conversation.
The average age that young Australians are starting to have sex is around 15 years . So it’s important from early adolescence to let your teen know that if they have questions or are thinking about having sex, you’re there for them to talk to.
If your teenager doesn’t feel comfortable talking to you about sex, they might be comfortable talking to another trusted adult instead. This could be a family member, a friend, or a GP or counsellor. If they don’t want to talk to you, ask them to list three people who they could go to for information and help if they need.
If your teenager is not at the stage where they feel comfortable talking to anyone about sex, it’s important to keep an eye out for signs they are thinking about becoming sexually active or already are. Many teens are physically ready for sexual activity before they are emotionally ready. If you see any of these signs, it might be time to have a chat:
Your teenager might not open up to you at first, but if you let them know you’re open to and positive about talking to them about sex, it will encourage them to come to you for advice later on.
If you have concerns regarding your teenager’s sexual health or activity, it’s important to be proactive, no matter how uncomfortable the topic is. If things don’t go as they expect or if they don’t really know what to ask, it could cause anxiety, stress or self-esteem issues. Having conversations around consent and respect also helps ensure they will go on to have respectful relationships in the future. So make sure you are switched on to what support your teen may need from you.
Find things to try to help your teen child with here .
Many parents feel anxious talking about the topic of sex with their teenagers, so feeling prepared and confident will make it much easier for you and your teen.
Think in advance about the things that worry you. Are you worried your teen is being sexually active before they are mature enough to understand the consequences? That they’ll be pressured into doing something they don’t want to do? That they’ll become pregnant or get someone else pregnant? These are all legitimate concerns. Instead of coming from a place of fear, it can be more productive to explain to your teenager that you want to make sure they are always respected and safe .
Before you launch into conversation with your teen, it can be helpful to read up on the basics of sexually transmitted infections (STIs), and contraception options. When you talk to your teen, always try to use the correct names for body parts, and give accurate information. You can check out fact sheets available from your state’s Family Planning organization .
You should also go into the conversation ready to talk about sexual consent and what respectful relationships look like. Talking about consent can feel daunting, but these conversations are key for ensuring that your teen will go on to have safe, healthy and enjoyable sexual experiences when they are ready. For more information, you can read our article on how to teach your teenager about consent , or how to help your teenager develop boundaries .
If you have a partner or co-parent, chat about your planned approach beforehand, so you’re both on the same page.
These conversations are really important, so you want to pick a time when you don’t have other distractions or commitments. Put your phone on silent, sit down in a quiet space, and give your teen your full attention. This shows your teen that you take these conversations seriously, you want to listen, and you are there for them.
If you aren’t sure how to start a conversation around topics like sex or relationships, you can ask your teen what other people are doing at school. You can ask open-ended questions like “are other people in your grade dating?”, or “do other people at your school talk about sex?”. You can then follow up these questions by asking your teen how they feel about their peers engaging in these behaviours. This can create a more comfortable starting point for your teen to talk about these issues, and gives them the chance to express their thoughts and feelings.
You could also start by asking your teen what they already know about sex and consent. This can help you correct any misinformation they may have.
Reassure your teenager that sex differs for each individual. It’s not a race to see who can have sex first. And it isn’t something they have to participate in just because their friends say they are doing it.

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On my first day of training to become a specialist physician, I could hardly contain my excitement and arrived at the hospital two hours early. I knew no one, as I had arrived from another part of the country on the preceding day, but I introduced myself to the nurses on the maternity ward and looked around at what would be my training ground for the next few months.
All
of a sudden the phone rang alerting the nurses to an imminent arrival and, minutes
later, a couple of paramedics wheeled in a young girl in active labour. Five minutes
afterwards, with the help of two nurses, I delivered the first baby of my career.
The young mother, who had no family or friends with her, turned out to be twelve
years old.
Over the next few days, I spent a lot of time talking to this young teen. I found out that she had become pregnant when she was eleven; the baby's father was a fourteen-year-old boy who had since found another girlfriend. The young mother steadfastly insisted that she wanted the baby and was not interested in giving the infant up for adoption. I wondered how this young girl with minimal life experience and no apparent family support could possibly raise a child. Although at that point in my career I did not know the facts and the figures related to teen pregnancy, I was struck by the phenomenon of 'children having children' and I wondered what the future held for this twelve-year-old and her tiny infant.

Although not the topic of this book, unintended teen pregnancy is a monumental problem for our society. According to an article in the prestigious journal, Adolescent Medicine , "adolescent girls who become mothers are more likely to drop out of school and have low educational attainment; to face unemployment, poverty, and welfare dependency; to experience more rapid repeat pregnancy; to become single mothers; and to experience divorce, if they marry."(2) The cycle of difficulties continues as the children of teen mothers have a much higher incidence of a variety of problems including prematurity, infant death, developmental problems and behavioral difficulties. (2,3)

In addressing the American Academy of Paediatrics, a former U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. M. Jocelyn Elders stated that preventing teen pregnancy was her top priority: "eighty percent of our poverty is related to unplanned, unwanted pregnancies" and "ninety per cent of the young men in prison between [ages] 19-35 were born to teenaged mothers."(4) While on an individual basis, I have seen teen moms who find their motherhood to be an unexpected motivation to seek further education and strive to do their very best, the challenges faced by these young mothers are frequently overwhelming.
What we know: Most people know that unplanned teen pregnancy is a big problem . . . however, most people are completely unaware of the devastating results of STDs and of the huge number of young people who suffer from them.
Most people are aware that teen pregnancy often leads to problems and challenges. I have heard many parents express concern about their teenagers becoming pregnant. I recall hearing a mother comment "I just want to make sure that neither of my daughters get pregnant and that my son doesn't get some girl in trouble!" Most people, however, are completely unaware of the devastating results of STDs and of the overwhelming number of sexually active teenagers and adults who suffer from these very common infections. While an unplanned pregnancy becomes rapidly evident, many of the consequences of having an STD do not show up immediately and some may not be apparent for years.
The unrealistic view that one can have risk-free sexual liaisons is rampant in North America and many other parts of the world.
I was only a few weeks into my specialist training when I began to encounter young patients who were suffering from the results of STDs. I remember being called to the emergency department in the middle of the night to see a fourteen-year-old who had experienced ten days of severe pain in her lower abdomen. After completing the medical history and physical examination, it was evident that this girl was suffering from Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (P.I.D.), an inflammation of her reproductive organs resulting from a sexually transmitted infection. (P.I.D. is commonly caused by gonorrhoea or chlamydia). When I discussed the situation with the teen and her mother, I was told that, in an attempt to be responsible, they had together visited a birth control centre and, in order to prevent an unintended pregnancy, the daughter had started taking the birth control pill. Neither the mother, nor the teenaged girl, said that they had ever heard of P.I.D., and they certainly did not have any idea that such a serious medical condition might be the direct result of having sex. In view of the potential consequences of this severe pelvic infection (many people are subsequently unable to have children), it was troubling to me that neither this teenager nor her mother had ever considered STDs before this teen began having sex.

Despite the fact that many teenagers do not perceive that they are at risk for sexually transmitted infections, the incidence of certain STDs is so high that some researchers have concluded that contracting a common, potentially cancer-causing STD like human papillomavirus "should now be considered an inevitable consequence of sexual activity."(5) Teens and young adults have become the population group at greatest risk for acquiring STDs. (6,7)

Although in the last five years individuals and medical professionals have increasingly realized that even condom use does not make sex 'safe,' the unrealistic view that one can have risk-free sexual encounters is still rampant in North America and many other parts of the world. I recently saw a young, professional woman who was plagued by recurrent herpes sores acquired when she was a teenager. Her partner at that time had been checked out at a medical clinic and was told that he was infection free. Unfortunately, he was not informed, that many STDs have no signs or symptoms in the early stages and that there are no simple and available tests to detect some of the viral STDs in the early phases of the infection. My patient did not, as a teenager, understand the risks of this sexual relationship and she contracted herpes from this first sexual partner.

Because of ongoing problems with spreading herpes sores, this woman sought advice from a public health provider in order to determine how to minimize the risk of transmission to her current husband. She was told that he only needed to wear a condom to prevent catching herpes. This advice was given despite the fact that her sores were located all over her genital area and not just at sites where a condom would prevent skin-to skin contact. Unfortunately, this woman's spouse subsequently became infected with genital herpes.

Those who start having sex at earlier ages tend to have a higher number of sexual partners over their lifespan ... this results in an increased risk for STDs.
It is important to point out that this is not an uncommon scenario. Teenagers are frequently misinformed or misunderstand the life-long risks that early sexual involvement exposes them to. Over the last couple of decades there has been a disturbing trend toward initiation of sexual activity at very young ages. (8 9) In 1995, one study noted that "more than twice as many females ages 14, 15, and 16 are sexually active now, compared with young women of the same ages just 15 years ago." (11) The documented result has been that those who start having sex at earlier ages tend to have a higher number of sexual partners over their lifespan.(11,13,15,16,18,21) And, increasing the number of life-time sexual partners inevitably results in an increased risk of becoming infected with an STD.(13) Earlier sexual involvement, therefore, clearly means that the individual will have a much higher chance of catching an STD at some point in their life.
Teen Trends over the last 35 years (8-23)
While there are many common STDs, none has attracted so much attention in the last ten years as HIV/ AIDS. This infection is the second leading cause of serious sickness and disability in the world (24) and is contracted most commonly by young people, aged 15 to 25. (25) With an estimated 14,000 people infected every single day, an article published in the British Medical Journal in 2002 stated "despite the impressive advances in medicine since [the 14th century], HIV/AIDS is likely to surpass the Black Death as the worst pandemic ever." (26) The Black Death was the most severe plague in history, it ravaged Asia and Europe, and it significantly impacted both social life and national economies. (26,27)
Just as previous epidemics have affected social and economic life, the current consequences of teen sex are having a profoundly negative impact both on the lives of individuals as well as on national health care expenditures. In the United States alone the economic cost for dealing with problems related to teen sex are tens of billions of dollars annually. (2,28) As health care is a primary concern for politicians and citizens all over the world, the economics and the sustainability of public health care is yet another reason that the issue of teen sex needs to be addressed.
What we know: HIV/AIDS is likely to surpass the Black Death, the most severe plague in history, and become the worst epidemic ever.
Many well-meaning educators are concerned about burdening teens with the uncomfortable and even threatening reality of STDs. They are also struggling with the idea that in order to present non-judgemental information, they should not directly endorse one behavior over another. This has sometimes resulted in a hesitancy to directly encourage teenagers to make decisions and choose behaviours that will effectively minimize risk and enhance life-long well-being. Unfortunately, however,
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