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Team Fortress 2
(2007 Video Game)

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Australia:MA15+
(2008)

Brazil:18

Germany:18

New Zealand:R16

United Kingdom:16
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United States:M

United States:T
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The Naked and the Dead (also known as Team Fortress Comics #6 ) is a comic released on January 10th, 2017. It is the penultimate issue of a seven-part comic series, picking up where Old Wounds left off.

The comic begins with Miss Pauling hallucinating while she is bleeding out and unconscious after the attack of the Classic Team's leech robots. She wakes up in a desert with a disembodied door before her, which she enters. Behind this door is the Administrator 's control room. After a brief exchange, Miss Pauling admits her failure to obtain the final stash of Australium to the Administrator, and questions the Administrator about what she truly wants; however, Miss Pauling is revived abruptly by the Medic , who saves her by placing the blood drained from the robots back in her body, and then proceeds to revive Soldier in a similar manner. When Miss Pauling questions Medic on how he managed it, Demoman is seen fighting and destroying the rest of the robots, and the Medic responds that the robots have been poisoned and weakened by the high alcoholic content of Demoman's blood. In Demoman's own hallucination, he has successfully reassigned his body's organs to distill its own alcohol out of his vital fluids, and even his liver returns to reconcile.

Meanwhile, the Classic Mercenaries confront TFC Heavy about how they will receive their payment after he killed Gray Mann . TFC Heavy angrily persuades them that the Life-Extender device was worth going without pay, but the TFC Engineer is reluctant to agree. Frustrated, TFC Heavy commands the TFC Engineer to reactivate the rest of Gray's Robots to kill the current mercenaries, and he complies.

The comic cuts back to the original group, with Scout and Heavy parachuting down to Miss Pauling. As Scout hugs Pauling, Medic reveals that she should no longer be hugged as the action squeezes some of the replaced blood out of her eyes. Heavy greets his sister Zhanna, but is surprised that she had lost a hand, and then gets annoyed at the realization that she is engaged to Soldier, and they plan to have children. Scout reveals to Pauling about the discovery of the Australium being stolen, and that Saxton Hale and his partner Maggie were on the island as well, presumably having jumped off the plane at the same time as him and Heavy. However, upon turning around, they are rudely interrupted by a hoard of reactivated Gray Mann robots approaching and Saxton Hale and Maggie nowhere to be seen.

The comic cuts to Saxton Hale and Maggie in Hale's plane, too engrossed with reminiscing over their past adventures to follow Scout and Heavy, who had jumped off an hour ago. After their pilot Jerry notifies them that they are out of fuel, Hale and Mags drop Mann Co. ammunition and weapon crates to the mercenaries below, before jumping from the plane (along with Jerry) to aid them in fighting the robots. Unfortunately, TFC Sniper is watching the battle and preparing to shoot Heavy, before a knock at the door from the TFC Engineer distracts him. TFC Engineer claims that TFC Heavy has ordered him to pull back, while outside, Sniper is standing outside the door and ready to ambush his TFC counterpart. However, TFC Sniper shoots TFC Engineer in the knee, revealing that his best friend, the TFC Engineer, had already replaced his original eyeballs with mechanical ones that saw past the disguise. Sniper runs to another room, breaks the window and climbs around the building's exterior naked, while the Spy distracts TFC Sniper by asking him for a cigarette as a final request. This buys enough time for Sniper to enter a window, take TFC Sniper's rifle, and kill TFC Sniper with a headshot without any hesitation. Spy and Sniper share a moment to mock each other over their shared rivalry .

Back at the battleground, Demoman takes cover while Medic stitches up a wound in his leg. It is revealed that Demoman has a cursed eye socket which causes any replacement eye the Medic gives him to mutate on Halloween night, attacking the team in various ways . To prevent Demoman from questioning him, Medic also reveals that he had removed the part of Demoman's brain which remembers the events. After promptly forgetting the recent events, Demoman walks away, giving TFC Heavy an opportunity to threaten Medic into placing the Life-Extender device into him. Medic instead attacks him with his Ubersaw , but fails to kill him. Heavy attempts to save Medic, but TFC Heavy shoots Medic fatally with a Pistol. Enraged, Heavy attacks him.

The comic moves to TFC Soldier and TFC Scout in a weapons storage room, discussing the present nature of events. TFC Scout points out the futility of the situation, noting that TFC Heavy has gone insane, they are losing the battle, and the money they have accumulated has not bought them happiness. TFC Scout reminds TFC Soldier of the dream they shared to own an orphanage, but soon discovers they have been somehow coated in gasoline as the Pyro reveals their presence.

Outside, Scout and Ms. Pauling fight off robots, noting the absence of Spy and Pyro, until the loud explosion behind them from Pyro's attack indicates otherwise. They subsequently notice Soldier and Zhanna, who have inexplicably stripped down and covered themselves with honey to fight the robots, prompting Scout to retreat to somewhere "less naked". Saxton Hale and Maggie likewise fight off robots, albeit with their clothes on.

The comic cuts to a more violent side as Heavy, in a burst of outrage, starts brutally beating TFC Heavy, despite TFC Heavy's efforts to negotiate his way through. As Heavy starts to finish the job and states that he doesn't care if he has an immortality machine; TFC Heavy killed his friend, the Medic. TFC Heavy suddenly recovers, revealing that he simply pushed the immortality machine into his body, which was apparently enough for it to work.

The comic takes a shift as Sniper and Spy come across some dead Spy-bots. Spy remarks on Sniper's nudity, but refuses to lend Sniper his expensive suit, and both come across a tragic discovery: Scout is close to death. Comforting Scout, Spy disguises himself as Tom Jones and gives Scout his dream passing with a story of Tom Jones being Scout's proud but secret father .

The comic cuts to black and comes back to Scout, who is now in Heaven. God (or at least Scout's hallucination of him) begins to lavish praises on Scout, but when he realizes that Scout is still a virgin, he decides to destroy all of humanity until Scout talks him into an alternative - to send him back to the world of the living until his time comes (after assuring Scout that Tom Jones is his father). In reality, Sniper and Spy discuss what to do with Scout's body, but discover that Scout has revived, much to Sniper's reassurance and Spy's horrified disgust.

Zhanna and Soldier prepare for another wave of robots. Soldier asks Zhanna for another jar of honey, but to their surprise, there is none. Instead, Zhanna finds gasoline and both of them consider lighting themselves on fire whilst fight the mass. This is cut short as Miss Pauling's phone starts to ring and Zhanna lifts her from underneath a pile of robot corpses. The person on the other end of the line is Engineer , whom states that he is with the Administrator and he asks for what's left of the Australium, to which Miss Pauling says there is none. She requests to talk to the Administrator, but Engineer explains that the Administrator has died and puts down the phone, promising to ask the Administrator to call back. Zhanna approaches Ms. Pauling to ask her who she was talking to, and Ms. Pauling admits the truth of the matter: she was talking with her boss over something her boss had planned for her whole life, but Ms. Pauling has "screwed it all up". Zhanna reassures her that the team will help, finally acknowledging Ms. Pauling as a part of the team and apologizes for the suspicion she regarded Ms. Pauling with. However, Zhanna warns Ms. Pauling to stay away from Soldier, who has been listening in and joins Zhanna in insinuating that Ms. Pauling was taking advantage of Soldier's nudity. Angry, Ms. Pauling is about to complain until she realizes that Sniper, still naked, has walked onto the scene, with Spy supporting Scout.

As TFC Heavy continues to beat up Heavy, Medic's soul is in Hell, having signed a contract with the Devil years prior. The Devil prepares to send Medic to Hell for eternity as per the terms of the contract, but Medic points out a clause written into it: he can only go to Hell if the Devil owns a majority of his soul, and reveals that he had additional souls surgically grafted into himself, leaving the Devil with no claim. Medic negotiates with the Devil, asking to be allowed to return to Earth for an amount of time, enough for the Devil to claim his other eight souls. The Devil eventually agrees, and lets Medic trade one of his souls for the Devil's pen.

In the realm of the living, TFC Heavy prepares to kill Heavy, but is distracted by the Medic, who has revived and is holding the Devil's modified pen. Medic claims that the pen has been modified to instantly induce labor in the TFC Heavy, and cause the baboon fetuses developing inside the surgically grafted uterus to fully mature, tearing TFC Heavy apart from the inside. Stunned, TFC Heavy calls Medic's bluff, which Medic confirms - the entire exchange was a distraction for Heavy to rip out the immortality machine from TFC Heavy's abdomen, killing him. Heavy and Medic reunite. Medic reveals that while the pen was a fake, he has the actual device in his medical kit, which he then activates.

As the last of the robots are destroyed, Ms. Pauling despairs over the destroyed immortality machine, realizing that all possible sources of Australium on Earth have now been lost. In his dying moments, TFC Heavy expresses his bewilderment that his team lost, given the superiority of the Classic mercenaries. Ms. Pauling admits that she has no idea, but boldly declares that it doesn't matter: her team was victorious. Scowling, TFC Heavy dies, and Spy and Ms. Pauling share a moment over her giving a speech to a dying man before he passed away.

Elsewhere, the Administrator's immortality machine jumpstarts, reviving her. Engineer reveals that she has four hours before she dies again, and confirms that besides the small vial of Australium he's holding on for her, all global supplies of Australium have been exhausted. In denial and frustration, the Administrator punches the glass window, before calming down and asking Engineer to escort her to her private room. Handing her the vial, Engineer points out that she could still live for six months on her current supply, at which the Administrator brings up her vendetta. Engineer asks about her "old debt", pointing out that he'd never asked her in the long time his family had worked for her, and expresses his sympathy that the Administrator did not get to settle her debt before death, suggesting that she let go.

The Administrator acknowledges that she has been carrying her "debt" for a long time, since she was a child - and now she is nearing the end of her life, she has decided to end everything while "looking her best". The remark causes Engineer to realize that the Administrator has consumed all of the Australium to restore her age to that of a young woman; horrified, the Engineer exclaims that the Administrator's reckless usage has left her with only an hour to live at best. With her eyes glowing from the effect of the element, the Administrator claims that she has more than enough time left, and promises to "end this, once and for all".

Due to the length of this comic, a transcript is necessary. The transcript has been sectioned into smaller story events for convenience.

Miss Pauling : "Hck! Pfff! Pff! Where the hell...?"

[ A single unlocked door stands in front of her, seemingly in the middle of nowhere ]

[ Cut to Miss Pauling opening the door and peering in ]

Voice : Oh, it's you. Well, you might as well come in.

[ The voice is the Administrator , who is sitting in the middle of a control room lit green by multiple monitors. All of them eerily show live footage of her face ]

Administrator : Mm. You know, nobody's ever dropped by that I've been able to ask. This is where I wake up when I die. All the cameras face inward , you see. So all you can look at is yourself. For eternity, presumably. Very poetic. I'm only ever here for an hour or so. Usually I just read magazines and smoke.

Miss Pauling : None of this is real , is it? You're just... this is all in my head.

Administrator : If you like. Maybe I'm not here at all. Maybe I'm just a flickering memory in your dying brain.

[ The Administrator flicks her cigarette slightly, still facing the monitors ]

Administrator : Or maybe I am real, and we're discussing the nature of reality in my own private hell. In which case, congratulations. You've somehow figured out how to make eternity more boring. Honestly, pick one. I've never had much patience for the abstract. What matters is you've died . And that means you've failed .

[ Miss Pauling scowls a bit, but keeps talking ]

Miss Pauling : Okay, yes. I failed. The Australium you sent me to get? It's gone. It's gone, ma'am.

[ The Administrator rests her hand on her forehead, looking frustrated ]

Administrator : *Sigh* And of course you just gave up, didn't you. You have no idea how important this is...

[ Miss Pauling speaks with more desperation ]

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