Teabagging Porn

Teabagging Porn
By Stacey Grenrock Woods Published: Apr 5, 2018
Much like a balloon, a folded erect penis will burst at the fold point, and there goes that party.
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Every product was carefully curated by an Esquire editor. We may earn a commission from these links.
A few words on balls and broken penises.
So, tea-bagging. It's fairly simple to understand. Imagine the dunking motion of a tea bag when making tea. Now, instead of a cup, picture someone's mouth, and instead of a tea bag, picture your balls. This is the classic interpretation, but the beauty of the tea bag is its endless variations: Most any opening will do. Why, in some of our bigger cities, they're tea-bagging everything in sight!
Whatever your pleasure, here's a tip: Raise your pinkie when tea-bagging. It's a sign of good breeding.
I hear you. We now know that shrimping and tea-bagging, once thought to be the chief industries of Bolivia, are actually sexual kinks, and darn good ones at that. To shrimp is to suck the toes of another, preferably in a sexy way. The term "shrimping" acknowledges the uncanny resemblance between human toes and shrimp, especially when the former are paired with a tangy cocktail sauce—an excellent foil for their chewy blandness.
You bet your ass we can! According to urologist David M. Kaufman, when the penis is fully engorged, significant trauma can rupture the covering of the cylinders in the penis that form the erection, known as the tunica albuginea, or "boner rods." Much like a balloon, a folded erect penis will burst at the fold point, and there goes that party.
Breaking the penis from masturbation or oral sex is possible but rare. It's far more likely to happen during intercourse, as a result of the penis slipping out of the vagina and colliding with the pubic bone. Here's what happens when the penile tissue bursts: First you'll hear a loud snap that sounds a lot like sssnaaappp! Then there's a temporary penile angulation known as swan-neck deformity, which is not half as elegant as it sounds. This is the result of blood collecting under the skin, and when it goes down, you'll be left bruised and crooked. Do not attempt to fix this yourself. Get your broken dick to a doctor.
As far as a woman not using her hands enough, the reasons are varied. Many of us are too embarrassed by the chafing that results from long afternoons of beating your laundry against river rocks to let our hands ever be seen. And, as we all know, prolonged contact with penises gives you warts that never go away, and everyone will know what you've been up to. But there is a solution. As sex therapist Logan Levkoff says, "If you want her to use her hands, let her know. Considering that women don't have penises, they don't know what you are experiencing. Chances are women are not thinking that they can break the penis." Now that we know, we'll probably never touch it again.
Stacey Grenrock Woods is a regular contributor to Esquire , a former correspondent for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. She writes and consults on various TV shows, and has a recurring role as Tricia Thoon on Fox’s Arrested Development . Her first book is I, California .
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Every product was carefully curated by an Esquire editor. We may earn a commission from these links.
©Hearst Magazine Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

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